


Sæglópur

by MajesticWren123581321345589144233377



Category: Actor RPF, Danish Actor RPF, Vikings (TV), Vikings (TV) RPF
Genre: Acceptance, Denial of Feelings, Emma's FaceClaim as Madeline Brewer, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Growing Up Together, Humor, Love Triangles, Loyalty, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Self-Acceptance, Trust, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 117,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajesticWren123581321345589144233377/pseuds/MajesticWren123581321345589144233377
Summary: She was broken goods. Sæglópur: lost at seas.Trying to keep the pieces together, she would find her shores, learning how to accept and trust herself and others in a love she didn't know she needed, but that will give her freedom.“You'll need courage because polyamorous relationships can be scary. Loving other people without a script is scary. Allowing the people you love to make their own choices without controlling them is scary. The kind of courage we're talking about involves being willing to let go of guarantees - and love and trust your partners anyway.”― Franklin Veaux
Relationships: Alex Høgh Andersen/Marco Ilsø/Original Female Character(s), Alex Høgh Andersen/Original Female Character(s), Marco Ilsø/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Edited.

“Hello… Earth calls Emma…”.  
The clicking sound of fingers getting snapped was what pulled Emma back from her trance status – more than the words that had been said. And God knows from how long she wasn’t paying attention… Emma surely couldn’t remember.  
“What?”  
She said, looking quite confused like she just awoke from a dream or something. Just now focusing on Marco’s face, sitting over the other side of the little coffee table.  
“Oh, hello! Welcome back, man!”.  
He smirked, gazing at her with an amused expression, of whom was quite used to moments like that. His voice bent under a strong Danish accent. His green eyes were bright and sweet, making her feel warm as if the Sun was touching her skin.  
Emma smiled back, blushing a bit. “I’m so sorry Marco… I’m not with it today.”.  
The girl ran both her hands through her short, silver dyed hair, in a dramatic way, sighting. “I’m somewhere else.”.  
Added after, as if it was really needed to specify over.  
“Yes, I noticed. Kinda in your head somewhere. Do you want to be left in your bubble?”.  
Emma’s smile grew on her face, warming her features up.  
She didn’t quite know how that friendship started… But it did. And now, Marco was someone she wouldn’t be able to imagine not having around.  
A problem, a funny video or meme found online and in need to be shared, a chat, a movie to watch… Anything.  
Weird though, that without any doubt at all.  
She was alone before. New in a big city: Dublin. New to be independent, to be on her own. Emma quite yet had to figure it out, but she was trying.  
Overall, she wasn’t so young and naïve as one could think. Emma had a past, history, something she just wanted to forget. Something that kept her from experiencing life as a grown-up, but more importantly, as a free woman, up to when she was twenty-five and found a new home and life in Dublin.  
And all the distance she put between herself and all of that which was before, didn’t really do the trick. Because she was still afraid of the silence anytime she was to be alone. And she still wouldn’t sleep with the light off, ever.  
Making friends, though, that did the trick. Not of any importance that Marco, was in fact, Marco Ilsø. An Actor, featuring in a well-known TV series.  
But at the time, when they met, Emma didn’t know about any of that, and Marco was just a guy, normal as anybody else. Someone, she enjoyed the company of. Just sometime after knowing him, especially since social media exists, Emma couldn’t really ignore that truth. But it wasn’t of any interest over the fact that they were getting to know each other.  
“Nah, it’s alright. So, what were you saying?”.  
“Right, so there’s a party tonight. Wanna go?”.  
“What party? Where?”.  
“It’s just a house party, a few friends, some drinks and smoke. Something easy really.”.  
“But those are your friends… I don’t know anyone…”.  
“No. And parties are kinda for that reason! To know new people!”.  
“I don’t know…”.  
Emma looked at Marco’s face, noticing how hopeful and cheerful his expression was. So much so, that made her feel incredibly guilty before the fact that she didn’t really feel to go. “Uhm… I have work tomorrow. Kind of…”.  
“Don’t take the piss. You’re working in the afternoon, I know your schedule!”  
“Ok, weirdo!”.  
Laughed her back, giving Marco a nudge. Shaking her head, the girl sighed and then nodded. “Ok, whatever, what time is this thing happening?”.  
“Ah, I don’t know, around tenish?”.  
“Right…”.  
Said Emma with her eyebrow raised high on her forehead. At all not convinced… But also vaguely intrigued. And absolutely not able to say “no” to Marco whatsoever.  
“Ok, are you going to pick me up then?”.  
“Sure!”  
His voice touched a couple of pitches higher, jumping on his chair for such excitement that neither Emma wasn’t really able to feel.  
Even if she didn’t really like public events or… Parties. Especially where she didn’t know anyone else but one person. And that person being extremely likable and friendly and so, most likely, to be socializing with everyone.  
She sunk in her chair, regretting immediately her decision.  
“One condition.”  
“Shoot.”  
“Please save me if I’m going to feel uncomfortable.”  
“Will do. I mean, you must let me know when that happens though.”  
“Right… I can always send you an emergency text or something.”  
Laughed Emma, even if she was incredibly serious about it. Because she would have done it, in case… And still, not able to force herself to refuse and spend another lonely night in her room.  
“Well, we’ve got a deal then. Want to grab dinner together before going?”  
“I would, but I promised to this friend of mine I would help him get his flat ready for the party so… I already have plans, unless you’d like to come around earlier too…”  
“With you and your friend?”  
“Yeah! Could help! Also, he is richer than me, can pay for better take out.”  
Marco winked at Emma, to which she just smiled, shaking her head. “Are you bribing me with someone else’s money?!”  
“Ah, he’s not going to take any offense, trust me.”  
“Right… Ok, I mean, why not?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Edited.

Emma was fidgeting. Trying to look as casual as possible, she was unequivocally nervous.   
Constantly moving her eyes all around and gripping tightly her fingers over the edges of the black leather jacket she’s wearing.   
She didn’t really feel comfortable, and before it was just because of that party an all… But now, it’s also because Marco and she are patiently waiting on an elevator shooting up to the penthouse floor of a building in one of the fancier areas in Dublin: the Silicon Docks.  
“I’m going to be incredibly upset if this is like… An upper-class party and shit.”  
Said the girl, giving Marco a look throughout the mirror in front of her. Then, she went back on giving attention to her own face, overly worrying about her make-up and… In general, her image. Not because she was unsure of her looks or charm… Just because she kept worrying whether her look would be “ok”.   
Emma was a pretty girl, always has been; for the longest time, just passed her teenage years, she learned to hide that beauty and her entire personality. But now, being a free woman, she didn’t need to hide anymore. But the habit was still pretty much there.   
“Are you kidding? Do I look like we are going to a gala or something? Chill a bit, alright? And stop stressing and faffing about your face.”  
Said Marco, distracting the girl from her own thoughts, with his usual amused and ironic tone.   
Emma gazed back, sighing and then, she shook her shoulders, standing up straight and nodding. “Sorry… I’m just nervous. What if it’s going to be a disaster and everyone thinks I’m a loser?”  
“How old are you? Fifteen?” Giggled Marco shaking his head, before stepping a little closer, giving Emma a straight and serious look. “If you start thinking you’re not going to have fun, you’re not going to have fun. I swear than me and my mates are fun, the girls too. It’s a good opportunity for you to know more people and get out of that shell of yours.   
Plus, you’re hot, maybe you’ll also get lucky.”  
Saying this Marco winked at her, nodding his head and smirking as usual. Emma sighed, and then smiled. “Right. Thanks. I mean… Yes, I might just need a drink and to loosen it up a bit. And I know I’m hot, thank you very much man, I spent a long time to get ready.”   
Emma giggled and as that conversation was perfectly timed by fate and stuff, the lift rang right then, signaling that they arrived at their floor. At that point, she didn’t really have any more time for uncertainties and doubts. Even if… She would still be on time to remain on that elevator and hit the ground floor button.  
Marco stepped out first, with a huge smile on his face and rubbing his hands, so clearly exited, while Emma was right behind, following him to the door of their host and abandoning the idea of running away… For now.   
Marco rang the doorbell and then stood there, waiting… But Emma could notice the excitement in him, she could feel it, the same one as a kid.   
That was one of the reasons why she liked that guy company so much… He was just a pure and positive person.   
So even Emma smiled, finding herself… Waiting, almost looking forward to the event – kind of.  
A few seconds later, the door was open revealing a guy over the other side.  
There was good-looking, and then there was that good-looking. He was tall and fit, had long brown hair falling on his shoulders and his skin was of a warm tone. His features looked chiseled on his face, with a square and firm jaw and high cheekbones. But, most attractive of all, were his big eyes, of a deep shade of blue, looking almost grey, together with the huge smile that was curving his full lips, lighting up his whole face.  
Emma stood there, stroke by those features, not really able to remember the last time she found someone attractive and missed on the words the two friends exchanged, looking at them shaking hands in a personal shake and then hugging.  
“…And you are?”  
Asked politely the guy. To whom Emma didn’t answer for a good awkward few seconds. “Emma… My name is Emma.”  
“Well, nice to meet you then!”  
Said him, pulling a hand towards her. “I’m Alex.”  
She smiled at him and shook his hand, finding the warm feeling of his skin quite pleasant. Her knees went to jelly and, now, she completely lost all the courage she found a second ago… But, also, she could feel new adrenaline warming up her blood.   
Marco broke between the two, pushing Alex away to get inside de house. “Ok, the meeting is done, let’s get some food and start with whatever it’s in need to be done.”  
Both Emma and Alex followed, with the last one closing the door behind his guests.  
Taking off her jacket, Emma looked around the apartment, finding it ordinary and nice. Sure, about ten times bigger than her own room but… Not excessive or anything like that. The furniture was modern, the place looked neat and tidy and on the walls were hanged many framed pictures.   
“So, what do you need help with?”  
Asked Emma looking back to Alex. In her mind, having something to do and make herself useful would distract her from, first, the guy, and second, from feeling so damn uncomfortable.  
“Right. So, we need to move some stuff against the walls, so people don’t risk tripping and die… Also I’d like to move some of the fragile stuff, so that nothing risks to get smashed. Then I’m a bit unsure about the playlist.”  
Emma smiled and nodded, keeping herself from focusing too much about how attractive even just Alex’s accent was… Looking over Marco, already sat on the sofa, the girl sighed. “Right, I can have a look at the playlist, if you trust me with it, while you boys move stuff around.”  
“Hey, why are we the ones to have to do heavy lifting?!”  
Whined Marco, pulling a very cute and childish pout on his face. Emma raised her eyes to the ceiling. “Because my taste is better than yours.”   
Her answer was followed by a little mimed kiss, to which Marco smiled and raised his middle finger.  
“Also, she is kind of the host here, so I wouldn’t ask her to move my stuff around, it’s not nice, man!”  
Emma gazed over at Alex, nodding and to his words, Marco sighed so dramatically, before sitting in a straighter way, looking straight to his friend and pointing a finger to him, looking incredibly serious. “I’m your guest too.”  
“Yeah, also, you come around all the time and know this place like your own house… So… It’s decided.”  
Turning to Emma, Alex smiled a bit, his eyes were bright and charming, and she was questioning herself on the ability to look perfectly normal, instead of a teenager with big, pink hearts as her eyes.  
“Right, feel free to browse around my PC…”  
“Don’t look for his porn collection!”  
Shout Marco interrupting and giggling from the other side of the room. Alex just looked at him, while Emma couldn’t stop herself from giggling and blushing a bit. “…We should have enough stuff on Spotify for a playlist or something. You can have a look at what’s been saved already.”  
Continuing, Alex just pointed at the laptop sitting by the end of the sofa, there where Emma sat and took the device in her hands, so to start doing stuff. “Everyone in favor of listening to some samples while I do my magic?”  
She knew enough of music, keeping in count that it’s a very personal matter and taste and all of that… She knew enough from many kinds of genres, to be confident in finding a good mix which everyone could enjoy, overall. Or, at least, that was the aim and hope.

The party was flowing normally and nicely.   
Emma was having fun and making friends, drinking a bit here and there and, overall, forgetting for a moment about her reality – which was nice.  
Standing on the balcony, she was looking over the nocturnal Dublin skyline, with its sparkling lights and far away from traffic noises. The air was cold and crispy, it smelled of salty freshness, and even if the wind was pinching her skin, Emma found that view very nice.  
Behind her back, inside the apartment, she could hear the music and the general laughter, everyone was having fun; it wasn’t an overly crowded party… But many of the guests were actors so Emma did, in fact, feel a bit out of place.   
Emma leaned over the iron railing, breathing in a puff of smoke from her hand rolled cigarette.  
The girl heard the door being pulled open and someone stepping out, behind her, but she didn’t look back, assuming would be someone else looking for a cigarette break.  
“Are you having fun, then?”  
Emma recognized that voice immediately. Even with the amount of tequila in her body and her senses being a bit overwhelmed. She turned over, with a warm smile curving her lips.  
Because Alex was fun and flirty, more handsome by the minute, making her feel incredibly warm and undeniably interested. They have been looking at each other the whole night, chatting here and there, even dancing together a couple of times… And Emma didn’t know she wanted those arms wrapped around her waist so badly until it happened.  
She was never big with physical contact. It’s something she didn’t massively like, especially in crowded places and from people she didn’t know. But that specific case seems different.   
“I am.”  
“Good job with the music! It’s a good playlist.”  
“Thanks.”  
Alex lit himself a cigarette and step forward, next to her, facing Dublin, while Emma just leaned back against the rail, looking at him. Alex was smiling as if he was trying to hide some words.   
“What?”  
“Nothing… I’m just trying to understand.”  
“Understand what, exactly?”   
“Well, who you are.”  
Emma smiled more, raising her eyebrows. She bit her bottom lip, looking over him, just to gaze away, almost trying to hide the sudden blushing colouring her cheeks. Emma took a puff of her cigarette, inhaling the burning smoke deeply into her lungs. “You won’t really be able to know much just from some words exchanged at a party.”  
She was teasing and flirty, something of her personality that wouldn’t show often.   
“Are you suggesting something?”  
“Me? No. I’m just saying.”  
Because she was, in fact, suggesting something. Whether or not he wanted to know something more about her, or… She wanted to; a party wouldn’t really make the cut.   
“I could always ask your number… And then maybe ask you out.”  
Emma burst into a nervous laugh, shaking her head. “You would not. And… I cannot go out with you!”  
“Why?”  
Asked him, moving a bit closer and looking straight into her eyes, with a confident smirk on his face. Emma’s face seemed to be on fire. “Because… Not. You’re an actor, you’re famous!”  
“Oh, I’m not that famous!”  
She didn’t answer but just looked at him, with her right brow raised, saying everything that needed to be said.  
“Right. You’re hanging with Marco though.”  
“Well… That is different.”  
Alex gave her the same expression back, raising his brow and then looking away, lowering his head. “Is there… Something between you two? Because I’m gonna drop it, if there is…”  
Emma wasn’t really listening, taking her time studying the profile of his face and the sound of his voice, just after a second, she seemed to realize there was a question there. “No. There is nothing between us. We are friends.”  
She felt nervous, more than before, her nerves charging up with adrenaline.  
“Good. So why can’t we be friends?”  
“I…”  
Raising his eyes, Alex turned, looking at her again. “Because I saw the way you look at me. And I bet you noticed how I look at you. I think it’s pretty simple.”  
Emma smiled, reclining her head and looking back at him. She felt warm and she just wanted to lean over… But she couldn’t and she still had enough good sense to know that it would be a bad choice.   
“Yeah. As much as we like each other a bit; we might go out a couple of times, maybe have fun, maybe have sex, and then we would realize that we don’t have so much in common. And honestly, I don’t really want you to be something else I have to get over.”  
That confident smile was back… And again, Emma felt her head go light. “Are you always so much inside your head?”  
“Yes. Is that a problem?”  
A touch of pride glimpsed between her words and in the way her chin was raised. Something that made Alex smiled a bit more and lean forward, closer to her. Their faces were very close at this point… Enough that if she wanted, she could easily kiss him; and she could feel the warmth of his body, and his perfume.   
“No.”  
As his eyes slid over her lips, Emma felt her mouth go dry and her body shaking. She could feel herself be pulled closer by a force that she could not stop – or had any will into doing so. Even if she just said the opposite. Even if being attracted and interested in someone was the last thing that she needed.   
But she smiled, so close to his lips, now, that their noses could almost touch.  
But there and then, she froze, pulling away. The warmth inside of her was very much still there, but also was the alarm going off in her head. “Alex… I can’t.”  
“But you want it.”  
His words sounded confused and sure at the same time… And so full of truth. Because she did want it. She wanted him, even just for a moment, even just for a taste.   
But she never really was the type to just take what she wanted, without thinking about the consequences.   
“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to wake up tomorrow, probably with a hangover… And this is going to be blurry and it’s not going to make any sense.”  
“Oh, I see. Do you think I wouldn’t want to be there, tomorrow? You already labeled me as a fuck boy or something?”  
His tone sounded offended and with reason because unfortunately that was exactly what Emma thought. Because thinking bad about others is easier, to her than giving chances away. “I… I’m sorry. I’m not good at this stuff. I wasn’t planning in finding someone attractive tonight.”  
“Oh, so now I’m attractive.”  
There it was, the confident smile and the warm voice tone. And Emma was lost again. “You are and you know it.”  
“I’m not a fuck boy. And, by the way, I’m just trying to give you a very innocent kiss.”  
“Innocent. Sure.”  
He smiled, bending his head over. His dark hair was flowing in the wind… And Emma was dying desiring to touch them. To touch him.  
He raised his right hand to his heart, pointing at it with the index, drawing a cross over the muscle. “Cross on the heart, I’m a very good boy. An innocent kiss.”  
Emma let her head fall backwords, sighing and raising her eyes over the night sky. The cigarette she was holding between her fingers was off by now and she didn’t care. Because more than doubting about Alex’s words or intentions… She was doubting about her own. Because she didn’t want just an innocent kiss – but, also, exactly because she was so attracted, she was way too terrorized.   
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”  
The smile over Alex's face died out into a sad one, while he looked away, in front of him. He nodded and then sighed, taking a puff of his cigarette. “Right. It’s ok. He must have hurt you very much.”  
“Pardon?!”  
Again she froze, but this time, deeply. Looking over Alex’s face, Emma tried to decode his expression, asking herself how could he know… Was it so obvious? Or… Was Marco’s fault – never able to keep his mouth shut.   
“I guess your pulling away could be caused by just two things: either there is a hell of a man, out there, that you like very much… Or someone that hurt you a lot. And because you didn’t really hide your interest, I guess it’s the second option.”  
She has been hurt. She still was hurt. And the pain was so deep-rooted into her soul, to make of her a broken good. And Alex’s analysis, so right, so on point, offended her… Made her feel the need to get defensive. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
Alex looked over, a little sad smile on his lips. “Both of us don’t really know each other. I’m not expecting much, but I’m trying here. You, instead, seem to think to know already everything about the person I am. Which is wrong.”  
That said, Alex tossed his cigarette butt into the ashtray and stepped away.   
Emma looked at him going back inside his own apartment and her heartfelt like it was held into a painful and tight grip.  
Even realizing how much of an ass she has been, knowing she was wrong and that Alex didn’t really deserve to be treated in such a rude way, she couldn’t take herself to say sorry. She just sunk into her own head, drowning between many thoughts. Too many about her past.   
So, besides the cold and the guilt, and the nerves, Emma just stood there, turning over to Dublin, pondering whether she should just leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.
> 
> Sᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBdVq3To02g

Later that night, Emma was still at Alex’s apartment.  
After the scene on the balcony, she decided to cut on drinking and she just waited for Marco to be ready to go.  
She tried her best to keep herself away from Alex, trying her best not to look at him but constantly failing. On the other hand, he looked like nothing happened, laughing and chatting and dancing and singing… But of all of that, Emma wouldn’t know what was real, what was fake. And she didn’t want to decide for him.  
Their eyes crossed a couple of times… And every time, she could feel a sharp pain stinging her heart, with a little bit of guilt, a little bit of regret.  
The moment that Marco would be ready to go never arrived.  
He just kept drinking and having fun. Up to the point that everyone left, and Marco was asleep on Alex’s sofa.  
Emma looked over him, standing right in front of her friend. Holding her jacket, she sighed. Even if she was a bit annoyed because now she had to grab a cab… There were affection and warmth in her eyes and a sweet smile curved her lips, looking at Marco. She kind of felt this instinctive need to curl up in a ball and make herself small, by his side, where she could look after him.  
But the second that thought came in her mind, she remembered where she was. She froze almost immediately and could feel Alex's presence behind her.  
“He can stay. Actually… Could you help me take him into the guest room?”  
Alex’s voice made her shiver, but the girl couldn’t look over to him. She nodded though, leaving her stuff on the sofa and bending so to grab one of Marco’s arms.  
While pulling him, Marco whined like he was in pain – but, it was just his sleep being disturbed, which made Emma smirk a bit.  
Alex was by her side immediately, grabbing Marco by the other arm and lifting him so to put his arm around his shoulders and carry him. Emma followed him, holding an arm around Marco's waist.  
Once in the bedroom, Emma stepped back while Alex gently dropped Marco’s body over the mattress of the double bed. Emma looked at him taking off Marco’s shoes and tucking him in… And another little smile curved her lips, while her eyes slid between the two guys.  
That scene was undeniably sweet and she thought Alex was. But then, she recalled how rude she was to him, with no real reason, so that smile disappeared. Once again, Emma felt a shiver of shame crossing her back, to which she reacted wrapping her arms around her chest.  
When Alex was done, she proceeded to step out of the room first, followed by Alex, who switched off the light and closed the door, so that Marco could sleep safe and in peace.  
Emma turned over, just now, looking at Alex, standing there. One in front of the other, there was a moment of awkward silence between them, before the girl turned again, reaching for her belongings. “Right. I’m going to call a cab. Thanks for… The party and everything.”  
She said it sliding into her leather jacket giving her back at him on porpoise because Alex was a distraction.  
Again, turning and stepping towards the exit door, she couldn’t dare to look at him.  
“No problem.”  
She could feel his eyes over her shoulders and even being so close to leave, to escape, so to forget that whole situation and that guy. The girl was unable to bring herself to open the door lock and get out.  
She sighed and hesitated a second.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s ok.”  
“No.”  
Emma turned over, looking for him and his eyes. “It’s not ok. I was rude and you didn’t deserve it. I liked you… But I’m not… Used to it.”  
“Liked? Past sentence.”  
Emma felt like a weight was lifting from her heart because of her apology, but also because of Alex's voice tone. While a smile raised on Alex’s face, a timid curve appeared even on her lips. His was a sweet and hopeful smile.  
“Well, whatever.”  
Alex stepped closer, leaning his head to the side. His cheeks were pink and his eyes bright and watery, probably because of the alcohol. “You don’t have to go, you know? If… You want to hang out, you can stay.”  
“I do have to go, actually. This…”  
She waved her index raised in the air over them. “This is dangerous. Because I kind of like you. Kind of shouldn’t.”  
"Are you saying you're sorry because of the guilt, then?"  
There was something too charming in his face; it was his magnetic eyes or the way his lips moved. But most of his charm, she found it in his voice. And Emma wouldn't know which was condemning her the most: if his looks or his accent. But surely, it was hard for her to think straight.  
"I'm saying sorry because I was rude."  
"Yes, you were. But I'm still trying to understand if you like me enough so I may have a chance. If not, maybe be clear and tell me to fuck off."  
Besides his words, his tone was soft and his expression was incredibly calm, with that confident smile arching on his full lips.  
Emma hesitated for a long moment, looking at him. Then she looked away, desperately trying to hide her cheeks blushing or her an embarrassed smile – which was a smile, nonetheless.  
Most of all, she was trying to hide how much she liked to look at his mouth.  
She didn't want to tell him to fuck off. Oh, no, she didn't.  
"I'm not gonna say that."  
He smiled a bit more and then moved closer. At first just one step, and then a little one more. Moving slowly, as if he was concerned that any sudden movement could scare her away. Which was... Pretty accurate.  
Emma looked at him, raising her chin with pride. Her light blue eyes were burning in a light that could not be mistaken. Because she liked him – too much -, and if that wasn't true, it wouldn't have been so difficult to just leave.  
Alex nodded as if he just understood something unspoken. Not that there was much to understand since Emma was kind of making a mess of the situation.  
Something that could be quite easy, she was complicating it.  
In that silent amount of seconds, Emma didn’t move and Alex was moving closer. He looked at her in such a way, that made her entire body vibrate and was warming her blood up. As if it wasn't already enough.  
"You're free to go if it is what you want. But... You're also free to stay."  
She smiled, and she really wanted to turn away, get to the door and go. Run, as usual. But also, she wanted to do something unusual: do what she wanted, without thinking about consequences.  
She wanted to stay.  
Because as she was regretting not having kissed him when she got the chance. She knew she would regret that too, either going or staying.  
Emma sighed, changing the weight from a foot to the other, trying to decide which option would be better in the long run.  
Regretting something she wanted. Or regretting something she took.  
"You're impossible, you know?! I don't even know you... And you're making it so difficult for me to even think!"  
Saying that she stomped her foot on the floor as if it could be someone’s fault. And now, she liked to be upset at Alex.  
He smiled back, nodding towards her and a little laugh mixed with his words. "I am impossible?! That's funny. How about you stop thinking for a second, could make you good."  
His chuckling made her entire being vibrate.  
His tone was full of irony and amusement, a thing that both pissed her off and convinced her, at the same time.  
She stood there, for a fraction of a second. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel it in her throat and stomach. Her muscles and nerves were vibrating under a pressure that she couldn't recognize. Was that fear? Or arousal?  
In her mind exploded the sound of shattered glass, as if that thought wall, that she built between herself and what she wanted, just crumbled in a million pieces.  
And that was the end of it.  
Emma dropped her little black backpack on the floor and walked over him, cancelling the distance that was dividing them.  
Full of new confidence and certainty. Filled up of courage she didn’t know she had to take something she didn’t know she wanted. Moved by that warm feeling, that intrigue in the desire she felt.  
Rare, a moment like that, because Emma was still learning about her boundaries and her freedom... And the power she had over it.  
When she was close enough, she raised her hands around Alex's face, pulling him towards herself. Getting up on the tip of her toes she reached for his lips.  
As if Alex was ready for her and wasn’t waiting for anything else, he wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her against his chest in a tight hug.  
Feeling those lips against hers, and the warmth of that body, and the strength of those arms, Emma moaned softly.  
Circling her left arm around Alex's wide shoulders, she pulled closer to him, slipping her right hand between his long hair, examining its consistency between her fingers, as she desired to do since he opened the door, greeting her.  
That kiss became something more. Like two magnets pulled together, both of them were hungry and reaching one another.  
Before she knew, she was lost between those arms and a desire she didn't see coming... But of which she was in desperate need.

Over the frontal glass wall of the living room, Emma was looking to the Dublin buildings edges slowly getting more and more defined, while the sky was losing its darkness.  
A new day was starting.  
Her hand was laid over Alex's naked chest, feeling the slow and rhythmic beating of his heart. Letting her palm absorb as much of that warmth as it could.  
They were laying on the sofa, skin against skin, crossed in a hug and covered by a thin blanket.  
Her body was now satisfied and tired, and yet, still shaken by the need to run. Now more than ever.  
It was too quiet, too peaceful, all around her. Most importantly, inside of her. She felt calm, warm and safe.  
But that feeling was also, somehow, overwhelming.  
She knew she could not let herself settle in it.  
She liked Alex. She liked everything that they did together, that night; the flirting, the kissing, the sex and the quiet snuggling that came after. She even liked it now, just lying there, listening at his soft snoring, wrapped up against his body.  
She liked that feeling, and it was powerful, wholesome, as nothing has been ever before. She doesn’t recall she ever felt like that before.  
Which just made her want to run away even more.  
She felt less alone, less scared for those few hours. Emma connected to Alex, and it wasn’t just physically, it wasn’t just the sex – but she couldn’t define it.  
Therefore, she knew she couldn't stay longer.  
So slowly, she pulled away. Sliding aside from Alex's arms, trying not to wake him.  
But it seemed his sleep was deep enough, he just moaned softly and the turn on his side.  
Looking at him, Emma smiled. She let her eyes slid down on the lines of his body one last time. Then she pulled gently the blanket up, over his shoulder.  
Emma turned and started to pick up her clothes scattered all over the floor.  
She got dressed, moving quietly and stepping over the tips of her toes, trying her best not to make a sound. But also, as quickly as possible.  
Carrying her shoes, bag, and jacket between her arms, Emma swiftly left, closing the door behind her as gently as she could. Since it was a heavy-armored door, its sound closing echoed loudly in the entire floor – and probably over. To which, Emma reacted shrinking on herself, hesitating a second to move and even to breathe.  
But that moment ended quickly, because Emma called the lift straight away, hoping not to get caught running away.  
In the lift, she finally put her shoes on, trying to avoid looking at her reflection in the mirror, since she looked a bit too much like a walk of shame.  
Her makeup was smudged, with faded traces of the purple lipstick she was wearing and black shades around her eyes from the eyeliner and mascara. Not to talk about her hair.  
She didn’t even want to think about the fact that Alex saw all of that mess up close.  
Worse than her looks, though, was that the more distance she was putting between herself and the flat, the more she could feel her heart sunk into her chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

He woke up startled by a clattering sound coming from the kitchen, followed by a course.  
Alex sat up straight, rubbing his hands over his face, taking a long breath of air in. Then, he stretched opening his arms in the air, arching his back.  
His body was achy; he had a hammering headache and his stomach felt a bit upside down... Most certainly the prognosis was: too much drinking and not enough sleep.  
Even in that state, Alex smiled thinking back at just a few hours prior.  
Still, he was quite confused, he looked around in the big, empty living room, trying to align his thoughts and find the only person he would enjoy to see right now.  
"Hello?"  
He called looking towards the source of sound from earlier.  
"Oh, sleeping beauty! You're finally awake!"  
That, certainly, wasn't the voice he was looking forward to hear so much.  
Marco's face popped up from around the corner and then jumped into the living room, with a big smile on his face.  
It's incredible, how much energy that guy could have; and his good moods and positivity... Even with a hangover as big as the one he must have, right now... After all that drinking last night!  
"Hey..."  
Alex's voice sounded deeper and a bit raspy.  
He needed an aspirin, a coffee and a shower... And maybe some food. But what he wanted was to know where Emma was.  
He could still feel her scent around him, and her body pressed against his. The memories of having her between his arms were all there, on the surface of his memories.  
"Now... Why did you sleep on the sofa? And why are you half-naked?"  
Marco's tongue switched to Danish and Alex was grateful for that, because he was struggling a bit talking in English.  
A smirk full of pride curved his lips and warmed up his entire expression because he wasn't just half-naked. But he didn't necessarily want to brag about it.  
"Where's Emma?"  
Continued Alex in their mother tongue.  
Marco stood there for a second, looking at him. Alex could see him thinking. It took him just a couple of seconds to join the pieces together.  
Marco jaw dropped, his eyes popped open before he would shake vigorously his head. "Jesus Christ... Man!"  
"What?!"  
For some reason, Alex felt guilty for something. But he knew whatever Marco meant it wasn't for jealousy, because before he even started to flirt openly with his friend, he checked that Marco wasn't interested in her. And then, asked her too.  
Still, he felt guilty, as if there was something wrong there, something of unspoken. A feeling he could perceive thin as air, but still there.  
Alex shook is shoulders looking away for a second, hiding a smile and his blushing cheeks. "We liked each other, what can I say?"  
"Well she is gone. Probably from a while."  
"Of course she is."  
He wasn't surprised at all, and yet, a bittersweet feeling filled his heart. She was the one that presumed to be left after whatever would have happened between them, and then, in reality, funny enough, he was the one who woke up alone.  
"Can I have her number?"  
Asked Alex looking towards Marco, which sighed and then looked at the floor. "Listen, she has stuff going on. If she didn't give you her number, I don't think I should."  
"Oh, thanks!"  
He sounded offended, but he wasn't upset or anything. He wouldn't have expected anything less from Marco, which always has been a very good friend to him since they met. So now, talking about another friend of his, he wouldn't have expected him to do anything against Emma's interests either... Whatever those could be.  
"Right, can you at least tell me where I can find her? So, I can ask her myself."  
Smiled back Alex, giving Marco a pair of puppy eyes, full of hope. To which Marco sighed again, looking away.  
"Oh my god, are you a stalker now?"  
"Well... No! I just... I don't know."  
Alex looked away, running his hand through his hair, feeling a little uncomfortable now.  
He just felt a connection. And he liked that girl. He just wanted to know her better, at least have the chance.  
Besides, she didn't tell him to fuck off, last night, when he asked her to. So that's why he is OK with the idea of running after her for a bit.  
"Listen... I know you're her friend and you're trying to protect her. But you also know me very well."  
"I do."  
"Does she do this often? One-night stands? Or... I mean not that it would be a problem... I'm just trying to understand. She kind of gave me mixed signals."  
"No, for what I know, she doesn't."  
So Alex smiled, gazing at Marco with not very settled complicity, knowing very well that he would understand where his talks and thoughts are going even without words. Blind though, to his own best friend uncomfortable state.  
Marco sighed again, leaning against the wall with his left shoulder, he crossed his arms to his chest and then shook slowly his head. "One chance man. One. If she doesn't want to have you around after, you must promise you'll drop it."  
"Hey, I'm proud. There is a limited amount of times I'm OK to be rejected."  
"Have you thought that maybe she was drunk though? Maybe she didn't mean whatever happened."  
"Hey. Now I'm getting upset! I'm not that kind of man. Also, she wanted it, I'm sure of it. She kissed me first. She was leading."  
"Ok, ok, whatever. I don't want to know the details!"  
Said Marco, shaking his hands in the air and squinting his eyes, like he was trying to cancel that picture from his mind.  
Meanwhile, Alex was just smiling, content and proud. Like he already won something, even if that wasn't much.  
Not that he is not used to having girls around or flirt... But that doesn't necessarily mean that things mean nothing for him.   
As much as he would take that situation like a champion if that was just some sex.  
But, he liked that girl. Of course, he was attracted by her looks, but also, he felt intrigued by her and simply wanted to know more.  
"As a friend, I'm gonna say this. I love you man, but I would suggest: if you're having a crush, take it slow with her."  
"I know. I already understood some things."  
Marco stayed silent and just nodded, looking away and getting in his head for a moment.  
Alex wondered how much trust there was between them two.  
"Yeah... Even if you think you did, you didn't. So, whatever happens, take it easy."  
"I will, I told you, I will. Plus, she can always end up turning me down, so."  
"Nah, I think she likes you."  
Marco smirked giving him a cheeky look, to which Alex answered with a huge smile, shaking his head. "Now don't give me hope man, after all of that."  
"Well I'm just saying. So, how about we go for breakfast now? I need to put some food down."  
"Yeah, good idea."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Later that same day, Emma was at work, going through her shift, dealing with customers and serving coffees.  
She liked her job, it was an easy one, not too many responsibilities, not too many worries. The team was good enough and the days generally turned out to go alright.  
Besides, she loved working with people.  
So even though, that day, she was up all night, had just about four hours of sleep, and its deprivation was showing on her face, together with a bit of a hangover knocking on the back of her brain... She didn't mind being at work.  
Actually, being busy was helping her not to think.  
Because she was thinking way too much.  
Alex was in her mind, him and everything she learned so far about him. With those thoughts, others were crowding her brain... Some about her past, some about stuff she hasn’t been thinking for months: old fears, new ones and whatever there was in the middle.  
Leaning on the counter, arms crossed, Emma was looking straight at the door of the coffee shop, hoping for new costumers to come in, because she was tired of filling the time up just passing the cloth on the counter or piling up in perfect order some cups.  
The little coffee shop wasn't busy, not at that time of the day anyway. Which was exactly what she didn’t need.   
Sitting in a little table by the window there was a couple having a coffee and a cake, they were usuals of the place, apparently visiting every now and then from a good four years, as the gossip goes.  
Besides them, it was just her and her colleague, who was... Pretty much just filling the time being on her phone. Which, Emma could understand on some level... But after a while the silence from that end of the counter, especially when wasn’t busy, started to feel a bit heavy.  
Especially if she didn't want to be left in her own head, thinking too much.  
“So, how was your weekend?”  
Emma asked, throwing a conversation there.  
Her name was Karen and they didn't like each other very much, but... They had to work together and go over it. Emma wouldn't even know the reason why they didn't get along, guessing they were just very different people.  
Karen reacted exactly as Emma would have expected, she raised her eyes from the screen of her phone, giving her and incredibly bored and detached look. As if she could not care about anything surrounding her person – but if it was something on her phone or, probably, something about herself.  
"You know, the usual stuff. I went out with my girls, had a bit of fun. And yours?"  
Emma had a polite smile on her face, she really wasn't interested in that conversation, but she just hoped the time would speed up. At least for those last two hours of her shift.  
Also, she wasn't so inclined on giving any personal information... Especially if it was about hanging to a party and hook up with Alex Høgh Andersen.  
Especially the part about Alex.  
Whom she didn't really want to think about, right now. Yet he was there, in her mind. Without the need much concentration, she could still feel his body against hers; his hands, his lips...  
Emma sighed. "Nothing, as usual... You know, a lot of Netflix."  
Not that that wasn't true throughout the whole weekend, just about yesterday.  
Karen gave her a pity look, with a perfectly draw eyebrow raised high on her forehead. "I bet. You really should go out more!"  
Karen almost sounded like she was sorry for Emma.   
That was probably the main reason they didn’t get along.  
"Yeah..."  
She laughed nervously, shaking her head and turning away, going back looking at the door, pulling her arms crossed on her chest.  
"Don't you have a famous friend or something? I don't understand how you can be so reclusive with an actor as a friend."  
Emma looks at her, noticing the doubt between her words. And she didn't like feeling judged like that. "He is a normal person, you know?! Doesn't have red carpets and studio interviews every day."  
"I bet he doesn't."  
Emma coughed her brows, looking at Karen trying to understand those words. Without really getting if she was being mean or simply she just could not care.  
Either way, Emma just huffed, deciding not to care herself and falling back in her own silence.  
Probably better just be in her own head.  
It was at that point that the little bell on the door rang announcing new customers coming in. Emma raised her eyes, hopeful, with a wide smile opening on her lips, she stepped closer to the till ready to greet those people.  
But then, she recognized them.  
Marco had his usual smile printed on his face and was chatting about something. He had on different clothes from last night and his long dark-blonde hair was simply braided. Behind him, stepped in Alex, handsome as Emma remembered him, probably more. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he just looked... Nice.  
His eyes pointed straight at her and Emma lost her breath.  
She stepped back, then turned over and went straight in the little kitchen on the side.  
Was she hiding? Or running? She wouldn't know.  
And she didn't care.  
She didn't even listen to Karen losing her mind about that entrance. Getting there and then, that she was probably a fan or something.  
Better for her, Karen could deal with them.  
The door that divided the front from the back of the house closed behind her back and just then, Emma could breathe again.  
Why were they there?!  
Again, she could guess the answer, but she didn't want to.  
She didn't want Alex wanting to see her. She really didn't like that she, in fact, wanted to see him.  
Her heart now was running in her chest, so fast that it made her head spin.  
"Damn it..."  
She whispered to herself, leaning against the kitchen counter, of which she was clutching the edge with both of her hands as if she needed support to stand.  
Some seconds passed, then a few minutes, and Emma was just wondering if they were still there, if they left. She just didn't want to come out from her hiding spot. Not yet.  
Up to the point when the door opened a little and Karen's head peaked in. "Hey. Your friends are here. Want to come out?"  
No.  
Yes.  
Emma just stood there, looking at her. Her mouth was completely dry, and she forgot how to speak.  
"Hello...?"  
"I'm OK. Can you just tell them to go away?"  
"Are you joking?! I'm not going to turn them away!"  
Emma raised her eyes to the ceiling. "Then just... Deal with them."  
"What's up with you?! Why don't you want to see them?!"  
Emma couldn't bear her inquisitive look. Surely, she didn't want to answer that question. But she didn’t want Karen to judge her either… Or worse, trying to understand why she behaved weirdly.  
So she huffed heavily, annoyed. Before she grabbed the door-handle opening it completely and stepping back in the coffee shop. Finding courage, she didn’t think she had, she thought it was better to get through and get rid of that problem herself… More than waiting.   
But Emma didn’t hold herself from giving Karen a bad look as if that situation was her fault.  
The second after, Emma hid her thoughts and feelings behind a big and fake smile that would not really hide how uncomfortable she was.  
"There she is!"  
Shouted Marco, greeting her with a big smile.  
Emma looked at him, and then looked around, feeling awkward as ever. Every pair of eyes in that place seemed on her. And she didn't like it.  
She just smiled and stepped closer.  
"What do you want?"  
Asked, looking just at Marco and sounding ruder than she wanted. She absolutely didn’t have enough willpower to look over his shoulder to the other man. So, she just didn’t, ignoring his presence.  
Even if she could clearly feel Alex's eyes on her.  
The gaze she reserved to Marco was clearly puzzled and she wasn’t even trying to hide how crossed she could be. Knowing perfectly well, Marco would have seen it, even without words.  
Marco raised his eyebrows backing up a little, before just looking over to Alex. Deciding to remain completely silent. Which pissed her off even more, but she really didn’t have the time to say a word about it.  
"Can we talk?"  
Emma held her breath in just for a second, trying so hard not to look at Alex and failing. Raising her eyes in his, she trembled, absolutely sure she couldn’t feel the ground anymore, under her feet.  
His greyish irises surrounded her letting her there, gasping, desperately looking for fresh air. Now that it was daylight, that grey looked iridescent, shimmering of dark blue and green shades.  
"I'm... Working. I'm busy."  
Alex looked at her and smirked, before sliding his eyes around, quietly implying how much he knew that it was an excuse.  
Why was he this smart? Or this captivating, for what it mattered.  
Emma sighed and raised her eyes once again. She was irritated, angry and exasperated… But deep down, she also knew there was a spark of pride and pleasure in that visit.   
Emma just turned to Karen, giving the girl a little look but not paying attention. “I’m going to take a minute, ok?”  
“You had your break already.”  
Said the girl, looking back at Emma. She could feel the meanness hiding behind those simple words and didn’t really like it. Karen even crossed her arms to her chest and put her weight on one leg, giving her a sassy look and position.  
But really, Emma didn’t have time for that.  
Because even if she was super annoyed at the guys standing behind her… She also was kind of curious. Kind of so clearly hooked by Alex, even if she was trying to hide it.  
So, she just started to take off her pinny, walking around the counter, without pay any attention to Karen or her words.   
“You can get another break after me if you want it. It’s not as busy anyway.”  
She didn’t want to be rude or unprofessional, but she can afford a second away from the counter… Especially because it would mean dealing with Alex as soon as possible and, eventually, get rid of the problem. Maybe.  
Because secretly, she wanted to talk to him, know what he wanted…   
Holding the apron in her hands, Emma walked over to Alex, looking around him but never directly at him.   
Clearing her throat, she pulled a little smile, nodding towards Alex so he would follow her just outside the coffee shop.  
Once the door closed behind their backs, Emma huffed and finally raising her eyes to meet his.   
It just needed a look to make her entire body shiver.  
“So, what do you want to talk about?”  
"Oh, hello to you too! I'm good, thanks for asking, how are you?”  
Saying so, Alex joined his hands behind his back and leaned over, towards her. His tone was full of irony and on his face, he has a cheeky smirk.  
Emma looked away for a second, unable to look at him for that long. She needed a break from that face, from those eyes. "Alex..."  
"Oh, you remember my name! That's nice."  
"Alex, stop it."  
And he did. He just stood there, waiting. Looking at her with those grey eyes, nailing her in her spot.  
She couldn’t move. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.  
"What is it that you want?"  
"I'd like your number, so then I can ask you out, so then maybe... I could know you a bit more."  
"I..."  
She looked away again. There was a smile on her lips and her cheeks were bright pink. But she was conflicted, because she didn't want to know him – she didn’t need it right now. Yet, she was giving away how much, actually, she did want to do all of that.  
"I can't."  
"So then tell me to go to hell."  
"Why does it have to be me to tell you?! Why can't you just... Do it?"  
"Because I don't want to. I'll do it if you tell me to."  
So proud, so convinced and confident. Emma really wanted to give him a smack just because his way of dealing with that situation was making her feel so unsure - but also, he was making her realize how much she wanted a chance. She wanted to give him a chance.   
And she felt absolutely stupid about it. She perfectly knew it wasn’t for her to deal with that kind of stuff.  
"I can't."  
She said at the end, looking away. She really wanted to run and hide, but she perfectly knew she couldn’t.  
Alex was smiling, she could feel it almost as that smile, those lips, were on her skin.  
"Well then. Wanna go out with me?"  
"I thought you wanted my number first."  
"I do! But I'm jumping an extra step."  
Alex gazed at her, giving an incredibly innocent and smart smile back. To which Emma couldn't keep a straight face anymore and broke into a warm smile herself.   
Her heart was still beating faster than normal, and she could feel her entire face on fire, with every nerve in her body buzzing.  
Shaking her head, the girl sighed and then, nodded. "Ok. You're impossible, again."  
And yet, she couldn't stop smiling.  
She just would like to be able to put her thoughts, words and feelings all over the same page. It would be easier for both her and the people around her. Especially in that situation.  
"Yes, you said that already. So?"  
Emma tutted, looking away, but even so, she kept smiling. She hesitated for a moment, keeping her breath and words in, before letting all go in a sigh. “I guess it would be common sense.”  
“I guess it would be if you like me and I like you.”  
She just gazed at him, trying to hide her smirk.   
No other words were really needed on the topic. He won… But she wasn’t feeling like she lost anything either.   
In all honesty, she was actually and simply happy – even if she didn’t like to admit it. Feeling like for a second, she stopped trying to fight against a very strong wind, instead of letting herself be carried away.   
But the fear that, in the end, there would be a solid, cement wall, ready to smash her, was still very much there.   
Emma pulled her hand towards him, palm exposed. “Give me your phone.”  
His smile grew and grew on his face, showing his teeth, showing victory, melting his features into an expression, if possible, even more charming than before.   
He did what was asked, unlocking his phone screen before passing it over. So, Emma typed in her number quickly, giving Alex his phone back as soon as possible, not leaving herself the chance to change her mind.   
He stood there, looking at the screen for a second, smiling. Then, he looked at her. “So, when are you available?”  
Emma shook her head, stepping backwords but gave him a little, warm smirk. “I need to go, I’m at work, remember? But I’ll be done in a couple of hours. Try to call me then.”  
She felt warm, on fire, to be precise.   
Smiling, she bit her bottom lip. That flirty mood, coming from who knows where. She certainly could not recognize it… Haven’t been the flirty type ever. But she was, with Alex.   
She won’t lie about it either, she liked that feeling, it made her feel powerful. Knowing someone was there, looking at her as he was doing… Mirroring her same look… It was nice.   
But she knew herself, she wasn’t used to “nice” happening around her. She could already predict that becoming overwhelming. As much as it happened that early morning.  
She walked back into the coffee shop, looking at Alex and he just stood there, looking back at her, keeping his victorious smile. His hands pulled in his trousers pockets and his beautiful face and his hair.   
Too handsome to be real. Too nice to be true.  
“Bye.”  
Said the girl, before jumping back into the coffee shop.   
At the counter, Marco was looking towards them, together with Karen. He had a little smirk on his face but for some reason, there was something deep burning behind his green eyes. Something she could not recognize, not now.  
Before Emma could say anything, he just sighed and nodded towards her, then turned over to Karen. “It was nice meeting you.”  
“Same. Remember to follow me on Instagram!”  
“I promise I will.”  
Turning over, Marco walked closer to Emma, giving her a smart look. “Call me if you need a chat, later.”  
She just nodded at him, smiling. The two of them stood there, looking at each other for a second. But then, Marco just moved over, and Emma followed him with her eyes, exiting and meet Alex.   
She just stood there, looking at the two saying a few words to each other and then walking away; both gave her a look through the glass window, waving their hands.   
“What just happened?”  
Asked Karen in the background.   
But Emma just stood there, senseless and mindless.   
She didn’t know what to answer to her, or to anyone… She didn’t even know how to explain anything even to just herself.  
But, at the end of the day, the concept was very easy: she liked Alex.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma stuffed her gym bag with her dirty gear and used up towels, now ready to go home and have a long sleep.  
Her body was achy, now more than ever… But also, she felt so relaxed, like every time after training: it was like walking on clouds.   
Besides the tiredness and the fact that all her muscles and bones felt sore, all her stress and tension seemed to be gone. At least for a while.  
“That was a good session.”  
She turned, looking over to Susan.   
She was someone she met right there, at the gym, following her same kick-boxing course. The two started chatting casually, then there’s been a drink together, then a dinner… Before they knew it, they became friends. And with much more in common than just the gym.   
They had similar stories, similar pasts which just pulled them together.  
Emma smiled and nodded. “Yes, it was.”  
“You were particularly angry, girl. Something happened?”  
Emma shook her head. “No. Not much… Just… You know? Needed to release.”  
Lies.   
In fact, she was very angry. At herself, at her past… And with a specific person, who’s face it’s been everything she could see, in front of her, pretending she was punching and kicking him instead of her punching bag.   
Generally, it was incredibly therapeutic.   
But that specific evening, Emma knew there were so many more reasons for it.  
She was angry because she liked the idea to be normal, for once. To be like every other girl.   
For instance, she really liked the idea to be able to just enjoy the fact that she met a nice guy, insanely handsome and funny and smart and talented and so, and so.   
But she wasn’t – because she was scared.  
“Weird. Want to grab a drink?”  
Asked Susan picking up her bag, ready to go, giving her a look as if the decision was already taken.   
Emma slid into her thermic hoodie, before picking her own bag.   
Looking to her friend, she huffed, dropping her arms along her hips – her energies were completely drained. “I don’t know… It’s been a long couple of days, I’m pretty tired.”  
“Oh… Ok.”  
Susan showed her a pout and gave her puppy eyes, sounding so dramatically upset and hurt… Emma looked away, chuckling. Absolutely unable to say “no” whatsoever. “Right, how about, a pizza and a beer around mine?”  
“Sounds perfect!”  
There she was, breaking into a big smile and jumping all excited as if she just got a piece of candy.   
Emma asked herself if she completely lost her ability to say “no” to people in the last thirty hours or so.  
Probably. 

Not too long after, the two girls were sitting on the double-sized bed in Emma’s room.  
Emma shared a house with another two people in the Dublin Southside area, in Ranelagh.   
It was nice enough and cheap enough. Besides, her deal meant to get a personal bathroom included in her room, which was a luxurious privilege.   
But then again, Emma would have gone with anything.   
They ordered takeout pizza and now, they were enjoying eating together, sharing a portion of wedges and drinking a bit.  
Between the two, Emma placed her laptop so they could go on watching a series they both decided to pick up and watch together: Grey’s Anatomy.   
“…I really think that Alex is the sexiest between the whole bunch.”  
“You serious?! Nah. Owen Hunt always was and always will be.”  
Said Emma pulling her hands up to her chest, with a dreamy look printed on her face.   
Susan looked at her and then giggled, shaking her head. “Yeah, I can see the charm.”  
Emma munched on a wedge, giving the food her attention for a second, before raising her eyes to Susan.  
She didn’t tell her about Alex. Not yet.  
Both because she wasn’t really open about her personal life and… Just because she was afraid of her judgment.  
In their situation, there’s not a guidebook on how to behave and how long to recover, of course not. And yet, Emma felt as if she was doing something wrong…  
Plus, Alex didn’t call or text.   
Which is kind of what Emma expected, or hoped for, and it bothered her not hearing from him.   
Putting in her head stupid thoughts and questions about herself. Which was exactly the reason why she didn’t want to give him a chance in the first place.  
“Where did you go?”  
“Nowhere.”  
“No. You were in your head. Are you sure you’re ok?”  
“I’m ok, Susy.”  
“I… Don’t believe you. There is something different.”  
Emma sighed and raised her eyes to the ceiling, then shook her head, smiling. “Drop it, I’m ok. Nothing happened.”  
Except for the fact that she met a guy, she really liked him, and she slept with him. Then, he looked for her to have her number and ask her out… But then disappeared.   
Except all of that, nothing happened.  
“Something definitely happened.”  
Said the girl looking closer at her as if the proof of her secret could be smudged on her face or something.  
“Can you just… Not?”  
“What?”  
“I don’t know, try to get me to talk!”  
Emma looked away, crossing her arms and closing herself into a defensive pose. Which just made Susan smile more.   
“Emma! What happened? I want to know! You should not keep secrets from me… I mean, you can do what you want… But you can trust me!”  
She was telling the truth… But was also whining in a very childish way, overall having a laugh about it. When Emma wasn’t. But she didn’t want to think about being upset.   
“Ok, something happened. There. Are you happy?”  
“Not even a bit!”  
Susan paused the episode, to which none of them was paying attention from some minutes now. Then, she sat up straight and looked at Emma, nodding. “So? What happened? Good or bad? Are you ok?”  
“I am ok. I don’t want to talk about it though.”  
“Oh… Ok. Does it have something to do with the fact that you’re constantly checking your phone?”  
“What?”  
Emma didn’t pay attention to that detail, but she was holding her phone right now and kept it close the whole time.   
“Your phone. You’re never so attached to it. Actually, I think you ever barely touched your phone around me. What’s up with that.”  
“I… I don’t know what to say.”  
Saying that Emma threw her phone away, dropping it on the duvet. As if that could cancel the fact that Susan centered the point. Emma kind of wanted to hide, now.   
“I just want to make sure you’re ok.”  
“I met someone, ok?! Now drop it.”  
Exploded Emma, as if that would really shut Susan up. She didn’t even know why she said that.   
Susan just looked at her, for a couple of seconds, before leaning to the side, smiling to her. “But I’m curious! C’mon, throw me a bone!”  
“It doesn’t matter. He probably realized it’s not worth it. And I’m ok with it.”  
“You don’t look ok with it.”  
“Ok, I’m not. But it’s ok.”  
“Would you mind explaining though?”  
Emma huffed heavily. Then she raised her eyes to the ceiling, leaning her head backward. She didn’t move from that position and waited a couple of seconds before talking, just to gather around her thoughts, which were all about Alex anyway.  
“I went to a party with Marco last night. And I met… A guy. That’s it.”  
“Doesn’t sound so.”  
“Oh, for the love of God Susan. Just leave it.”  
“Jesus you’re so jumpy. You said yourself it was nothing.”  
Emma could almost feel Susan's smart smirk in her mind.  
She grumbled, shaking her head. “Ok, whatever. I know nothing of this guy. But I liked him very much. He’s handsome and smart and sweet and confident… And a bunch of other things that make my head spin. And… Uhm, we spent the night together. That’s it. I’m not used to it, wasn’t expecting much and I’m getting what I deserve.”  
Susan was just looking at her, probably analyzing every single word Emma just said. Her lips were curved into a little smile, but now, she wasn’t trying to be so into her space anymore.   
“Does this guy have a name?”  
“What does it matter? He didn’t call.”  
“He didn’t, no. But maybe he was busy.”  
“Ok. I left him, this morning, very early, I ran away. Then, he looked for me, helped by Marco, just to have my number. And then, all of that, not to call?!”  
“Well…”  
“Don’t justify him. I don’t blame him, to be honest.”  
“You know… Besides this. After what you’ve been through, it’s nice that you had an interest in someone.”  
Just now, Emma looked at her friend, her eyes were sad, as the smile she pulled. But she understood her words and, deep down, she knew that, Alex or not, that was a big step.  
Yet, she didn’t feel proud of it. Not now.   
“His name is Alex.”  
"Alex uhm? And what does he do? Give me more information, c'mon!"  
Emma looked away, her cheeks blushed violently, and she tried to hide it. Because she knew that Susan knew him as an actor, she followed the series he was in.   
She lost her mind when Emma told her she met Marco... And she didn’t want to imagine her reaction to this.  
Apparently, she was the only person that didn't actually watch Vikings. And perhaps she should.  
"He is... An actor. And... That's about all I know with some other little information."  
"Wait. An actor?"  
Emma sighed. "Yes. You know him."  
"Oh my fucking god Emma! You fucked Ivar The Boneless?!"  
"I... Guess? I fucked Alex."  
Susan pretended to faint and then giggled and gave her a nudge. "You lucky bastard! Oh... Now I do want to know EVERYTHING."  
"Like what?!"  
"I don't know, tell me about the sex, for example?!"  
"You sound like you're fourteen years old."  
"Don't dodge my question."  
"OK! The sex was great. He is great. As much as... I don't think someone should know how to do some things."  
Susan giggled again like a little girl, covering her face with her hands and shaking her head. "I cannot believe this. How lucky can you be?!"  
"OK, first of all: not much since he didn't call me. Second, I guess, after all, I deserved some quality sex like that."  
Emma broke into a smile, turning to Susan.  
It was true though, besides the irony in her words. She never really thought she liked sex... And in her past experience, with the only other sexual partner ever had... It was rarely bearable. She thought it was it, that maybe it wasn't for her.  
But then, last night happened... And apparently her body woke up in ways and places she didn't even know she could feel what she felt, at least, not with someone else. She wasn’t that naive.  
"I mean... Ok, he didn't call. But... If the experience was good..."  
"It was. And I liked him... I do, like him. I thought... Ah, I don't know. It doesn't matter."  
Susan was looking at her as if she said something amazing, but before she could say anything about it, Emma's phone started vibrating.  
Emma jumped, reaching it and looking obsessively at the screen. Her heart was pounding and her eyes wide open. Even her hands were shaking.  
But, once she unlocked the screen, she revealed just a text. From Marco.  
Emma sighed, opening the inbox without all the excitement of before.  
-Just checking in. Are you OK?-  
Question of the day apparently.  
"It's just Marco."  
“Just Marco, uhm?”  
“What is that supposed to mean?!”  
“You know… I always thought there was something going on between you two.”  
“Marco and me?! We are friends!”  
“Yes. But also, you seem pretty close.”  
“We are close friends then.”  
Emma sounded annoyed, even more than before. Even without a reason. As if Susan said something offensive.  
"Why don't you ask him about Alex?"  
"Because then he is going to tell Alex and he will probably write to me just because someone told him."  
Quickly, Emma typed in an answer for Marco. - I'm OK. How are you? -  
Then she relaxed back on the pillows, hitting softly her head against the bed headboard. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm disappointed."  
"I know... Not everyone is lucky to find the guy at the first try. I surely didn't... But, the confidence to at least try was there and that counts."  
"I guess it does."  
"Can I ask you something?"  
"Sure."  
Susan showed a cheeky smile. "So, it's a piece of very important information that I really want to know. How is his... You know..."  
"Dick?! Are you asking me about his dick? You are fourteen!"  
"I'm... I'm not! I would have asked in general, the fact he is an incredibly handsome guy and a talented actor doesn't make a difference. Ok... Maybe just a little."  
Emma smiled, even if she was trying so hard to appear mad.  
At the moment, she just wanted to stop thinking about Alex in general but especially about Alex naked, or the sex they had... Or anything else.  
"I don't think there are any complaints to be done about it."  
She smiled looking away, then sighed again. "Right. Now, let's talk about something else, please... I need to get distracted."  
Her phone vibrated again, but this time, Emma didn't pay attention, sure it would be Marco. But then, it did it again, and again, signaling an incoming call.  
Emma looked at the screen just to see an unsaved number calling.  
"Oh my god!"  
She jumped, almost choking on her own saliva, unable to breathe... Or think... Or anything. She could feel her heart pounding in her throat.  
So turning to Susan, she mimed her to be silent, while she accepted the call.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi."  
"...Hi."  
Alex.   
His voice was warm, a bit raspy as if he was relaxed and laying down. His accent was the second thing that hit her, making her smile immediately.  
She couldn't recall the last time she felt as warm as Alex made her feel.  
"You called."  
"I did. Have you been waiting?"  
"Uhm... Maybe?"  
"I'll take maybe as an answer, that's fine. So, how was your day?"  
"It was OK, you know, usual. I finished work, went to the gym and now I'm home. How about you?"  
"I've been around with Marco. Then I slept a bit. And now I was thinking of you."  
"Were you?"  
"Indeed. It's hard not to when I'm laying on this sofa, you know? It's gonna probably happen all the time now."  
"I... Uhm… That's nice. I'm glad I made you like it even more."  
"Yeah well, not quite the same when I'm on my own on it."  
Emma blushed, chuckling, not feeling uncomfortable and yet, she felt like between Alex's words there was some deeper meaning, something somehow dirty… And so incredibly nice to hear, especially from his voice.  
She could picture him so perfectly, laying comfortably on his cornered sofa. She could imagine his facial expression and the smile she was sure he had because it sounded like he was smiling. She found herself wondering what he could be wearing, or how his hair was kept… And before she knew it, her thoughts went again to the night before. The feeling of his strong body against hers, of his skin under her hands, under her nails. She could still feel so clearly the echoing of the pleasure that he gave her.  
And she wanted more.  
Then, Emma remembered she wasn’t alone. She froze a bit, giving Susan an embarrassed look.   
“I want to hear his voice!”  
Whispered the girl, to which Emma answered just shaking her head, pushing her away.   
“Are you ok?”  
“Uh? Yes. I’m sorry… I’m not… Exactly alone.”  
“Oh. Am I disturbing you?”  
“No! No, you’re not. I’m just with a friend and…”  
“Of course. If you need to go… It’s ok.”  
Emma sat up straight, clearing her throat, both to put some distance between herself and Susan and to sound a little more convinced. “I don’t need to.”  
“Ok. I guess I have to keep for me some of the things I was thinking to say.”  
Emma heard him sigh and sighed herself, feeling like she would miss those words she could not hear from him. Her body vibrated by a deep thrill that left her feeling with an itch she couldn’t quite take care of.   
“Depends on what’s that about.”  
“Something on the line of what happened last night. I can’t really stop thinking about it so…”  
Emma just smiled, even if she trembled, feeling the need of telling him how much she has been thinking about it too. But she stayed quiet about it.   
“Yeah, better not.”  
Again, he sighed through the phone. And again, Emma felt like her entire body was on fire.   
“I could always call you later.”  
“Or… Not? I… I am having trouble already as it is.”  
“What kind of troubles?”  
Emma looked up, panting, kind of trying to catch her breath, kind of trying to signal to him to stop. Because she was struggling. And she couldn’t coop with the idea of not being in control, even of herself.   
“Do you actually have something important to say or you called just to tease me?”  
Alex laugh vibrated through the phone into her body and Emma’s smile grew on her face, warm and sincere.  
“I’m going to say that all this stuff is very relevant. But, let’s get to the serious business then: when are you available?”  
“Available for?”  
“For our date of course, what else?”  
Emma was fiddling, playing with the hem of her T-shirt. Trying not to get too much into her own head, both in a positive and negative way.   
“I’m… Well, I’ll have the weekend off.”  
“But the weekend is all the way to the next four days! I don’t want to wait that long.”  
“You’re impossible.”  
“Don’t you want to see me?”  
She did. In fact, she wanted way more than just seeing him. But she didn’t know what was good and what wasn’t in this situation.  
“I do.”  
“Ok! So, how about we go for a coffee? Maybe tomorrow?”  
Emma closed her eyes, filling her lungs up with a full breath and keeping the air in.   
She really wanted to say yes, see him as soon as possible… And if that wouldn’t be so scary as it was, she would even hop on a cub now, just to go to him. As much as she wanted to run in the opposite direction.  
Even if she really wanted to say yes, she couldn’t, for an honest reason, she had her weekly therapy session tomorrow.  
“I can’t tomorrow. But, I can on Wednesday morning if… If you want.”  
“Wednesday morning it is. I can take you for breakfast!”  
“Though I have to be at work by twelve.”  
“That’s fine for me. Then, I’d like to take you out on Saturday.”  
“Saturday?”  
Emma looked over to Susan, who was on her phone, but apparently following the conversation. “You can go on Saturday.”  
Answered the girl without raising her eyes from the screen, munching on a potato wedge. That day they were supposed to go out for breakfast and shopping but… Apparently not. And even if Emma loved her and liked to spend time with her she was kind of selfish now, wanting to go out with Alex more.  
“Who was that?”  
“Uhm… My friend. I was kind of booked on Saturday.”  
“Oh, you’re hard to get, aren’t you?”  
“I…”  
“Please, please take her out on Saturday, change her life and maybe lay her a bit more!”  
Shouted Susan to Emma’s phone, before Emma could even try to get as far as possible from her so that Alex would not hear… And the doom of embarrassment would fall on her.  
But he laughed in the background. “I see…”  
Emma threw a punch towards Susan, hitting her on the thigh. To which Susan cursed, moaning a very theatrical pain.  
“I… I’m sorry.”  
“It’s ok. I’m glad you’re talking about me.”  
“I… Swear I’m not that kind of girl.”  
“Emma, it’s fine. I’m glad because if you do talk about me, it means you’re thinking about me. And I kinda like that.”  
“How am I supposed to answer this?!”  
He giggled from the other side of the line. “Just tell me if you can keep Saturday free for me.”  
“Yes, I can.”  
“Perfect then. And… Tell your friend I’ll do everything in my power to fulfill her request.”  
“Ok. I need to go now.”  
“Ok, goodnight then.”  
“Goodnight.”  
Emma hung up, sitting there, just looking at her phone, without actually seeing it. Her hands were shaky, and her heart was beating so fast she could hear it, feeling it in her throat.  
“What am I doing?”  
“Seems you are flirting hard with someone. And you have two dates.”  
“I am… Susan, I am having a panic attack.”  
Emma’s voice was now a whisper and her breath was quick and short. Her muscles and nerves were shaking all over and she was cold but felt like she was sweating. Emma just felt like she didn’t have control.   
She wanted to run so badly.   
But at the same time… She couldn’t do that.  
“It’s not a panic attack. You’ve got a crush and he likes you too… That’s excitement.”  
Emma turned over, gazing at her, looking as scared as ever. “I don’t want to be. Susan, I don’t know how to control it.”  
“You… Oh, Emma.”  
Susan had that way of behaving as if she was an older sister. On so many levels, she was, to Emma. Family.   
She moved closer and wrapped her arms around Emma, pulling her in a tight hug. “I know how it feels, believe me, I know. When I met Stephen, it was hard to… Trust him and let him in, but even harder was just let myself be free.   
You don’t need control over things all the time.”  
“What if he is going to hurt me? What… What if I’m going to suffer again?”  
“What if he is going to make you happy instead? What if he is going to help? Isn’t it worth it if you look at the other side of the spectrum?”  
“I… I’m so afraid either way.”   
Susan kept hugging her, running her fingers through Emma’s hair, rocking back and forth, trying to calm her down. “I know baby, I know. It’s ok to be scared. It means you care.”  
“I do.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.
> 
> Sᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UApE8xVXkYg

The amount of time that stood between Emma and her breakfast/light-date with Alex felt like years, instead a bit over a day. The hours ran the slowest that they could and every time she looked at the time, it was still so far away. At least up to the last ten minutes.  
Not that she and Alex haven’t been in constant contact all over the past day.  
Last night, she went to sleep just before three in the morning, just to stay up texting with him.  
She was buzzing, even with just a few hours of sleep on her back and an entire day to go in front of her. She was still so full of energy that she felt like she would explode from a second to the other.  
Emma found herself looking forward to it, but also… Being incredibly nervous about it.  
She put together an outfit that she thought could be nice… Which she picked a good twenty—three hours earlier and then thought about over and over, picking it and discarding it, keeping wondering if Alex could like it.  
Then she made sure she put enough make—up on to cover her sleep deprivation, but not too much, to have a “natural look”.  
Now she was obsessing about her image as she never did before. Looking at any possible reflection she could, finding things she didn’t like and knowing she could not fix anything.  
She was wearing a band T-shirt and a black skirt, on top of which she had a leather jacket, also black, with black tights and her burgundy Dr. Martens boots.  
She sighed, feeling defeated and, definitely, as if she had too much black in her wardrobe.  
She was standing on a crowded bus, earphones on, listening ad some random playlist that could help her stop overthinking. But nothing was really helping, that was a problem of hers.  
Her phone chimed, signaling a text. Emma pulled it out from her pocket, dropping all her worries but just smiling, already guessing who that could be.  
Alex, letting her know he arrived at the spot where they decided to meet, which was around St. Patrick’s Cathedral. She was just some minutes away.  
Emma bit her bottom lip, smiling a bit more while typing a quick answer. Because she couldn’t really focus too much and her hands were shaking enough as it was, letting alone her trying to keep a balance on a moving bus.  
Eventually she arrived at her destination.  
She stood at the bus stop for a good couple of minutes, watching other people walking by on the sidewalk.  
It was a nice day, as rare as that could be, the Sun was peaking throw some clouds, warming Dublin up finally looking like Spring. Even if just yesterday it looked as grey as any day in late November.  
Again, Emma was stressing… Thinking that she could still have a chance to run away.  
But she didn’t follow up on those thoughts, instead, she crossed the road and walked along the Cathedral, up to St. Patrick’s Park, following the path that would bring her to the main, central, fountain.  
Alex was there, she recognized him from the distance.  
Emma watched him walking around the little cement pool, hands in his pocket, handsome as ever, looking around from time to time, looking for her.  
She smiled, without realizing it, as much as she didn’t notice she was standing still, some meters away. At least until their eyes crossed.  
Alex gave her a good look, while his full lips curved into a big smile. He moved closer opening his arms. “Hey.”  
For Emma came naturally to walk into that hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist, raising on the tips of her feet and brushing her cheek against his. “Hi.”  
She turned, kissing his skin as if he was a friend. As if they knew each other for a long time.  
Without really controlling her own moves.  
Alex loosened that hug, stepping back, just to give her another look from head to toes, smiling even more, if possible. His eyes were bright and of a dark shade of grey, almost blue, able to melt her away. “You look very pretty.”  
“Thank you. You too...”  
And she thought it. She loved the way his brown hair fell on his shoulders and how his blue denim jacket fit him and the perfume of his cologne. “In fact, you look hot.”  
“Ah, I have my tricks and secrets.”  
He said, looking away, giggling and looking a bit embarrassed and so damn sweet.  
Alex leaned his head to the side. “So, are you hungry? I know this amazing place just around the corner. They do the nicest full breakfast I ever had!”  
“I’m starving. I’m not going to lie I need a coffee as well.”  
“Pretty sure they have that. Also, why, did you go to sleep late?”  
He teased her, sticking his tongue out, knowing perfectly well she did, and it was his fault. “Well, someone kept me up last night, with all that texting about movies and stuff.”  
“It seemed someone was interested in answering.”  
“Well, let’s go.”  
She smiled, reaching for his hand in a natural movement, without thinking about it… About the consequences.  
Emma quite liked not to think about the pros and cons, for a moment. To be lightheaded.  
Alex just took her hand, crossing his fingers to her and leading the walk.  
“Did you have a good sleep?”  
“Yes, overall… I bet if I keep sleeping this much, I will collapse. But, it’s ok.”  
It wasn’t quite true, she had nightmares… But Alex didn’t need to know that. “…What about you?”  
“Yeah. Plus, I don’t mind waking up early… I’m quite a morning person.”  
“Me too. I’m way more productive if I wake up early. Just… Maybe, let’s try to say goodnight a couple of hours earlier, next time.”  
“I like what you’re implying. Smart move as well!”  
“What? What did I say?!”  
Emma looked up, just to find him smiling confidently. “Just you are suggesting we would keep texting and it’s nice.”  
“Ok, stop bragging.”  
He just laughed, sounding light-hearted. Her heart warmed up and lost a bit to that sound, finding that laugh something she would listen over and over. As his voice… There was something in his tone, his accent, so extremely charming.  
They kept walking quietly, holding hands. Peacefully shy.  
Emma could not remember if it ever happened that she felt as she was, by Alex’s side.  
“You know, I’ve tried to find you on socials… But you don’t seem to be around.”  
“Because I’m not. I don’t like socials.”  
Which was partially true.  
It’s so easy to be found on socials. And she didn’t want to be found.  
Alex smiled. “Yeah, I guess that’s not too bad. Being anonymous I mean.”  
“It is. On the other hand, everyone I know, apparently, knows you.”  
She said giving him a little bump with her shoulder. Alex laughed nervously and raised his free hand to his head, running it through his hair. “With how many people have you been talking, uhm?”  
She squeezed his hand, laughing. “Not so many, I swear. But… You know…”  
“I guess I’m more famous than I thought.”  
“How did that happened?”  
Besides the fact he had a charm that could not be ignored, of course.  
Alex hummed, then looked up, thinking. “Well… Quite easily really. I’ve been acting since a was very young. I had a lot of energy… Like, annoying energy, so my mum signed me up for a drama class and… Well, I very much liked it.”  
“Guess now it’s required of me to watch something that you’re in.”  
“You could. Though, besides Vikings, most of the stuff is Danish projects.”  
“As soon as they have subtitles, so I can understand, I don’t mind. Actually, I find it quite sexy.”  
“What? Danish films?”  
“No. Hearing you speak your native tongue.”  
Alex gave her a look, smirking. “Ah, lucky for you I can do that whenever.”  
So then he gibbered something in another tongue, which Emma could just assume was Danish. Her knees melted.  
It wasn’t the first time she heard that kind of language; Marco did speak it too… And yet, it didn’t have the same effect on her.  
“Translation?”  
“You’re beautiful.”  
Emma looked away, smiling and feeling her cheeks blushing.  
“You’re cheesy.”  
“I speak the truth. As someone that saw that body of yours and all.”  
“As I said. Cheesy.”  
“You don’t look so used to compliments.”  
“It’s not that.”  
“And what is it? Anytime I say something like this, you look away.”  
“I…”  
He was right. She wasn’t used to compliments… And neither she was a confident person. Still learning about all of that.  
“Ok, no, I don’t like them too much.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because!”  
As if that was a good enough answer.  
But she was more than happy to drop the subject, especially because they reached their destination.  
The two entered the place, greeting a waiter who was getting a table ready and then found themselves a table in the corner, by the window.  
Emma still had to get her head around the whole situation. That was a date and it looked very casual. Besides all the ghosts that constantly haunted her and besides the fact that she had a young actor in front of her, someone who looked so normal and, at the same time, he didn’t. He would stand out even without the fame.  
Sitting down, Emma cleared her throat, crossing her arms on the table. Alex sat in front of her, taking off his jacket. He was wearing a dark green shirt, which was tight enough to emphasize the muscles of his shoulders, arms and chest.  
She had to force herself to stop looking, not to seem incredibly weird. Besides the fact that she saw his whole naked body already. And she well remembered it.  
Almost immediately, the waiter who welcomed them a minute ago was at their table, offering menus. “Would you like to order already a drink?”  
“Uhm, yes please…” Emma just briefly looked at the menu, turning it between her hands. “Could I have an Americano, please? And a… Orange juice. Thanks.”  
“Make that two, but I’d like some milk with my coffee. Thanks.”  
Said Alex politely, looking at the waiter, before to give Emma a look over his menu.  
“Sure. I’ll be back in a minute.”  
That said, the waiter left.  
So Emma sunk behind her menu, kind of interested, kind of hiding.  
“Why don’t you tell me something about yourself?”  
Asked Alex looking distracted, running his eyes on the menu. Emma looked over to him, for a second, then huffed. “I thought this was the bit where we were supposed to pick food.”  
“Oh, sorry. I’ll ask again in five minutes.”  
He had a smart smirk curving his lips, to which Emma just answered with a smile, remaining silent.  
She already picked what she wanted: a full breakfast, just because Alex suggested it earlier and she wanted to try it out.  
And she bet he would probably choose that dish too, counting how fond of it he sounded earlier.  
So, they sat there quietly.  
When the waiter showed up again with a tray loaded with their drinks order, they both lowered their menus. Making space on the table.  
“There we go, two juices and two coffees, one black and one white. Are you ready to order?”  
The two looked at each other and Emma just nodded. So, Alex proceeded. “I’d like a full breakfast, thanks.”  
“Two. With some extra toast, please.”  
“Sure.”  
The waiter scribbled on his notepad, holding the tray under his arm. “Would you like white or brown bread for the toast?”  
“Brown, please.”  
The guy nodded and then took their menus away, disappearing.  
Now, she was left with Alex and his curiosity.  
Emma tapped her fingers on the table, nervously. “Ok, what would you like to know?”  
“I don’t know, anything. You don’t seem to do very well with direct questions so… It’s up to you.”  
He laid back on his chair, waiting.  
Emma nodded and then look outside for a second, trying to think about something to say. Something that could be enough and yet not too much.  
Something that could be her, but not all of it.  
“There’s not much to say, really. I’m from a small town in England, where I grew and lived all my life, before to move here.”  
“Why Dublin though?”  
“It’s… Far enough and big enough. I thought it had a good amount of possibilities to offer. And… You know, it has, more or less, the same weather conditions of where I’m from, so I didn’t have to get used to anything new.”  
Some of those words were true. Some… Lies. Dublin was far enough and big enough. But it was also her only option to move fast enough, at the time.  
“Ok, go on…”  
“I… I am a very simple girl. I don’t have many friends and I don’t like to go out. Actually, my life is pretty boring.”  
“It might be, but you look pretty interesting to me.”  
Emma held her breath for a second, smiling embarrassed and looking away. Squeezing herself between her shoulders, Emma laid back on her chair. “I’ve told you. I’m pretty sure you’ll realize that there’s nothing much, here.”  
“I doubt it. You should try and give me some credit.”  
“I am. Is this not credit enough?”  
“What, going out for breakfast?”  
“Yeah!”  
“It would be a bit better if you let me know something about you.”  
Emma huffed, without being able to hide a smile. “Right, ok. Whatever. I dreamed to become a journalist or a writer. I’m a good writer, but it’s been years since I’ve been able to write anything down. So probably I’m not that good.  
Besides this, I’m a very slow reader, so I buy a bunch of books that I pile up thinking one day I’m gonna have the time to pick-up, knowing I’m not going to. So, I gave my soul to the cinema and movies, I’d like to get more into theatre shows but I absolutely adore musicals.  
I love cats, but I prefer dogs. And I always wanted a horse but never been rich enough.  
I like being outdoors and discover new places, I love exploring towns and cities… But I don’t get often the chance.”  
Emma tapped her index on her chin, looking away, pretending to be thinking very hard at what to say next.  
She realized that in that information there wasn’t much personal stuff… But she guessed that could be… Enough?  
As much as she knew there was so much, she didn’t say about her past that might be way more important than what she chose to say. But Emma just decided not to pay attention to that detail.  
“…Is it a good start?”  
So, Emma turned over to Alex, finding him just looking at her and smiling. “I’ll take it! It’s already something. We have many things in common, I guess. I struggle to focus on reading, but I always buy loads of books. Clearly, I love cinema, movies, theatre shows… With the job, I do it’s an inherited passion. And I love being outdoors myself.”  
“How about you get under, now, then?”  
Emma smiled back, leaning her head on the side gazing at Alex. She was more than just a bit curious about a few things and absolutely willing to stop being the focus of the conversation.  
Alex nodded just leaving her the chance to say whatever she wanted to ask. “Tell me something about yourself. Something that I’m not going to find in an interview or something.”  
“You know, firstly, I’m really not that incredibly famous. Then, let’s see… I’m not as bright as I look. I’m a big and soft dumb guy, I love jokes and stupid things and it’s not in my nature to be serious for more than a couple of minutes. I like laughing, I like humor.  
I’m very attached to Denmark and where I come from. I’m pretty sure I would like to move back there, once I’m done with my job over here.  
I’m very close to my family and I’m a very easy-going person. Of course, I have my goals and dreams, but at the same time I’m not obsessed with fame and money. I rather quality over quantity, you know?”  
“So why did you move here?”  
Alex chuckled, leaning his head to the side, looking at her. “Why? Well, in the beginning, being based here was obviously easier for the shootings. Before I realized it, I basically lived here for a year, going home maybe just a few times and for no longer than two weeks every time our breaks would roll out.  
So, at that point, I just thought to start renting my own place here and settle down. It’s a bit easier to get jobs or get into projects on this side of Europe.”  
Emma leaned on the table, resting her chin into the palm of her hand. “How is Denmark?”  
“As a country?”  
“As… You know, a place where to live in.”  
“Well… It’s Scandinavia isn’t it? So… It’s cold. Besides this, it’s beautiful. Very green, you know, with all those mountains and forests, but somehow, it’s advanced on many things. People are super polite and… It’s very, very calm.”  
Emma smiled listening at those words, able to see through them, to feel the closure and warmth into them.  
She didn’t really feel that way about anywhere… She didn’t have roots, and she was very happy to forget everything about the place where she grew up.  
But also, she knew she loved to travel. Even if she didn’t travel that much in her life. Maybe a few times when she was a kid.  
But it wasn’t a thing she needed to do, to know she would enjoy it.  
There were so many places she wanted to visit all over the world, but she had to admit she did rather cold weather and mountains, over hot weather and beaches.  
So, Scandinavia always had a charm, to her.  
At that moment the waiter showed up again carrying their plates full of delicious food. “Two full breakfasts. Enjoy guys.”  
Saying this, he just gave them a polite nod, before moving quickly to another occupied table.  
Emma looked at her food with a huge smile on her lips. The smell of bacon and beans and mushrooms and sausages mixed up and reached her senses making her belly tremble.  
“This looks amazing.”  
“It does, doesn’t it? I’m so glad I found this place. I always come here. Marco knows it too – maybe next time we could go all together!”  
“Oh, I’m not sure about that. It does sound uncomfortable, to be honest.”  
“Why? We are all friends!”  
“Yeah. In very different ways. It’s ok, Marco and I have our places, we can just… I don’t know. Not.”  
“Sure. I mean, I didn’t mean to overstep or anything…”  
“You didn’t.”  
Alex just looked at her, clearly disagreeing. And she was disagreeing with herself too.  
The fact is that she didn’t want Marco to feel the third wheel. Second, somehow having both of them sitting at the same table and chatting and stuff made her feel overwhelmed. Crazy, though, counting she met Alex through Marco. Or that she thought of Marco as her best friend.  
But it was ok not to give that detail any attention.  
Alex laid back, raising his hands to his head so he could tie his hair into a quick ponytail through a thin hairband he kept on his wrist.  
Emma found herself staring at him, looking at the details of his face. The line of his jaw, his chin, the shape of his nose and the arch of his brows.  
“What?”  
“What, what?”  
“I don’t know, you’re looking at me. What are you thinking?”  
Busted.  
Emma didn’t move, stood there just looking back at him not knowing what to say.  
“I… Don’t know, nothing.”  
She said, hesitant. Not even sure why in the world she needed to cover the fact that she was just enjoying looking at him.  
It wasn’t like she didn’t already tell Alex she found him attractive!  
Again, Alex was just sitting there, not doing much, but looking, studying, understanding. His grey eyes sparkled of intelligence and amusement.  
She knew he was just trying to put the pieces together; trying to look, study and understand her.  
At that point, she had one foot dug way too much into this, while her other limb was ready to run, absolutely unable to make a decision.  
She wanted Alex to like her. And at the same time, she just wanted him to get bored.  
“You know? I’m pretty sure that if you stayed, the other day, I would have probably brought you here for breakfast.”  
“Well, good I didn’t stay so we had somewhere to go today!”  
Joked Emma, laughing, but avoiding Alex’s eyes on porpoise. Knowing the porpoise of his words and pretending not to get it.  
“Why did you leave?”  
“I… I don’t know.”  
He leaned his head to the side, looking for her eyes and smiling when she finally looked back at him.  
Alex pulled his hand closer to Emma’s just softly touching her fingers with his. “It’s ok. I understand we don’t know each other very well…. But I’m not here to judge you. Trust me.”  
She froze, feeling her soul vibrating under her skin and every single nerve getting tense. Trust was such a big word… So big that she thought it could be an obstacle, without even realizing that she already trusted Alex enough, at least to show him where the cracks were on the giant cement wall, she built around herself.  
“I’m sorry I left. I panicked.”  
“It’s ok, after all, I found you. Bless Marco.”  
“I’m still sorry. I bet it’s not nice to wake up alone.”  
“No. It wasn’t… But, again, I understand. You were ready to run away the night earlier. So, you see, I already got a bonus when you stayed.”  
It was the sweetness in his eyes, in his words, it was the absence of judgment, but just pure empathy, it was the fact that Emma felt… Seen.  
She just felt like there was no ground underneath her feet anymore, free-falling into something she didn’t know. 

Later, the two were walking through Dublin.  
They would sometimes crack jokes or flirt, sometimes there would be more personal question, floating in the air, and sometimes there was silence. Yet, it all felt ok.  
Emma felt ok, as she suddenly fell into place. Not because she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or nervous, but because every second that was going by, she just felt she had a bit more courage from the moment earlier.  
They were holding hands, sweet and innocently and Emma just felt as if she was right where she was supposed to be.  
“I really don’t want to go to work today.”  
sighed the girl, her eyes were running up the street they were walking into, perfectly knowing that, a few meters away, her coffeeshop was waiting for her.  
No, she really didn’t want to. Not now. She just wanted to keep hanging out with him, because she didn’t the idea of leaving him. Just thinking about it made her chest ache.  
“At what time do you finish?”  
“Uhm, around seven tonight. It’s just… Kind of the last thing I’d like to do, right now.”  
“And what would you like to do instead?”  
Emma raised her eyes to him, meeting his and recognizing immediately that smirk curving his lips.  
“To be honest, even just hang out with you would be ok.”  
“Oh! Am I just a distraction from work then? Nothing more? I’m offended!”  
Said Alex pretending to be hurt and taking his hand to his chest, like if he was trying to grab his own hart. A second after, he chuckled shaking his head.  
“You know what I mean.”  
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”  
Asked him, giving her a smart look, smiling confidently. Emma looked at him and then shook her head trying very hard not to smile but failing. “Why don’t you just let me off the hook? Without having me to specify everything I say?”  
“Oh, but it’s nice to hear you say some things, from time to time. Plus, when you’re uncomfortable you pull a very cute face.”  
“I’d just like to spend more time with you, that’s all.”  
Alex just smiled, even more confident than before, looking satisfied ad ever. As if Emma said something very important.  
Which… She kind of did, admitting out loud that she enjoyed his company.  
Stopping on the sidewalk, Emma sighed, nodding without much interest to the coffee shop door. “This is me.”  
“Uhm…”  
Alex looked at the place, running his eyes around the edges of the coffeeshop sign and through the big window, then turned to her. Emma could see his eyes caressing her skin, looking at her features. His expression was serious now, but warm.  
He stepped closer.  
“Can I kiss you?”  
Asked, but already raising both of his hands around her face, touching lightly the line of her jaw with the tip of his fingers. Waiting.  
Emma closed her eyes, leaning her head. She closed her own hands around his wrists as if she needed to know that she could stop him anytime she wanted. But with absolutely no intention of doing it.  
Because she wanted to be kissed by him.  
“You’ll make it so terribly difficult, for me, to go through this day.”  
“Would I?”  
His tone was innocent and low, almost a whisper, and the way his voice bent made her tremble, while he leaned close enough that the tips of their noses could touch.  
“Just kiss me already!”  
Emma smiled, meeting his lips.  
She didn’t even realize how much she wanted it, up to that point. Emma melted away in that kiss, leaving his wrists just to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him closer. Emma breathed in his scent, while sliding a hand through his hair, as she has been dying to do since she saw him that early morning.  
Their lips were locked, and she liked so much the consistency, the flavor, of his.  
She could feel his warmth through the clothes, sliding under her skin, charging up her nerves of electricity.  
Making her realize how much more she wanted. How much more of that, or in general. She wanted to know more, she wanted to have more time, more skin to touch, more of him.  
And that was scary.  
Emma pulled away, remaining close enough to Alex, catching her breath. “I need to go. I’m pretty sure my shift starts soon.”  
“Yeah. That’s ok.”  
Emma bit her bottom lip, just before kissing him one last time, finding leaving him harder than what she thought.  
“Ok. Thank you for the breakfast. I’ll see you later, Alex.”  
“You bet. I’ll text you.”  
Said Alex making just one step back. Emma smiled at him, trying to gather her whole self-control and put distance between them. Going back to her reality.  
She felt so unsettled as if a hurricane just came into her heart, mind and life and made a mess of everything that she built up before. But, at the same time, besides the confusion, she liked that view very much.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.
> 
> Sᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeiCvEHe5Kg

Marco was waiting. Waiting for her to show up.  
He wasn’t even sure she would, because, at that point, Marco wasn’t sure of anything.  
Too much happened in the past few days.  
He has always been there, for her. Patiently waiting on her to be ready, patiently waiting on her to notice him.  
But she didn’t, besides everything, besides how close they might have been, she never did.  
She noticed Alex.  
Stupid him not to see that coming. Not even surprised, to be honest, because everyone always noticed Alex first. As much as he could love his best friend, as much as he had so much trust in him… Now, he was also so jealous.  
It’s been two days that Marco grew in anger and pain.  
Hearing Alex talking about Emma. Knowing they were together, knowing they would probably be again.  
It’s been too much, and that pain was tearing him apart from the inside.  
Yet, he couldn’t tell how he felt. Not to Alex, nor to Emma, especially to Emma; thinking if he ever overstepped on that topic, she could feel so betrayed to walk away from him entirely.  
So, what was left of him?  
Nothing. He was left in the corner, looking at her blossoming, falling for someone else, so completely impotent.  
Because he loved both of them way too much to destroy any of their new happiness, for his own self-interests.  
But thinking to step back and leave it, let them be… Filled him up with such a wave of consuming anger.  
Marco was sitting there, his eyes were pointed at the door, waiting for Emma to show up. Thinking to see her, to finally have her for himself for a while, filled his heart with a dark joy. Something that he knew wasn’t good – and in general, it wasn’t good enough.  
The second Emma entered the pub, Marco felt his heart-lifting. The whole room shut quiet in his mind and nothing mattered anymore.  
She was there and she was perfect. It was like a new light brightened the place.  
He put aside his feelings and smiled, sitting there, waiting for her to be the one who saw him.  
And she did, when her light blue eyes laid on him, Marco felt a shot of warm energy buzzing into his veins.  
She smiled back and waved at him, walking towards his table, to which point Marco stood up, willing to greet her with a hug. In need to feel her close more than anyone could know… Even himself.  
The girl dropped her stuff on one of the chairs, before stepping closer to him.  
“Hello stranger!”  
Said Marco smiling at her and opening his arms. Emma slid closer wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in a tight hug. “Hello to you.”  
Marco hugged her back, enjoying feeling her body pressed against his more than he was allowed to.  
Something as small as a hug felt so intimate and yet not enough.  
Though, he didn’t impose himself, letting her decide when to loosen it up.  
And he liked that she held to that moment for a few seconds. He liked to think that she just wanted to be between his arms, knowing perfectly well that was just giving false hope to himself.  
Emma stepped away, taking her sit in front of where Marco was sat just a second ago.  
“Do you want anything to drink?”  
Asked him leaning closer to her, pacing softly a hand on her shoulder. Emma smiled at him and nodded. “Yes please, I’ll have a pint of whatever.”  
“Got it. I’ll be right back.”  
Marco walked at the bar, waiting a few seconds to get a bartender's attention and then ordering a couple of beers.  
He was a confident enough guy, conscious of his looks and abilities. And yet, he felt like he had his wrists tied behind his back, tighter and tighter by the second.  
Marco was back at the table in a few minutes, offering Emma her pint of Guinness, then sitting down.  
Clearing his throat, Marco hesitated a second, before to raise his eyes to hers, quite uncertain on how to behave normally when… He really didn’t want to behave as a best friend anymore.  
“So, how are you? I feel like it’s been forever since the last time we’ve got together.”  
“Yeah, same. I don’t know what the fuck it’s going on.”  
Her laugh was clear and ironic, and he knew she was trying to take attention away from the situation, as usual. But he could not. As much as he couldn’t avoid looking stiff and pissed.  
Even if he was trying to act as usual, even if his great ability to lie about things – since being an actor is what pays his bills, he couldn’t entirely lie about that, now. Even desperately trying to cover everything up with his usual smirks.  
“I’m ok... I mean, I think I’m ok, I don’t really know.”  
“Tell me then. You know you can tell me everything.”  
Emma nodded, taking a deep breath, he could almost see her thinking and he could feel her being nervous.  
There has never been a single moment, between them, where she ever felt uncertain and uncomfortable. But now, she looked so.  
“Ok, well… You know… I feel pretty turned upside down. I really don’t know what’s going on… I don’t have control over anything anymore.”  
“Is this about…”  
“…Alex.”  
Of course it was about fucking Alex.  
Marco clenched his fists, which he hid under the table, so Emma didn’t have to see. He didn’t want to worry her or spoiled anything of that… Feeling she could have. But, at the same time, he really wanted to break something.  
“Do you like him, then?”  
“I… I don’t know, I think so?”  
“Oh, I cannot answer that for you, man.”  
“No. Of course not. It’s just… I’m not used to any of this. I’m not used to being treated like this.”  
Marco gazed at her; his face froze into a stone serious look.  
He did. He did treat her like that. He did treat her nicely. Alex wasn’t the first one and… Marco could just feel his heart tearing apart in front of the realization that Emma could not see that.  
“He is a good guy. He really is.”  
Too loyal of a friend to actually think to sabotage his best friend.  
Emma smiled at him, her eyes were bright and her cheeks of a pretty shade of pink.  
“Yes. He is. I really have rather not though. I’m stuck into this and I didn’t need it. I can barely hold myself up.”  
“You said it yourself, you cannot control it. So how about you stop trying?”  
“Because it’s hard for me to trust someone. Especially someone this new!”  
“He is trustworthy though. And… Believe me if he fails you, I will kill him.”  
Marco smiled looking at Emma relaxing a bit and take a couple of sips of her beer.  
If that was just some days ago, Marco would not have a problem sitting right next to her, maybe hold her hand… It would have been pretty usual. But now it wasn’t usual anymore. Now, someone else would hold her hand.  
Marco squeezed his jaw, forcing himself to look away.  
She looked so naïve, so unaware that every word she would say was just another stab to his heart.  
“What about you? What’s going on with you?”  
Marco turned back to her, trying not to cross his eyes with hers. He sounded nervous but hoped that a smile could cover that.  
“What’s up with me? I’m ok, as usual, you know?”  
“Is it? Cause you look… Different.”  
“Different how?”  
“I don’t know! Unsettled.”  
“I’m ok, Emma.”  
He looked straight into her eyes, his expression was serious, as very rarely it would be. In his green eyes there was a sparkle that could not be recognized.  
And clearly Emma noticed. She leaned her head, pulling her hand towards him on the table, the palm open and showing.  
“You don’t seem ok, Marco. Did something happen?”  
Watching the girl he loved being screwed by his best friend. Yeah, he was destroyed.  
He always thought she felt the connection between them in the same way; and even when Alex appeared to be interested in her, Marco thought she would not give him a chance.  
Instead she did.  
And now he was stuck there, knowing very well that he could not do anything but watching or he would lose both of his best friends.  
Counting, in all of that, that he could not show Emma his jealousy, because she was free to do what she wanted whatsoever, and jealousy it’s not a good feeling to receive for her.  
Marco raised one of his hands over the table, so to meet hers. When their palms touched, he smiled.  
“There. What’s that sad smile? What’s going on?”  
“What’s going on?”  
He was a step away from losing it and drop all his truth on the table. But he bit his tongue and hold his voice back.  
“Nothing it’s going on. I’m just worried about you.”  
“Why are you worried? You said, Alex…”  
“I’m not talking about Alex. I just want to make sure… That between us that won't be changes.”  
And that was a big, fat, lie. Because he himself wanted changes, big ones. He wanted her and not as a friend. Not to be there and pick her up anytime she needed, without her even seeing him.  
Emma squeezed his hand into hers, looking straight into his eyes and leaning closer on the table. “Nothing is going to change. Are you out of your mind?! You’re the most important person to me and you know it.”  
Even if those words sounded warm and deep, Marco felt another stab reaching the middle of his heart, and he could feel that invisible blade just turning into his flesh.  
Pulling all those thoughts and words down into his chest, Marco smiled. “And nothing it’s going to change.”  
Even watching Emma smiling confidently and shaking her head, so firmly convinced on those words. Marco knew that everything was different already.

Not even an hour later, they were still there drinking and having infinite conversations.  
Marco had to shut down most of his consciousness, just to let her talk about her feelings for someone else and be a good friend, for her, on the topic.  
Which brought Marco to detach from the situation, trying to bottle up his feelings and drain all those words he wanted to say down his alcohol.  
Knowing it wasn’t healthy, and not caring. Because she needed him to listen.  
So now, his thoughts were quiet and seemed far away, together with his light senses and perception. He almost felt in control, almost ok and maybe happy – even if it was a false enthusiasm.  
He was happy that Emma felt happy and willing to open up more to the world… He just felt defeated also, because she wasn’t doing those things with him.  
The two of them were now standing on the outside of the pub, having a fag.  
Marco had to keep as much control as he could not to lean too close to Emma or look at her figure for too long.  
He did rather the idea of her not noticing the way he was looking at her legs, wrapped into those thin, black tights.  
Also, he thought he needed a distraction. He needed to do something for himself, and if that could not be a selfish move on the girl that was standing in front of him, it would have to be with someone else.  
In a dark corner of his mind, Marco also proudly thought that try to hit on someone in front of Emma could, maybe, put him under such a light, to be maybe noticed.  
But the alcohol was keeping him from realizing how pathetic that train of thoughts was.  
So even though Emma was chatting about her job, and he has been listening to her closely, Marco chose to look distracted, running his eyes all around, in the little crowd of people standing outside the pub as them.  
We looked like he was hunting, searching for a girl who was looking at him. So completely different from what he would naturally do, but at that point he didn’t really care.  
Either way, he would be the one suffering.  
In that little crowd of maybe… Ten people top, he in fact crossed eyes with a girl.  
Her features weren’t of his interest, but he didn’t care.  
Marco pulled out one of his smirks and nodded towards her. To which he watched her answering with a smile, starting giggling with the friend she had by her side, who’s attention was now on him as well.  
Marco smiled to both and at that point, even Emma caught him, interrupting her words and following his eyes over to the two girls.  
“You know that you don’t have to feel like you’re stuck with me, yeah?”  
“I know.”  
“Good. Cause that girl is looking at you like you’re a piece of chocolate or something.”  
“You think?”  
“I know.”  
Said confidently Emma, looking at the girls and then turn back to Marco. He could feel her eyes on him and struggled not to look back at her.  
He knew how wrong all that thought process was. He knew that would be such an easier way of doing things, much more honest.  
But that way was also too dangerous.  
“You should walk over.”  
“I will.”  
Marco just left her, walking over to the two girls. Trying his best not to get distracted by the fact that Emma’s smile faded away on her face while he walked away.  
He wanted her to see him. To watch him walking away.  
Marco gave both the girls a warm smile, focusing though on the first one he crossed eyes with. “Hi.”  
“Hi…”  
“I’m Marco.”  
“Yeah… We know who you are.”  
“Oh, do you?”  
His smile grew confident, so he just nodded at them. “So, what are your names ladies?”  
“I’m Hanna and she is Kate.”  
“Hanna and Kate, very nice to meet you.”  
Even if he was greeting both, he made sure the one called Hanna thought he was looking at her.  
“Is that your girlfriend?”  
Asked her, looking through him, to the direction he knew Emma was standing. Marco looked back at her, just to find her eyes pointing at him and looking away the second they looked at each other.  
“No. She is not.”  
Saying it gave him a spike of pain and anger, that Marco was able to ignore just because he was drunk enough.  
He wanted to turn back and keep giving attention to those two, maybe get one of their numbers, just so to brag about it. But also, he really could not stop looking towards Emma.  
She looked nervous, now, looking around but avoiding him specifically.  
Up to the point Marco saw a guy walking closed, asking for a lighter in a gesture.  
The girls were talking to him, at that point, but Marco wasn’t listening. Too distracted by Emma politely smiling and giving her lighter to the stranger, just to see him using that as an excuse to start talking to her.  
And Marco was way too far to hear what they were saying to each other.  
He didn’t even realize the two girls asked him something and he didn’t answer for enough seconds that they both just went quiet.  
Anger and jealousy were bubbling under his skin, seeing that guy stepping closer to Emma, asking her something. He saw her stepping back, laughing nervously and then, her eyes looked for him.  
Marco raised his chin, proudly, broaden up his shoulders, as if he needed to look bigger. His hands tightened into fists.  
There was no need for violence. There was no need for his behavior at all. And yet, he wasn’t in control, not anymore.  
Even if he was, he needed to throw that anger out, before he would just unload it on himself.  
So, forgetting about the two girls, Marco walked back to Emma.  
His face looked scary; his eyes pierced the stranger there on his feet. He was Marco no more, he was Viking, using everything he learned on how to look intimidatory.  
“What the fuck you think you’re doing?”  
Asked Marco rudely, sliding between Emma and the guy, covering her with his body. Then, stepping closer to him, looking so damn angry; being so damn angry.  
“I… I wasn’t doing anything, bro. Chill.”  
“I’m not going to fucking chill. Stay away.”  
Said Marco raising his hands, giving the other guy a push.  
“Marco! What the fuck got into you?!”  
Yelled Emma from behind, but Marco wasn’t listening.  
He wasn’t himself. He didn’t want to be.  
Wanting a reaction from that guy so badly.  
And he gave him what he wanted. Instead of stepping back, the guy walked closer to Marco, raising his chin, so much wounded testosterone in the air…  
“What the fuck?! I wasn’t doing anything. Is that your girl?!”  
“Yes she is, so back the fuck off, before I break your face.”  
“Marco for god’s sake!”  
Again, Emma yelled, trying to grab his arm and shaking him, but Marco wasn’t listening.  
He was just looking the other guy dead in the eyes, threatening and ready for a fight. And he knew very well how to fight. Especially now.  
But before anything could happen, the two bouncers bolted to them, pulling the two apart without much grace. “You two, drop it immediately.”  
“I didn’t do anything!”  
The stranger tried to justify himself and that made Marco even madder.  
“Oh, fuck off.”  
He yelled and besides the fact that a bodyguard way larger and taller than him was imposing himself in front of him, Marco still dared to try to go around him. As expected, the man caught him pushing him away. “Ok, that’s it. I want you two gone. Now.”  
He was talking at him and Emma.  
Marco could not think, his head was buzzing violently, filling him up with anger so deep that he was ready even to attack the bodyguard.  
But Emma distracted him.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Said the girl, before walking around them and then kept walking away, looking pissed as ever.  
Marco was released and ran to her, trying to catch up with her fast walking on the sidewalk.  
“Emma! Emma, wait.”  
And she did. She stopped and turned at him. “What the fuck is up with you?!”  
“Nothing!”  
“Man… That wasn’t nothing.”  
“I…”  
“No, shut it. I don’t care what is your problem, I don’t want to know!”  
“That’s not fucking fair!”  
“Is it not?!”  
She raised her chin, confronting him. “I asked you if you were ok the entire evening and you kept bullshitting me. And now?! Do you really think I can ignore that?!”  
“I don’t fucking want you to ignore it!”  
“Stop fucking yelling at me, Marco. Fuck off already.”  
He stood there; his body trembled. Her resentment shook him like he was just a thin shrub. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”  
“Exactly as it sounds. I never saw you lose your mind like that.”  
“I didn’t know you liked to get attention from everyone!”  
“What the fuck did you just say?!”  
“Exactly what I said.”  
Emma looked at him and Marco could see her rage so clearly through her eyes. And he wanted to stop, he wanted to say he was sorry, but he couldn’t. He was spinning out of control.  
“YOU stepped away to go hit on some random girl. You’re not my fucking boyfriend, Marco. I can take care of myself.”  
“Ok. So, what the fuck am I to you? Uhm? Open your eyes Emma.”  
He was out of breath and she looked it too. “What do you mean?”  
She whispered, looking at him so desperately confused.  
She just stood there, silent, waiting, without words to be said, but Marco could see all that he needed through her eyes. She was hurt and disappointed and angry… And all of that because of him.  
He just scoffed a laugh, nodding, then stepped back. “Whatever. Take care of yourself then.”  
With that being said, he turned and walked away, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. And while Emma called him back a couple of times, he did not turn, and she didn’t try to catch him.  
His heart was shattered into thousand pieces and he really wanted to cry. Knowing perfectly well that now he was alone and the only two people he wanted to turn to, for comfort, were Emma or Alex.  
And neither of them could listen to him now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

For the longest time, Emma just sat on the edge of her bed, looking straight into the wall in front of her, without seeing it.  
A wing of apathy seemed to have wrapped her and she felt empty. Her mind was silent. Her heart wasn’t beating.  
Something happened, and she wasn’t sure how to define it.  
Inside of her there was a pain so profound, so deep, that she could not recognize it.   
She just felt completely lost. Her heart shredded.   
The only thing she could see, over and over again, in her mind, was Marco walking away. And every step he took, was a tear in her soul that opened. And Emma didn’t know how to repair any of them.  
She could not wrap her head around what happened, why Marco behaved as he did, why they argued, why he left… And why it was that painful for her.  
Many times, Emma thought to reach for her phone and try to call him. Because that would have been what she would have done if she was feeling like that but for someone else. But now, it was his fault.  
And yet, Emma felt so guilty and could not stop thinking that it could also be her own fault – for some reason.  
Marco’s words, the way he was looking at her, were stuck into her brain without giving her peace.  
Marco was gone and she wanted to stop existing, even for a while.  
Sighing, Emma finally reached for her phone. Her hands were shaky, like her mind, her heart.   
She really just wanted to dial Marco’s number and call him, but a bigger force stopped her, something she couldn’t understand… A sense of pride that was burning her heart together with the pain, forging a new feeling that Emma didn’t want to define.  
So, she selected the only other number she could think to call: Susan’s.  
The line rang one, two, three times over, and Emma waited patiently, hoping that Susan could get that call, desperate to hear a friendly voice.  
“Uhm… Hello?”  
Susan finally picked up, and her voice through the line sounded muffled and hoarse as if she just awoke.   
“Susan…”  
“Emma! What happened? You ok?”  
Immediately Susan sounded alerted and Emma could hear her moving around.   
“I’m not… Ok. Can you, can we talk? I’m… I’m sorry if I woke you.”  
“Ah, don’t worry. Of course, we can talk. Let me just… Let me just go to the other room.”  
“Ok.”  
She waited patiently those few seconds that Susan required. But she wasn’t calm, not at all, feeling as she was the eye of a tornado; just settled and clear just ad a façade, but ready to unleash hell, especially on herself.  
“Ok, I’m all yours. What’s up girl?”  
“I… I don’t know… I think… Something happened between me and Marco.”  
Her voice was shaking while Emma was doing her best to keep the pain down.   
“Uh? Like what?”  
“We… Uhm… I don’t know. We argued. He left… He just… Left.”  
Keeping the pain down started to hurt her throat, and all that Emma wanted to do was curling into a ball and cry… At the same time, she didn’t want to feel anything. Not anymore. She was so tired.  
“Ok, hold on. Why did he leave? Why did you argue?”  
“I don’t know! I swear to God I don’t know. He was out of his mind tonight…”  
“Ok, why don’t you take a deep breath and just slowly tell me the whole story?”  
It did sound like a good idea. If just her thoughts didn’t feel so fuzzy and messed up. She could not remember where to start. What was the trigger? What happened?  
She just proceeded, then, starting from the start of the evening and going through everything she could remember, trying so hard to describe things linearly.   
In the end, Emma was waiting for Susan's answer, which didn’t arrive, Susan sounded like she was hesitant.  
“Susan?”  
“Oh… Emma…”  
“What? What did you understand that I didn’t?!”  
“I cannot tell you if you don’t see it yourself already, you need to think about it.”  
“Do not bullshit me! I cannot. I cannot see anything. I don’t understand. And my best friend walked off, tearing my fucking heart out of my chest, he was mean and...”  
“Have you stopped and think that maybe he could be hurt too?”  
“He…”  
Emma stopped. Everything she could think about was his face, his eyes. And yet, she was too proud to see it.   
“He what, Emma? You must think about this… Because it’s not just about you. Any kind of relationship it’s not just about you.”  
Emma stopped… Her rage, her pain, stopped and for a moment, she managed to breathe without feeling like something was crushing her chest.  
She so clearly saw the pain, the anger, into Marco's eyes, but she ignored it. The bright and warm golden-green of those irises was so clearly stained by bad emotions… And she didn’t recognize it. Or she didn’t think it was important.  
She didn’t think that Marco was important.  
But he was. Because just realizing this made her feel so incredibly nauseous, wanting to puke right now, as if an invisible hand of steal was rudely grabbing her internal organs, squeezing them.  
It was there and then, that Emma shuttered under the pressure, breaking into a cry that she couldn’t stop.   
Tears started falling on her cheeks hurting her skin, her chest felt like it was crushing under unbearable pressure.   
“I’m a shit friend.”  
Sobbed her, realizing how pathetic she might sound but… Without being able to find the courage to hide anymore.  
“You’re not. You know that.”  
“Susan. He is important to me. He is everything to me.”  
“You must take your time and think about what that is true. How much of that can mean the same for you and for him? And most importantly, now, give him his time.”  
“Ah fuck. How am I supposed to…”  
“You must. You both need time away from each other, I think.”  
“Why? Why is that supposed to be a thing? How is that going to help in any way?!”  
“Because time always does. And you do need to think about your priorities, Emma. Especially now.”  
“Why, what does “now” have?”  
Susan sighed over the phone, and that became a yawn. “Now, my love, you also have a crush on Alex.”  
“What does Alex have to do with anything.”  
“Isn’t he Marco’s best friend?”  
“He is.”  
Susan just remained silent, as if Emma could really understand where her talk was going on her own. But she could not see it, she could not make the cut. For some reason. As if her eyes were covered but a layer of some sort of curtain; the same kind of material that was wrapping tight her heart, not letting her feel what she was supposed to do.   
She could not understand what one had to do with the other. As far away from the truth as she ever could be.   
Her body was still shaking, and her first need seemed to be to run. Her muscles and nerves were charged up, adrenaline was running into her veins, and by now, Emma could very well recognize when anxiety was controlling her.  
Emma tried to dry her tears with the back of her hand, without being very successful.  
“As I said. Take time, give him time, and sleep on it. Tomorrow it might seem better.”  
“How am I supposed to sleep, now?”  
“You must try. And you must try to relax. Think there is nothing that you can do now, that can help.”  
“I… Why do I feel like I fucked up?”  
She did feel like she was cornered, arms tied behind her back… And she was looking at the walls of her mind, while all of her feelings were just behind her, far enough so she could not recognize any of them.  
Susan didn’t answer to that.  
“Sleep on it, girl.”  
“Ok, I will. Thanks for listening… I’m sorry again if I woke you.”  
“Don’t be silly. This is generally what it means when I say you can find me anytime, day or night.”  
“Thank you, Susan.”  
“Anytime. Call me tomorrow morning, ok?”  
“Yes.”  
“Ok, goodnight.”  
“Goodnight.”  
Emma closed the call, not really feeling any better from earlier. If not, even being more confused, if that was possible.   
Her thoughts felt like they were scrambled, and, at the moment, nothing made sense.  
She dropped her phone on the mattress, deciding to stand up to go and grab a shower, hoping that, at least, could calm her body down.  
The shower was as quick; as soon as Emma realized that the warm water sliding down on her body made her feel in desperate need of contact, she shut that feeling down, trying to be done as fast as she could.  
Then, she got ready to go to bed, taking her makeup off and brushing her teeth.  
Once back into her bedroom, Emma just dropped all her clothes on the floor and slid into her pijamas, so to finally hide under her blanket.  
Reaching for her phone, Emma found an unread message on the screen. It was from Alex.  
-Hey. I know its late, I just wanted to check-in, make sure you’re ok.-  
-Hey, I am ok. Why the concern?-  
-I just didn’t hear from you from a while, that’s all.-  
-I’m ok. How are you? What are you doing still up?-  
-I could ask you the same question.-  
-Don’t worry about me.-  
Emma looked at the screen for a while; her eyes jumped from those texts to Alex’s profile picture, and a timid smile curved her lips. Disappearing almost immediately, as soon as she thought about something to ask next to Alex. -Did you hear from Marco?-  
Emma could see Alex typing and as soon as he read her last text, then she saw him stop for a few seconds and then start typing again.   
-He is here.-  
-Did he say anything?-  
-Not much. He looks like shit though.  
Why?  
What happened?-  
-Nothing. I just wanted to know if he was ok.-  
-Not really. But he is safe.  
Are you sure you’re ok?-  
No.   
-Don’t worry about me. I need to catch some sleep now.   
Goodnight, Alex.-  
She didn’t wait for him to answer, she just put her phone down and laid there, in a reassuring semi-darkness, listening to the silence, waiting to fall asleep – but her mind was too unsettled, and hours would pass, before she could actually fall asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Alex was minding his own busyness.  
That evening, as much as everything he wanted to do was involving Emma, he stood back, because she was busy with Marco. So he kept himself even from sending her a text, just not to be the one who's always in the way.  
Laying comfortably on his sofa, wearing just a pair of sweatpants, his mind was distracted by some kind of shoot-everything videogame.  
Up to the point that his bell rang.  
Alex paused the game and looked right at the door, wondering who could it be.  
In the back corner of his mind, he hoped for Emma... But also, he knew it couldn't be.  
Alex stood up, reaching for the interphone, checking for his phone at the same time, to make sure he didn't miss a message or a call.  
But he didn't.  
"Hello?"  
"Alex! Can I come up?"  
"Marco?"  
"Yeah man who else?!"  
"I'll buzz you in, man."  
Alex pressed the button, standing there a bit confused. He wasn't expecting a visit, especially from Marco.  
Not that it was a problem for him. Never has been. It was just unexpected.  
He turned to the door, opening the lock so that Marco could just come in.  
He waited just a couple of minutes by the door, until he heard some muffled sounds coming from the lobby. Then Marco was there.  
"Hey!"  
Alex just let him in, trying to look at his face, but Marco wouldn't let him.  
Something was wrong, he could feel it.  
Marco had a big smile on his face, but for the rest of it, he looked like shit.  
His eyes were puffed and red as if he had cried too much. And his voice had a different tone to it.  
"What's up?"  
Asked Alex in Danish.  
Marco didn't look at him, he just bolted into his flat, taking off his leather jacket, going towards the sofa. "What do you mean?"  
"I don't know. You look weird."  
Alex spoke calmly, just speaking his mind on a tangible fact. Marco didn't look OK at all.  
His friend just stood there, not turning to him. And he could see his body shaking. Those broad shoulders were bent.  
"Second person who says that tonight. If I'm disturbing you just fucking say it and I'll leave."  
Alex stood there, not knowing what to say, not knowing what was going on.  
Just knowing something was up with Marco.  
"Hey. Calm down, I didn't say this. You know you're always welcome here."  
Saying that Alex stepped closer to Marco.  
"Good."  
Marco sighed and then sat heavily on the sofa, looking at the screen of the TV, completely ignoring Alex.  
"What were you playing?"  
Asked Marco grabbing the console controller.  
Alex crossed his arms on his chest and moved right in front of him. Trying to catch his eyes.  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing. I'm OK."  
"You don't look OK."  
"Well, drop it. I don't want to talk about it. Can you move?"  
"Nope."  
Marco garbled, so clearly annoyed.  
So he finally raised his eyes into Alex's ones, now looking incredibly angry. "Just leave me alone Alex."  
"If you wanted to be alone why the fuck are you here?"  
Marco squeezed his jaw, then looked away, as tense as ever, as if it was a spring ready to jump any second - or worse, a bomb ready to explode.  
He dropped the controller on the sofa and stood up, gathering his jacket. "OK, I'm leaving then."  
"Marco..."  
Alex stepped closer, opening his arms, so to stop him.  
"What?! What do you want me to say?"  
His voice trembled of emotions that Alex could not recognize. But there was a pain in his eyes. He looked so lost.  
"Anything."  
And Marco came at him, angry as a bull. He pulled his hands up to Alex's chest and gave him a strong push.  
"Leave me the fuck alone."  
"Why did you come here?"  
"I don't know!"  
Out of control. Marco looked like he completely lost it, and of everything of him that Alex knows, from all the years he knew him, he never saw him like that.  
So he followed his instinct because seeing his best friend in pain, like that, was breaking his heart too.  
So he just stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Marco, who tried with all his strength to push him away.  
"Let me go. Son of a bitch let me go."  
The more he would move and yell, the more Alex would hold tight.  
"It's OK. Whatever it is, it's OK, I'm not letting you go. You bastard."  
And Marco kept yelling and swearing and pushing and fighting for some time, and Alex kept holding tight. Up to the point that Marco lost energy, slowing down and then stopping.  
He wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and grabbing him tightly. And finally, after a moment of silence, he started sobbing, his body was shaking violently.  
And Alex held him, rocking him from a side to the other. "It's going to be OK."  
"No, it's not. I..."  
Marco paused, still trying to hold it in and fight whatever demon was hunting him.  
"I love her. I fucking love her."  
Marco finally broke, and Alex froze understanding immediately, and yet not sure he actually did.  
"Emma?"  
"Yeah Emma! Who else?!"  
Saying that Marco pushed him away one more time, turning his back to Alex, running his hands all over his face, trying to dry those tears up.  
And Alex just stood there, speechless.  
He didn't know what to do or say. He just didn't know, he didn't notice.  
"I... Man, I didn't know."  
"Of course you didn't. Nobody did."  
"But... I asked you... I fucking asked you!"  
"Yeah, well..."  
Marco dropped sat on the sofa again. "I didn't think this would happen. I thought she wouldn't..."  
"I... Ah, fuck."  
Alex didn't have words or thoughts. The only thing that ran into his mind over and over was the fact that Marco and he liked the same girl. And that, potentially, could have been a problem.  
"I'll step away. I don't want this to get between you and me."  
"It's already between you and me Alex. And don't. Don't step away. It would not help."  
"Why? You love her. I... I arrived after."  
"She doesn't fucking see me, Alex! She doesn't see me! She saw you; she wants you; she likes you. So, if you step away it doesn't even matter."  
Marco raised his eyes, and again, he was angry, apparently mad at anything and anyone.  
And Alex felt his heart crack. He didn't know, he couldn't know... And now, what was left?  
"I'm going to be the one who steps away. Because she doesn't need to suffer again losing someone she is interested in."  
"I bet she would suffer anyway. You're her friend."  
"It doesn't fucking matter! It doesn't mean anything. If I must just... Stay back and watch her fall for you, so be it. It doesn't matter."  
Alex felt a knot blocking his throat. "You don't deserve it though. Did you try to talk to her?"  
"What's the point? She is all over you."  
"This is not what I meant."  
"No. I didn't. Again, it doesn't matter, because she doesn't see me. And why the fuck are you even trying to help me out?!"  
"Because I'm your friend. Because I care about you. And maybe Emma doesn't even know there's a choice there."  
"Don't give me hope. Don't you dare."  
"I'm not. I'm just saying she doesn't look like someone who knows what she is feeling most of the time."  
"Don't you fucking dare. Don't push it. You think I don't know her?!"  
"I... I'm sorry. I'm trying to help."  
Marco just sighed, then a sad smile curved his lips, while he raised his eyes looking for Alex's. "Don't. It's OK. I don't think she wants to see me anymore, anyway."  
"Why? What did you do?"  
"She doesn't coop with violence or yelling, or stuff like that. And I think I did everything I could to push her away enough."  
Marco dropped his head between his hands, bending his back and shoulders. And everything that Alex felt to do was to walk closer and sit next to him, sighing.  
"Shit. I'm sorry, Marco."  
"Don't."  
"Well I am."  
Marco raised his head, looking at him. His green eyes were bright but sad, as he never saw him before. "Just take care of her."  
Alex nodded, and then grabbed Marco by his shoulder and pull him closer wrapping him in another hug.  
"I love you man. I really do. I don't want this to get between us."  
"I love you too. And... I just need time, but you're still family. And... You're probably the only person I would let take her away from me."  
Marco even found the courage to laugh about it.  
But Alex didn't find that situation funny, not at all.  
He could see all the three of them crush at some point. For a reason, or the other.  
And that thought scared the shit out of him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tʀɪɢɢᴇʀ Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: Pᴀsᴛ Aʙᴜsᴇ/Vɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ Tᴏᴘɪᴄ
> 
> Edited.
> 
> Sᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFoJ8ZDQ6qM

The days followed and the more she would go on, the more she would just grow into that pain that constantly hunted her.  
It was Saturday, and since the last time, she didn’t hear from Marco. And she didn’t have the courage to reach him.  
Still feeling too proud. Still feeling too guilty.  
As she learned so very well in the past year of her life, Emma just put on a nice face and pulled herself together, raiding through her days as nothing happened. Not allowing herself to feel, because accepting that pain, accepting to feel, would make her crumble, even more than she already was.  
The truth was that she missed Marco, as she would miss the oxygen if she couldn’t breathe anymore.  
Yet, she pulled her strong face and went on. Even with her chest torn open and her heart shredded. Even feeling every bone as it was broken. Even knowing perfectly well she would have fallen, sooner or later.  
One thing that helped her going through her days, almost making her looking forward to tomorrow, has been Alex.  
Then Saturday finally came and the two spent the entire day out.  
They decided to meet incredibly early in the morning and drove down to Wicklow National Park. Where they spent the entire day, exploring and hiking paths.  
Emma loved it, finding being surrounded by all that nature therapeutic. She almost fell as she could breathe again. Or maybe that was Alex's influence.  
They spent the day knowing each other better, joking, talking and sometimes, just remaining silent.  
Emma enjoyed that guy company, every moment a bit more. And she enjoyed reaching for his hand without thinking or looking for a hug, something she didn’t have to ask for, that Alex was always ready to give. As much as any kiss.  
And Emma felt that being around him could melt some of the pain away, calming her down. As much as that was helpful, counting on how many other things she was nervous, every time Alex was around her.  
During that day, she discovered his passion for photography and spend a lot of her time just feeling her heart dropping any time he would take a shot to anything. Loving the expression on his face while doing it, willing to know every little detail of whatever it was that caught his attention.  
She felt so good, during that day, hanging around with him, that she could not say goodbye. Besides the fact that when they came back to Dublin, they had spent together over twelve hours, at that point, Emma just didn’t want to let him go.  
So, she didn’t. Nor Alex.  
Now, they were both laying into his bed. Naked bodies pressed on one another, having as much skin touching as they could, surrounded by messy bedsheets.  
Emma was looking right into his eyes, enjoying the silence that was surrounding them. Enjoying that moment, as much as she could, running as far away as she could from her own thought. There, where the only thing she could feel was the warmth he gave her and the echoing of a deep pleasure being satisfied.  
She let her eyes slid over Alex’s features, then raised a hand, to caress lightly his cheek. Alex turned, so to kiss the palm of her hand. “What’s in your mind?”  
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing, right now. I think you fucked my thoughts out.”  
She giggled, pulling her head a bit closer.  
Alex smiled back, leaning his forehead on hers. “You’re welcome, then.”  
“I’m liking this, Alex. Very much.”  
“Oh, good you realized it, now!”  
He teased her, mixing his words with a slow and deep laugh, which made her nerves vibrate. She pushed him a bit. “Don’t take the piss now.”  
Alex just smiled, before to lean closer, to kiss her forehead, then moving down over the bridge of her nose, and her left cheek. “It’s ok. I’m liking this very much too.”  
And he kissed her.  
Emma moaned softly, wrapping her left leg around Alex’s waist just to feel him closer.  
Alex pulled away just enough, so to look at her in the eyes. "You know, with you, I'm always afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing."  
"If you do, I'll just tell you."  
"Would you? Or would you run away?"  
"I... Ok, wrong thing to say."  
"So what can I say, or ask, to you, without having you freeze between my arms? Tell me in what direction to go."  
Emma smiled, putting a hand on Alex's face, she gave him a little push. "You're so serious."  
"Yeah. Because I like you."  
The smile that was curving her lips slowly disappeared, and it wasn't because of his words but because of the tone of his voice. Emma felt like an arrow just hit her right in the middle of her heart.  
So she moved a little closer, softly touching his lips but not kissing him.  
"You don't mean that. You might think you do, but... It's too soon, you don't know enough."  
She was whispering, touching the tip of his nose with hers.  
Alex, then, took her hand and slide it down ok his chest, where his heart was biting, and Emma could feel that powerful rhythm through the palm of her hand.  
"I know enough. There's no need for infinite time or rules. I just know I'm falling for you."  
"You're crazy, Alex."  
"Maybe. But then, tell me, what do you feel? Why are you here?"  
"I..."  
Emma hesitated, without a clue on what she actually wanted to say. Without being sure.  
Which wasn’t true, she was sure. She knew perfectly well how much she liked Alex already. She just didn’t know if she wanted to say it and mean it. Because there were so many things he didn’t know about her… Things that could change his idea – his feelings.  
Emma just raised her head, meeting Alex’s lips with hers, hoping to forget a little of that fear with a kiss.  
Alex responded immediately, rolling his body on top of hers, and Emma was ready to wrap her legs around his hips, keeping him as close to her as possible.  
Besides Alex brushing slowly his strong body against hers, he pushed himself away just enough to speak. “You cannot bribe me with kisses and sex all the time.”  
“Why not?”  
She purred moving her body with his, running both of her hands through his hair.  
Alex just smiled, turning his face to kiss the inside of her forearm. “Because it’s not fair.”  
Emma smiled and placing a hand on his chest, she lightly gave him a push, so to roll on top of him, sitting now on his waist.  
“Watch me.”  
She said softly, leaning on him, close to his face, gently caressing the line of his jaw with her lips, following it to his neck, kissing his skin, again and again, moving to his chest.  
Alex low moan raised from his chest giving her chills.  
She thought that having sex with him instead of talking was a great distraction. A great thing in general.  
She could even pretend that with every time she would give him her body, she wasn’t also giving her heart away.  
Alex wrapped his arms around her body, holding her firmly while sitting up. He raised his head, searching for her lips, and Emma didn’t think even for a second to pull away.  
“I have more control over myself than you think.”  
“I’m sure you do.”  
Emma slid her hands over his shoulders, then along his neck, and again through his hair, pulling his head back so she could look straight into his eyes. “I’m here, because I want you.”  
“I noticed that.”  
Emma leaned her head, kissing the smirk that appeared on his lips. Hoping he could drop it, once again.  
Alex raised a hand to her face, holding her cheek into his palm, and softly pulling her away just enough to look at her in the eyes. “Emma.”  
She tried again just to shut him with a kiss, but Alex didn’t let her. “Hey… Talk to me.”  
“Why? When not talking is such a sweeter option.”  
Alex smiled, shaking his head slightly. “Do you think that I wouldn’t pick this talk up again once we are done having sex, uhm?”  
“I’m kind of counting on it.”  
“No. I told you I’m falling for you. You can’t answer me with nothing.”  
“What do you expect me to say? Something I don’t think just to make you happy?”  
“No. I want to know what you think because I know it’s there.”  
“You are… So annoying, you know that?”  
“Yeah, someone told me here and there.”  
Emma sighed, dropping her head backwords, before taking a big breath. “Alex… I cannot tell you more than what you already know. I cannot let… I just cannot. So, if you’d like to have some more sex, I’m there. If not, it might be time for me to go.”  
“Running away again?”  
“Don’t push it.”  
She turned to him, looking at him in the eyes. He just stood there, looking back, the expression on his face was calm and serene as if he didn’t have a worry in the world. But his eyes were burning of emotion, as much as Emma ones. She could feel herself being so close to an edge she never passed before that point.  
She sighed. “I cannot tell you how much I like you, Alex. Because if I would, you would instantly get the power to break my heart.”  
“Why do you think I would do that?”  
“Because you don’t know many things about me, and I’m sure you wouldn’t look at me in the same way, if you knew.”  
“Ok. Try me then.”  
He looked hopeful and sincere, his eyes were of a bright shade of grey mixed up with blue, and the way he was looking at her made her entire body tremble.  
Emma hesitated, holding her breath in for some seconds.  
That was the moment she should have run. Precisely now.  
Yet, she knew perfectly well that problem would still be there, no matter how fast and far she would run.  
She sighed again and closed her eyes, pulling away from Alex hug, to gain some space to breathe, to think.  
“I… I’m married.”  
She said, without looking at him. Her heart sunk and her breath just broke.  
She didn’t feel any commitment, there wasn’t any string keeping her attached to the idea to be married – or chains.  
That was a close chapter of her life.  
But legally, she was married. And it’s been a while since the last time she really, seriously thought about that concept and its implications.  
Also, the only two people knowing that part of her life was Marco and Susan. She didn’t tell anyone else.  
She was waiting for a reaction, anything, but it didn’t arrive, Alex was just sitting there, holding her, waiting. “Go on…”  
“I…”  
She broke into a little laugh, looking away, searching for anything to focus on around the bedroom that wasn’t the man she held between her arms.  
Because she didn’t know if it was more tremendous the fact that he looked so damn comprehensive and quiet, or to see some kind of memories she didn’t want to look for or find.  
“I lost my family when I was just eighteen, both my parents passed and after that I was alone. At this point, I met this man. He looked perfect, made me feel like I had a family again he treated me nicely and I didn’t notice anything wrong. So, I married him, so quickly, so young, I didn’t know any better.  
Almost immediately, the fairy tale I thought I was living, became a nightmare. The bubble burst with the first punch I received.  
Many followed.  
I was in an abusive relationship… Too many years. With so little freedom, so little love.  
I didn’t know any better.”  
An iced cold chill raised through her spine, at that point, Emma wasn’t really there anymore. She disappeared into her own mind, into her own memories, detaching so much from reality that she didn’t even realize she started crying.  
Her mind filled up with the darkness that the girl tried constantly to escape, with the fear sliding back into her soul and the phantom pain holding that body of hers that many times was broken.  
She didn’t even know why she said those things to Alex.  
“Oh, sweetheart.”  
Alex held her face between his hands, drying those warm tears with his thumbs. But many more kept coming, still, Emma wasn’t in the room anymore.  
At the point that she didn’t even feel his sweet touch or his warmth.  
“… For a long time, I didn’t have the courage. I didn’t know it was wrong. I didn’t know I was worth more than that life.  
But then, one day, I ran. I took everything I could, and I ran away.”  
Trying herself to clean her face from her own tears and doing so, she tried as well to remove his hands from her skin.  
There was more than fear and panic, bubbling under her skin. She felt adrenaline starting to burn in her blood, giving her this only possible reaction and need: to run.  
The little part of her brain which remained conscious knew that she didn’t need to run from Alex. That he wasn’t the problem, but Emma didn’t really care, at that point.  
“That’s why Dublin. It was a safer and easier place to reach and disappear in no time.”  
Emma tried to push Alex away, so to leave that hug, because his arms around her, his body warmth, was almost suffocating. But he didn’t let her go.  
“Emma… Look at me.”  
She didn’t. She couldn’t. Stuck into her pride. Stuck into the fear that looking at him, she would see a different pair of eyes looking back at her, a different face. And she didn’t want to see the face of that man ever again…  
“Emma.”  
Alex pulled her tighter to him, making her turn her head with a gentle touch. “It’s ok. It’s ok. Baby, it’s ok.”  
And finally her eyes slid into his. Her gaze was full of pride, fear and anger, she thought she needed to be ready for a fight, instead, as soon as their eyes crossed she found a warmth that melted all her thoughts away.  
His eyes were watery but full of feelings that she could no longer reject. There was so much affection and empathy, in those eyes, that Emma felt like she needed to grasp and reach for some more air because all the air around her disappeared. And in his eyes, there was anger as well but not something she felt scared of.  
“This is why. This is why I cannot tell you how deeply I’m falling for you! I’m damaged, I’m broken. And who wants a broken person?”  
“I do.”  
Emma smiled, scoffing an indifferent laugh and shook her head. “You do not. I don’t have control; I cannot be controlled. I could wake up tomorrow and the only thing I’ll want to do is run away.”  
“Then so be it. You’re free and I’m still falling for you, I still want you, everything you want to give. Even if tomorrow you will run.”  
“Alex…”  
She sighed, again trying to take distance, pushing him away. And again, Alex just held her. Shaking his head, he just searched for her eyes. “I’m serious, Emma. Have faith in me.”  
“How can I?”  
“Because you thought something could change, with me knowing your demons. And it did not.”  
Emma took a deep breath in, raising her head to try again and dry away those tears but, this time, she kept Alex close, accepting his touch.  
“Damn you.”  
She sighed, leaning her head closer to his, finding his sweet smile to kiss. Her arms slid around his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug that she didn’t know she needed.  
Damn him. But she was the one who damned herself because she knew there wasn’t any way back, now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

She was peacefully sleeping between his arms.  
Alex didn't lose a second, watching over her.  
And he liked the idea of her falling asleep there and deciding to stay.  
He was knackered, every muscle and bone were tight and demanding some sleep, but his mind was elsewhere, too active and messy to let him sleep.  
Alex made sure Emma forgot about everything that was hunting her after she opened up on that dark part of her life. But he could not stop thinking that it wasn't enough. That it would never be enough.  
Now, he was the one who could not forget.  
He just wanted to protect her, wondering how someone could think to hurt someone like her. Or someone in general, that way.  
And in a darker side of his mind, Alex was also bubbling up in anger, thinking nonstop at all the ways he wanted to hurt that... Pig.  
Alex rolled over in the bed, reaching for his phone.  
It was just about passed midnight and even if the thought that it could be late appeared in his mind, Alex didn’t pay attention to it.  
Opening his messages App, he looked for Marco’s chat.   
-Are you awake?-   
Alex typed in with one hand, kind of hoping for a response, kind of not.  
But Marco popped online almost immediately and Alex could see him typing.   
-Yeah.-  
-Can I call you?-  
-Sure.-  
Alex turned back over to Emma, kissing her forehead before to slide away from that hug. He covered her with the duvet, watching her for a second, while she curled up into a ball into her sleep.   
Alex smiled a bit, before to get up and move to the living room.  
Once there, he picked up his pair of jeans from the floor and put them on, together with a hoodie he left around on his sofa. Then, he called Marco.  
“What’s up?”  
Asked him in Danish, his voice sounded raspy and low, and Alex asked himself if he might wake him.   
“Did you know? What happened to Emma?”  
Marco remained silent for a few second, then there was a deep sight. “She told you.”  
“She did.”  
“Of course she did.”  
“I… I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry. She trusted you enough. That’s good.”  
He didn’t sound as if it was good. Not at all. There was such a sad note into his words and Alex could not avoid noticing it.   
“How did you… Coop with it? How did you manage to stop wanting to kill that bastard?”  
“I didn’t. I will kill that cunt if I see him. But Emma doesn’t need to know this.”  
“Of course not. I still don’t know what to do.”  
“You cannot do anything, really. She is doing it on her own and she must do it on her own. You can just stand by her side and watch.”  
Alex could feel the reluctance into Marco's words, mixed together with sadness and honesty. And he felt so incredibly proud of him… But whatever he could feel wasn’t of any help to his friend.  
“You should talk to her.”  
“I’m not going to fucking talk to her.”  
“Does she know? How you feel?”  
Marco was silent again, long seconds went by, before a sight could be heard. “She doesn’t. And she doesn’t need to know, I mean it. It’s not your business.”  
“I’m just saying that I think you should come clean.”  
“Why?! To make a fool out of myself?!”  
“No. You know what I mean.”  
“Then the only other option is to encourage me to tell her how I feel, so eventually I will be the one standing by her side. And you lose her. So why would you suggest it?!.”  
“Because it’s not about me or you. It’s about her.”  
“You know how annoying it is for me to stand here, listening to you talking about her as you know her from forever?!”  
“I’m just saying that she doesn’t know there is an option.”  
“I’m not an option, Alex. And… Damn, you’re too good, for me or for her.”  
Alex laughed softly, shaking his head. “I care about you both.”  
“Sure you do. She and I, it’s complicated and now I really don’t think I should be in the way. It would just get too complicated.”  
“So you’re just leaving her.”  
“I’m fucking not.”  
“That’s what she is going to think.”  
“Ok. Whatever. It’s going to be easier for her this way.”  
“I still call this bullshit. I think you’re afraid.”  
“Oh, fuck off.”  
“But it’s true!”  
“Ok, say I do whatever you think it’s the right thing to do. And she notices me. And she wants me. What the fuck it’s going to happen to you and me. Uhm?”  
“Nothing!”  
“Bullshit. I cannot lose two friends at the same time, Alex. I love her, I do… More than anyone would ever know. But you’re like a brother.”  
“So… You’re afraid.”  
“Stop fucking teasing man. She picked you, clearly, since she is screwing you and she told you her darkest secret.”  
“You knew her darkest secret.”  
“Yes but I didn’t get to fuck her. That’s the difference between you and me. Now drop it, talking about it hurts like hell.”  
“Ok, ok! I still think you owe her an explanation.”  
“Well I don’t remember I asked for your opinion on the matter, did I?”  
“No. You didn’t. You’re an asshole, by the way.”  
“Thanks, man. I’ll remember it next time you steal my girl.”  
Alex smiled, recognizing some light irony in those words, knowing that Marco was smiling too.   
“Well. I need to go now. The only thing I would suggest it… Think about what I said.”  
“I will. I really needed to have some more stuff keeping me awake at night.”  
“I’m serious, Marco!”  
“Me too. I’ll say: we are fine as it is right now.”  
Alex was almost speechless, without even know if any of that was something he would have expected to happen. Not between himself and Emma, but especially between himself and Marco.   
They both took it as champions… And he feared there was something waiting for them around the corner.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Marco was looking right into a wall, for no reason.  
Standing in the middle of a crowd, into a market place in the heart of Dublin, he lost himself for a second.  
Lucky for him, he didn't look crazy and, at least, the wall he decided to stop in front of had a big and colorful piece of graffiti. So, he could always pretend he was actually interested - when his brain just fell asleep.  
Insomnia has been a friend of his, lately. Both because his brain was so incredibly active and... Emma was there any time he closed his eyes.  
Even if he was desperately trying to push her away from his thoughts.  
She clearly didn't need him anymore, in the past few weeks that went by she didn't look for him.  
Nor did he, actually.  
But he was hurt and proud.  
And she was having a story, dating his best friend.  
Sometimes, Marco was angry at Alex, sometimes at Emma, and other times he was angry at himself.  
But now, there wasn't much he could do anymore.  
Keep being friends with Alex was hard and easy at the same time. Everything felt different and the same every second and Marco has just been on edge for weeks; unsure if he was happy that he didn’t lose his best friend or devastated because to him he lost the girl he liked.   
Another thought that kept appearing into his mind was actually being honest with Emma and tell her everything – as Alex kept suggesting. But too many things were stopping him: first, he was scared as hell of just be openly rejected by Emma; second, he was sure the best option for her was just getting out the way; and third, he was afraid Alex could become jealous and have that feeling separate them. Besides everything that, possibly, could already bring them apart.  
It looked like they took the situation as champions, though, at least regarding their friendship, at least for now.   
He just really wanted the time to pass by quickly – so he would have to go back shooting, back to work, away from Dublin and away from it all.   
In the meantime, the only thing he could do was try to keep breathing and remain afloat.   
“I’m sorry, I really don’t want to disturb you…”  
A voice distracted him, and Marco turned, pointing his eyes into the ones of a girl. For a second, he thought he knew her, but then he couldn’t remember from where. “Excuse me?”  
“I… I’m Karen, you know, Emma’s colleague?”  
Of course she was. Of course, this had to bring Emma back into his mind. It could not have just been a picture or an autograph or something silly like that.  
Marco pulled out a smile, engaging his best actor abilities in covering up his real emotions. “Of course! I thought I remembered you from somewhere!”  
“Small world, isn’t it?”  
“Very, apparently.”  
She smiled at him and not for a moment looked down, or away, from him, at the point that Marco kept thinking she wanted something specific.   
He pulled his packet of cigarettes out from the inside pocket of his jacket, sliding one out of it and bringing it to his lips. “So, are you shopping or you’re around just to give a look?”  
Asked Marco, as polite as he could, but faking an interest that wasn’t really there.   
Karen’s smile, though, grew larger. She squeezed herself between her shoulders. “Ah, you know… I always come around thinking just to have a look and then I end up buying a bunch of stuff.”  
Marco chuckled and this time, at least part of it, was sincere, then took a puff of smoke into his lungs. “Of course. That’s always the problem.”  
She pointed at him. “What about you?”  
Marco just raised his hand showing her a little bag full of goods. “There is a good stand where they serve some Danish products. I generally come around to stuck up.”  
“I see…”  
She just kept looking, as if she was waiting for something, and Marco didn’t really know what.  
But, after a couple of seconds, she suddenly just shook her shoulders and cleared her throat. “Ok. I know this sounds weird… But would you like a coffee with me? Or… Anything.”  
He stood there, looking at her, not entirely sure he heard properly, mainly because he wasn’t really paying attention – not completely.   
He knew she was a fan, well remembering her reaction when Alex and he showed up at Emma’s workplace, some weeks prior. So, part of him was wondering how much she could be interested in knowing him for… Him, besides everything else.   
But, also, Marco didn’t really care.  
“Sure, why not?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma was walking alongside Alex, following him through a crowded street into Dublin center.  
They were holding hands, and everything looked and felt like it fell into place, in her life.  
Or at least, for the most part.   
Some weeks went by and Emma never felt as busy as that moment. Dividing her life between her job, her new dating life, and the everyday activity she was invested in, such as groceries shopping, the gym, the therapy…  
It hasn’t been easy and at the same time, she never felt as light.  
Yet, something would throw darkness into her heart: Marco's absence.   
Since the last time they saw each other, at the pub, and argued, he just disappeared.   
She knew Marco kept seeing Alex, and still, he wasn’t involving her.  
In the year they have been friends, it never happened they didn’t talk for that long.  
Not that she didn’t have her faults. She tried ant typed an infinite number of texts to him, but never hit send. She never tried to call. Never chase him.   
Simply because… She wasn’t sure how to. Or if it was the right thing to do at all. And the more days passed, the more difficult that became.  
Or maybe those were all excuses.  
And even though everything in her life seemed to be going in the right way, and she was somehow happy, she still missed Marco as she would miss a piece of herself.  
On the other side, Emma could not complain at all. Between her and Alex there was a balance, an unspoken, deep, understanding mixed with the never-ending desire of being together. And when they were together, they always needed to touch, even something as small as brushing fingertips. It was physical and emotional contact.  
With him, Emma didn't need space, she didn't want any and the more they spent time together the more she grew strong into that new feeling.  
She fell for Alex, she fell hard, in a way that she could not understand but that eventually, she stopped trying to fight. Because he was there to catch her and all the way in the fall, he was by her side.  
Not that feeling wasn't as scary as hell... Because Emma wasn't used to it, she didn't know she wanted to be around someone so much, without the urge to run away, constantly hunting her.  
Or, better, the self-preserving instinct was pretty much still there, Emma felt like any moment she could stumble and fall, and all of that bubble could burst any second.   
She kept looking for a twitch into Alex's behavior, anything that could be a red flag and give some kind of sense to the alarm constantly ringing into her head. But she was searching for old ghosts into something that was just perfect.  
And in any case, she didn't have any power to stop herself or her feelings for that guy.  
The night air was crispy and fresh, tingling her uncovered skin. Emma was wearing a tight and short black dress, kindly suggested by Susan, with a deep neckline opened on her chest.  
That wasn't her day to day style, but that evening was different and she also felt confident enough to wear something like that, with a pair of heels and just her leather jacket covering up.  
Probably for the first time in forever, Emma was comfortable with the idea of being sexy - wanting to have Alex's eyes on herself.  
And he was, in fact, looking at her as she was naked, which Emma could not lie, she really liked that.  
"So, who are we meeting tonight?"  
Apparently, some of Alex's friends came over a bit from various areas of the world. But he didn't say much on the matter, and Emma did not ask, brushing off the idea, just knowing she would have to make friends or, at least, be sociable.  
Alex smiled, looking in front of him. "You will officially meet brothers!"  
Emma stopped, for a second, raising her eyes on him, looking surprised. "What?"  
Surely, she wasn't expecting to meet part of his family or whatever. And she didn't know he had brothers.  
Alex just smirked at her, nodding. "It's gonna be OK, I promise you'll have fun."  
"Yeah but... I didn't know it was your family!"  
Alex simply pulled her towards himself, encouraging her to start walking again. "Does it make any difference?"  
"Well, yeah!"  
They were close to the club, she knew it just by hearing the muffled music in the air, besides the giant building covered in artistic graffiti in front of her.  
Alex stopped a second, turning to her, a little smile was curving his lips. He raised his hands to her face, holding her cheeks in his palms, so to make her look at him.  
For a second, Emma just lost her train of thoughts, asking herself how someone could be so hot in any situation whatsoever... And how that tough could be so destabilizing.  
"Besides the fact that you're too pretty and extremely cute when you overthink... There is nothing to worry about, ok? They are not my real brothers but they are very close friends of mine and basically family."  
"Oh, well, no pressure at all on impressing them, then!"  
She giggled shaking her head, Alex leaned over, giving her a soft kiss. "You're going to be fine. We are going to have loads of fun. Or that is the plan anyway."  
Emma nodded, more distracted by him being so close she could feel his body heat than actually listening to his words.  
So the couple moved on and got into the club. Alex's name let them jump the queue and get in without paying the fee, which sounded sweet and unfair at the same time, but Emma didn't really care that much.  
Holding to Alex's hand, she followed him into the club and through a corridor and a set of stairs who brought them into a raised balcony area which looked way more intimate and clearly divided from the rest of the place.  
Emma didn't need a draw to understand that that was a VIP area.  
The balcony was following the whole perimeter of the club, looking down into the dancefloor. It was sectioned little different squares, by sets of little pillars and robes, into very roomlike spaces, all of them with one or two sofas and a table. In the opposite corner from the exit, there was a small bar.  
The area was kept under control by three bouncers.  
And straight away, she noticed the allocated area, that probably they booked, which was the only one already populated by some people.  
Three guys and two girls were sitting on the sofas having a laugh, some of them already had drinks in their hands.  
After an extra check on their identities and age, Alex and Emma were let through and everyone started greeting each other from the distance with loud exclamations and noises.  
"Alex!"  
The tallest and biggest guy between them all, shouted towards them aggressively, looking so damn scary, but then, he pulled a sweet smile that completely changed his entire features.  
Emma stepped back and let Alex's hand go just when they were close to their aisle and everyone just started jumping at him with hugs or bumps on the shoulder.  
Emma was stunned by the fact that everyone around her was so damn hot; guys and girls with no difference. Still, she didn’t feel uncomfortable about it as much as being surrounded by a lot of people who all knew each other, but her.  
Alex turned back over to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to everyone else.  
“Emma, meet the Lothbrok brothers.”  
Emma's eyes jumped from a face to the other, while her thoughts tried to get in line and translate that phrase.   
Actors. Those were all Alex’s colleagues from his TV show, or at least, she assumed so.  
The little group greeted her, while Alex started pointing at people. “There we go, we’ve got Jordan and his girlfriend Sophie, Alexander and Kristy and David. Guys, this is Emma.”  
Emma’s eyes followed the presentation jumping from person to person. The first was a tall and fit guy with piercing light blue eyes, standing next to… Probably one of the most attractive women Emma ever saw in real life. Then passed quickly to the biggest of all of them, whom, besides looking dangerous, had such a sweet expression printed on his face, that Emma could instantly get he was friendly. Next to him stood a girl with a sweet and warm smile printed on her face. The last guy looked the youngest between them all, with messy, curly hair of a warm tone of blonde.   
“Hi, everyone…”  
She now felt a bit uncomfortable and shy but excited at the same time.  
Kristy, the girl standing closer to her, leaned her head looking at her interested and have her a little bump with her shoulder. “I promise we are very fun people! Give it a couple of drinks and this is going to be one of your favorite nights!”  
“That’s a big promise!”  
Giggled Emma, nodding towards the girl, grateful for her breaking the ice.  
The tallest between the whole group, Alexander, nodded. “We always keep our promises!”  
“Is this what you do on set, then?”  
Said Emma raising her eyes to Alex, he smiled back and then squeezed his shoulders. “Pretty much, yeah.”  
Emma laughed and shook her head, then looked around, realizing that the only person missing was Marco and for her it was impossible not noticing. She wondered when and if he would show up – without realizing she was hoping that would be soon.  
But, at the same time, Emma didn’t want to ask.  
She moved inside the aisle, picking a corner of one of the two sofas where to drop her purse and leather jacket.   
Alex was right next to her, sitting down and gazing at her with a smirk on his lips, his eyes slid down her body and then he nodded in warm, unspoken approval. Emma smiled back and then sat in her little corner.  
“So, were we the last arriving?”  
Emma asked, pretending nonchalance as if she didn’t really care to know a very specific detail.  
“Yeah, not by much though.”  
Answered David smiling at her.  
So her eyes jumped immediately all around, looking for Marco.  
“So, is Marco already here?”  
Asked Alex before she could. Emma went back looking ad David, who nodded. “He is at the bar getting some drinks.”  
Emma smiled, trying to contain herself as much as she could from the desire of getting up and run to him.  
Maybe, she didn’t even realize how much she missed him, but her heart was pounding at the idea of finally seeing him.  
Alex wrapped his hands around her knee, giving her a squeeze, to which she turned to him, finding him smiling, no need to express any words because he knew that they argued and that they weren’t talking lately. Also, he knew that they were good friends, and being apart wasn’t an option.  
Jordan turned over, facing the bar in the distance. “Marco did you got fucking lost?! Where’s my beer?”  
He shouted in a strong Australian accent, trying so hard to sound loud and scary, but breaking into a laugh immediately.  
And there he was.  
Marco finally appeared, holding two bottles of beer in one hand and a glass in the other.  
Marco’s and Emma’s eyes crossed, and she felt a wave of warmth filling her up. Her body trembled and her heart stopped biting for a second.  
A powerful jolt of adrenaline shot into her veins, firing her blood up and giving her the immediate need to get up and run towards him. But she didn’t.  
He looked somehow different and the same. His long hair was braided and kept tied back, his green eyes burned in an emotion that Emma couldn’t quite recognize. Those eyes pierced her on the spot, almost looking through her person and Emma felt, somehow, naked in front of him.  
He was wearing just a simple black shirt on denim… And still, he looked so different.   
There was something attractive about his face, in his smirk, that Emma didn’t know why it looked so new and noticeable now.  
Emma was so focused on him, that she didn’t even notice the girl by his side. And she knew her.  
Karen.  
If a smile was starting to rise on her lips, it disappeared immediately.  
Why was she there and why was she with Marco.  
Emma squeezed Alex’s hand, but wasn’t looking at him, she was just studying everyone around her. Looking at Marco giving away some of the drinks he had and Karen doing the same.  
Then, her eyes turned to Emma, with a giant smile. “Emma! So nice to see you!”  
She stepped closer, but Emma didn’t move, she just raised her eyes, full of resentment and not even realizing why.   
“What the fuck, Karen?!”  
Everyone went quiet. Emma could feel Alex freezing up next to her and assumed him and Marco looked at each other, while everyone else was looking at her. And she was looking at Karen dead in the eyes.  
“Pardon?”  
Emma scoffed a laugh, shaking her head. “What are you doing here?”  
“She is with me.”  
Stepped in Marco. So, Emma's eyes moved to him, with the same resentment and all the anger she could feel for him just walking away.   
Missing him was painful, and now, it felt even worst.   
“I’m sorry. I don’t see the problem here?”  
Asked Karen with her usual bored and distant tone. Something that on a general basis would be enough not to like her but that now was even worst.  
Emma looked at her, hesitating for a second and taking a moment to control herself not losing it and just jumping up and punch her. For, apparently, no good reason.   
“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we’ve just been on shift together up to… Like, four hours ago, didn’t you think to mention?!”  
“How was I supposed to know you would be here.”  
Emma scoffed another laugh, turning to Alex as if looking at him was enough of an answer.   
And besides, she wasn’t pissed because of Karen presence – not completely – but because she was there with Marco, specifically. And because she didn’t think to mention that she was, in fact, probably, seeing her best friend.  
Emma ignored completely the sane and clear part of her brain which was suggesting that probably, Karen supposed was Marco the one entitled to say so. Or many other reasons why Karen didn’t feel comfortable saying that. But also, Emma didn’t care.  
Emma shook her head and looked away, huffing, so visibly annoyed.   
Again, everyone was awkwardly silent, a bit looking at them or at each other. And Emma felt so aware and uncomfortable about it… Thinking that maybe she just needed to go home.  
Emma sighed. “I need a drink. Do you want a drink?”  
She asked Alex. He nodded, smiling at her, trying to get her to smile back, but she didn’t. “What would you like?”  
“Anything, really, I don’t mind.”  
She nodded and stood up, picking her purse up.  
Turning, she gave a look to Karen, then moved over.  
Her thoughts were fuzzy and messy, jumping from a side to the other of her mind. Anything made sense.  
She knew that she was angry and annoyed, but she didn’t know why.   
She liked to think that she was so upset just because her colleague didn’t think to let her know she was apparently seeing Marco. But also, she knew it wasn’t the real reason.  
Was it jealousy?  
“Emma.”  
Marco’s familiar voice called her back and sounded close, but Emma didn’t stop, keeping putting a foot in front of the other to get at the bar, and further away from him.  
But he caught up with her, grabbing her arm forcing her to stop. “Emma, we need to talk.”  
“Oh, do we now?!”  
Asked her without looking at him, even if she really wanted to. Marco sighed. “Yes, we do.”  
Emma raised her eyes into his, looking pissed off, feeling like she really just wanted to fight. “Ok then, what do you want?”  
“I… What’s your problem now? What did I do?!”  
“Oh, I don’t know, you disappeared!”  
“Not that you tried any harder, man.”  
She looked away, crossing her arms.   
“Listen, we can keep being so pissed at each other because we both didn’t reach out. Or… We could forget about it.”  
“I’m not going to forget about it, Marco.”  
“I’m sorry, ok? And I miss you, Emma.”  
She sighed, just now going back looking at him, the more she looked at him or stood close to him, the more she would realize how much she missed him.   
Still, it seemed painful. Forgetting about the whole situation seemed wrong. Yet, it was what she wanted to do… Just pretending nothing happened.   
“I miss you too.”  
Marco smiled a bit, leaning his head on the side. His eyes seemed to be full of thoughts that Emma could not grasp.   
She moved her weight from a foot to the other, leaning her head backwords, before to take a deep breath, not able to keep herself from smiling. “So, have you got a girlfriend now?”  
“Karen? Nah. You know me… But she is fun.”  
No, Emma didn’t feel like she knew him. Marco looked different, sounded different, his voice, accent, and looks made her feel different. More importantly, she wanted to know more – everything, about him.   
But she also felt her heart releasing from the pressure of a heavyweight, with his words.   
She didn’t like the idea of him seeing Karen in that way.   
“She is probably here just to hang out with some actors.”  
“Who cares?”  
“I do. I don’t like her.”  
She didn’t like her but even more seeing her next to him.  
Marco just smirked, then sighed and stepped closer, pulling her into a hug. Emma didn’t even realize she wanted that much.  
She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him tight and just resting her head on his chest.   
Feeling a strange energy flowing in her blood, different and the same.  
Marco leaned his head, so to kiss her forehead. “I guess we have a lot to catch up, don’t we?”  
“We do. But now, I’d really like a drink and to have some fun. Also, maybe apologize to the others for the scene I caused.”  
“Yeah, sounds like a good plan.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

The night rolled out nicely and smoothly.   
If at first, it looked like there was some kind of tension, it very soon melted away – surely booze and music helped. But soon, the entire group of friends was just having fun.  
Now, many of them were in the dancefloor, dancing following the DJ’s beats.  
Besides the fact that Marco was holding between his arms Karen – and even enjoying it a little bit – his eyes were almost always fixed on Emma, watching her dancing with the other girls of the group or, mainly, with Alex.  
And, for most of the time, Marco was pretending that the body he had pressed against his was hers. Knowing perfectly, it wasn’t fair.  
But he didn’t care.  
Wrapping his left arm around Karen’s waist, pulling her against his chest, Marco looked over her shoulder, meeting Emma’s eyes. And he didn’t stop looking.   
Instead, he smiled at her, not hiding his curiosity. Not hiding his gaze sliding down her body.   
At this point, he didn’t even care that she was wrapped between Alex’s arms and that she was brushing against him in such a sexy way. He didn’t care seeing someone else’s hands holding her hips, not if he could pretend that was himself.  
Marco knew it was pathetic, but there was nothing he could do about it, he certainly couldn’t stop.  
As much as he couldn’t stop himself from trying to make peace with her – even if he did promise to just step away.  
The truth was simple, he thought that the scene she caused some time earlier could be for jealousy. And telling himself that was the reason, he created a false hope, which he surely didn’t need. But again, he didn’t care.  
He didn’t care for the others to notice. He didn’t care for Alex to notice – besides the fact that for him there was very close to nothing to notice since he knew perfectly what was going on in his head, or at least some of it.  
Now, he was looking at her in such a direct way… That his hunger could not be mistaken.   
The real problem wasn’t even that – or anything coming with it, the humongous problem was that she was looking at him, and she looked provocative as hell.  
At that point, Marco didn’t know if that was as well in his head or if it was real. Again, he didn’t care.  
Maybe, he would tomorrow, when the booze inebriation would disappear leaving him feeling like a twat.  
But for now, his consciousness was silenced enough to let him not think.  
Karen turned, between his arms, bringing his attention back to her. She leaned closer to his ear, raising a hand to his neck. “I’m thirty, I’m going to grab a glass of water.”  
Shouted the girl, trying to be heard on top of the loud music. Marco just nodded, losing his hold and letting her go.  
He watched her move through the crowd, now standing still. He found himself uncovered and uncomfortable, he didn’t like the idea of dancing on his own.  
Marco shook his shoulders, thinking to leave or, at least, follow Karen, just because there, on his own, he could not peacefully fantasize, but he was feeling more and more wrong by the second.   
But a second before to step away, he raised his eyes on Emma, again.   
And she was looking at him, Alex’s eyes also, were on him. Both of them smiled.  
Emma shook her head, signing a “no”, just a second before raising her hand towards him and moving her index, she signaled to him to move closer.  
There it was again, that look, Marco was sure she never looked at him that way. He saw her looking at Alex, that way, never him.   
So, naturally, he kept reacting at it with doubt and confusion… But also, with hope – knowing so perfectly well he would have regretted it.  
Marco smiled and, shaking his head, he took her hand, moving closer. His eyes shoot up, from her face to Alex’s, behind her. As if to ask permission. Just to find him smiling confidently and nodding.   
And then it happened, Emma raised her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head backward on Alex’s shoulder so she could look at him, and she was moving, dancing with both.   
She looked like she was having fun, her big eyes were bright and her lips, tinted of a dark shade of red,   
were stretched into a smile.   
Marco was sure he never saw her that confident, so able to loosen it up and get out of her head, to dare to be that close not to one person, but two.   
But she was, now, and she was beautiful.   
Again, he didn’t even care anymore that she was into Alex – because he could just lie to himself and keep thinking she wanted to dance with him too, ignoring that maybe it didn’t have the same worth to her as to him, or compared to her dancing with Alex. But again, Marco didn’t give an absolute flying fuck about it.   
His hands were shaking, while he raised them around Emma's hips, there where Alex’s ones weren’t touching her, memorizing the feeling of her on his palms.   
His eyes rolled back onto Alex’s face, and again, he found his friend being confident as ever. His eyes seemed to pierce the air, getting a weird shade under the stroboscopic lights, he smiled and nodded, and between the two it was like there’s been an unspoken agreement.  
As if they both knew something… But Marco wasn’t sure he knew absolutely anything, anymore.  
Alex leaned his head closed to Emma's ear, he kissed the skin of her neck right under and then said something to her, which he could not hear, then, he saw her turning to Alex, a huge smile on her lips, the nodding.   
Alex just looked back at Marco, losing his hold on Emma’s body to push her against him and step away.   
Marco looked confused at him, maybe even scared, now even more unsure then earlier on what was going on, Alex just patted his shoulder, taking a second to give him a stronghold, before leaving them.  
So now, that confused look slipped down to Emma, who had a warm smile ready for him. She pulled closer, raising her head to his ear. “He is tired.”  
Marco brows wrinkled on his forehead and his eyes run again through the crowd, there, where Alex stepped away, without being able to see him.   
He doubted he was really tired but thought that had something to do with Alex being so keen on the idea of Marco being honest with Emma and his feelings. Which, on its own, could be enough to piss him off, because now Marco felt like he fell into a trap and could not escape – that he didn’t want to escape.   
When he just wanted to remain silent and let Emma do her own thing. Which, anyway, was hard enough as it was.  
Emma's hands wrapped his forearms firmly, while she pulled closer once again. “What? You don’t want to dance with me, now?”  
Marco’s body trembled, and a shot of adrenaline fired up the blood in his veins, brushing away any doubt from his mind. She sounded… Flirty, and again, he didn’t care about the risk of letting himself think that she could be flirting with him. Forgetting about right or wrong, not just because of the alcohol in his body, but because he wanted to.  
He wanted to dance with her, and so many other things.  
He smirked, before making her turn between his arms and then pull her body closer to his.  
A tiny voice, in the back of his mind, whispered how wrong that whole situation was… But he didn’t listen.  
And the more Emma would move against him, the more that voice would disappear.  
She raised her arms, leaning her head on his shoulder, while Marco wrapped one arm around her waist as if it was possible to pull her any tighter, while with the other hand he hugged her torso.   
She felt like a warm liquid between his arms. Part of him, part of his heart.  
Marco knew, perfectly well, that as soon as that moment would be done, she would tear another piece of his soul out of him. And again, it was a detail Marco didn’t want to pay attention to. Not now.  
Then he thought that wasn’t fair on her… But again, he remembered that she was perfectly able to tell him to fuck off, if she didn’t want any of that, instead, she didn’t seem to have any problem in the world.  
Because probably there wasn’t supposed to be any problem and Marco was filling that space with his overthinking.   
Suddenly, Emma pushed him away, and he thought that was the moment where she decided it was enough. But she didn’t, she just turned between his arms, raising hers around his shoulders.  
Marco was sure he never held her like that. With her moving like that. They never danced together.   
And besides the fact that they hugged an infinite amount of times, they even snuggled together, a couple of times when they fell asleep together… It never was sexual.  
Not like that time.  
And he could not stop himself by being carried away thinking about how those hips could move, during sex. It was a thought bigger than him when in general it would have been something Marco tried desperately to push away from his mind, not to compromise himself… He didn’t now.  
And God forbid… He was desperate to find out – even if it was not allowed, even if it wasn’t for him.   
Even if he knew perfectly well his best friend was the one entitled to have her… Now it didn’t matter.  
He lost control.  
Marco wrapped his arms tight around her body, enjoying maybe too much holding her. His palms were open on her back and hips, studying her curves.   
Emma leaned her head backward, moving, following the music rhythm, and Marco slid his eyes along her neck and the uncovered strip of skin on her chest. It was impossible, now, for him, not to desperately desire to lean forward and kiss her skin.   
And he damned himself for that… And damned her too.  
When she raised her head, her face was so close to his that Marco could feel the taste of her breath on his tongue, electrifying his taste buds. His entire body trembled.   
Emma slid her hands on the sides of his neck, holding his jaw, crossing the tips of her fingers between the roots of his hair.  
Marco really wanted to kiss her, now and forever. And for a second, he even thought to seize the day.  
His eyes slid down on her face, to her mouth. And he almost lost completely every string of control… Almost.  
Instead, he just leaned his forehead against hers, then took a deep breath, before pulling away.  
Marco took back control of himself, pushing Emma far enough so his thoughts could get clearer.  
Because he didn’t know anymore what the fuck was going on. With him, with her, with anyone else.  
Emma's eyes looked for his, she seemed confused and he didn’t know if it was because of his move or because of the entire situation.  
He hoped for a bit of both… Just because he wanted her to feel both guilty and angry.  
Marco smiled at her, then shook his head, before losing up the hug, dropping any physical contact with her. Because any more of it would take him over an edge he never stepped before.  
Because a second longer having her between his harms like that would have meant to do a mistake. And he was sure she didn’t want the same things he wanted.  
That was clear enough.  
So he left her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Alex stood in silence, in a corner by the dancefloor, in the background. Leaning against one of the thick, iron columns that were holding the top balcony up.  
His eyes never left Emma and Marco.   
Maybe looking a bit like a creep, Alex was too interested in seeing them dancing than anything else.  
Because he knew so very well what was going on into Marco’s mind about Emma. But he didn’t know anything about her thoughts on the matter.  
He just noticed the instant change in her mood as soon as they had their talk and went back talking again. But also, he noticed a difference in their behavior with each other.  
Emma would look for Marco’s eyes and smile and blush and turn away, together with looking for physical contact with him, and it didn’t look like she was doing it on porpoise.  
And Marco… He just looked like there was so much more he wanted to do or say, and he couldn’t.  
So he felt there was more, way more.   
Emma would do the same things with him, she would look for his eyes, for his hand, sometimes for a kiss, and her feelings for him were there every time.   
But still, Alex felt there was more. And he felt he was in the middle of this something.  
That was the reason why he let that happen.  
As soon as he realized Emma was looking for Marco as well as for him, he thought she probably needed to feel free to be just with Marco, for a while.  
Because the truth was that Alex fell for her and Emma wasn’t just a crush, there was love, in his heart, already.   
And he didn’t feel like it was fair, not to let her realize she looked for Marco.   
He was never an arrogant person, but it’s always been a fact, that Alex was a master into understanding people and now, he saw things developing under his own eyes that the others didn’t seem to notice. So, he just could not pretend he didn’t see it.  
Because it wasn’t a small thing. Because he knew the look she had when she wanted someone, he saw it mirrored at himself and that same look, she had for Marco.  
Both of them, though, seemed blind in front of it.  
So, Alex just stepped back, stepped away, feeling that was the right thing to do, besides the tight grip on his heart.  
And from there, he just watched Emma melting between Marco's arms – finding that scene warmer and sexier than expected. Because the jealousy tingled his heart just a little, but it was watered down by everything else, probably the booze, the loud music, and the light arousal.  
He watched Marco touch her, hug her, and Emma doing the same, up to the point where their faces were so close that Alex thought they were kissing.   
But they didn’t.   
Because he saw Marco pulling away.  
So at that point, he turned, deciding he didn’t really want to be seen there, looking at them, hidden in the shadows and between other people.  
He walked away, to the exit of the club, just to get into the smoking area and have a cigarette, kind of so he could pretend to be busy.  
He lit a cigarette, enjoying the burning feeling of the smoke filling his lungs. His skin was used to the cold, but not enough to make him immune from the low night temperature – especially wearing just a T-shirt.  
A few minutes went by, that he filled up checking his phone.   
Finding a message that Jordan sent to him about fifteen minutes earlier, asking him where he was, saying he lost Marco as well.  
Alex just shook his head, ignoring the text and opening Instagram, having a look at some pictures without paying so much attention.  
“Marco. Marco please, wait up.”  
Alex's eyes raised, following that familiar voice, just to see Marco walking out from the exit, followed by Emma.   
He was wearing his leather jacket and seemed ready to leave, while she had just her dress on. He didn’t look like he wanted to wait up. So, Emma raised her voice, stepping quicker through the bouncers. “Marco, stop!”  
Alex stood there, quietly watching a scene he probably wasn’t entitled to be involved in.  
“What? Why?”  
Marco stopped and turned, finding Emma immediately with his eyes. In two steps, he walked closer, canceling the distance between them. Somehow, he looked angry, now.  
“Because… You cannot walk away on me again.”  
“Can’t I? And why is that?!  
“Because!”  
Emma stomped her foot on the ground and Marco just stood there, looking at her, then took a deep breath and, just, in the end, smiled. “I need to, Emma. Let me go.”  
“Why? Why are you acting so weird?”  
Alex looked at Marco hesitating and thinking, and he found himself waiting for that answer as well.  
“Why can’t you just drop it? You’ve got your boyfriend waiting for you, inside.”  
“What does Alex have to do with any of this.”  
“Well… Everything, babe. Make everyone a favor and just let me go.”  
Marco raised a hand to her shoulder, to which point Emma seemed to realize it was cold and wrapped her arms around herself.  
“I don’t understand.”  
Marco sighed, looking away. He shook his head, smiling, then stepped backward. He raised his hands in the air. “It’s good you don’t. You don’t have to.”  
“Marco stop fucking bullshitting me.”  
Emma stepped closer to him, pointing her finger to his chest. So, Marco looked away again. “I’m not bullshitting you.”  
“Then stop treating me like I’m stupid.”  
“Ok. Whatever! Just fucking drop it or you’ll regret it.”  
“Is that a threat?”  
Marco stood there, hesitant again. He bit his lips, then closed his eyes, raising his hands to his face, grumbling. “Oh my God Emma, you’re so pushy!”  
“Tell me why the fuck you froze and now you’re leaving.”  
Marco leaned his head backward, huffing again. “Ok. Whatever. You didn’t realize what was going on, on the dancefloor, uhm? Not even a hint?”  
“We… We were having fun!”  
“Were we?! Cause I wasn’t.”  
“Did not look like you weren’t.”  
She mumbled, looking away.  
Marco went back looking at Emma, his eyes were burning. “I wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss you now. I always do.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah. Happy now? Let me go, Emma. Go back to Alex.”  
“I don’t… Marco, what the fuck does it mean?!”  
“Do you need a fucking draw?!”  
“No. I’m…”  
Marco raised his eyes and just at that point, he noticed Alex standing just a few meters away.  
He didn’t even try not to be listening, because they both would know that was a lie.   
“Emma. Alex is waiting for you. I’ll see you later.”  
He said that looking at Alex, then look at her for a second, before to turn and walk away.  
Emma followed him just by a few steps, then stopped.   
“This is the last time you’re walking away from me!”  
Shouted angrily, at the point that other people were now looking at her.  
Alex could see her body shaking, but now he wasn’t sure it was just for the temperature.   
Alex looked at her standing on the sidewalk, looking at Marco walking away but not moving towards him, as if a bigger force was chaining her.  
Just when Marco disappeared from sight, she turned.  
And at that point, for the first time, her eyes crossed Alex’s.   
She looked like she was going to cry as if she was losing her control. There were pain and anger in those eyes, but now, also, sudden shame.  
Alex leaned his head on the side, looking at her, then nodded and smiled.   
It wasn’t clear, to him, what just happened, not for him, Emma nor Marco. But he knew for sure he wanted to be there for her. Whatever she needed.  
Alex tossed his cigarette butt into the ashtray closer to him, before to step out from the little customer isle in front of the club, reaching Emma.  
"Hey."  
She didn't say anything. She was just gazing at him, looking lost.  
Alex shook his head and without waiting for permission, he just pulled her in a hug, holding her close to her chest.  
Emma stood still for a couple of seconds, before wrapping her arms around his waist, holding tight, gripping on his T-shirt and body, as she needed an anchor.  
"It's OK."  
Said Alex, rocking her slowly.  
Emma just stood there, quietly, at the point that for a moment Alex didn't know if she was even breathing.  
"I'm sorry..."  
Her voice was toned down into a whisper and shacked in a way that made his own body tremble. Alex's heart sunk into his chest, simply because he didn't know why she said it.  
Why could she be sorry? Was it out of guilt or embarrassment? Was it because of regret? Or maybe for something else that Alex could not guess.  
There was, in him, the fear to lose her to Marco. And that didn't make him angry or jealous, but it did make him feel defeated.  
Because he was ready for it, ready to let her go... And yet, just the thought of it made his heart squeak like glass under pressure.  
"It's OK. Don't be sorry."  
"No... But I am. I don't know..."  
Emma's grip got tighter. Alex leaned his head, kissing gently Emma's temple. Then, he pulled away just enough to look for her eyes, finding in them so many emotions.  
He raised his hands, holding her face in his palms and looked at her for a few seconds, then smiled.  
"How about we leave this place? Uhm?"  
Alex caressed lightly her cheeks with his thumbs, his voice was bent into a sweet tone. He just wanted her to feel safe and ok.  
Emma nodded.  
"Do you want to be alone?"  
She shook her head into a "no" and Alex found himself sighing in relief, his smile grew on his face, even if she didn't officially say she wanted his company in particular.  
He nodded. "Ok. Then, how about we go back to mine? We could... Grab some takeout on the way and..."  
"Yes, please."  
And there was a smile, timid, but it was there.  
Alex leaned closer, giving her a soft kiss on the lips.  
"OK. Let's go grab our stuff."  
Emma nodded, and then she took a deep breath, looking away, to recompose herself and gather some control.  
Before Alex could loosen up that hug, she pulled closer to him, grabbing his face and giving him a passionate kiss, almost desperate, and yet warm.  
Alex just let her, kissed her and hugged her, giving her what she wanted, whatever that was.  
He kind of realized that Emma would get physical when she didn't want to think or talk about something. With them, most of the time, it was sex.  
Not that Alex would ever turn her away. Just... Sometimes he knew she was using that contact as a distraction - or as a defense.  
In that case though, he could not say if she just wanted to feel closer, or if she was trying to coop with some thoughts.  
Either way, though, he was sure it didn't matter.  
Besides being a cold night, Emma's body between his arms felt warm, her lips were, and soft, and sweet.  
At the point that he didn't want to stop kissing her - but that was closer to a general statement.  
So when she pulled away, Alex moaned softly, then he slighter and just stepped backward, searching for her hand in the air.  
The two went back to the club and upstairs to the VIP area.  
At the sofas, Jordan, David, and Karen were chatting and laughing. Alex supposed everyone else was still dancing.  
Emma followed him quietly, staying close enough to him to hug his arm between hers while holding his hand tight.  
"Hey guys, we are going to shoot."  
Said Alex waving his hand and leaning on the sofa to gather their jackets and Emma's purse.  
"There you are! Where have you been?!"  
Asked Jordan with a big smile on his lips.  
Alex chuckled back. "Ah, you know how the dance floor works. We just got lost."  
"Of course you did."  
Said David ironically, looking at him with a little smirk on his face.  
Alex just shook his head. "Right, we'll meet tomorrow, ok?"  
Both the guys nodded.  
Just then, Karen raised her voice, looking straight at Emma, she looked pissed and her eyes were on fire. "Where is Marco?"  
Emma jumped a bit and then sighed. "Uhm... He left."  
Karen just looked at her, then chuckled, shaking her head. "Did he? He didn't even bother to let me know."  
Emma remained silent. And so did Alex, but he didn't like the way she looked at Emma, feeling the sudden need to be protective.  
Alex cleared his voice. "Don't you have his number?"  
"I do. His phone is off."  
So Alex just shook his shoulders and sighed. "I guess he wasn't feeling very well?"  
"I guess."  
And yet, she wasn't even looking at him but at Emma, in such a strange and meaningful way. Alex wondered if she saw anything of what happened between Emma and Marco.  
He sighed, stepping backward. "OK, guys I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun."  
That said, he just took Emma away with him. His priority at the moment was to get her somewhere safe because he could feel in his own bones how uncomfortable and shaky she was.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma was comfortably sitting on Susan’s sofa, her legs crossed and in between them she was holding Rose, Susan’s daughter, with whom Emma was playing.  
Rose was just about eight-month-old, and yet, she was already a grown-up, strong girl.  
She had Susan’s sweet eyes and her partner’s smile and Emma genuinely liked to spend time with her.  
And Susan and her partner felt comfortable enough to let her take care of the baby, occasionally.  
Plus, it was quite normal that when Susan and she would hang out, Rose would be around as well… And she was generally a prima donna baby, interested in the gossiping and, most of the time, wanting to participate, when she wasn’t asleep, of course.  
Emma didn’t like kids, she never wanted any of her own because she never felt capable to take care of another life in that way. But she loved Rose, as a reflection of her bond with her mother.  
As for many other things, the baby and the family Susan built, together with her career and how she rebuilt her life from ashes, gave Emma so much hope and perspective, but also a guide on what to aspire.  
And for the most, Emma just thought she could actually make it, heal, love herself and others again, and as a general statement built up her trust again.  
Rose’s little, puffy, hands were wrapped around Emma’s indexes, which the baby was shaking, smiling and cooing, and every time, Emma would look at her and smile back, telling her something cute that would just make the baby laugh a bit more.  
But her attention was set on Susan, even if she liked the idea of pretending to be distracted – it gave her the chance to take a couple of seconds every now and then so not to answer any question.  
Susan and she decided to meet after Emma asked for it. At the time it felt like a very good idea, thinking that she needed time away from everyone – especially herself –, but she still didn’t want to be on her own.  
But now, she wasn’t sure she made the right decision because immediately, Susan knows her and always seems to be able to ask all the right – or wrong, it depends – questions. And to most of them, Emma didn’t have answers.  
For example, they were talking about her outing at the club, last night.  
Even thinking about it made Emma feel dizzy, she felt like it’s been weeks, instead of not even twenty-four hours.  
“So… You were jealous?”  
Emma just looked straight into Rose’s big brown eyes, smiling and making faces, tempted not to answer at all.  
“Well… Of seeing Marco with my colleague who I don’t even like?! Yep.”  
“Yeah but I mean… Would you be jealous if you see him with any other girl?”  
Emma chuckled nervously, just looking at Rose and moving her little hands with her into a tiny dance, which seemed to entertain the baby way more than personal conversations could entertain her.  
Because she was, in fact, jealous as hell, but as why, she didn’t have answers.  
“What are you talking about now?”  
“I’m just saying… You’ve never been jealous of him.”  
“He never had a girl around him.”  
“So you would be jealous even if it wasn’t Karen?”  
“Why is this a topic now?”  
“Because!”  
Emma huffed and raised her eyes to Susan, shaking her head. “What do you expect me to say? I don’t like being jealous. Especially of Marco, which is not who I’m dating and all of that.”  
“Well… There’s still a bond between you two.”  
“Yeah, whatever.”  
Every time that Marco popped back into her mind, her thoughts would mess up and become extremely confused, as much as her emotions.  
But, at least, now she could pretend she didn’t have to think about anything.  
When… Everything was pretty much still there. And everything was about Marco.  
“C’mon! Tell me more about last night!”  
“There’s not much to tell!”  
“You were out with half of Vikings cast and you don’t have anything to say?”  
“Well, they all looked just like people to me… Besides that Alexander Ludwig which I’m pretty sure I saw somewhere else.”  
“You know you’re the worst gossip companion one could have?!”  
Emma smiled, shaking her head and went back to Rose, looking at her pulling a face to make the baby laugh. “Have you heard? Your mum doesn’t like to gossip with me. What do you say?”  
Rose chuckled and screamed, excited, shaking her hands, and Emma’s, in the air. “I know, right? It’s crazy, I tell you!”  
Answered Emma, as if the two of them were actually having a full conversation.  
“Stop trying to get my daughter's support! It’s true, what I’m saying. You shut down and don’t want to talk any time something happened. Do you think I don’t know you?!”  
“Well. Nothing happened.”  
Besides the fact that things did happen. Big things. Stuff that shook her deeply.  
Marco was in her mind.  
Alex was in her mind.  
Both in the same way and yet in a different one. Both, there, making her heart go nuts and her body tremble.  
She could still feel Marco’s hands on her body, his arms tight around her, his chest pressed against her back and his hips against hers. She could still smell his scent. Her tongue was still tingling just by the idea that their mouths have been as close as they were.  
Again, his words kept playing back in her mind, sometimes as a whisper, sometimes shouting out loud, that: “I wanted to kiss you” just seemed not to give her any peace.  
And that wasn’t the worst part.  
The worst part was that she enjoyed it. She liked it. She wanted it.  
Dancing with Marco turned her on and made her feel so weird and so nice. And she wanted to kiss him desperately.  
And when he walked away, her heart shattered in a million pieces, again.  
At the same time, she wanted to kiss Alex, desperately, all the time. She has been thinking about it nonstop. Since she left his flat, that morning, the only thing she wanted was to be alone with him, making love or even… Just lay there snuggling as they did last night.  
Emma took a deep breath and then huffed again, not knowing if it was worst to be left alone in her thoughts or give those thoughts a voice – making them real.  
“Ok, something happened.”  
Susan jumped, next to her. She sat up straight and seemed to be all ears, patiently waiting for her to start the conversation.  
Emma could not look at her, so just kept looking at Rose’s sweet face, pulling some faces just to entertain her.  
“Right. Uhm… Marco and I danced.”  
“Ok, seems… Normal in a club?”  
“I danced with him as I danced with Alex. I… Uhm… Like…”  
“Oh, I see, sexy dance.”  
“Yeah… Pretty much… Very much, sexy dance.”  
The feeling of his body moving against hers was still echoing in her muscles and bones… Together with a deeper desire. Something she discovered and felt just for Alex, before that point.  
Emma felt ashamed, now. She felt like a slut… Because even if it was just for a second – or more – she wanted someone else.  
She wants someone else.  
The problem is that she never realized she could be attracted by Marco, she never thought about it… Never, up to that point.  
And she could not stop asking herself why? What was wrong with her.  
“Ok. Was it… Was it mutual? I mean were you both into it?”  
“Oh… Yeah…”  
Emma chuckled, both ironically and nervously because she didn’t have any doubt about how mutual that few minutes spent holding tight has been…  
“…And we almost kissed.”  
“What?!”  
“Yeah. Uhm… Yeah. I don’t know what got into me, I really don’t know… He looked so handsome and… Turned me on, and he was so close…”  
“So, did you want to kiss him?”  
“I… Uhm… Maybe it was just the booze, made me slutty.”  
“Emma! Don’t say that! Plus, don’t cover it up with an excuse!”  
“Ok I did. I wanted to kiss him. I forgot about anything else and… I wanted to kiss him.”  
“Ok, so what about Alex?”  
Emma went quiet, hesitating on her words, thoughts, and feelings.  
Because Alex was there too, he was still someone she was falling for.  
“He was the one that stepped away and let me dance with Marco.”  
Which was true, and Emma thought to hold him responsible for that situation, for a while… Realizing after that he didn’t really deserve it.  
Susan smiled, nodding. “Well, good boy, extra points for him. But I mean…”  
“I still feel for Alex. I still like him. It’s just that for a second, I… Liked someone else.”  
“Just for a second...”  
“Ok, whatever.”  
“Right. Uhm… Did any of them say anything afterward?”  
“Well, Marco left… We kind of argued and he left me, again. While for Alex… He was there, he saw some stuff… He… He was just there.”  
“Ok, wait. So, you and Marco are having another quarrel?”  
“I guess… He was upset because he said he wanted to kiss me… He said he always does.”  
“Do you guess what it means?”  
Emma raised her eyes to Susan, looking lost and clueless as if she didn’t really think about it. Which… In all truth, she didn’t.  
“I guess that he wants to kiss me?”  
“I guess you are thick as hell if you didn’t realize, by now, that that guy has a crush on you.”  
“Marco?!”  
“Yeah, who else?”  
“Marco doesn’t have a crush on me, c’mon!”  
Emma chuckled looking away.  
Her entire face fired up and at this point, she wasn't able to look at Susan nor at Rose. Feeling judged either way.  
She looked in another direction, desperately trying to find something to focus on.  
"... Well, guess not."  
Continued Susan.  
"He doesn't have a crush on me. Are you crazy?"  
"No. You're right. I think he is crazy for you."  
"I don't think this is any of your business."  
"Hey, don't snap at me because your situation is messy!"  
"OK. My situation is not messy. I'm with Alex, I like Alex. I probably... I might even love Alex. And..."  
"But you wanted to kiss Marco."  
"But it didn't mean anything."  
"Didn't it?"  
"OK, you're annoying."  
Emma gazed back at Susan, but couldn't keep a straight face, not really, because she was right.  
It did mean something.  
And she still wanted to kiss Marco.  
"What does Alex have to say about this? What's up with him?"  
"He looks... Chilled. Too chilled. I don't know. I'm not used to this..."  
"Does he know something happened?"  
"I... I think he does. He seems to be extremely emphatic and understanding."  
"And what's his reaction?"  
"I guess he is not pressing anything. He is not pressing me not to see Marco and I'm sure he is not telling Marco to leave me alone. He is just there, kind of in the middle."  
"Do you think he knows what Marco feels?"  
"I... Really wouldn't know."  
"Well, I think you should talk to him then, especially if you think you're in love."  
"I'm..."  
Emma sighed and went back looking at Rose, who was cooing and trying to get everyone's attention. Emma smiled at her and shook her hands again. "I guess auntie Emma is in trouble isn't she?"  
Asked her to the baby, who answered with a big smile.  
Emma huffed and went back looking at Susan.  
"I honestly don't know what's going on anymore.  
I'm tired."  
"You seem to be stuck between two guys."  
"It seems so. Yes."  
"So are you admitting you might like..."  
"I'm not admitting anything! Why didn't he say anything before?! Why now?! I want to slap him."  
Susan just stood there, looking at her with a smirk painted on her face.  
"Girl... You might want to talk with both of them."  
"I don't need to talk with both of them! Besides Marco doesn't want to see me."  
"But he wants to kiss you all the time."  
"He..."  
Emma blushed; a warm shiver crossed her back. And Marco was back into her mind, again, with those eyes, and those lips, and that body.  
She wondered how it would feel.  
"I feel like a Pandora’s box has been opened, inside of me. You know?  
I've never... Felt, like this, for no one. And I mean, no one."  
Emma raised her eyes, looking straight at Susan, knowing she would get what she meant.  
No one, as in, not even her ex-husband.  
Alex gave her warmth, desire, love, he was funny and understanding, and so damn handsome that she could not keep herself away even wanting to, he was like the Sun and she couldn't stop spinning around him.  
But with all of that, she felt like she was discovering a new world with new eyes, and with that new perspective, apparently, everything changed, even the way she looked at someone like Marco.  
Before, he was like her North Pole, giving her directions, care, trust, and affection. But now, now she was selfish and hungry, and she wanted more, way more.  
He didn't feel like a cardinal point anymore... He felt like another Sun she wanted to spin around.  
"It's hard to feel anything positive about a bastard that uses your face as a punching bag."  
"Well... Yeah. But I'm... I don't know what these feelings are. I'm not used to... This."  
"Yeah. I know. It's way easier to react to fear or pain... That to all those lovely things."  
"They are not lovely."  
"Well, compared to the rest."  
"Ok, it's better. But I'm still confused as hell and now... I just feel like I'm doing something wrong to both of them."  
Susan sat there for a few moments, keeping her cup of tea between her palms and looking at her, but clearly thinking.  
Then slowly she leaned, leaving the mug on the side table next to the sofa and turned over to her, reaching with her hand for her arm and giving her a squeeze. "Emma, I know how it feels. But you do not owe any of them anything. You're a free woman and you're free to feel and try and experience. If they are good enough, they will be supportive, if they are not, then it's not worth it."  
"What are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that you should be honest with yourself and not afraid to feel and try. You should be honest with them, of course. But do not settle, do not stop yourself because you think that's how it needs to be done."  
"And how it needs to be done then? Because I don't know."  
Emma looked down at Rose, smiled, and then just kept playing with her as if that would be a good enough distraction.  
"I know you have scars. I know what society says. But this doesn't matter. What you want matters."  
"Well, I don't know what I want."  
"Of course you don't. You don't even have a comparison specter."  
"A what?"  
"Ok, you know you like Alex, yes?"  
"Yes."  
"You know he makes you laugh, you can talk to him, you know you want him and all of that..."  
"Yeah, and?"  
"About Marco, on the other hand, you don't know enough."  
"I know enough!"  
"No, you don't. You know him as a friend. But now you're attracted to him and he is attracted to you."  
"How is that making any difference or any sense?!"  
"Because!"  
Susan leaned over and grabbed Rose and lifted her. Getting up, she moved closer to a little rocking chair with a thin arch on top of it with some tiny animals figures hooked to it, Susan dragged it closer to the sofa and she sat Rose in it, so she could be entertained and play with it.  
After that, she sat back next to Emma, looking straight into her eyes.  
Emma gazed back at her confused and vaguely annoyed by her move, taking away Rose and with her, her source of distraction.  
"So, you don't know enough and I'll tell you why."  
"Ok, I'm listening."  
Emma crossed her arms into a defensive pose and then raised her chin, proudly.  
"You said it yourself that you're confused, the whole situation is confusing and that this is undiscovered ground."  
"Yes."  
"So, how can you tell, in all honesty, that you know your two options if you've never got physical with one of them... Besides last night, when you realized it's possible you feel desire for Marco, in particular."  
"Uhm. I'm sorry what?!"  
"I'm just saying."  
"Don't talk about them as they don't have any decisional power!"  
"I'm not! They do, and they both like you! It's just a matter of you understanding what you want! That was the reason I said to be honest with them."  
"How am I supposed to know what I want, then? Since you seemed to know everything."  
"You said you wanted to kiss Marco."  
"I... Yeah. And?"  
"And so go and kiss Marco for Christ's sake!"  
Emma just sat there for a good amount of seconds, maybe even a minute, her thoughts and words seemed to evaporate into thin air.  
“I…”  
Susan sighed, then leaned a bit closer, taking her hand and holding it tight into hers. “Emma, there’s no set rules, for these things. You cannot control your feelings, but I don’t think it’s fair on yourself to keep fighting them and holding back.”  
“Would it be fair on the other people involved though?”  
“Well, that’s something I cannot answer. You need to talk to them, Emma. If you keep hiding everything all the time, then no, that’s not fair on anyone.”  
Emma nodded and looked away but squeezed Susan's hand.  
She felt trapped, not knowing what to do or what to say. Not knowing what would come. The worst, for her, was not having control. She couldn’t control her emotions… But even more, she could not control others. She still felt like she was doing wrong with Alex or Marco either way.  
And she couldn’t see the situation unraveling into any positive scenario.  
She then pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the screen.  
“I don’t think it’s fair to wait any longer… I need to talk to Alex now.”  
“That’s fair.”  
Emma just nodded, going into her messages and selecting Alex’s chat, so to type in a quick message.  
-Hey.  
Are you busy? Do you have time for a talk?-  
She sent it, almost immediately regretting doing so.  
Emma looked at her screen for a second, waiting to see if Alex would visualize the message immediately, then raised her eyes to Susan. “What if I’m going to make a bigger mess?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“They are best friends. What if I’m going to cause a problem? I should… I should just not bother.”  
“Emma… Stop thinking about the consequences.”  
“But I can’t! Consequences are real and… And I cannot predict them.”  
“Exactly! You cannot predict them, whatever you do, the mess could get bigger anyway. It might be better if you try to do damage control.”  
“As in…”  
“As in you can take a little of control deciding yourself the moment Alex, for example, could find out something is going on.”  
“Yeah… Makes sense.”  
And the longer she thought about it, the longer she felt panicky as hell. Anxiety was kicking in, making her feel like she was spinning out of control.  
At that point, her phone chimed signaling a message.  
She didn’t really want to check, but she did, finding herself not even able to control her own hands.  
-I’m all yours. Want me to call you?-  
Emma stood up, giving Susan a look. “I’m going to call Alex, then. Do you mind?”  
“Nope. I’ll be here, I’m in good company.”  
She said, leaning to Rose and picking her up from her little light green chair and pulling her between her arms. Emma smiled and then turned over, stepping closer to her bag, she picked her packet of tobacco, filters, and papers and slid into her lather jacket.  
Then she walked over to the balcony, stepping outside. Just then, she went back to her phone and just called Alex.  
He answered straight away. “Hey, sweetheart, how are you?”  
“Hey… I’m… Ok, I guess.”  
“Yeah? What’s up?”  
“Am I disturbing you?”  
“Not at all. I always have time for you.”  
Emma smiled, looking down. She kept her phone to her ear with her shoulder while rolling up a cigarette, thinking that he didn’t make it any easier, for her, to tell him what she wanted to tell him… He seemed to sweet, to precious… And she didn’t like the idea of hurting him – which was the greatest possibility of a consequence at the moment.  
“Uhm… Ok. So… Do you have an idea of what happened last night?”  
“Yeah… Sort of.”  
“I mean… Between Marco and me.”  
Alex remained silent for a few seconds, while Emma waited for an answer and lit her ciggy.  
“Sort of.”  
“I… Everything that I’m going to say… Everything is very confused and… I don’t even know. Please Alex, just hear me out.”  
“Did I ever judge you?”  
“No…”  
“So I’m not going to now. Trust me.”  
“I trust you. I’m still afraid.”  
He sounded like he chuckled. “Try me, then.”  
“Ok. Uhm… I… Marco and I have been friends for a very long time. I…”  
Emma hesitated, looking in front of her and whispering a curse, without knowing what to say, how to say it… Even if say it.  
“You have feelings for him.”  
Said Alex as those were the most natural and true words he could ever speak.  
Emma stood there, silent and still. A puff of smoke stuck into her lungs. Her heart stopped.  
“It’s ok… Emma, I’m not judging you.”  
“I have feelings for you too.”  
“I know.”  
“I just… Alex… Yesterday, while we were dancing, I almost kissed him. I wanted to kiss him.”  
“Do you still want to kiss him?”  
Emma hesitated, and again, Alex’s voice got to her ear, feeling like a warm hold around her. “This is a safe place, Emma. Trust me.”  
“I do. And I do want to kiss him.”  
“It’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with that.”  
“Well, there is since I’m dating you.”  
“Yeah, but you don’t have any obligations. Also, it happens to have feelings for more than one person at the same time.”  
“Does it? Cause already feeling something for one person is complicated enough.”  
“But feelings are something you cannot control, Emma. And I know you and Marco were close before you met me.”  
“I didn’t feel for him then, what I’m feeling now.”  
“There are no set rules for these things.”  
“I’m sorry though. I really am. I… Feel like I could hurt you, or him.”  
“You could. But I’m pretty sure I can talk for Marco as well, saying that we both want your happiness.”  
“Did you know? What Marco thought?”  
“I did. But I didn’t know he had feelings for you before we met or… Had our first date.”  
“So, why did you let me dance with him, last night? I mean… Knowing and all…”  
Emma stood there, waiting for an answer, and Alex seemed to hesitate for a second. “Because it was what you wanted.”  
“You don’t know what I want.”  
“Ok… And what do you want, then?”  
She regretted immediately bringing that up. And the defensive tone that came with it.  
She knew Alex didn’t have anything to do with it. Or, at least, not in a bad way.  
She took a deep breath, thinking she did it all wrong. She should have met up with him, so at least she could see his expressions.  
“I don’t know. I’m just saying…”  
“It seemed you wanted to be with him, that’s all. So, I let you go.”  
“I… Still don’t understand why?”  
Why didn’t he sound jealous?  
If… In the past, she couldn’t even dare to say some other guy's name without getting slapped, or worse. Why did Alex look so… Accommodating?  
“Was it what you wanted?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“You do.”  
“Ok, yes.”  
“There you go. So, who am I to stop you?”  
“I don’t understand. I really don’t, why are you not jealous?”  
“Emma. I’m not jealous, because it is not in my nature, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. Actually, it is the opposite. I’m scared as hell in front of the possibility of losing you, but I would not stand between you and what you want.”  
“What if I don’t know what I want?”  
“You’re free, Emma. If you want me, I’ll be here, because I want you. But if you want him, you shouldn’t stop because of someone else.”  
Emma's heart sunk. Every word he said carried so many feelings, seemed so full of meaning… And for her felt even harder, now, accepting the whole situation.  
“Why are you so perfect? Where did you come from?”  
Alex chuckled and the sound of his laugh through the phone made her shiver. “Ah, it’s all in how they raise us Danes.”  
He stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. “I’m not perfect, Emma. But I’m… I’m just in love with you, and I want you to be happy, I really do.”  
Emma's entire body and mind froze. She dropped the cigarette she was holding and almost also her phone.  
“What did you say?”  
Whispered after a few seconds.  
“I want you to be happy.”  
“Not that.”  
“Oh, yes. I love you, Emma.”  
She really wanted to scream, her heart started biting so fast that she could hear it in her ears.  
He loved her.  
That was way too real. Anything of the whole situation.  
And if he was hoping to help and make it easier, he really didn’t.  
Emma wanted to cry out loud, now.  
Because nothing of that whole situation was something she was looking for, and yet it was happening, all together. And the truth was that Alex was way more than a crush, she didn’t just like him. And yet, she was so incredibly afraid in front of the possibility of loving him too.  
Especially now. Especially because of Marco.  
“Do you think this is something to say on the phone?”  
“Sorry, it came out. This whole conversation is a bit weird on the phone by the way.”  
“Yeah… Well… I couldn’t wait, really.”  
“Me neither.”  
“I…”  
“You don’t have to say it back. You really don’t, I’m not expecting you to.”  
“What if it’s what I want to say to you?”  
“Then you can say it.”  
“It doesn’t make it any easier. I still… Marco is still there.”  
“I’m not expecting what you feel for Marco to disappear, I respect it, I respect Marco and I respect you.”  
“It doesn’t really help to make me feel less guilty about anything.”  
“Listen. Stop wrapping yourself in your own head, Emma. And if this conversation is happening, then you already took a decision about what you want to do.”  
“I’m… Why everyone around me seems to know what I want and what I think?!”  
“Because it’s pretty simple to understand, at least to me. And I think, now, you should talk to Marco.”  
“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”  
“He does. He just doesn’t know that you both kind of want the same thing, does he?”  
“I guess he doesn’t.”  
“Yeah, so, he is keeping distance, because he thinks it’s better that way. So he is not in the way between you and me.”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because he told me.”  
“Damn.”  
She was fidgeting, now, shaking her legs and arms, as if she had way too much energy inside to control.  
“Yeah. You both are really difficult about this.”  
“Well, it’s not the easiest of the situations! I still don’t understand why you’re so calm.”  
“I’m trying to be supportive, as a friend over whatever else I could be for you. And I also really don’t think that me being over-controlling it’s going to help in any way; if anything, it would probably just push you further away.”  
Emma just remained silent, looking down on the pavement of the balcony. A timid smile curved her lips and besides how the situation was going – how wrong it could turn, in that specific moment, she just felt so incredibly lucky.  
She still felt enough guilt to make her want to puke. But… She was wrapped into a warm feeling, thinking about what she did to deserve it, how did it happen that she stumbled upon a guy as precious as Alex.  
And, for a second, she pushed Marco away from her head and heart, feeling that was a moment to focus on Alex.  
Emma looked in front of her, her heart seemed so full of feelings that could explode. She took a deep breath, feeling her eyes tingling under the pressure of those emotions becoming tears.  
“I love you too, Alex. I don’t understand what’s going on… But I’m pretty sure how I feel about you.”  
Emma heard him sigh, and she thought he could be smiling. “Complicated or not, I’ll be there every step of the way, Emma. I’m not leaving you, even if you think you want to be with someone else.”  
“I just don’t understand why… If I feel this way for you…”  
“There are no rules, Emma. But the only way for you to clear out the situation is to talk to Marco. You need to involve him in the situation.”  
“I will, as soon as I can. I just… I needed to talk to you first.”  
“I appreciate it, thank you. Uhm, do you want to come by for dinner later?”  
“Yes, I don’t have anything planned. So, yes.”  
“That’s great! The guys are going to be around…”  
“Do I need to bring anything?”  
“Nah, it should be covered… I mean, booze is always welcomed, I guess. But don’t worry too much.”  
“Ok then, I guess I’ll see you later.”  
“Yes, you will.”  
Emma closed the phone, standing there for a while, feeling more awkward than anything.  
Her heart was heavy and light at the same time. Her thoughts were cloudy as if she was under a spell or a weird state of trance.  
Taking a deep breath, without really knowing if she even held her breath for a while or not, she stepped back into the house.  
From the sofa corner, she heard Susan singing to Rosie, who would answer back with little excited screams. Emma didn’t look at them but went straight to the chair where her bag was, so to leave her jacket on it.  
“Hey! How did it go?”  
“He told me he loves me.”  
Emma didn’t even think before to say it, those words just came out, as if her heart was overflowing in emotions and she could not contain any of them. Or thoughts, for what it mattered.  
Susan went quiet, behind her back, for a few seconds.  
“Are you ok?”  
“I’m ok. I’m confused, but I’m ok.”  
Just then, she turned over, looking for Susan's eyes. “I said it back. I… I love him too.”  
“Oh, Emma… That’s amazing, you know? It’s truly beautiful!”  
Emma just sighed and looked away, shaking her head. She chuckled nervously. “It doesn’t make any sense though… Because of Marco. There’s something for Marco too.”  
“What did he say about that.”  
“That I’m free. He thinks it’s possible to have feelings for more than a person at the same time and… Well, he thinks I should be honest with Marco.”  
“He seems too good to be real.”  
“Yeah, I know, right?! I keep thinking about it.”  
“You’re lucky, girl. Just saying. A man that supportive it’s not so easy to be found.”  
“Yes, I guess. I still feel like shit about it. And the nicer he is the worse I feel.”  
“Well, I understand. But he is not wrong though. You should talk to Marco, besides what’s going on between you and Alex.”  
“What the fuck am I supposed to tell Marco?! I don’t even know what’s this all about.”  
“Guess there is quite a big situation that has been left hanging between the two of you.”  
“What, am I supposed to drop there and kiss him?”  
“It would be a start… That for sure.”  
“Damn… He doesn’t deserve this. Any of it. Neither do Alex.”  
“Neither do you, Emma. The only way you have to clear it out is to do something. Guess where you would be now if you didn’t kiss Alex in the first place, for example.”  
“It would be easier, that for sure.”  
“Yeah. Sure. And yet, you wouldn’t have given yourself the chance to like – and love, someone. And also, you would be stuck into your weird friendship with your best friend. At least now…”  
“At least now I’m confused, I know I like someone, but I might like someone else also. And it might even be a fluke and not exist, and so I would have complicated the situation even more. Hurting both of those guys, and at the end, hurting myself too.”  
“Ok, how about trying to focus on a better scenario?”  
“Better? Ok. What if I end up finding out that I really like Marco too and then I’ll have to choose?! Hurting people all the same.”  
“Damn… Babe… Guess there’s no solution for now.”  
“How about I pretend nothing happened?”  
“How about you stop chickening out?”  
Emma just stood there, looking at Susan, then leaned her head backwords and grumbled loudly. “Fuck.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.
> 
> Sᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goZS7AKp1ck

Emma's entire body was shaking, and every minute that went by, it just got worse and worse at the point that she could not really control her hands anymore.  
Her blood was on fire, the adrenaline kept shooting up from her heart, electrocuting every one of her nerves and muscle. She felt like a hunted down animal like she needed to run, fast, for her life.  
She still could not understand the whole situation, she could not translate her own emotions and feelings… Surely she could not predict what was coming and that was the main reason why she was so scared.  
Everything was just going crazy, inside of her. Divided between moments of clarity and confidence and others of doubt and fear.  
Sometime earlier, she found the courage to type in a message to Marco, but before she actually sent it, she canceled and re-typed it at least six times.  
The message was easy and clear: they needed to talk.  
Marco responded, sounding hesitant, but in the end, he did invite her at his place. Or at least, Emma took it as an invite, even if it didn’t sound as definite.  
Almost immediately, she left Susan’s and crossed Dublin to reach Marco’s apartment, but on the way, she did change her mind an infinite amount of times, probably looking crazy on an outside point of view.  
Even now that she was actually standing in front of the building, she just looked at the big black door, lost as ever.  
She walked through that door so many times that she could almost define Marco’s house as her own… And yet, now she felt like she didn’t know that place anymore – or Marco, for what it mattered.  
She kept a good couple of steps away from the intercom, still hesitant and unsure. On one side, she thought she was still on time and she could just turn and go away, leave that whole situation to the unknown, but on the other… Emma was proudly sure of her need to talk to Marco – firmly convinced that doing so could actually help.  
Yet, she just stood there, her feet nailed to the ground. She didn’t even know if she was early or late from the approximate time she told Marco she would show up. At that point, it didn’t really matter.  
Emma just waited, counting her breaths. Her heart was roaring into her chest, biting so fast it was almost hurting.  
She just… Wanted to run, and it didn’t matter for how long or where. But just, running away.  
The iron and glass door opened, and Emma gasped, looking straight to the figure of the old lady who was stepping out. She felt like she was just caught doing something bad.  
“Do you need to get in darling?”  
Asked the lady in a thick Irish accent, holding the door open for a few seconds.  
Emma was confused because for some reason she wasn’t expecting to be welcomed, but instead she felt like it would be more appropriate for someone to judge her.  
At that point, Emma just nodded, acting out of politeness more than being actually convinced. “Yes, thank you, ma’am.”  
So she stepped in, thinking she didn’t really have a choice. And now, she was cornered into that situation, unable to turn back.  
So, taking a deep breath, she approached the lift.  
Once she pressed the floor number button, it was it.  
For the whole journey up through those eight floors, Emma was fidgeting, feeling desperately uncomfortable into her own skin and not even sure anymore on what the hell she was doing there or what she actually wanted to say to Marco. What could she say?  
Besides the fact that Emma didn’t think about anything else for the whole time since she decided to see him… Now all her thoughts melted into thin air.  
When the lift bell rang signaling the arrival at the floor, Emma stood there, in the middle of the lift, watching the doors opening, watching the section of the corridor in front of her. And she kept standing there, letting the seconds slip by, up to the point that the doors started closing. Just then, Emma stepped forward, pushing her hand between the doors.  
Again, she felt like that move, wasn’t really dictated by her own will. But now, even more than before, she felt pulled to Marco’s door.  
And so she moved closer, thinking that if she didn’t do it now, she wouldn’t and probably just run away.  
Emma knocked firmly on the wood and then stood there, waiting.  
After a few seconds, she heard some movement on the other side of the panel but it took another good amount of seconds before the door actually opened.  
Marco picked through at first, looking confused. “You didn’t ring.”  
“No. The door was open.”  
Which wasn’t the real story but she really couldn’t think straight.  
“Oh.”  
And then, he just stood there, in the middle of the doorway, looking down at her.  
Emma lost her breath and her heart stopped, because again, she saw in him a charm, a look, he never had before. She always thought he was a handsome chap, but… She never found him sexy. Yet, now she did, at the point that her hands were vibrating, in need to touch him.  
His long hair was loosened on his shoulders, wet as if he recently had a shower. He was wearing a white tank top over a pair of grey joggers and she could not stop herself but noticing the way those trousers fell on his hips… Or the way his shoulders muscles popped under the tank. And she could not stop herself from thinking that he was hot. And even more, were his eyes, or the way he was looking at her.  
“So, what is it?”  
“Can I come in?”  
Asked her, just now remembering how to breathe. She looked around and then over his shoulder, into his house, feeling unsure… Wondering if, at this point, she just disturbed him.  
Regretting every single step and decision she took in the past few hours.  
“I rather not.”  
Marco's voice was low and firm… And Emma felt her knees unsteady all of a sudden.  
Her cheeks blushed violently, and she now felt even more full of doubt. Emma looked away, just for a second, not really able to confront those eyes.  
Unsure on who really was that guy standing in front of her. Where did her best friend go? Why she could not see him anymore?  
“Why?”  
She really wanted to sound stronger but her voice ended up coming out closer to a whisper and when she looked back at him, her eyes were watery and full of emotions that Emma wished she could hide.  
Because everything used to be so easy and natural between them. And now was a mess and that distance that Marco seemed to put between them looked… Scary.  
She knew perfectly this could be a point of no return… And she surely knew she lost Marco as a best friend, because she could not stop seeing him as she was seeing him now, and again she could not stop feeling whatever she was feeling.  
“Why? Is it going to take that long?”  
He looked and sounded so defensive.  
Emma should have expected that, but for some reason she wasn’t actually ready for that behavior or words.  
Emma trembled, she shook her shoulders and then huffed, looking up, straight into his eyes. There was a touch of pride and anger, all of a sudden, firing her spirit and she could not contain it, because that was painful and scary, and anger was the easiest reaction she could bring out. “I don’t know, maybe?! You cannot avoid me forever.”  
“But what if I want to, Emma? What do you want from me?! I literally cannot go on like this.”  
“Like this what?!”  
“Oh my god!”  
He was yelling. She was yelling. And definitely that took no time at all to become an argument.  
Their spirits seemed to be fired up by the same kind of energy, and yet they were colliding.  
Marco raised his hands to his face, leaning his head backward. “You are absolutely impossible. Was I not clear enough last night?! Do you need me to be clearer?! Do you want me to humiliate myself even more?!”  
“You didn’t humiliate yourself!”  
“But I fucking did!”  
“Marco…”  
“No. Shut up. Now, you listen. I cannot do this. You’re with Alex, you’re both so clearly happy and such a good match or whatever and believe me I’m so happy for you. But I, I cannot stand there and look at you. Yesterday I let myself believe that something was going on. I let you give me false hope. And then I had to stop right before making a mistake I would have regret immediately…”  
“Something was going on, last night! Damn it! Why does it have to be so difficult?!”  
“Because you’re dating my fucking best friend, Emma! What the fuck do you want me to say?!”  
“I want you to listen, for a start!”  
She stomped her foot and clenched her fists, looking straight at him. She didn’t want that to become an argument but apparently there wasn’t an option.  
Every word, every emotion bubbling up into their spirits, seemed just to be like fuel on a fire.  
Marco just stood there, his arms crossed to his chest, then he huffed and stepped backward. “Whatever. Come in. At least let’s not make a scene for the entire floor.”  
She just gave him a look, then raised her chin and walked in. Because she knew she was right and she knew that did require privacy and a little more time and now that Marco realized it, she felt proud and wounded at the same time.  
Marco closed the door behind her and once that happened, Emma just dropped her bag on the floor and turned to him, pointing a finger to his chest. “Last night I wanted to fucking kiss you too. I wanted to dance with you and I fucking liked it, everything about that.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?!”  
“I don’t know!”  
“You’re with Alex! What the fuck Emma?!”  
“Yes. And I love him. And yet there’s something… I cannot pull away from you.”  
“Bullshit.”  
Marco just walked around her, distancing himself from her and probably the entire situation, but Emma would not let it go, especially now that she exposed herself.  
So she followed him straight away. “Is this everything you can say to me?! Uh?!”  
“What do you want me to say, Emma? Did you wanted to kiss me?! Good for you.”  
“I’m…”  
Emma squinted her eyes; she shook her head and her face was pulled into an angry expression. She really didn’t have any control at all, and she didn’t know what to say or how to say it.  
“I have feelings for you too, Marco. There’s something…”  
“And did you have to realize that after you fell in love with my best friend?!”  
At that point, Marco turned to her, looking crossed and hurt, and Emma was his exact reflection.  
And yet they seemed to be crossed and hurt for so many different reasons.  
“Hold on. Why it has to be my fault?! You never said anything! Ever!”  
“I thought you knew! I thought you needed time! And then, you met Alex and you lost your mind for him and… That broke my heart! But what could I do?”  
“Tell me, maybe?! Tell me something?!”  
Because now she decided to follow that path and be angry at him because he never said anything. Even if she knew that maybe if he did say something, some time ago, it wouldn’t be of any help… Because she perfectly knew that something changed, in her way of seeing and feeling things just after she started to know Alex and all of those aspects of herself around it.  
Marco hesitated. Then he cursed, first in English and then in Danish. He looked away, running both of his hands through his hair, moving them backward.  
Emma seemed to forget how to breathe, once again, so she had to bring herself to take air into her lungs.  
“Marco… I don’t know what’s going on… I…”  
“You’re with Alex, Emma. You just told me you love him. So… It’s pretty clear, what’s going on and what it needs to happen.”  
“Don’t bring Alex into this.”  
“Alex is already into this!”  
“Alex fucking knows, ok?! He was the one who suggested to me to come and talk to you.”  
“Ok. Now we talked. I don’t think there is any more to be said.”  
“Marco, don’t shut me out!”  
“I must. He loves you, you love him. Where does this leave me, uhm?!”  
He stepped closer, and besides the fact that he looked angry, Emma didn’t step back or felt scared – because she knew so perfectly well the difference between anger and… Violence.  
So, she just stood there, chin up and fierce eyes, because she didn’t have any intention of letting that go nor letting him go. “It doesn’t need to be black or white.”  
“Well it does, Emma. You want to know something?! I love you too. A lot. I cannot stand here, like this. And having you telling me you feel something for me just tear my heart open!”  
Her brain shut down, for a second, after that “I love you”, she couldn’t really think anymore, less than before. Because those words just made his feelings more real and vivid, as much as his pain.  
Emma felt like she hit a wall, realizing now that she did pretend she never knew because it was easier not to see that love that Marco had for her…  
But now, now that it would be impossible to have it, she just wanted it more – selfishly as that could sound, she wanted to drown into that feeling.  
Emma gasped, as she was already out of breath, then she shook her head, never breaking eye contact with him.  
“But why do you feel that way?!”  
“Because you’re going to choose Alex! You think I’m stupid?! And again. Ok, you’ve got feelings, so what, what do you want to do about it, with me?”  
“I don’t know…”  
He just stood there, dropping his arms along his sides. The anger seemed to leave him, sliding away from his body and now there was just pain. A sad smile crossed his lips, while he looked at her. Through those eyes, Emma saw how much he was hurt… But so much of that pain was also inside of her.  
Because that felt like a goodbye. As they were done. There was no solution, no outcome.  
“You must let me go, Emma… I cannot do this.”  
“I… I cannot.”  
“You can. At the end of the day, you’re going to make a choice, me or him. So why bother… I’ll choose for you.”  
“It doesn’t work that way!”  
She was hurt and ashamed… Because nothing changed but now everything seemed even worse than before.  
And he said he loved her.  
That made two people, on the same day, saying that. But she didn’t have an answer for him – not to that.  
She didn’t have an answer in general.  
Even if she did, what was the point, now, to try and dig it out?!  
Her heart just felt so heavy and she really wanted to cry, to let those emotions just crumble her apart and break her.  
But she didn’t, she just stood there, looking at him, still waiting for a new turn, still hopeful.  
“I’m not going to let you go.”  
“It’s not fair on me, Emma. What, do you want both of us?!”  
“I don’t know!”  
He just stood there. Both of them were shaky and both looked like they were going to cry.  
As never before, that feeling of losing him now held her tight, as if a dark shadow just surrounded her and she felt like a part of her own soul disappeared, right there and then.  
It was unfair, all of it.  
And she felt so damn guilty and selfish… And she didn’t know what to say anymore. If there was anything to say.  
“Why did you come here?”  
“Because I wanted to talk to you. I needed to…”  
“You needed to what?”  
“I wanted to understand! I don’t know… Now it feels so wrong.”  
“What did you want to understand?!”  
“What I feel for you!”  
“Emma…”  
Marco stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to his chest.  
That was an unexpected move… But it was like Emma wasn’t expect anything else but that hug.  
Her arms went straight away around his waist and she held him tight, clenching her hands on the fabric of his tank top. As if he was the anchor she needed to hold not to disappear into the abyss.  
The warmth of his body immediately surrounded her, passing through her skin, muscles, and bones. His scent filled her senses up. And there, Emma broke under the pressure, as if she was a thin piece of glass that just shattered into million pieces.  
She started crying convulsively, not able to stop or control herself. Her body was shaking, and she just held him tighter and tighter.  
Because that hug didn’t feel of any comfort… But it had the bittersweet taste of pain.  
“I cannot let you go. I’m not going to.”  
“Emma…”  
“No. I don’t care.”  
“You must care. There is nothing we can do.”  
“Can’t you ignore the rest, for a second?”  
“No, I cannot…”  
Marco pulled away just enough to look down on her. He raised his hand to her face, holding her cheek into his palm, so to make her lean her head a bit. His other arm moved around her back, and he seemed to surround her completely.  
Emma sobbed, looking at his eyes, seeing so much sadness. Her tears just kept falling and her heart disappeared.  
“Marco…”  
He shook his head, hushing her softly. “Stop it. It’s done.”  
“No…”  
Emma slid a hand over his chest, raising it to his face, and as soon as she touched his skin, Marco turned and leaned his face into her palm, closing his eyes for a second, sighing.  
There and then, she felt like she was falling, no parachute, no safety net. And she would have crushed as soon as she hit the ground underneath. Which she knew it wasn’t so far as it felt.  
Emma raised on her toes, pulling closer to his face. And he didn’t move, he didn’t stop her, which she found herself grateful of.  
“Kiss me. Just once… But kiss me.”  
It sounded a request, but it really wasn’t because she felt too desperate to actually consider not to do what she felt she wanted, right now.  
Deep down, she knew that would just make the whole situation more difficult. But she didn’t care.  
And Marco seemed not to care either, at least for that second.  
He moved forward, obliging to her request.  
When their lips touched, Emma moaned softly, and everything disappeared completely.  
She moved her hand following Marco’s jawline until she felt his hair touching her fingertips, to which point she just dunked her hand between those wet locks, holding his hair into her hand in a tight but soft hold.  
If possible, she moved closer and that kiss became deeper and desperate.  
Marco’s hand slid down from her cheek to her throat, surrounding her skin in a light touch, and if, in general, that kind of stroke would trigger her fear, now it didn’t. It just made her feel warmer, and safer as if he got her.  
The taste of his mouth exploded on her tongue and Emma felt like she was melting away between those arms. That was enough to put her on her knees, on the ground.  
Now, more than ever, the last thing she wanted to do was leaving him.  
No. Now, she wanted to have everything she could not have before, like that kiss.  
But before that thought could translate in any kind of action, Marco pulled away, pushing her further away.  
He kept his hands on her shoulders for a second, while leaning his head forward, as if he was trying to catch his breath.  
Emma was pretty breathless herself, and her entire body felt like jelly.  
She pressed her lips between her teeth, trying to remember her own name, or anything else. But she couldn’t.  
Marco left her, making a good step back, then sighed, just now raising his eyes on her. He shook his shoulders, then gave her a sad smile, which reflected into his eyes. “I think you need to go.”  
She hesitated. She wanted to say his name, or anything else to stop him, instead, she stood there, feeling empty and yet full.  
Her feelings seemed to be amplificated and stronger, now. And she just wanted to crawl back into that hug, into that moment.  
But she didn’t do anything of that. She just nodded, and stepped backward, feeling like she really couldn’t do anything else but say goodbye.  
And part of her died, slowly sliding out of her soul, together with those tears, and remaining there, close to him, between those arms…  
And every step she took was a heartbeat less she had. Every part of her was pulling her in the opposite direction as if Marco has a magnetism on her that she was trying to fight. Because that was his will, and she was done hurting him.  
Even if that meant hurt herself.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma stood in front of the door looking all pretty and polished. She put on some make-up and pulled off a cute outfit, her hair looked nice and shaped. She just looked like she just jumped out from a Tumblr blog, looking like she didn’t have a single problem in the world.  
Clearly that was not a reflection of how she felt inside.   
Her heart was shattered, and Emma wasn’t sure how it could still be beating.   
The pain she felt devouring and digging into her chest was so strong and absolute, that she thought that breaking every single bone in her body would not feel as bad… And she very well knew the pain of a broken bone.  
She could not see herself healing from this.  
The realization that she lost Marco kept popping into her mind and every single time, it was like she would get another deep stab in her chest.  
She felt so much of that pain, and it as so powerful, to chain her into an apathetic glass case. And she could scream, or cry… But it would not show.  
After she left Marco she went straight home. There, she felt petrified and she just cried, and she didn’t even know for how long, she could not even remember it or what was going on in her mind. She just detached from that reality.  
And then, it stopped. Her feelings just got locked into a deep and hidden chest in her soul, and she just… Kept being.  
So now, Emma was patiently waiting for someone to open Alex’s place door, not knowing what was expecting her… But not caring.  
The only thing that would warm her heart up was knowing Alex would be there. That idea, or him in general, felt like a light into that darkness that surrounded her.  
And finally, the door opened and immediately, some music, the sound of chatter and the smell of food came through even before she could actually peek inside the house.  
Emma recognized immediately Kristy face and the woman welcomed her with a huge smile. “Emma! There you are! Nice to see you!”  
She pulled in for a friendly hug, which Emma gave back, before she let her in. “Thanks! Sorry if I’m a bit late, I’ve got caught into something.”  
“Oh no, don’t worry! You know, we were just afraid you could lose the show!”  
“What show?”  
Asked Emma with a sparkle of interest lighting up her eyes, looking at Kristy, while she stepped in.  
Kristy gave her a complicit look, then just signed with a nod of her head towards the kitchen.  
Emma's eyes followed through the opened arch connecting the kitchen to the living room, and there, scattered around in the room, there were Alex, Jordan, and Alexander all busy arranging and cooking dinner.  
All three of them were wearing a cooking apron, and all of them seemed more focused on singing and dancing over, actually, being impromptu chefs.  
Emma's entire face melted into a sincere smile, and even her heart felt a bit lighter, just looking at Alex having fun.  
He looked like he was lost in the moment, following the words of a rap song and generally, being silly with his friends.   
Emma would lie if she said she didn’t find his voice charming as hell, especially while he was singing… But then again, there was nothing she didn’t like about him.  
Maybe just his being so stubborn, sometimes, but even that was something she couldn’t dislike.  
Emma looked back at Kristy, nodding. “Oh, absolutely I didn’t want to miss this!”  
She looked chilled and ready to enjoy the evening, completely ignoring the fact that she felt like a part of her wanted to die.  
And she knew, eventually, even that fierce face would have crumbled… She just hoped it would happen when she was on her own.  
“Emma!”  
Someone else shouted her name and a sudden number of voices raised to greet her. Emma looked over to the bigger section of the living room, in the back of the apartment, recognizing Sophie and David.  
The TV was on, giving background noise, but it didn’t look like someone was actually paying attention, but more everyone was chatting.   
Just at the end, her attention got caught by the last two people in the room, setting the big dinner table ready for all those guests.  
Her eyes crossed Marco’s and even if it was just a second, it was enough to make her want to scream.  
By his side, stood Karen. Emma spent more time looking at her, than at him, and she didn’t hide her annoyance. Because besides being hurt, she was also jealous, and she didn’t want to hide that.  
Her eyes quickly followed Karen figure, and she made sure the girl knew she was judging her.  
That lasted no more than a couple of seconds, almost immediately, Emma turned her back to them, but smiled and waved back at the rest of the guests. “Hey, guys!”  
“Honey! You are home!”  
Alex’s voice raised over everyone’s, and his figure popped over from the kitchen, with a huge smile ready for her. His eyes were bright and welcoming – making her feel whole and warm... And for a second, she wished they were alone.  
He looked handsome as always. His long dark hair was tied backwords and under the apron she could see he was wearing just a T-shirt and black denim.   
Emma smiled immediately and just stepped closer to him, meeting him for a welcome kiss.  
Her hands almost automatically reached for his face and as soon as their lips touched, Emma felt like a sparkle lighting up in her… And she thought that wasn’t enough, but she was also aware of the other people crowding the room around them.  
So she let that just be a light kiss, pulling away almost immediately.  
“Sorry, I forgot the booze…”  
Alex shook his head but kept smiling. “No problem, we’ve got plenty.”  
She knew that if there was someone, in that room, knowing exactly what she was thinking and feeling, just by looking at her, it would be Alex – besides Marco, of course… But she wasn’t sure she could consider him anymore -, which was the main reason why she kept eye contact as minimum as possible trying also her best to look natural.  
Because that wasn’t the place or moment to talk about anything.  
So, even if she really wanted just to focus on Alex and no one else – in fact, she just wanted to be alone with him, and hide between those arms… She pulled herself together just raising her head and stepped backward.  
She saw Kristy walking and dancing towards the kitchen, so to reach Alexander's side, while everyone seemed to go back doing what they were doing just a couple of minutes before.   
And if Emma thought Alex would go back to his friends, he didn’t, instead, he stood there for a few seconds, trying to get her to look at him.  
But she wouldn’t.  
Emma stepped back again, and then turned over, realizing just after she took that direction, that Marco would be there.   
And he was, his eyes were. And that angered her more than what she could admit or show.   
He was the one who pushed her away and yet, now he was standing at a couple of meters from her. That pissed her off.  
She didn’t even care that those all around her were more of his friends than hers. It didn’t matter.  
And Karen's presence didn’t help at all. If not, just filled her up with an unbearable craving to slap her.   
But then, Emma remembered she wasn’t a violent person.  
Huffing, she raised her chin, so perfectly hearing her heart, inside of her, crack under the pressure.  
She walked over, going around the table and doing her best to ignore Marco, or his looks, trying not to notice how he himself looked handsome… Or thinking about the fact they kissed, and said goodbye to each other, just a few hours ago.  
She slid into Alex’s bedroom, closing the door behind her and stopping there, for a second, catching her breath, without even bother to turn on the light, not for the first few seconds.  
She asked herself what the hell she was doing there… But now, it was late to run away or avoid everyone.  
Emma's body felt so heavy, all of a sudden. But again, she shook that feeling and ignored the red flag.  
Turning on the light, Emma walked over to the bed, on top of which she dropped her leather jacket and bag.   
And then she stood there, for a second, gathering her courage to step out and be social and happy, sharing that evening with everyone.  
But then, her privacy was broken. Someone stepped in.  
“Hey, are you ok?”  
Alex's familiar voice reached her ears making her shiver instantly. Emma turned to him and nodded, while he closed the door behind his back, shutting everyone else out.  
And so, Emma nodding became the opposite, shaking of her head. She looked away.   
“Don’t. I don’t want to talk about it…”  
“It’s ok, you don’t have to.”  
But Alex walking closer to her was enough to make her spirit tremble and she really just wanted to find refuge in him.   
So, she did. She just let him be close enough to lean in for a hug, laying her head on his chest and resting there for a moment.   
Alex wrapped her between his arms and held her, laying his chin on the top of her head.   
She found comfort in the sound of his breath and beating heart.  
“I just want to know if you’re ok.”  
“I’m not.”  
“Ok. Are you going to be ok around people?”  
“Yes, I guess… I mean I must, because now I’m here, so… It’s going to be ok.”  
Alex leaned his head, looking for her eyes and when they crossed, he smiled, raising one of his hands to her face, lightly caressing her cheek with his thumb. “I’m here. You know that.”  
“I do.”  
Emma felt like a heavyweight was tied to her ankle, drugging her down. And words came out even before she could think about it. “I kissed him. But… It’s done. We are done.”  
Her voice was atonic, she sounded like she was reading those words out of a piece of paper or something. No emotion on the surface.  
Alex looked confused just for a second, but then just nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s ok. I guess…”  
Alex just pulled her back into his hug, holding her close. He kissed softly her forehead and at that point, Emma’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tighter and tighter by the second.   
Knowing she didn’t need anything else, now, at least not to drown.   
They stood there, quietly, for a good number of seconds, maybe even minutes, ignoring the rest of the world at least for that moment. And Emma was grateful for that.  
But in the end the reality knocked back into her mind.   
Emma huffed, then pulled away, taking a good couple of seconds, before raising her eyes on his face.  
She looked at his features, feeling her heart filling up with love. Because she still thought about what she said to him earlier that day.   
Besides everything, she loved him and that much, she knew, was clear and true.   
She smiled, leaning closer to give him a light kiss on the lips.   
“Are you… Going to be ok, around him I mean?”  
“I’ll try my best to ignore him.”  
“I guess there are enough people around not to make that awkward.”  
“Even if… I don’t care. I don’t have much of a choice.”  
“No… That’s true.”  
Alex stopped there but sounded like there was more he wanted to say. Emma looked at him, trying to get those unspoken words through his eyes.  
“What?”  
“Nothing…”  
“I can see you thinking, Alex.”  
“I might need to talk to him…”  
“Maybe. But you two must remain friends. Like…”  
“Don’t worry, that’s not the problem. I just know I need to be a friend for him too, especially now.”  
“Yeah… He will need that.”  
She didn’t have any doubt about the fact that Marco could be suffering as well. Actually, she knew that he probably felt the same way as her, if not worse.   
She knew he had his point of view and… She didn’t think it was entirely wrong. But she wished the situation could just be… Easier.  
Instead, now it wasn’t.   
And even if she tried to think about it, she could not see any solution, besides… Stand by in that kind of weird limbo or… Worsen everything even more.  
Emma shook her shoulders and then took a deep breath, before nodding, more to herself than to him. “Ok, let’s go. You’ve got guests.”  
Alex just smiled at her in such a sweet way that made her knees feel like jelly. He leaned down for another kiss, which she was more than ready for.   
After, they both left the room, holding hands. Emma tried her best not to look around in the room, looking for Marco, but kind of failed, because she immediately found his figure, now sitting beside David, chatting with him.  
Karen was sitting right next to him, but chatting with Sophie.   
Emma looked away almost immediately, just following Alex in the kitchen, thinking that would have been the safer place where to hide, for now.  
“So, what are you guys cooking?”  
Emma asked, curious, looking around the kitchen, and recognizing some stuff already served into bowls, ready for the table.  
Jordan and Alexander both proudly smiled and pushed their chests out, ready to strut around.   
Jordan threw the cloth he was holding between his hands over his shoulder and cleared his voice. “As a main, we’ve got a delicious braised beef and roasted garlic pie and a veggie shepherd’s pie, with a side of sweet potatoes, spring onions and feta cheese salad, together with a courgette and goat’s cheese tart…”  
Emma’s eyes popped out and a big smile curved her lips, while she looked over at the three guys, pleasantly surprised. “It sounds delicious! Did you spend the entire afternoon cooking then?”  
Jordan shook his shoulders, then nodded. “Pretty much, between grocery shopping first and cooking after, yeah.”  
“Sounds nice though!”  
She actually thought that their day of hanging around would be… Hanging around in Dublin, but then she also realized that they all knew Dublin very well.  
“So, basically, I hope you’re hungry!”  
Said Alex nodding and leaning against the counter with a big and proud smile on his lips.   
Emma looked around, her eyes were sparkly, and her senses filled up with the amazing smells and colors of the dinner that would be soon served. There were bowls filled up with sides of veggies like green beans, carrots, sprouts, a basket of bread, and some other bowls with different types of crisps…  
Emma almost felt like it was Christmas, there was the warmth and being surrounded by family feeling in the air, which to her was as unknown as particularly nice.   
“I’m surprised, I have to be honest! Wasn’t expecting any of this!”  
She said looking back at the three guys, Alexander shook his shoulders, answering to her with a sweet smile. “That’s what we do when we get the chance to get all together! And it’s still a little party, compared to when we all get together.”  
“Bigger parties?”  
She looked shocked and all the guys just laughed, Jordan nodded. “Yes! When the whole cast meets… Or the whole crew… Jesus those are big ones! Like wedding celebrations, but dinner party style.”  
“Crowded!”  
“Yeah, pretty much!”  
Giggled Alex, then giving her a look and then continuing. “Maybe you’ll get to participate in one of those too!”  
Emma just turned to him, speechless for a second. Not because she was shocked or anything… Just because, even with their feelings and all of that, they haven’t really talked about the future, yet.  
She just smiled, nodding. “I guess I don’t really want to miss a party like that!”  
Alex and she just stood there, looking at each other for a couple of seconds.   
Jordan squatted down, looking through the oven glass window. “Right, I think dinner is going to be officially served in about fifteen minutes or so, I’d say.”  
“Great, I’ll start to put some of the food on the table.”  
Offered Alexander, already reaching for a couple of the side bowls. While he walked off, Sophie popped in the kitchen, walking towards Jordan. “Did I hear dinner is almost ready?”  
She asked, while Jordan got up straight on his legs and the two met for a hug. Jordan nodded. “Almost there.”  
Emma looked away, turning to Alex, which nodded in her direction and then sighed. “Hey, do you want anything to drink?”  
“Yes, please!”  
She sounded happy and bubbly, but the truth behind those words was more… Desperate. She kind of wanted to drink to loosen up, forget and, basically, ignore her pain with the help of some alcohol, hoping that would make her enjoy that party a bit more.  
“Wine? Beer? We’ve got other stuff too but, might keep it for later.”  
Emma shook her head, smiling. She liked beer over wine, but wine always made her tipsy quicker.   
“Wine, please.”  
“Is red good?”  
“Sounds perfect.”  
She just followed Alex around in the kitchen and while he was fetching a bottle of wine from the wine rack in the corner by the door, she walked to one of the cupboards where she knew glasses were. Just when she found the shelf empty, she remembered that, possibly, most of the glasses were already at the table.  
After walking over, fetching herself a glass, she came back and let Alex serve her the wine.   
As soon as he had free hands after he left the bottle on the side, she slid under his arm, raising her eyes at him. “Thanks.”  
A warm smile popped up on her lips and Emma raised on her toes, to steal Alex a kiss. Even if he seemed to be ready for it.   
Alexander, and Kristy right behind him, walked back in the room, ready to fetch some more food to bring to the table.   
“When you’ve finished smooching, a hand would be helpful at the table!”  
Chuckled Alexander, reaching for a couple more bowls of food, while Kristy started grabbing some bottles of drinks.  
Alex held Emma closer, tightening his grip around her shoulders so to squeeze her against his chest, which she didn’t mind at all, but smiled. So, he gave a look ad Alexander, smirking. “Hey, hey, don’t boss me around in my own house!”  
Alexander, for a second, tried to answer with a straight face, managing to look incredibly intimidatory, but burst into a laugh almost immediately, shaking his head. “I’ll kick your ass in your own house, little brother!”   
Emma chuckled, and then pushed gently Alex away. She drunk a sip of her wine, enjoying the rich flavor of the dense red wine on her tongue and then moving to help the couple.   
Alexander peeked to the living room, looking for the other guests. “Hey, everyone up! We need help, this is not a restaurant!”  
Besides the fact that that guy was tall and well built, he looked sweet and even a bit dorky… But he also seemed very well able to give orders.  
Emma just gave Alex a little look, smirking, and then proceeded to grab something to bring at the table.  
So did Alex and Sophie, while Jordan remained behind to check on the cooking food. While everyone else seemed to move to the kitchen, helping.  
Holding her glass of wine in a hand and a bowl of steamed carrots in the other, Emma turned and raising her eyes, she almost felt… Ok. Kind of lifted, and light.  
But that feeling crushed as soon as Marco figure slid into the kitchen. He was smirking confidently and said something to the others, but Emma wasn’t listening.   
For a moment, she was petrified, because she almost forgot he was there. She almost forgot about the kiss, about her heart being broken.  
He seemed to ignore her, but walked straight to Alex, giving him a bump on the shoulder, apparently just for the fun of it.  
Emma realized she wasn’t breathing, but she was overheating… And she was definitely overwhelmed all of a sudden. So, she found the strength to move.  
Emma put down the bowl of carrots in the closest available space she found on the table, and then looked around, trying to understand if some places were already allocated. Trying to give herself something to be distracted, not to think about how her hands were shaky or… How her insides were turning.  
She turned, looking for Alex, which was right behind her with a couple of bottles of wine in his hands.  
“Where are you sitting?”  
He smiled and shook his shoulders, stopping by her side and putting down the wine, then looking around. “I don’t know. I don’t care.”  
Emma just pointed at the two chairs in front of them, clearly suggesting those sits and Alex nodded.  
She put her glass down, swopping the clean one to the place she left empty a minute ago. Then, she turned to Alex, finding him busy taking his apron off. Emma smiled, leaning a bit closer, ignoring the others moving around them.   
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pull closer to his ear. “You’re sexy with that on.”  
Her voice was lowered into a whisper, but so clearly warm and full of meaning, which she put into the look she gave to him right after, smirking.   
Alex just looked at her, then bit his lower lip, huffing, then smiled wrapping his hands around her hips. “Hold that thought, we can talk about it later.”  
He winked in a complicit way, before to lean in for a quick kiss.  
“I said stop smooching!”  
Yelled Alexander, giving Alex a little push.   
Emma gasped and stepped back, but as soon as she saw a big smile on both of their faces, she relaxed.   
Alex nodded at Alexander and then, giggling, he leaned in to tackle him, wrapping his arms around Alexander's waist.  
The two just kept messing around for a while, and Emma just stepped back, looking at them and shaking her head. She laughed, turning over and finding Kristy standing there, hands on her hips.   
“Do they always do this?!”  
“Yep. All of them. Damn Lothbrok brothers…”  
Both of them chuckled in between words, while the others joined them, bringing stuff to the table.  
As soon as Emma realized Marco was close, she stepped back – or better, jumped back. “Right, I’ll have a ciggy before dinner.”  
She dropped that information in the air, a bit for everyone, and then proceeded to walk over into Alex’s room to get her jacket, and after she went out on the balcony, closing the bay window behind her.  
Emma stood there for a second, enjoying the silence and the cold air of that new evening covering up Dublin skyline.  
Her head felt fuzzy… She could coop up to a certain level, but she felt very close to reaching her breaking point.  
Alex was a big enough distraction. And around him, she could very easily pretend nothing else existed. The others helped as well, they all seemed so nice and welcoming.  
But, she didn’t know how long she could hold, being sat at the same table as Marco and completely ignore him. Or Karen.  
Damn Karen.  
Because if she did pretend he wasn’t there, hiding in the kitchen for the past few minutes… Now she couldn’t really pretend anymore.  
And everyone would have noticed they are not talking.  
Emma huffed, lighting up her cigarette and taking down a deep breath of smoke.  
And when she thought she could enjoy her moment, her nice, lonely bubble, was burst by someone else stepping out.  
Emma was expecting Alex, so she turned over with a smile on her face, which died immediately.  
“Hey. I think we need to talk.”  
Karen sounded sincere, but Emma absolutely didn’t care. She raised her eyes to the sky, shaking her head. “What do you want?”  
“I… I don’t know, I’m under the impression that you’re pissed at me or something.”  
“And you’re right.”  
Emma didn’t look at her but just leaned against the rail, looking straight into the port bay in front of her.  
“I just don’t understand why.”  
Emma hesitated, biting her own tongue not to say something she would regret… But also, she wanted to be honest.   
She took a puff of smoke, keeping her silence for another couple of minutes.  
She had any reason to be pissed as hell, but none of them were entitled. Especially now.  
“Because all of a sudden you’re hoovering around my friends.”  
And Marco. But that, of course, was implied.   
Karen huffed, shaking her shoulders, looking crossed. Of course, she was. She just found herself in the middle of a bigger situation and now, she was the one getting the shit storm. Not that Emma was really sorry about it, but maybe, just a bit… She would have liked that whole situation to be easier – at this point, for people involved like Karen, too.  
“Listen. I know Marco is your friend… But you cannot stop other people from being around forever. Plus, I think I’m interested in him.”  
Emma's whole body trembled in a deep and dark desire to hurt her.  
Because she felt like Marco was her business and no one else’s… And yet, she could not really do much about it.  
Again, she didn’t like having those thoughts… Or being so jealous.   
But Emma could not quite control herself, not now, not today. So, she turned over, looking at Karen squinting her eyes, like she was trying to analyze her person.  
“Do you?! Or you like his fame?”  
Karen gasped, so clearly offended, then shook her head, her expression was full of resentfulness.  
“Could say the same about you.”  
“Don’t you dare come for me.”  
“Listen, I don’t know what’s your problem. But you need to chill out a bit. I’m…”  
Emma snapped at her almost immediately, her eyes shoot back at her, nailing her to the ground, and Emma’s face, now, froze into a serious expression.  
Deep down, she knew it wasn’t Karen fault and that she wasn’t entitled to be angry at her… And yet, she was.  
“Ok, first of all, don’t come to me and tell me how to behave, I’d say. Second, my problem is you around my best friend.”  
Karen just stood there, looking at her confused and probably without expecting that reaction. “Hey, I’m trying to make this friendly.”  
“Well, I’m not. Leave me alone, leave him alone.”  
“I don’t think I will. I kind of like him. Plus, it doesn’t seem like you’re friends since you’re so clearly not talking to each other.”  
Those words sounded very much like a stab straight to her heart and probably were said with that exact intention. Because even if that was supposed to be friendly, none of them seemed to be very peaceful.  
Emma just looked at her, then chuckled but not because she found that funny. She shook her head and look away for a second, then took a puff from her cigarette. “It’s none of your business how much it seems we are friends.”  
It was no one business, actually. And they weren’t friends, clearly, since Marco loved her, and she… Felt for him. But they weren’t even defined by that… And in all truth, they weren’t much at all.  
Emma turned to her, then tossed her cigarette butt into the ashtray, well aware that she barely started it. She really wanted a fight and she really wanted it with her, right now… But she decided to be the bigger person. Or at least, she could try.   
“Listen, in all honesty, I don’t like you. So, more because we must work together than anything else, just leave me alone.”  
Emma turned over to walk back to the window but a second before she went back inside, she turned again to Karen, and at that point she didn’t even care to be an absolute asshole. “…And I very much hope that you will keep any personal information that you hear from these guys for yourself. They are not to share on your socials for a couple of likes.”  
That being said, she just left, not caring about Karen.  
But actually very much doing so… Because she was standing by Marco's side, there where it always been her place.   
There, where she wanted to be, but she couldn’t, probably forever.   
And it didn’t matter if it wasn’t her business if they were done if whatever she felt for Marco was a big, confused, grey area… or if she had Alex. It didn’t matter; she was still mad, wounded, and jealous.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter No. 20 has been switched with Chapter No. 21 by mistake.
> 
> I apologize... I missed it in my previous update.
> 
> Edited.

Later, that evening, more or less everyone was having fun.  
Food was eaten, wine and beer were poured and everyone, by now, had a full belly and was tipsy.  
Emma didn’t make any exception.  
She found comfort in drinking, just because the alcohol would lift her pain and give her a push in being a bit more social. She knew it was not a healthy way to deal with anything… And just drown her pain would not help, in the long run. But now, she didn’t care.  
She was enjoying the general company, especially Alex’s, even if ignoring Marco was hard.  
Everyone, by that point, realized that something was up, but nobody really asked anything.   
Alex was positive energy to have by her side, so charming and bubbly, but the most important thing was that Emma felt safe, in that little spot next to him. He was a perfect host, that with no doubt. He was able to entertain and keep the conversations and laughter going, which Emma found almost spectacular.   
Not that they were sitting to a table of boring people, absolutely not. Everyone seemed to be full of stuff to talk about, different views and ideas, and yet, so much open and light conversations.  
At that point in the evening, the table was a messy crime scene of the good dinner that just took place and everyone sitting around it forgot about composed postures but instead, chose to sit comfortably, just enjoying drinking and chatting.  
The big group was now split into two, where some people hung around the table and others moved to the sofa area of the living room.   
Action that lifted some of the tension off the group, but from Emma in particular, because Marco and Karen were now sitting behind her back, somewhere, away from her sight and she could actually pretend they weren’t there – or that nothing happened between her and Marco.  
Even if she wouldn’t need too much concentration to switch from the conversation at the table to the one behind her. It wasn’t hard at all, to her, to find Marco’s voice, or laugh, in the background.  
And every time she would hear the second, it would feel getting stabbed again and again.  
Not because she didn’t want him to be distracted or… Even happy. But to a certain level, the fact she could not notice him being hurt was getting to her nerves.   
Of course, she was completely ignoring the fact that he was able to act and lie.   
In the background there was some music playing, but nobody really seemed to pay attention.  
The longer that dinner would go, the longer Emma felt this wholesome feeling of Christmas time… Even if it was May.  
Emma’s chair was pulled as close as possible to Alex’s one and she was curled under his left arm, laying her head on his shoulder, listening to the conversations going on around her but not really paying attention, feeling now quite relaxed, warm and actually a bit tired.   
“So, Emma, where are you from?”  
Asked Kristy from the other side of the table, then taking a sip of wine from her glass, giving Emma a curious look.  
Emma almost gasped, finding it a bit hard to concentrate on something specific. She smiled, though, without moving from her comfy position. Alex and Alexander seemed to pay attention as well at that point.  
“I’m from a city on the coast, in England.”  
Explained deciding not to be specific. Or at least, taking the time to pick something that wasn’t her real hometown.   
Because her past was still something she was running from… And she didn’t really like the idea of giving information about that to someone she didn’t know.   
“Oh? Where about?”  
“Uhm… Brighton.”  
Not true, but it wasn’t important. It was a necessary lie and, anyway that detail wouldn’t make any difference to anything.   
She knew that even telling the truth would not make much of a difference… But she just rather avoids remembering anything specific of that place.  
“That’s so cool!”  
“Have you been?”  
Asked Emma, trying to sound as interested as she actually cared about that city. She knew Brighton very well, everyone who lived in that area knew Brighton as a very pleasant place where to spend a day and have some shopping.   
Both Kristy and Alexander nodded. “Yes. Last time we visited London we had a day out down there!”  
“Yeah, I would say it’s one of those places you must visit if you are around the South.”  
Kristy nodded, smiling as if she was thinking at something and went somewhere else for a second. “Yeah, definitely! Well, so what about Dublin?”  
“What about it?”  
“Why are you here?”  
Emma kept that gentle smile on her lips, even if personal questions generally weren’t something she liked to receive, now she rather be friendly than shut down. And probably, the fact that she wasn’t sober helped.  
“I don’t know. I needed something new and different and so I moved.”  
Again, a half-truth.  
Because her running away and hiding in Dublin has been more a survival decision, so way less light-hearted than it sounded in those words.  
At the time, she even considered running away on the other side of the World, going somewhere in North America or in Australia. But… She had a very limited amount of time to ensure her disappearance.  
There was no way, for her, to get a Visa and money for that kind of journey without being exposed.  
And being exposed meant to be probably killed. And that wasn’t just a paranoid thought or a joke, but more like a fact.   
Which is also the reason why Emma doesn’t want to be found ever again…  
Emma shivered while those thoughts rooted in her brain… She didn’t want to remember or think about it. Especially not now, not there.   
Alex gave her a little squeeze and turned over, kissing her lightly on the temple, as if he was giving her some kind of support.  
Emma smiled, taking in a deep breath, trying her best to ignore those demons.  
“That’s brave! It’s also nice, I guess. To decide to move somewhere and change the scenery.”   
“We are very lucky in this, I think. With the job we do we can see many places around the world.”  
Added Alexander, nodding and Alex seemed to agree. “That for sure.”  
“Yeah, it doesn’t seem like a bad life to live. Besides… Being in the spotlight all the time.”  
Observed Emma looking away, thinking about it.  
She always been very discreet and anonymous as much as possible, avoiding social media completely, for example. Just because she knew that she could be found way easier through the internet.  
Emma, also, very well knew that being around famous people could increase exponentially that risk and it didn’t matter if she ended up being into a friendly group picture or a stolen shot… It meant all the same.  
But she had to pretend it wasn’t as much of a problem. She had to convince herself everything was ok, that chances were too low, so not to close herself up in her room and not go out at all, ever.  
Also, she learned a long ago, since she started hanging with Marco, that being invisible next to someone more or less famous was both impossible and easy.  
The spotlight would be pointed at the person next to her what so ever and, for now, she managed to avoid completely any kind of gossip.  
“Well yeah, that kind of comes with it… It’s a matter of getting used to it.”  
Said Alexander, shaking his shoulders. Kristy, next to him, nodded giving him a look and smiling, to which he just smiled back.   
Alex sighed, then resting his head on Emma’s. “You see, he is the most famous and acclaimed between us. It’s always been down between him, and the other two main actors of our group. So, he knows what he is talking about.”  
Alexander laughed ad those words, shaking his head. “Man, what can I say, people love my character!”  
“Let’s not go there.”  
Chuckled Alex squeezing Emma a bit more, before stretching on his chair, finding a more comfortable position.  
Emma shook her head, smiling. “I guess I really need to start watching this show, uh?”  
Kristy seemed to jump, looking at her astonished. “You didn’t, yet?”  
“No…”  
She smiled shaking her head from a side to the other. Kristy smiled even more, confidently, and nodded towards her. “When you’ll do, I’m sure you’re going to love it. Plus, you kind of got any reason to watch it.”  
And saying so, she looked over to Alex, clearly implying something. Emma raised her eyes to him, smiling.   
Genuinely she was curious about his job, which was the main reason why she did, in fact, watch some of those short movies he was in finding his acting incredibly charming. So, maybe, it was time to see the rest of it.  
Alex turned to her, giving her a sweet, warm, and charming smile. “You could watch it. But you are kind of obliged to like my character in particular.”  
“Uhm… Am I now?”  
Alex leaned in for a kiss, just a second before being brutally interrupted by someone, grabbing his shoulder and giving him a good shake.   
Emma jumped, sitting up straight, just to meet Jordan's eyes. He winked at her before to give Alex a strong pat on the shoulder.   
“Right guys, the time has come for us, we are going.”  
Sophie was standing right next to him.  
Alex turned over, giving his friends a look, before to stand up, nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine. Let me know if you’re going to be around tomorrow.”  
Said giving Jordan a friendly hug and repeating with Sophie.   
“We certainly will!”  
Emma remained sited, not really feeling comfortable with the idea of getting up and hugging people since she didn’t really know them so well.  
But she smiled at them and watched while the couple exchanged goodbyes with Alexander and Kristy as well.  
The others, from the sofas, reached out as well so David and Marco exchanged their own goodbyes with the couple.  
Again, Emma just sat there looking at them, doing her best not to look at Marco. And failing.  
Every time her eyes would lay on him, she would drown again into her painful realization that she was feeling for him and she was not ready to say goodbye.  
She would never be ready to say goodbye.   
But then again, he looked so comfortable and carefree… As if literally nothing happened between them and not just the kiss, or their argument earlier that day, but their whole friendship.  
Under that glass cage holding her feelings prisoners, Emma felt like she was shredding, slowly consumed by that pain… Feeling like she could die.   
But all of that was hidden under that layer of apathy that didn’t let her show her real state. In fact, she thought that could even be a defensive mechanism. Deep down, though, she knew it wasn’t healthy – not at all.  
She wasn’t listening to the conversation that was going on. Someone cracked a joke and people were laughing, but she wasn’t.   
She just sat there, and her eyes jumped from Alex to Marco, and back, over and over. Her heart filled up with love and despair, anger and pain, desire, and regret…   
Emma huffed, then leaned forward reaching for her bottle of beer, deciding to give attention to something else. But the urge to look back was still there, so she stood up, deciding that maybe that would be a good time for a cigarette break.  
Hopefully, once she could actually enjoy it.  
While people moved closer to the door, Emma just stood in the background, kind of wanting to wave or say goodbye but also realizing no one would pay attention and so, she didn’t really need to say anything. And that was fine.  
When Jordan and Sophie left, the apartment seemed to fall into a few moments of silence, where people just moved back to their original spots.  
“I’m gonna have a ciggy.”  
Announced Emma not really care to have a response from anyone in particular and so she proceeded to go and grab her jacket and stuff, and then stepped out on the balcony.  
She moved through Alex’s house as if she was a ghost. Not feeling, not being there.  
As if, she really didn’t want to be there any longer. Not around people. Not around Alex. Not around Marco.  
She couldn’t take it… Even if ignoring everything seemed to be working pretty ok. She just could not bear it anymore.  
And yet, she knew that it was her problem and she just needed to chin up and keep pretending everything was ok.  
As usual, outside, Emma found a bit of peace. Dublin skyline was always there, always looking beautiful and familiar, and the night cold breeze seemed to cleanse her spirit, at least a little bit.  
Emma quickly hand-rolled a cigarette that she lit almost straight away. She breathed in a big puff of smoke, focusing on the burning feeling in her throat and lungs for a second.  
And as if it seemed to be an everyone who was hanging in that apartment habit, the door opened and someone else stepped out.  
At that point, Emma didn’t know if she wanted to scream or if she could not care the less.  
Pretty much both feelings were very strong.  
She didn’t even turn and paid attention, she didn’t want to. Her eyes just remained on the square lines of the buildings over the other side of the river.  
The fact that the other person didn’t say a word at all, should have advised already who was standing there, with her.  
The sound of a lighter clicking filled up the space around her, and just because that action was repeated three or four times, Emma turned over.  
And she wished she didn’t immediately.  
Marco was there, his tall figure was half-lit by the soft light coming through the window and even if pretty much everything out there was dark, his eyes seemed to be bright enough, piercing the air, pointing straight at her.  
And Emma could not look away.   
Now, it seemed like he dropped any mask and he wasn’t bothering pretending. In those eyes, Emma could see his sadness and pain, and so many things that needed to be said, but remained unspoken.  
As for her, she felt the words forming but fading instantly as soon as they reached her tongue.   
They just stood there, quietly, looking at each other. Between them there was just about a meter of space… But it felt like a thousand miles.   
Yet, with those eyes on her… With him, acknowledging her, she felt warm. It was a sad feeling, something gloomy and melancholic.   
Emma felt just one need: a step forward and find her place between those arms.  
Knowing that she couldn’t. Knowing everything that happened… Just made her really hard to contain her tears.   
Knowing she could not do anything about it, that it could not get fixed, Emma just felt like she wanted to run away. And yet, that connection, those eyes, made her feel weirdly whole.  
Then, someone else decided to step out on the balcony, making it incredibly busy.  
“Hey, guys!”  
Said David, appearing through the door. Marco shifted closer to Emma, but their eye contact and moment seemed to be broken because he just turned over to his friend and his whole personality changed. “Hey man…”  
Emma just stood there, in the corner. She went back looking in front of her, paying attention to the skyline and her cigarette.   
Nothing was wrong, everything was ok.   
The two seemed to dive into a conversation that Emma wasn’t really listening to… It was about their career anyway, so something she didn’t have to pay attention to. Not that she would have anyway.   
For what Emma understood, David did act with them for a while, but his role and contract were smaller compared to the other guys, so now he was not working with them anymore.  
Marco partially turned his back on her, facing David, his body covered her but, for some reason, she didn’t feel trapped. Not physically at least.  
Just for a second, she looked at him and her eyes followed his shoulders and down along his back. For a moment, her attention got attracted by his free hand.   
Emma moved hers.  
She didn’t know what weird energy moved her, what was the magnetism that brought her to lightly brush her fingertips over his knuckles. But she did it, carefully, ready to pull back immediately.  
His skin felt warm and the longer she indulged in that touch… More she wanted to do so.  
Marco didn’t react, he didn’t move and he didn’t break the flow of his words, not even his tone seemed to change, at the point that Emma thought he wasn’t caring in the slightest, not enough even to feel.   
But then, his hand moved. He slowly brushed it into her palm, just then opening his fingers, crossing them with hers.   
It seemed like a silent secret. Like it meant something and nothing at the same time. And at that point it didn’t really matter.  
Because whatever it was, whatever it meant… Wherever would leave them standing, Emma felt a bit of her pain disappear.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

The room was submerged in the soft morning Sunlight.  
A window was open, letting some air in the room. The breeze was pleasant, carrying in its Spring energy.  
Emma felt serene as if her whole life, thoughts, and problems have been on pause.  
Which was the main reason why, that morning, she refused to get out of bed, yet.  
She spent the night at Alex’s, because she needed to be close to him, and also, he seemed to be incredibly good making her forget about everything. Which he did with no complaints.  
Now, she kept laying there, in the middle of that big bed, between various pillows and messy sheets, her eyes pointed straight out the window, looking at the clear light blue sky. But she was also listening to Alex moving in the other room, following the muffled sound of his steps around the house.  
She just wasn’t ready to leave that place and feeling. There, she just wanted to focus on how much that love made her feel warm and good – forgetting about anything and everybody else.  
“You know it’s almost eleven in the morning?”  
Alex’s voice came from the door, warm and a bit raspy as it always was in the morning, as his accent was a bit stronger.  
Emma just smiled and turned her attention to him, she stretched like a lazy cat. “And?”  
Her eyes run over his image, absorbing every centimeter of naked skin she could see, and that was enough to make her blood bubble up in her veins.  
He was undeniably handsome. Every bit of him seemed to be, face, body, and personality.  
Emma loved the shade of his skin tone and her eyes just kept following the tonic shape of those muscles under it, very well knowing the consistency they would have under her hands.  
Alex’s long hair was untied, loose on his broad shoulders, framing perfectly his face. His expression was calm and serene, his eyes were bright and joyful and on those full lips laid a relaxed smile.  
Emma’s eyes just followed his body, along his neck and down towards his chest and abdomen… And the more she looked, the more she just wanted him to come back to bed.  
He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, and yet, Emma thought that was too much.  
Alex smiled a bit more, looking away for a second and sighing as if he could read her mind. “Don’t you think it’s a bit late?”  
“Nope. And how about you just come back over here?”  
Emma gave him a smart and warm smirk, almost purring, still stretching sensually in between those sheets, which at that point she just wanted to mess up even more.  
Alex gazed at her for a good moment, biting his bottom lip then moved from the doorframe he was leaning on. “I have one condition.”  
Emma kept smiling at him, rolling on her side. “What?”  
“I’d like to take some pictures. Of you.”  
Just then, he uncovered the camera he was hiding behind his back. Emma was so distracted she didn’t even notice.  
She looked at the camera first and then went back to his face, looking a bit surprised, then she chuckled. Sitting straight, she looked away, more in a shy reflex than anything else. “Alex… You know how I feel about pictures…”  
“But I don’t want to publish them, I would keep them for myself. I’d just like you to be my muse and… The light is very nice in this room, this morning.”  
She sighed, going back looking at him, who in the meantime stepped closer. She smiled, shaking her head. “Your muse? You certainly know how to convince people.”  
“It’s a talent of mine.”  
Alex smirked, bending a knee on the mattress and then gaze at her as if he was just waiting for her consent. Which, to be completely honest, Emma always struggled to say “no” to him on a general basis.  
She smiled, getting up on her knees and moving a bit closer to the edge of the mattress, just enough to reach him. Emma raised her hand, so to grab lightly his chin between thumb and index. “Just a couple. Don’t get carried away.”  
She loved that talent of his and between some of the shots he showed her, there was some truly breathtaking. Or seeing him, completely focused on his surroundings, catching moments, was breathtaking.  
But it wasn’t necessarily something she felt totally comfortable with, which is why she never accepted, before, to indulge him and pose.  
But now, she didn’t really want to say no – maybe because she felt comfortable enough. Or maybe because she just wanted to hang around with him, in bed.  
Alex smiled, leaning closer. “I’ll try.”  
Emma met his lips for a kiss, inhaling a big breath of his scent and tasting, on his lips, the fresh flavor of mint.  
Emma pulled back. “Ok, then. But give me a minute to fix this.”  
She pointed at her face, to which Alex just shook his head, smiling at her and she could guess he was going to start saying how pretty she could possibly look in the morning. Which wasn’t true; his vision of her was just… Obfuscated by the sex and the love, and all of those things.  
Emma crawled out of bed sliding quickly in the bathroom and closing the door behind her.  
Turning on the light, she stepped closer to the mirror, giving a good look at her own face. But the reflection she was expecting to see wasn’t there; she was expecting dark circles and puffiness around her eyes, smudges of make-up from last night and a mess where her hair are.  
Instead, looking back at her, there was a girl who seemed well-rested. Her skin was bright and clean, her eyes were wide open and vivid and apparently she did a very good job taking off her makeup, last night because the only leftover appeared to be some mascara on her lashes, which weirdly enough looked nice. Probably the only time in a lifetime a girl could say something like that.  
And then there was her hair, falling around her face in a messy-good look, not too short and not too long. She would not lie, her hair really needed a new coloring… But it didn’t look that bad.  
Overall, she was so surprised to look as pretty as she did.  
Emma smiled with herself, thinking that maybe Alex was the cure to any problem of hers. Maybe she just needed to wake up that way more often. Point that she decided to raise to him very soon.  
Emma’s eyes fell on the polished sink edge. In the grey ceramic toothbrush holder were placed two toothbrushes… One was Alex’s, but she brought in the second, together with a pair of spare underwear. That, of course, was under Alex's suggestion because Emma wouldn’t have dared. But since she was hanging there quite a lot, it seemed right. And way easier that way.  
Emma kind of tried to fight against any thought about the settle-in topic, because she way rather ignoring that detail, feeling like thinking about it that way would just… Complicate things.  
Though, she proudly liked the idea of having something of hers around Alex’s house.  
Emma quickly brushed her teeth and then proceeded with her morning routine, before to be ready and go back to Alex.  
He was laying in the middle of the bed in a comfortable starfish position, checking his phone.  
“Hey.”  
She said walking closer to him and climbing back onto the bed.  
Alex moved almost immediately, leaving his phone on the side and sat, welcoming her with a warm smile. “Hey.”  
And he leaned closer, kissing her lightly before to pull back and moving by the end corned of the mattress, grabbing his camera.  
Emma chuckled, shaking her head. “You really look forward to it, uh?”  
“I do! Are you joking?”  
“I wonder how many girls have been your muses.”  
Said Emma looking away, tapping her index on her chin, into a thoughtful expression. Alex laughed, giving her a little push. “Many. But is that relevant?”  
“No… Just saying.”  
Alex gazed at her, amused and puzzled at the same time. Then, he sighed, reaching for her chin and holding her in the same way she held him earlier. “See this as art, over life.”  
She looked back at him, her eyes slid over his face before to cross his. They were of a warm shade of grey, incredibly bright probably because of the Sun. Emma very soon learned that his irises could change based on the light and, again, that was another incredibly charming aspect of his.  
Emma smiled, pulling in for another kiss, feeling like it could not really be enough.  
But she stopped herself to a very light touch of their lips, before falling in temptation and just leave anything else for "later".  
"So, guide me."  
Alex cleared his voice as if he was trying to get his focus back.  
He grabbed his camera, finding a comfortable position there, on his knees, sinking in some layers of the duvet.  
So, he pointed at the spot in the middle of the bed.  
"There, where you were laying earlier."  
"Do you want me to lay down?"  
Alex just shook his head, signaling a "no" and looked at her taking her position. Emma felt a bit awkward, not really knowing what she was doing.  
Together with so many other things she has never done, posing was certainly one of them.  
She just sat on her knees, without knowing what to do precisely, what position to take, where to look...  
Emma was wearing one of Alex’s shirts, which fell baggy on her body, and she had just a couple of buttons done, to which she ran her fingers, to close up some more.  
But Alex stopped her shaking his hand.  
"No, don't."  
Emma stopped, just going back looking at him, then resting her hands on her thighs.  
Alex leaned closer to fix himself the shirt. His hands run softly from her neckline to her clavicles, exposing a bit of her chest and then he pulled the shirt so it would fall over her left shoulder, uncovering her skin.  
Emma just stood there, letting him do his thing, but a little smile appeared on her face, while she looked at his face and at the way he was gazing at her. He appeared to be so concentrated on what he was doing.  
"Is it always this intense?"  
"Intense how?"  
"Sexy."  
Alex chuckled, giving her a little look, then shook his head. “Is it?”  
“Yes.”  
Her voice sounded closer to purrs than actual words, to which Alex answered with another smirk, he looked at her for a second. “You should stop trying to distract me.”  
“I’m not, I swear!”  
Alex just smiled, and it did seem like he was lightly blushing, another thing that Emma loved about him.  
Alex then raised a hand to her hair, running his fingers through them. Emma closed her eyes, sighing, and did her best not to move against that touch. He moved her hair a bit forward, partially covering her features.  
Then, he stood back looking at his work, nodding probably to himself, just a second before going back to his original position. He turned the camera on and then looked at her again for a second and then looked around.  
“Ignore the camera, I’m sure if you think it’s not here could help.”  
“It’s a bit difficult to ignore…”  
Said Emma smiling, looking at him. Alex just smiled, raising the camera in front of his face, so to look at that moment through the viewfinder, and at that point, his whole expression just turned into a serious and focused one, and again, Emma found herself being a bit distracted.  
“Look towards the window.”  
Emma followed his instruction, trying to look as natural as she could and ignoring the fact that a camera was pointed at her, or that shots were taken. So, she posed slowly changing the position of her shoulders, arms or head, moving as if she just woke up, enjoying the Sunlight caressing her skin.  
On her lips, there was a timid smile, that Emma tried to keep under control.  
“Now, look at me.”  
Emma turned over, looking straight into the camera, but at the same time, she really tried to ignore it, imagining just to look at Alex. She leaned her head, liking the idea of having her hair covering up part of her face, but her smile became a bit more convinced and warmer as her confidence seemed to increase.  
Alex smiled, behind his camera, taking his shots.  
After a few moments, though, Emma decided that it was enough. She moved, crawling closer to him and raising a hand to the camera, she made him lower it.  
“I think you’ve got enough of me, there.”  
Alex sighed, looking back at her and gave her a smirk, pulling closer. “I don’t think it could ever be enough.”  
“How cheesy can you be?”  
Emma giggled, sliding her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head closer to his so to brush lightly her lips against his. A kiss that was immediately chased by Alex, while he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer to his body.  
Emma pulled away, just enough to brush the tip of her nose against his. A joyful smile appeared on her lips and she really felt so far away from everything else that wasn’t them.  
“So, do you think you took a sufficient amount of shots, sir?”  
“I think I can work with what I’ve got if my muse is tired.”  
Emma just smiled and then rolled back on the mattress, pulling him with her.  
Alex's laugh vibrated from his chest, spreading in the air and through her whole body. She leaned her head, looking for another kiss.  
Honestly, Emma would not know if there was anything else she would want to do but roll around in bed with Alex.  
She perfectly knew there were so many things, in the back of her mind, that she was ignoring. But it was ok, for now.  
Alex’s soft lips were enough of a sweet distraction, together with his warm body brushing on hers and his hands touching her.  
Emma’s hands moved; she pulled one through Alex’s hair and with the other she looked for his jawline, while their kiss kept going, becoming deeper and warmer.  
She moaned softly, tying her legs around Alex’s hips, pulling him closer. Enjoying so much feeling him, and that warmth and wholeness he would bring her, making her feel so protected and loved.  
Emma felt like her heart could explode under the pleasant pressure of those feelings that she didn’t even know she would be able to experience in such a degree.  
She pulled back, catching her breath, and Alex followed her movement. A serene smile curved those full lips while they laid there, looking at each other for a couple of seconds.  
Emma lightly caressed his cheek, then brushing softly her fingers along his jaw and chin, to his lips, looking at his face so completely lost.  
“I love you.”  
She whispered, but her words were full of truth and confidence, and they just rolled out naturally, she didn’t have to think about it.  
It wasn’t the first time she said it to him, but certainly, it was the first time she did look straight into those eyes.  
Alex smiled a bit more, his eyes brighten up in a sparkle of light that Emma could not really get, and yet, that made her entire being tremble. He kissed her again, once, twice. “I love you.”  
His words were too a whisper exhaled on her lips and still, they were so powerful to make her feel like everything around her and inside of her just shifted.  
And she would love everything else in her life to be as simple as that feeling, at that moment, as between Alex and her.  
On Emma’s face rose a smile which could look like any other, but it wasn’t. It was part of her new skin, that new person she was still getting to know, who was now able to accept the idea to love… And being loved.  
“I… I’m so happy, right here, right now. It’s…”  
Her voice broke by such emotion, a deep feeling, that made her tremble. She didn’t even feel the tears coming, without realizing that feeling would provoke such a reaction… But it did.  
End even if she was crying, she laughed, trying now to cover her face.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. This wasn’t meant to happen.”  
Alex just looked at her, then he raised one of his hands to her face, his expression was sweet and moved. “It’s ok. Emotions are good. I’m happy too, Emma. And I’m glad our paths crossed.”  
She just nodded, still trying to dry out those joyful – and yet annoying – tears. Emma looked over him and nodded. “Yeah… It seems it’s been a lifetime though. I feel like I know you for so long.”  
And she truly would have liked that. Rewrite her past and everything that came with it just… Being by his side.  
That would have been such a better story.  
Alex nodded, sighing deeply. “It does. It’s weird, but I like this feeling.”  
But besides his words, a sudden shadow appeared in his eyes. Emma’s brows furrowed while she looked at him, trying to catch whatever thought obscured his mind.  
“What is it?”  
Alex shook his head and then huffed, pulling away, moving just enough to grab the camera he abandoned between the sheets and put it on the bedside cabinet.  
Emma remained still, watching him. Not really sure that was something she wanted to happen.  
There was clearly something in his mind. And at that point, Emma wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it was about, but also, she could not ignore it.  
“Alex?”  
“Nothing… It’s nothing. I really don’t want to ruin the moment.”  
Emma smiled, running her hands over his chest. “But I want to know what you’re thinking.”  
Alex sighed, looking at her for a moment, he looked uncomfortable, now. Yet, a timid smile curved his lips. “It’s just… About Marco.”  
Marco.  
As soon as his name was pronounced, Emma felt her heart being hit by a stab.  
She felt like she was drowning in Sunlight, where the source was Alex. But at the same time, there was an entire side of her which has been left in the darkness – and there, hid the devouring pain she kept feeling about Marco.  
They still were apart. There was still so much distance… So much sorrow.  
They had a moment, last night. A connection that got interrupted as soon as that moment ended. And they just fell back into ignoring each other.  
After that, Emma just decided not to think about it. But now it was back.  
She huffed, looking away, pointing her eyes to the open window, looking at the sky.  
“What about him?”  
“What happened? Between you two?”  
“I told you. We are done.”  
Alex laid on his side, close to her, he wrapped an arm around her waist, and Emma could feel his eyes on her. So, she turned over to him and squeezed herself into her shoulders. “Why do you want to talk about this now?”  
“Because it’s very hard to ignore it. You know? And even if I don’t regret anything, I feel guilty every day for what I’ve done to him.”  
“And what’s that?”  
“I fell in love with you.”  
“You… Alex, it wasn’t something you could really control. As much as I couldn’t… As much as I cannot control… Whatever I feel for him.”  
“And what is that?”  
“I… I don’t know how to describe it.”  
“Do you love him?”  
“I… I don’t think so.”  
Emma chuckled nervously, looking away. But she very well knew that what she fell for him now wasn’t what she fell for him just a couple of months ago, he wasn’t just a friend any longer. And so, that kind of love switched and changed, kind of… Evolved, into something that Emma knew, but didn’t want to see.  
She raised her eyes to the roof, looking at its white paint as if she was searching for something more interesting to pay attention to.  
But she could just see them: Alex and Marco.  
“But I like him. And I liked to kiss him, and… I didn’t want to stop there.”  
“So why did you?”  
“He stopped me. And he broke it off.”  
The pain was still there, everything that Emma pretended not to see or feel, was still there, eating her alive.  
She raised a hand to her chest, rubbing it against her skin as if that would actually reduce that deep aching.  
Alex sighed. “I’m sorry about this whole situation.”  
“Yeah. Me too… He… He told me he loves me.”  
“Yeah, I knew he did.”  
She turned back, looking at him, and that pain she hid from everyone, starting from herself, was now there, perfectly visible, through her eyes. And she knew it wasn’t fair on any of them. Both Alex and Marco had their feelings and points of view… And she was there, in the middle, crossing with both of their hearts.  
“I still don’t understand how you can be so cool about it.”  
“Because I cannot stop any of you from feeling for each other, Emma. So, I’m not trying to fight against it.”  
“I wish it was easier. I wish I knew better what’s going on. Because now I’m just so confused. I… I love you; I really do. And I want you, all the time. And I shouldn’t feel something similar for another.”  
“Said who?”  
“I… I don’t know.”  
“I told you already. It’s possible to feel for different people at the same time.”  
“Yes, it’s possible. And even if it is, it doesn’t solve anything, does it? Even if you’re ok with it, even if I might be… Marco isn’t.”  
“He is just stubborn. But it’s really hard to stay away from someone you love. Or at least… I wouldn’t be able.”  
“That’s why he is probably the one suffering the most.”  
Which is probably the reason why he held her hand, last night. Or kissed her.  
Anything of those moments was still burning under her skin. Emma could feel his lips on hers, his arms around her…  
“And that’s why I feel guilty.”  
Emma rolled over, facing him. She raised her hand to his face, caressing lightly his cheek. “You shouldn’t. It’s not your fault.”  
“So, is it going to be ok, for you, just to leave it? You don’t want to know what you feel?”  
Emma shook her head. “How could I? I’m with you, Alex. And… Just out of curiosity, how would you take the fact that I might be in love with him too? How does it make you feel if I say I… Want him? As much as I want you.”  
“It’s not about me, Emma. I love you and I want to protect you and make you happy, but I’m not possessive. You’re not my property. So, if you wanted… Someone else, who would I be to stop you?”  
“This is not the point! People generally take these conversations in such a different way. And the fact I kissed someone else just yesterday it would be enough to be considered cheating.”  
“I don’t care about what other people do, Emma. You told me, yesterday before doing anything. You didn’t keep it a secret and I kind of knew from the club anyway. And even if you didn’t say anything, I could see it, I can see it every time you look at him. And again, I let you go, yesterday. And if you wanted to go to him right now, I’d let you go.”  
Emma felt so uncomfortable, all of a sudden. Just because she knew what was supposed to be a normal reaction… And then there were Alex’s words. And on the other side of the spectrum, there was the other reality she knew. The one constructed on fear and bruises.  
If her ex-husband would catch her even glimpsing at someone else, she knew exactly that would have meant getting beaten up. Even when it wasn’t her fault.  
Which, was the main reason why Emma was almost never allowed to leave their house. And when she did, she was never alone.  
In her past, Emma rarely raised her eyes from the ground or did anything to put attention on her own image. No makeup, not tight or short clothes, no heels…  
All of those things, she had to learn just once she got her freedom.  
And now, she felt like that conversation and Alex's reaction was so strange and unknown… She really didn’t know how to react.  
Suspicion was her first reaction… But she knew it wasn’t fair.  
“I’m not used to this, Alex. I barely loved myself, a year ago. I picked myself up, I learned to respect and care about my person… And now I’m learning to love someone else… And it’s not even just one person but, possibly, two.”  
“And why is that wrong?”  
“Because I’m going to have to choose, at a certain point. That’s why Marco broke it off. He decided to make the decision for me.”  
“I… Well Marco is wrong.”  
“Is he though?! Cause what if I choose him, at the end? You would be heartbroken. What if, instead, I choose you? He would still be heartbroken. If I don’t choose, I’m the one with a broken heart. And besides sorrows, would you want to share me? Uhm?”  
“If that is that what you want, Emma, I would. If you want both of us, I cannot stop you, and I still win because I’d still get to love you. And this applies to Marco, of course, because I care very much about him, and knowing he is suffering breaks me. I told you, about these things… I don’t belong in a specific box.”  
“You’re absolutely nonsensical! You know, if it came out that there was another girl around you and you wanted both, I don’t think I’d like that.”  
“But that’s on you. And also, I wouldn’t. By the way, I notice you don’t like sharing, I saw the way you looked at Karen.”  
“No. You wouldn’t, but I’m just saying… It’s not fair on you. And leave her out of this conversation. She is nothing.”  
“Ah, but is she?”  
He chuckled as if he genuinely was amused. Emma gave her a little push, shaking her head. “I mean it!”  
She just wanted to scream that Marco loved her and yes, Karen was nothing… But she didn’t feel entitled to have any pride in that feeling. Because she still felt so desperately bad.  
“But seriously, Alex… I don’t see a solution here.”  
“Maybe you don’t, but I do. And I don’t think Marco can take the decision for you. It’s not that you’re going to stop feeling for him, anyway. And I find it unlikely you two are not going to see each other ever again. So, you both would just… What, keep suffering, and ignoring each other?”  
“I guess that’s the plan. Alex, why are we talking about this? Why aren’t we…”  
“Because I love you. And I’m not going to ignore your pain, as much as I cannot ignore Marco’s.”  
“I guess we all must get used to it.”  
Alex shook his head, looking at her now completely serious. “No, Emma. Getting used to it it’s not ok.”  
“Ok, it’s not. And we can keep going on and on, talking about it as much as you want. Yet, there are no answers.”  
“I think there are, actually, because first of all, talking about it could help you understand a bit better what you feel for Marco. As much as, many times you referred to it as love.”  
“This is so much not a regular conversation. People don’t talk so openly about these things.”  
“Well I do. Because I’m very open and again, I told you. I don’t like rules and labels in these cases, I follow my heart. Plus, don’t dodge my point.”  
“Ok, what’s your point?”  
“That I think you love Marco as well.”  
“How can I love him? We haven’t been together.”  
“Haven’t you? You’ve been friends for a long time, that’s also a relationship, you know?”  
“I… That’s not what I meant.”  
“Well stop finding excuses not to name what you feel for him. Because those feelings are still there if you acknowledge them or not.”  
Emma huffed rolled on her back, again looking away, as if that could hide her or her emotions… She felt too much and all at the same time. But most of all, she was just incredibly confused now, even more than before.  
It was hard, for her, to trust… And besides loving him, Emma struggled to trust Alex now. She could not believe he honestly could be so open and candid about the situation.  
And even with him being so, the situation remained the same with Marco. As much complicated, as much a mess, as much done as it was yesterday.  
“It’s called polyamory, Emma. There’s a name for this, for someone who could fall in love with more than one person at the same time.”  
“Polyamory.”  
She repeated the word as if that could gain any kind of meaning. She heard of it, of course, but it’s never been something she felt close to her reality. Her opinion about it was that people were free to do what they wanted… And yet, why was it so hard on herself?  
“Again, I don’t believe in labels or anything… I believe in following your heart and instinct. But, if you really need to name things, maybe it can help.”  
“Well it still doesn’t. And I still feel like it’s not fair on the people involved.”  
“Ok, maybe it’s not. But that’s why you need communication and honesty. And then maybe, at the end of the day, you’re still not going to know what’s going on, and the situation is not going to change… But I think at this point you should stop caring so much about me or Marco or what anyone else thinks or do… And instead you should focus on what you feel, what you want.”  
Alex’s hand reached for her face and he made her turn over to him. To which Emma didn’t apply much resistance at all. When their eyes crossed, Emma sighed and then smiled a bit, encouraged by his own smile and the peaceful gaze he gave her. Emma raised her hand on his and then rolled over, leaning against his chest, finding some comfort into being so close to him.  
“Thank you.”  
Alex wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. He leaned his head on top of hers and took a deep breath. “I love you and I’m by your side, whatever you need, whatever you want to do.”  
“I love you too… And… Even if I don’t feel so comfortable, I’m glad we can talk like this…”  
“Me too. And this is the only thing I’ll ask, of you, to be honest with me.”  
“I will be.”  
“And you should be with Marco too.”  
“Alex…”  
“I’m serious Emma. I know you want to do the right thing… But it doesn’t feel right as it is, does it?”  
“No…”  
“Well then. And if you’re both suffering being apart, then maybe you shouldn’t be.”  
“And where would that leave you, then?”  
“I don’t know, that’s not the point. Because at least I know I love you and that you love me and that’s not going to change.”  
“At this point? I don’t know anything…”  
Alex pulled her closer into a tighter hug, sighing.  
“It’s going to be ok.”  
Emma remained silent, without really know what to say. Because for sure, she didn’t see any solution and she was firmly convinced it would not be ok, in a way or the other.  
But, also, it didn’t matter – there was literally nothing she could do.  
And she also felt a bit tired of talking about that topic, thinking it was time to let it rest. To let her pretend, a bit longer, everything was ok.  
“So, what’s the plan for today?”  
“Very good question. Let me check what are the others doing.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus to apologize for my mistake about forgotten Chapter 20 lol
> 
> Edited.

Later that same day, Emma was comfortably sitting on a little spot of grass, on the edge of a low hill, enjoying the Sun and the lukewarm temperature of the air. The breeze was tranquil, carrying the soft scent of Spring.  
She was enjoying the gentle kiss of the Sun on her uncovered skin, finding that day particularly pleasant.  
In a surprisingly short amount of time and notice, Alex’s group of friends decided to meet up just to hang around and enjoy the day and so they picked a park in Dublin, where to have something very similar to an improvised picnic.  
Almost immediately after, Kristy and Sophie left with the plan to take the chance and going shopping, to which they even invited Emma to join, but she politely refused, not feeling all that comfortable with that idea.  
At the same time, the group of guys raised the idea of using the public basketball court in that park to have a game, and very quickly, they managed to find some other people who wanted to join them, between their group of friends, and bring a ball.  
Emma kind of missed on that, because the whole organization seemed to be so sudden and extremely fast. But she did have the time to reach for Susan and ask her if she was free to join her as soon as she realized she would be left on her own for a while.  
Susan seemed to be more than up for it, in fact, she managed to reach her in no more than half an hour.  
Now, the two girls were sitting there, enjoying the sun and the view.  
“Oh, mama… I swear if I knew this would have been a muscle party, I would have come prepared.”  
Observed Susan, absolutely not ashamed of those words or to slide her sunglasses on her nose, so clearly looking at the scene in front of her.  
Emma chuckled, herself pretty much thinking the same.  
Apparently everyone also decided pretty quickly to have their fun and play some basketball shirtless, which made sense, counting they were kind of all wearing regular clothes and those clothes would have been what they wore for the rest of the day.  
Yet, Emma cannot say she was entirely ready to see what she saw.  
In particular, talking about Marco. And certainly, she wasn’t ready for her own reaction as soon as she saw him taking his shirt off.  
Because she never saw so much of his uncovered skin and she surely wasn’t ready to be hit by the wave of deep and consuming heat and hunger that stroke her.  
As much as she would have that same reaction watching Alex’s body. With the difference that, by now, she very well knew his body. Not as much Marco’s.  
So, she did very well look, unable not to, and she took a lot of pleasure in doing so. Forcing all the pain and guilt in doing so, in the back of her mind. Saving it for later.  
And even with guilt, pain, desire, love, and anger all together mixing up in her heart and soul, Emma wouldn’t have stopped to watch over Marco or Alex.  
They were playing in the same team with another two guys, of which Emma recognized the faces from the first party she has been when Alex and she met, but she could not remember their name. Against Alexander, Jordan, David, and a fourth stranger Emma didn’t know.  
Not that she was paying any attention whatsoever on the game. She could not care the less about it.  
Her eyes were almost constantly blissed by many other things way more interesting than a ball game.  
Both Alex and Marco looked so incredibly handsome and Emma loved to see the deep focus on their faces, or the joy for a score or the sudden anger for a missed one. She liked to see them play around, joke with each other, or the others…  
But surely it could not be missed the way her eyes burned, looking at them. Almost as if she was a predator of some kind, watching at some kind of delicious prey.  
“You’re dribbling a bit. Do you want a tissue?”  
Susan sounded extremely serious, but Emma well knew she was taking the piss.  
Emma leaned her head backward, pretending she could ignore what was going on at some meters away from her and took a deep breath in, trying to calm down the fire that was consuming her.  
Or her thoughts… Which involved a lot of sweet and dirty things with both of those guys.  
Damn her.  
Damn them.  
She chuckled, giving Susan a little push. “Stop it!”  
“What?! It’s true! You look hungry, girl.”  
“Oh, do I now?! Can you really blame me?!”  
Emma chuckled again, making the mistake of turning back to the guys, distracting herself once again.  
It was hard not to notice how very attractive every single one of those men were. Clothes or no clothes… But everyone would admit they were real eye candy.  
“You personally got a very good catch over there. Both of them, really.”  
Emma smirked, turning to Susan giving her a look, but there was nothing she could really say.  
She didn’t feel to dive into details and specify they were not her catch… Especially because those words would not make any sense, giving the way she was looking at them.  
It was a fact that both Alex and Marco were two very attractive guys.  
Particularly breathtaking, now, from where she was standing.  
But, again, she didn’t really feel entitled to looking at Marco as she was. Yet, she could not really stop herself.  
Which, was the main reason why she, basically, didn’t stop.  
She liked the light tone of his skin and how shimmery it looked now that he was sweating. It was the same charm that Alex had. The same way she was looking at both, the same way she wanted both.  
But on Marco, she was indulging a bit more, just to study the lines of that body she didn’t see before.  
He was a bit taller than Alex, but slimmer, still fit, but not as broad as Alex.  
And Emma liked the line of his spine or the profile of his shoulders, and she really liked the shape of his hips more than what she was allowed to.  
Not to talk about those thoughts which were crowding her mind not helping her trying to get a grip of herself.  
Again, Emma had to drag her attention away and so she turned to Susan, who was already looking at her as if she was studying her or something.  
“What now?”  
“So, we’ve got some catch up to do, I think.”  
Susan reserved for Emma a smart smile without even trying to hide her curiosity.  
Emma huffed and shook her head, trying to hide a smile. There were many things she had to say, but not of many she really wanted to talk about.  
Everything still looked and felt blurry. She still felt pretty scrambled and she could not believe it has barely been two days since the shit hit the fan.  
Marco and she still stood into an awkward limbo where they did their best to ignore each other.  
And Emma had to admit she was miserably failing into hiding that looks she had every time she gazed at him. Her eyes would fill up with the same attraction and curiosity she had for Alex, but also, there was a layer of sadness she could not hide whatsoever.  
Susan huffed, by her side, and gave her a little push. “C’mon! Don’t leave me here hanging! I want to know what happened between you and Marco.”  
Emma rolled her eyes, even not really enjoying the idea of talking about it – again.  
She felt a bit more light-hearted on the matter, at least if her listener was Susan. But it didn’t mean that she wasn’t in pain, just, probably, now she was distracted enough... It almost felt like she was on drugs – most of her consciousness was now quiet down.  
She didn’t have the attention to think about anything else but how turned on she was right there, right now, and for both Alex and Marco.  
“It did not go very well, actually.”  
“Oh?”  
“We argued, obviously. It doesn’t seem like we are doing anything else at the moment.”  
In fact, they never argued before, not like that, not arriving at the point they would not talk and certainly, Emma never thought she could, possibly, lose him for good. And now, that reality was there, very physical and very frightening.  
But now, she also convinced herself she would not let him go. Not until she fought with every bit of strength she had. Because they would have been miserable and suffering anyway and to her, apart seemed worse.  
It was still hurting like hell, inside of her. And the fear of the worst possible scenario was always there, tormenting her thoughts… But, at the same time, Emma really didn’t think they were done; not in the slightest.  
Certainly, she wasn’t ready to let him go.  
And maybe Alex was right on every point, maybe the talk they had was the actual reason why she found a bit of extra courage… But she was still hunted by the circumstances and the fact that, maybe, there was not a solution at all, in that triangle. If so, she wasn’t ready to think about the consequences.  
“Yeah, I tell you what both of you need, not to argue.”  
“What’s that?”  
“Probably have sex. That surely would shut both of you up.”  
“Susan!”  
“Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t.”  
“That’s not the point.”  
“So you would go with him!”  
Emma blushed violently, looking away trying not to think about it – because it’s been everything she was fantasizing about. Of course, her sight went straight away on Marco, as if he had a magnetic field she could not escape or ignore. And her eyes slid warmly over his back, absorbing the image of the line of his spine and defined shoulders.  
So, growling, angry with herself, the situation and everyone else, Emma fell backward, laying on the grass, so at least she would not constantly look ad Marco or Alex.  
“Oh, definitely you would.”  
Observed persistently Susan.  
“You’re so annoying, woman!”  
“You should see at yourself while you’re looking at them, girl.”  
“Right. I would, ok? Happy?”  
“Oh, finally you found some good sense! So, tell me what happened.”  
“Nothing. I told you, we argued about the situation. He got even more pissed when I said I might feel something for him and decided to break it off.”  
“I mean… Understandable… But also, why?”  
“He is pretty convinced I would choose Alex over him whatsoever. And doesn’t want to hear reasons.”  
“Ah. So, he chickened out?”  
Emma sighed, shaking her head and turning to her.  
“It’s not that simple, Susan. The point is that I’m with Alex and we are in love. And Marco cannot get the fact that… I might be in love with him too and all of that. He thinks it’s always going to be a matter of choice, at the end. And apparently hurts him even more than… Pretend we don’t know each other.”  
“Wait, wait, wait, wait… In love with him?”  
Emma just remained silent, just looking at Susan.  
She didn’t want to give those feelings a name, not to give them any importance or meaning… But they were constantly there anyway, and so Emma stopped pretending she wasn’t sure, or she didn’t know what she wanted.  
She did love Alex. And she loved Marco. And yes, she wanted both of them, not intending on choosing.  
On the matter of applying those thoughts and desires to actual facts… Emma wasn’t sure about anything.  
She could not decide how to react to that situation for Alex and neither for Marco.  
“His loss.”  
Said Susan shaking her shoulders. Emma sighed, sitting back up and getting her stuff to roll up a cigarette.  
“He said he loves me.”  
Those words came out naturally as if Emma was talking about the weather, and she didn’t raise her eyes from what she was doing, to look at her friend. Instead, just for a moment, she looked once again for Marco.  
His words still echoed in her mind… But more than those words it was the anger and pain in his voice.  
And she would fill up the same anger and pain in a twisted and dark way. Because he loved her, and yet he felt like it was ok to just let it slide as if it didn’t matter. It made her angry both because he broke up with her, but even more because it seemed he didn’t want to give any credit at himself.  
Susan gasped and then clapped, even wooing as if that was a sort of win. “Finally!”  
“You know that you’re super annoying? By the way, it wasn’t as sweet as it sounds since, again, he broke this thing off. And…”  
“And?”  
“We kissed.”  
“Damn! I should have kept my clapping for this revelation!”  
“This is not a joke, Susan. It was incredibly painful yesterday and it felt like a goodbye.”  
“Oh, but you two so clearly are not done! Besides… Do you really think that if he didn’t want to be around you, he would be here, now?”  
“But… These are his friends!”  
“And? He can possibly see them whenever. He still knows you would be around, and yet, he is there, half-naked. Not even trying that hard not to look at you and I’m super sure he is also showing off a little bit.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Susan just smiled, shaking her head again, giving her that look as if she knew and understood something more than what Emma could see.  
“Don’t you dare to tell me you don’t notice. I don’t believe it.”  
She did, notice. She did notice the looks he gave her and even those couple of smirks he pulled when their eyes crossed. She also noticed how Alex and Marco would look at each other, with a certain degree of complicity.  
“Whatever. If that’s so, it pisses me off even more.”  
“That is certain, babe. He can say what he wants but it doesn’t look like he is really intentioned into break anything.”  
“It doesn’t matter what it looks like, though.”  
“And does Alex know?”  
“Yeah…”  
“What does he say about this? Is he still supportive?”  
“Pretty much, he stands by what he said yesterday. So, he thinks it’s possible and ok I might… I love two people at the same time. And he would be fine with it.”  
“Even with the kiss?”  
“Yep. He… He said he doesn’t have any problem with the fact that I might want to be with someone else… He is incredibly open on the matter.”  
“He is right though. You know, it happens to so many people and… Relationships don’t necessarily need to be labeled or…”  
“Susan, that’s not the problem.”  
“And what is the problem, Emma? You are in love with two guys and both of them love you back. And you know, monogamy it’s not for everyone. Also, if you can have an entire buffet instead of just a dish, why wouldn’t you dive in?!”  
“Because it’s not just up to me! I might be ok with the idea and Alex as well, but Marco still stands on another type of perspective.”  
“Yeah, where he still thinks that you are going to choose! It’s not I don’t understand him… I just don’t necessarily think he understands what you’re talking about. Because it’s down to this, now, isn’t it? Having both?”  
“I don’t know what’s down to, Susan. Honestly.”  
“Well you might want to figure it out, then.”  
Emma lit her cigarette up and again, her eyes raced to the basketball court in front of her. In the air there where the voices of the guys shouting to each other or laughing, mixed with the almost constant sound of the ball bouncing off the ground.  
“If this could just be up to me, I’d really like the chance to just freely love them both. What I have with Alex it’s growing, and it doesn’t seem to be ever enough. But at the same time, I really want to know what it would mean to have the same with Marco. I want to have the same with Marco.  
I want their love and all the rest. And it might be selfish, but at this point I cannot stop myself from dreaming, can I?”  
“I would support you. And it’s so important that Alex does, honestly. And… I cannot speak for Marco, because he doesn’t seem so keen, but… Can we really blame him?”  
“I’m not blaming him. Yet, I’m so angry at him because he is just… I don’t know! He is building up a wall and shutting me out.”  
“He is trying to protect himself; I’d guess.”  
“Yeah, I know that! And still, it doesn’t matter how many answers I can get or give myself. At the end of the day, I keep being so incredibly close to losing him.”  
That thought was enough to make her entire being tremble. Because Emma could pretend as much as she wanted that she was ok, that the pain wasn’t there, that looking at both of them made her heartache for how much it was filled up.  
And she can say she felt fear and pain, before. She felt every part of her being broken: body, heart, thoughts, and soul, and more than once she feared for her life. And those thoughts never really left but kind of evolved with her.  
Yet, now, she felt like that pain was almost as consuming. And her fears were almost as terrible and wholesome.  
“I don’t think you will.”  
“How can you say that?”  
“Because you love each other!”  
“I’m not sure that could be a strong enough reason, Susan. I don’t want to hurt him.”  
“But you both are just there hurting each other. And at this point, he probably just needs to understand that for you it’s not a matter of choosing – it’s not a trial between him and Alex.”  
“No, it’s not.”  
“Yeah, so maybe you should move your ass and go explain this, instead of complaining about it.”  
Emma just turned, giving Susan a look, then grumbled, shaking her head. “You make everything so fucking simple, it’s so annoying!”  
“I’m just trying to help you, Emma. I know you; I know what’s going on in your head and I’m sorry you didn’t see this coming or that it looks this scary now… But honestly, your love for both of them it’s probably part of you now, and if it’s worth it, Marco will understand as much as Alex does.  
Maybe he needs time.”  
“Yeah, maybe…”  
Taking a puff of smoke, Emma looked at Susan, then sighing. “This is all new. Too new. I really don’t know how to behave, what to do, what I’m talking about…”  
“I know. But isn’t it also nice to learn new things about yourself and your freedom?”  
Emma’s face melted into a smile and she nodded. “Yes, it is.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello peeps,  
> I really hope that who's following this story is enjoying it as much as I do writing it!  
> I'd like to know what you think about it and these characters. So, please feel free to leave me a comment of any sort!  
> In general, though, I hope I'm entertaining you and I thank you for any support!
> 
> P.S. Side note: I'm going through a complete editing of the whole work, correcting grammar mistakes, typos, and adding some details here and there.
> 
> Edited.

Marco laid on a strip of grass catching his breath.  
He enjoyed feeling the solidity and the freshness of the ground under his back and the cool breeze surrounding him. The group of guys found a patch of shadow, under a tree, where to rest for a second after they spent the last hour playing basketball.  
Which turned out to be one of the best things he did in the past two days. For that hour, he just had fun and his mind has been completely empty.  
It didn’t matter who won or lost, scoring points wasn’t the immediate priority.  
But now, Marco had to admit he was exhausted, mentally, and physically. It’s been days since the last time he managed to sleep properly, his thoughts were all fuzzy and mostly dark, all concentrated around one, single, person: Emma.  
He could no longer think about her without feeling a freezing cold stronghold around his heart, squeezing that muscle with no mercy. He would swing between moments of pure anger, deep sorrow, or complete emptiness. With not much else in between his emotions.  
Breaking things off with her has been the hardest thing Marco had to do – probably ever, and yet, he hasn’t been able to stay away, to give himself the necessary space and time. Even if he would pretend to ignore her completely, even if he was trying hard to hate her… He couldn’t.  
He missed her, desperately.  
What she said to him kept echoing in his mind – the fact she felt something for him. Yet, he could not feel victorious or happy about it. He waited so long to hear those words, to know it wasn’t just him… But those words felt like receiving multiple stabs to the chest, instead of giving him any relief. Even now, every time he would think about it, he would feel like there was a blade deeply dug into his heart.  
More or less, it has been the same about their kiss. Marco kept dear the feeling of having her between his arms, or of those lips on his… But every time he would think about it, he felt a part of him dying.  
He thought he would be happy, he fantasized about that moment happening for so long… But he didn’t have any luck there.  
It didn’t matter, at the end of the day. Because anyway, Marco wasn’t putting any afford into trying to push those thoughts away. Actually, quite the opposite, he would indulge and laze into that pain as he would do into the water of a warm bath.  
On the other side, there was Alex, someone Marco chose from the start not to hate or fight… And yet, he was so jealous of his best friend, and because of that feeling he constantly felt incredibly guilty and regretting not having spoken up when he could.  
Now, there wasn’t much he could do, but stand there, looking at Alex loving the same woman he loved too.  
Everyone around him was chatting and having a laugh, but Marco didn’t feel to join in, because pretending everything was ok, was so damn hard.  
“We need to talk.”  
Alex’s voice distracted him, but Marco didn’t bother to look at him, he just kept laying there, with his eyes closed and his arms bent under his head, pretending to be completely relaxed.  
The fact that Alex was speaking in their mother tongue made him understand almost immediately that it would have been a private conversation. And so, he could very well guess the topic too.  
“Do we?”  
“Yes.”  
Alex sat next to him, finding a comfortable position in that patch of grass. Just now, Marco turned to him, nodding. “Ok, what about?”  
“Emma.”  
“I don’t want to talk about Emma.”  
“Well I do. And you must listen. She told me what happened.”  
“Alex…”  
Marco didn’t have the chance or the will to fill Alex in with what happened between him and Emma.  
In that specific moment, Marco wasn’t sure if Alex would have been a pissed off boyfriend or trying to be a supportive friend, in both cases, Marco could comfortably say he didn’t want him to be any of those things.  
“Shut up. She loves both of us, Marco. She loves you.”  
Marco furrowed his brows, now looking at Alex with way more attention. He raised from his position, sitting up, and turned to him, shaking his head.  
All of a sudden, there was so much anger flowing into him.  
“You’re not supposed to be the one who tells me this.”  
“No, I’m not. But since you’re such a dickhead, I’m telling you because you don’t seem willing to give her the chance to do it.”  
“Alex it’s not your business.”  
“It is my damn business, Marco. And it’s yours as well.”  
Marco’s face twitched under a nervous spasm while his blood bubbled up in rage.  
He decided to ignore completely what Alex said about Emma’s feelings, but instead, he wanted to focus on the specific fact that Alex wasn’t minding his own business.  
“Oh, yes. She is very much your business. But who the fuck you think you are to speak for her about this?!”  
“Do you fucking listen to what I said?”  
“I did.”  
Marco bent his knees, putting his arms on top of them, while he looked over the other side of that side of the park, just a few meters away, where Emma sat with Susan. She was laughing about something and again, his chest filled up with a warm and yet freezing feeling.  
Every time their eyes crossed, that bittersweet emotion would surround him.  
It was like when they held hands, last night, on the balcony. He was not able to refuse that contact, but it was still painful all the same.  
It was like every time he caught her looking at him, today. He could not lie; he did like to see those eyes so full of interest… But still, his pride was pretty immediately followed by melancholy.  
“So?”  
“So, what the fuck do you want me to say, Alex?! She is with you, she loves you, what am I supposed to do? Fight you over her just to risk as much to lose her?! No, thanks.”  
“Did you think that maybe we don’t have to fight at all?! Can you stop, for a second, those thoughts and maybe embrace the idea that she does not want to choose?”  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alex?!”  
“What does it sound to you?”  
Marco chuckled but it was more of a sad and annoying sound, shaking his head. “You really have no shame. Do you really think she is not going to choose?! She will, at the end and I cannot take it. Because that’s how things go.”  
“No, this is not how this thing goes. Can you cut the shit for a second and listen? I said she does not want to choose. She wants both of us and she is sure about it. And she fucking loves you, is that not important to you?!”  
Marco closed his eyes, sighing.  
He had to gather all his control not to jump back at him and punch him.  
But all his muscles vibrated under a nervous spasm as if his body was getting ready for a fight.  
Because he spent an entire year not wishing anything else. He wanted her love and everything with it. And now, even if he had it, he still thought it was a loss.  
“It is important to me, Alex. Yet, it still breaks my heart, don’t you understand?!”  
“No, honestly, I don’t. I don’t understand how you can be so proud and stubborn!”  
“What, then, what are you saying?! Are you telling me it’s totally ok, for you, the idea that she also loves someone else? That she might want to be with me?! Are you saying it would be ok, for you if she gets what she wants from both of us?!”  
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Marco. What does it matter, anyway?! I cannot stop her from feeling for you, or you for her… So why should I even try?!”  
“You’re mental.”  
“Why?! Why do you have to make it so complicated?!”  
“Because I’m not ok with it! It’s not fair to… What, share her?! It’s going to end with one of us getting more, it’s going to go bad and we will all fall apart.”  
“And what if it doesn’t?! Uhm?! What if we could just be all happy together?!”  
Marco looked at Alex, his expression looked puzzled and annoyed. He felt like a snake that was getting poked by a stick and he wanted to bite.  
His mind could simply not accept that idea. The three of them, sharing a relationship, was a concept he could not conceive.  
And he was angry at Alex’s pretty face and at his behavior, which seemed so right, so perfect.  
Damn him.  
“Can you stop? I’m tired. Emma and I are done.”  
“Are you though?! Because she is not. I’m just saying: this is what she wants. Why can’t you even consider the idea of giving her a chance?”  
“Because I don’t want to compete against you! Not in this.”  
“Why does it have to be a fucking competition man?! It’s really not and that’s not the point. And maybe, in the end, even if you give her a chance, is not going to work out, as if maybe it’s not going to work out between her and me, who knows? Yet, is it not worth it do give it a try?!”  
“It is a competition because we are both two competitive bastards, don’t take the piss.”  
“But it’s you and me man, and Emma. I would not be competitive about this.”  
“What if I would, then?”  
“How can you know?! How can you know this is something that doesn’t make the cut, for you, if you don’t try?”  
“These things don’t have a trial period.”  
“Says who?! Why does everything have to follow specific rules and shit like that?!”  
“Because that’s how things work.”  
Alex shook his head, looking straight at him and then looked away, squeezing his shoulders. “Ok. Think about what the fuck you like. But then you’ll certainly lose her. When instead you could have it all. And she could have it all.”  
“She certainly would have it all! Man, it doesn’t work like this… She can’t…”  
“Why? Who are you to judge her?”  
“I’m not judging her…”  
“Than what’s your point?”  
“My point is that it doesn’t work like this.”  
“That’s just because you yourself are drawing lines instead of thinking about it freely. Love doesn’t belong into boxes and certainly it doesn’t for her.”  
Marco shook his head, chuckling again, this time nervously.  
His head was spinning, and he felt so incredibly dizzy all of a sudden. There was nothing, in that talk, Marco could or would understand… Because deep down, he was too frightened to accept it. To take the chance, to risk it. He just knew, felt, that it was a bad call, and everything would just get on another level of complications and shit.  
And he wasn’t ready. He much rather stays in that safe zone, where he knows exactly what’s going on and, especially, he can control it, control the damage.  
“Alex just drop it. This is not your place and it’s not your call.”  
“This is exactly my place, man. I love you; you know I do, and I know you’re suffering as much as her. I cannot stand it.”  
“I said it’s not your call!”  
“I don’t give a shit on what you said! You know I’m right. Listen to me! And at least, listen to her. Then, whatever, you’re a free man, you can take your own decisions… But at least you owe to her to let her express what she thinks, and to explain your own reasons.”  
“Since when are you this wise?!”  
This time, when Marco turned to Alex, he gave him a timid smirk and a peaceful look. His expression looked a bit more serene and confident, especially because he really didn’t want to fight with Alex.  
Alex shook his head, giving him a push and chuckling. “Fuck off, will you?”  
Marco smiled a bid more, then he nodded. Sighing, he looked to the ground, leaning his head and just at the end Marco took a deep breath.  
Maybe it was true, maybe he was just too stubborn, just too stuck in his own way.  
But he also knew that at least partially, Alex was right. Even if he wasn’t, Marco knew Emma and he wasn’t done… Even if he liked pretending he had that choice.  
“I’ll speak to her, properly.”  
Alex leaned in, giving him a little push shoulder to shoulder, then both of them looked over to the other side of the field, at Emma.  
Marco sighed. “I am afraid.”  
“I know. I am too.”  
“Doesn’t seem so. You seem so convinced about everything.”  
“It doesn’t mean it’s not there. I care about her; I care about you, and the possibility of losing both of you is there and scares me. Yet, it’s worth it.”  
“I don’t know…”  
He really wished he could have everything figured out. Have the same courage Alex seemed to have. Also, he thought that Alex had an upper hand in that situation, so he was able to speak like that from his position, and for him it was probably easier. But from where Marco was standing, things didn’t look as simple and easy.  
Marco shook his shoulders and then stood up, rubbing his hands together, getting rid of some dirt on his palms. He turned to Alex, nodding. “I’ll go to speak to her now.”  
He thought to inform Alex as if that was some kind of request, even if he did already take that decision.  
Because, in reality, even with fear and pain, he also couldn’t wait. And he really wanted to hear those words Alex referred, coming from Emma’s lips.  
Alex nodded and smiled, getting up himself, he stepped closer to Marco pulling him into a quick hug. “Good luck, man.”  
Maybe, seeing Alex being honestly so open on the matter and so supportive of his side, helped Marco gain a bit of confidence. Maybe it was true, that not being a matter of competition… Yet, he felt like a finish line has been drawn, just in his mind or in reality, it didn’t make any difference.  
Marco turned his back to Alex and their friends, to walk across the field, his eyes pointed at Emma and almost immediately, their eyes crossed, with her attention switching immediately on him.  
Marco felt a wave of warmth filling his veins up, and he smirked not looking away or losing time pretending he wasn’t walking straight to her.  
Besides, from her reaction, it didn’t really seem like she was uncomfortable with the idea, she sat straight up, all of a sudden focused and she answered to his smirk with a smile.  
Both of the two girls were looking at him, both with interest but of two different kinds, differently from Emma, Susan seemed just curious and had a little smirk curving her lips.  
“Hey.”  
He nodded towards both of them, but his attention was on Emma.  
“Hey…”  
“Hi, Marco.”  
Marco just politely smiled at Susan, knowing very well how close those two were and guessing she probably also knew the whole situation between him, Emma and Alex.  
Being close enough, now, Marco leaned on the pile of T-shirts and shirts, which have been discarded earlier on, by almost every guy of their group, and picked his own. Then, keeping it in his hand, he looked back at Emma, standing up straight. “Can we talk?”  
She seemed hesitant, looking as it took her more than a couple of seconds to get his words and he could see her eyes sliding around his face.  
Susan, by her side, gave her a nudge giggling like a little girl.  
“Yes, of course. Yes.”  
It still took her a moment before she even moved.  
Part of him ached with the idea that a moment like that, simple as it was, simple as it always been between them, could still feel weird, now. He knew exactly why and when it got all so complicated, between them… And he hated every bit of that situation.  
Marco offered the girl a hand, to help her get up, and when their palms touched, a shiver crossed his spine, but he did his best to ignore that feeling  
After that, the two walked away quietly. Marco was leading, getting away from that section of the park, because he knew they both needed privacy, to talk about what they needed to talk. And surely, he didn’t want to make a spectacle of himself in front of others, or of hers.  
“What is it?”  
Asked Emma after some time, speeding up and approaching his side, looking up to his face.  
Marco kept walking through that patch covered in trees and bushes, just focusing on the sound of his steps brushing through the grass and the one of the breeze through the leaves.  
All that green and blossoming flowers even looked sweet – almost romantic, but he didn’t really have time to focus on that detail when there were so many thoughts crowding his mind.  
Giving a good look around, to make sure they were alone, just then he turned to Emma.  
His eyes slid over her face studying those pretty features.  
“I want to hear from you, what you said to Alex.”  
Emma leaned her head, looking at him for a second and then looking away, chuckling nervously. “What do you mean?”  
“You know what I mean.”  
Emma kept looking away for a good number of seconds, her expression slowly became more serious, even a bit scared. But most of all, on those features there was a bit of anger, sadness, and pain, now.  
“Why is Alex talking about my business?!”  
“Does it matter, Emma?”  
Not that he didn’t feel the same, but then again, it wasn’t really of any importance. Surely, getting angry at that fact would just slow the process.  
When she turned back looking at him, her eyes were burning of so many emotions. So many that Marco could not get, so much he could not understand, and for a second he wasn’t even sure he knew that girl anymore.  
She looked exactly the same and yet in her eyes there was such confidence, such a determination…  
She shook her head, huffing. “It does matter because there are things I wanted to tell you myself in my own terms!”  
“But would you, though?”  
“Yes!”  
“Then, here we are, do it now.”  
Emma kissed her teeth, looking away again. She looked nervous and unsettled.  
“If I tell you, you must promise you won’t fight me or walk away… But just listen.”  
Marco nodded, even if he knew he couldn’t make that promise. “I’ll try.”  
She huffed and just now raised her eyes to his.  
All of a sudden, she started fidgeting on the spot. She looked tiny, as short as she was and generally Marco wouldn’t have any problem, thinking she was cute just because of it, but the certainty in her eyes made him tremble – even with all the other feelings she seemed to have.  
But even if her grit was clearly visible on her face, Emma hesitated. Her eyes were studying his face, but almost immediately slid down on his body and she seemed losing some of her focus.  
“Can you put your T-shirt on? Please?”  
“Why?”  
A smirk curved his lips, while Marco leaned his head on the side, lingering just for the fun of it.  
Emma looked at him for a second, then smiled herself, shaking her head. “It’s distracting.”  
Saying so, she pointed at his chest.  
To those words, Marco answered taking a deep breath in, full of pride, before shaking his shoulders and indulge in her request. That smirk didn’t disappear from his lips.  
The fact that she liked what she saw did fill him up with a dark joy because at the same time it made his heartache.  
Emma crossed her arms to her chest and looked away, sighing deeply, then she cleared her throat, but some more seconds passed before she actually spoke.  
“I… Thought about what we have talked about… Yesterday. I thought about it a lot.”  
Marco just remained silent, listening as she requested. Even if he really, already, wanted to say things about those words… But he bit his tongue instead.  
At first, she gave him a timid look and when she saw that he just waited, she finally turned to him.  
“I’m not going to let you go. Not without fighting – it’s not that easy to get rid of me.”  
Marco crossed his arms on his chest and leaned his head.  
He wasn’t sure if those words made him more proud, angry, or offended… Or if they were just painful. He had so many possible reactions and was feeling so many things all at the same time… That again, shutting up seemed the best option.  
“The choice you made for me, it’s not fair, it’s not your place to make it. Actually, I don’t want to have a choice, Marco. I don’t want to choose at all.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“What does it sound like?! I want you both. And more specifically… Let Alex aside for a second. I want you. I want my best friend back, but that’s not enough anymore.”  
Marco shook his head, huffing, and looking away. Just listening was incredibly hard, because already, he really just wanted to yell, again. It didn’t matter, to argue with Emma, again. Because he simply felt like that was a joke.  
Yet, Emma looked undeniably serious and her words hit him right in his heart.  
“Not enough?”  
“No! I want… I want to go out with you and talk to you, and know everything I didn’t know before! I… I want to kiss you and touch you and not feel so damn sorry about it!”  
“You want many things, apparently.”  
“I do. I’m selfish like this. I want you, all of you. And I want Alex. And I don’t want to choose.”  
“This is the part that both of you seem not understanding. Wanting it or not it does not mean it’s not going to happen! It is going to happen because that’s how these things work!”  
“What if it doesn’t work like that for me?”  
Marco chuckled, looking away. Leaning his head backward, he raised his eyes to the sky… Not sure if he wanted to scream or run away the most.  
But Emma stepped forward, raising her hands to his face, she made him look at her. “I am serious, Marco.”  
“Are you though?! Emma this is dangerous, and you know it.”  
“Are you afraid, then?”  
“I’m…”  
Marco huffed, looking away for a second, and then he wrapped his hands around her wrists, pushing her hands down, away from his face. He liked that touch, if he was down to him, there was nothing he wanted more but those hands touching him… But not now, not in these circumstances.  
“Yes, I am.”  
She hesitated for a second, surprised by that move, but remained very close to him, not willing to step back, or away, at all.  
“Alex suggested this thing, to me, that it might be polyamory, what this is about.”  
“Good for him.”  
“Don’t you start now. Listen to me… You’re so damn stubborn, man.”  
“Though you liked it.”  
He dared to tease her, and flirt. A smirk appeared on his face, again.  
He was still pretty angry at her, at Alex and at himself. Knowing very well he no longer had a choice. He could pretend he had; he could act as if he had control of some sort… But he didn’t have any.  
Emma ignored his words if not for a tiny smile which curled the corner of her lips.  
“So, I read about it. And someone tried to explain this… Feeling like this.”  
Marco bit his tongue again, letting her speak… Because he knew it was what they both needed.  
“People teach us that we are half, during our life, and we would be whole just when we find our other half… Which, per se, is both a romantic and terrible concept. In my specific condition, it looks horrendous and full of prejudice. And then this person proceeds to say that love is not dividing, love multiplies.  
Even if you don’t want to listen to these words… Then listen to me: I want to be free of loving who I want. I wasn’t, for the longest time. I didn’t know this was something… I wanted.”  
“You’re free to love who you want.”  
“Am I?”  
“I’m not stopping you.”  
“You’re, actually. You’re stopping me from loving you!”  
Marco looked straight at her. His entire being froze. His eyes nailed her on the spot, and he saw her body shiver, but she never stopped to glance back.  
He shook his head, hiding behind a chuckle. “I’m not. You’re with Alex.”  
“I can be with Alex. And I can be with you.”  
“No.”  
“Why?”  
“Because! I don’t know. Common sense?!”  
“You’re a hypocrite, then. Because you say you love me and yet, you go around with Karen.”  
Marco smiled just looking at her.  
He was wondering when she would have brought Karen up.  
Because he noticed her jealousy, everyone did. It was hard to miss.  
But knowing she was, in fact, jealous, still made him both angry and proud.  
"No, you're the hypocrite! I'm not in love with her and I don't dare to come to you and say I love both of you."  
"But you still bring her around everywhere!"  
"And? The point is the same, Emma. How would you feel?"  
"I... Wouldn't accept it."  
"So why am I supposed to accept you doing it? Uhm?"  
"Because..."  
"Because of what, Emma?! Give me a reason!"  
There weren't any reasons to give. He simply could not accept the idea of sharing her or whatever that was.  
Even if that would come down to deny who she felt she was... And what she felt.  
Which, yet, she wasn't clear about.  
She hesitated, looking at him and then shaking her head, looking away.  
Marco chuckled but that sound was full of resentment and, once again, pain.  
"You don't have anything to say? Well, that's exactly why I'm making the choice for you. You would choose, that you like it or not. And you would choose Alex. Because you clearly know what you feel for him better!"  
"You don't know what I feel for him! Or for you!"  
"Then tell me!"  
And instead of saying those words that Marco was desperately waiting to hear from her, she remained quiet.  
She looked away and then, stepped back, putting distance between them.  
"What you expect me to say?! I'm not going to tell you anything since you don't seem to be interested in it whatsoever!"  
"That's bullshit! If you have something to say you should say it!"  
Now it was her look that nailed him to the ground. Her big eyes were filled up with anger and pain, as much as him. He was expecting her to step back again – or probably step away.  
Instead, Emma stepped forward, looking more like an angry bull, and placing her hands to his chest, gave him a good push.  
“Why am I supposed to say anything to you if you’re not interested?! Why?!”  
There was such an amount of rage, in her words, actions and eyes… They were arguing yet again. If that wasn’t a sign that there wasn’t any solution… Marco wouldn’t know what else could be clearer.  
“I am fucking interested, Emma!”  
Again she was going to charge upon him and give him another push, but this time, Marco grabbed her hands, pulling her arms down and even if she tried to fight for a couple of seconds, she very soon stopped moving.  
At that point, Marco took the chance to wrap his arms around her, pulling her close to him into a tight hug. “I love you. What more than this can I say to make you understand how much interested I am!”  
Emma froze, for a moment and then fought back again, pushing him away.  
He was angry too, very much, at everything and that was the feeling that now prevailed on everything else, canceling the pain, the fear and the pride.  
“You do not love me. You love an idea of me!”  
“This is not fucking fair!”  
“It is! You’re making this so fucking difficult! You are the one who’s arguing! I really don’t know what else to say!”  
“Maybe say the only thing you haven’t said yet! Say what you feel for me!”  
“I’m not going to say anything, Marco! What difference would it make?! Uhm?! You still wouldn’t want to be involved, would you?!”  
Marco just stood there, looking at her. For a second, he felt like the anger she had in her eyes could be enough to make him fall to his knees.  
There was nothing he could say or do. Nothing that seemed enough or close to a solution.  
She was right, he didn’t want to get involved. Not in a thing between her, Alex and him.  
But that thought just made him angry at himself.  
Emma looked away, then chuckled, but it was a bitter laugh. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. “You don’t have anything to say?”  
“What the fuck do you want me to say, Emma?! For how long you think we can go on like this?!”  
“Not for long. I’m tired of arguing.”  
“Me too.”  
“Then stop fighting against me!”  
“I’m not fighting!”  
“You fucking are! Damn, Marco I really don’t know what else it’s there to be said!”  
Marco looked straight at her and still, she was looking somewhere else. So, now, he was the one who stepped forward, grabbing her face between his palms, maybe a bit too rudely, but he didn’t care.  
Marco made her turn to him, so he could look into those eyes. She seemed on the edge, trying to keep back her tears. Seeing the pain she felt made his heartache.  
“There is so much to say, Emma.”  
“So much that would not change your mind! So why should I waste breath!”  
“Because I want to hear it.”  
She hesitated, looking at him. In their look there were so many unspoken things, so much that got misunderstood… So much which would get lost. And so much to fight for.  
At that point, what he thought about the situation didn’t matter anymore, he just wanted to hear, from her, what she felt.  
Those tears which Emma was trying to fight, eventually, got freed. But she looked still angry.  
She raised her hands to his chest and even if, for a second, she tried to apply some force to push him away, then she just gripped to his T-shirt, pulling him closer.  
“I don’t care what you want to hear. I’m not going to tell you what you want. Not if you’re going to disappear anyway. Not if you won’t let me love Alex as well.  
This happened. I didn’t plan it; I didn’t know it would have… And maybe, without what I feel for Alex I would have never realized I… Feel for you too.”  
Marco moved forward, unable to resist, unable to be far away from her, not when she was that close. He leaned his head, touching her forehead with his. “I would be jealous of him, Emma… I can’t do this.”  
“So, instead, is it ok to lose me completely, to break things off, to step away and let him be by my side? Are you not jealous already? Are you not tired of fighting? Of the pain?”  
“I am! What choice do I have?”  
“To stand by my other side, to love me. Let me… Love you.”  
Marco shook his head, taking in a deep breath.  
Those words were deep and truthful, and they made his entire being tremble. For a second, it felt like Emma’s hands penetrated his chest and now they were holding his uncovered heart.  
He did not have an answer. He did not know what to say or how to say it.  
Whatever that was, they went too far, drowning too deeply into an abyss from where there was no chance of survival.  
Yet, anything Marco thought sensible to do was kissing her.  
And he did, leaning his head, he met her lips shutting the whole conversation. The whole world.  
Emma immediately answered to that kiss, sliding her arms around his shoulders, tightly holding on to him.  
Both of them began to grasp onto one another, as that kiss became more desperate and hungrier.  
He certainly was. He wanted her and at that point, he didn’t even care for others who could see them. He didn’t care about Alex. He didn’t care about everything he just said to her.  
For a second, everything fell into place and felt ok. Having her between his arms, both sharing something they wanted, felt as, at least for that moment, almost perfect.  
But suddenly, Emma pushed him away, sliding away from his arms and stepping away.  
Both of them were out of breath, both of them seemed more confused than anything else… Emma raised a hand to her lips and then shook her head, stepping backwords again, putting distance between herself and him, and it didn’t seem just physical distance.  
Then, she raised her eyes to him, shaking her head. “What kind of kiss was that?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Well, figure it out! I’m tired Marco. I said everything I had to say.”  
Not everything. But he didn’t say that, figuring it would just be better, for a moment, not to ignite a new argument. He was tired too.  
She just nodded, as if she was answering to something implicit in his silence.  
“Give me time, then. Let me think about it, Emma.”  
“Do it, then. I’ll be waiting.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Some hours went by, not that Emma could really feel the time passing anymore.  
She really just wanted that whole situation to be over. To have her answer, to know for certain what to look forward to or to be afraid of.  
And the fact that, yet again, everything remained confused and uncertain made her feel helpless.  
Most of her thoughts kept going in dark places of her mind, where she was full of regret and fear, where her trust didn’t exist. And she kept thinking that maybe, just maybe, that pain – that uncomfortable feeling of not belonging, maybe it wasn’t worth it.  
Knowing herself, getting to know what she did feel, expressing it… All of that – which some may consider improvement – to her, wasn’t worth it.  
Not if she still would not get what she discovered she wanted.  
Because, in fact, what was the point?!  
That evening, she was at Alex’s, again. They were watching a movie, but Emma wasn’t even trying to pretend to be interested. Her thoughts were louder and bigger, invading every single corner of her mind.  
She was curled up in a ball, wrapped under a blanket and between Alex’s arms, laying comfortably by his side. Finding a certain peace being close to him, as usual.  
But just her body seemed to be calm, her heart, soul, and mind were in a constant state of agitation.  
Emma laid her head on Alex’s chest, sighing. Almost immediately, he leaned in giving her a soft kiss on the forehead.  
“Are you ok?”  
“I don’t know…”  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Again? No, not really.”  
He remained closer, every word he would say his lips would brush on her skin, making her feel more grounded – as if at least part of that mess could make sense.  
“I think you’re a brave woman, Emma. I admire what you’re doing.”  
“That makes one of us, at least.”  
“You shouldn’t say that.”  
“Well, I do. Because at this point… I don’t know anything anymore.”  
“You know that’s not true.”  
“It is though!”  
Alex moved, sliding a hand around her cheek, making her raise her eyes in his. Emma got swallowed by those warm greyish irises, truly unable to think for a moment. Unable to fight whatever spell Alex had on her.  
“Do you want me to start and make a list praising you? Because I can! You’re strong, proud, and unafraid…”  
Emma raised her hand, gently pushing her fingers on his lips, stopping his words. A timid smile curved her lips, but Emma still looked and felt far away from any of those… Compliments.  
“There’s no need. It doesn’t matter, in the end. It doesn’t matter if everything I can do is hurt people.”  
Alex kissed her fingers, then he moved his face, so her hand would slide on his jaw.  
“Don’t be so harsh on yourself. It’s not all your fault.”  
“Some things are.”  
“We are all responsible for our action and decision, babe. But don’t tell me you feel guilty about everything.”  
He looked at her, so clearly meaning many things, a smirk appeared on his lips, to which Emma wasn’t able not to answer with a smile herself, knowing he was right.  
She didn’t feel guilty for anything that happened between them, for knowing him, for loving him. That feeling, being close and connected to Alex, felt too natural, too impossible to avoid.  
It was the same for her discovering of her feelings, all of them, even the ones towards Marco.  
But it was there that her thoughts would confuse, on the matter. She wasn’t ashamed of her feelings for Marco – for both of those guys – and maybe there was even a degree of pride into them. Even, she was happy, realizing that, hidden under that friendship, there has always been a love she didn’t see.  
Now that she discovered it, she could not ignore it. Nor ignore what Marco was able to do to her, how just a look from him could destabilize her entire balance.  
At the same time, though, she felt incredibly sorry for what all of that meant and how things turned out to be.  
“No, not for everything.”  
Alex smiled again at her, leaning in for a soft kiss but he pulled away almost immediately.  
“I’m sorry though.”  
“Why? Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”  
Alex held her closer. “Yet, I feel like I’m guilty. And I’m sorry you’re sad… And for Marco.”  
“I know.”  
Emma took his hand into hers, holding it and concentrating on studying it. Alex just let her play with his fingers with no objection, but he also moved, pausing the movie. To which point she raised her eyes, looking for his.  
For a moment, looking at his features she forgot about all her problems.  
Alex leaned his head, while a sweet smile curved his full lips. “I love you. I want to make sure you know it.”  
“I know you do. I love you too.”  
“But… I think this is not fair on Marco.”  
“What, this?”  
Asked Emma and even if she sounded and looked confused, her body already froze into the fear of what his next words could be.  
Alex looked away for a second, taking a deep breath in and then huffing. “Me and you, enjoying each other’s company this much… When he is probably… Miserable.”  
“He wanted to be, though.”  
“No. He didn’t break it off, right?”  
“No, he didn’t.”  
“So, maybe, while he is thinking about it… We should consider to… I don’t know, quiet things down?”  
Emma sat straight up, suddenly putting distance between herself and him, and for a second, she just looked at the wall in front of her.  
Her heart stopped. Her breath stopped.  
“Quiet things down?”  
Alex sighed. “Emma…”  
Just then, she turned to him, and now, she was angry and offended. Not because she didn’t think he was right… Just because that would mean another change – this time, between Alex’s and her dynamic.  
In all honesty, she wouldn’t know how to react.  
“No. Explain, what do you mean?”  
“I don’t know what I mean. I’m trying to be fair – I’m trying not to exclude Marco. Because if there is a chance it’s going to happen, and you could have a relationship with both of us… Then none of us can be excluded, also.”  
“Marco chose to be excluded!”  
“He didn’t, Emma. He… Let him digest this. I know him, better than anyone else – he won’t let you go, or me for what it matters. As much as he didn’t do it yet, did he?”  
“I am giving him his time! I just don’t understand your point now! What, you don’t want to be with me?!”  
Alex shook his head and pulled closer. “No. Quite the opposite, believe me. But it’s not about me.”  
“So… What we should stop to see each other until Marco takes a decision?”  
“No. We can still see each other and hang around. I’m talking about not being physical.”  
“So, no sex.”  
“No. No sex.”  
Emma chuckled looking away, not really knowing if that was more hilarious or if it made her angrier.  
Because she really didn’t want to give up on something that she considered so important… And yet, she could not lie about thinking that maybe, Alex was right. No, maybe not right, but fair.  
“And this is for Marco? It’s not because you don’t…”  
“It’s about Marco. I love you and I want you; it doesn’t change anything. But this is not just you and me anymore, is it?”  
“No. It’s not…”  
Emma sighed, dropping her eyes to the floor, while her cheeks started burning up, making her feel a bit awkward. Yet, a shy smile appeared on her lips, while she shook her head. “Sometimes it’s annoying how right you can be.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Am I allowed to get kisses?”  
“I would probably say better not… Just because… Sometimes it’s hard to stop.”  
Emma turned to Alex and looked at him for a few moments, then she shook her head. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t this fair about things.”  
“Yeah… Well, because I’m giving so much support to you, it’s not fair not doing the same for Marco… If you know what I mean.”  
“I do. I get it. It’s just… I don’t want to lose a connection.”  
“You’re not going to! Our connection is not just physical, I hope.”  
“No! Of course, not… It’s just…”  
Alex moved a bit closer, taking her face between his palms and making her look at him, his eyes were burning of emotions, in the same colors of a sea storm, but a warm smile curved those lips, which Emma could not stop looking or find so attractive – especially now she wasn’t allowed to kiss them.  
“Get out from your own head. I love you; I desire you; it’s not going to change. But Marco deserves our sympathy and support…”  
“He is not going to know about it, is he?”  
“It doesn’t really matter, though.”  
“Yeah, well, that’s true. Could I at least have one kiss every now and then? Uhm? Just sometimes, not all the time…”  
Emma looked at him, not ashamed to try and corrupt him giving him puppy eyes. Which seemed to work, because Alex chuckled, shaking his head and then nodded. “I guess we can indulge in that.”  
Which was exactly what she was waiting for so to lean closer and get one of those kisses.  
She softly kissed his lips, trying her best not to surrender already to that need her body always seemed to have, for his.  
Alex wrapped her between his arms, pulling her closer, and Emma really wasn’t strong enough to resist that hug or to pull away. Instead, she enjoyed that kiss a bit longer, tasting his lips letting herself get lost into his flavor, scent, and in the warm sound of his breath.  
The realization that a deeper contact between their bodies was now forbidden made her crave it even more, so incredibly hungry of the feeling of his body surrounding hers.  
It was then that Emma decided to pull away, looking away immediately so not to be tempted over and trying to catch her breath – but already feeling way too intoxicated by her desire.  
“Ok, then. I guess it’s time for me to go.”  
“What? Why? I thought you were staying a bit.”  
“I’m quite tired and tomorrow I’ve got to wake up very early for work…”  
“So, no chances of you sleeping over?”  
“With you, half-naked, next to me?! Nope. Or I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to resist.”  
“Yeah… I suppose that’s quite fair.”  
Emma got up, taking a few seconds to find her balance, but almost immediately, Alex's arms followed her and grabbing her hips. He pulled her closer and laying his head on her abdomen, he hugged her, huffing.  
“I’ll miss you.”  
Emma leaned her head, looking down at him, while she ran her hands through his hair. “I’ll miss you too, babe.”  
He raised his head, looking for her eyes. “What time do you finish tomorrow?”  
“Uhm, at two in the afternoon.”  
“Can I come and pick you up?”  
Emma smiled and nodded. “Yes, you can.”  
“It’s a date!”  
Victorious, Alex chuckled and then he got up, pulling his arms in the air. But that being silly ended almost immediately, when he went back looking at her. His smile evolved into a sweet one, while he raised his hands to her face and moved forward, leaning his forehead against hers.  
Emma wrapped her hands around his wrists and, closing her eyes, she sighed. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
And the situation could feel and be as shit as it was, messy as it was… With them being cracked and apart as they all were, with bonds and fractures. And yet, when the pain and fear were lifted from her heart, she felt also lucky.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Some days passed by. It was Thursday and the weekend was almost on the horizon.  
Not that Marco cared about it that much. Every day, every hour, looked and felt pretty much the same.  
Time was running both incredibly fast and unbearably slow.  
Marco tried his best to keep busy – which turned out to be harder than imagined since he was now distancing himself from both people he used to hang out the most.  
But filling his days up with activities wouldn’t necessarily take his mind away from what he was trying to escape constantly.  
And even if he was lingering, taking time, and lying to himself and everyone else that he wasn’t sure… It was pretty clear that Marco already took a decision. Which, was his sole possibility.  
He could pretend he had control, he could take all the time and space he wanted. He could ignore texts and phone calls, or people… Yet, he had just one possible choice; one possible direction.  
And it was Emma.  
He loved her and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could do to change that. Nothing he wanted to do.  
He loved her and he wanted her. And he was so damn tired of fighting. With her, with himself… Even with Alex.  
Marco didn’t know what was coming or how those events would turn out, but he was sure he wanted to be by her side.  
Even if that meant… Be involved with Alex as well.  
The idea was scary, even a bit far away from his understanding… But also, it had a charm to it. Something unknown.  
All of that was everything Marco could think about.  
Everything crowding his mind was about that new sort of relationship and what it would matter, what it would mean in the long run. What would it mean for them and for others?  
Every one of his thoughts was about what kind of love that could be and what it could become, how much could he love someone, accept something like that, change his own view of things.  
Marco even did his good amount of research on the matter.  
The more he read about polyamory, the more he became confident and terrorized, at the same time. Even if someone probably tried to categorize it and trace down some lines, there were no, real, set rules. Every experience, he read about, seemed to be different and personal.  
At that point, he didn’t really know where specifically him, Emma and Alex could fall.  
He has always been someone serious about relationships and about his feelings. Someone that liked the idea of settling down and have a family if he found the right person.  
Now, he was going to start something with another two people – which has never been a thing he thought he would do.  
But then again, all those thoughts were nothing, compared to the idea that, finally, he could have his chance to openly love Emma – accept her love as it was.  
Clearly, he had his own good amount of lines and pillars and things he thought they all needed to talk about and set. But still, the decision, was made.  
There was a fair amount of selfishness in his behavior though. Because Marco took his decision almost immediately after Emma left him, last Sunday.  
Maybe even before that.  
Yet, he was still waiting. Still taking his time.  
Maybe it was to make sure he was ready. To make sure he knew what he was going to get himself involved with… Or maybe, it was just to make Emma wait a bit.  
But there was one thing he was certain of, Emma was the only one, always has been, since he met her.  
So, there was no reason to keep that thing between him and Karen going on.  
He lost interest almost immediately, but he surely didn’t take any advantage on Karen or give her any false hope. Yet, he felt guilty – a bit of an asshole, actually -, because he still invited her around a couple of times, with other people or just by themselves, and texted her a bit, perfectly knowing he didn’t care.  
Though, Emma or not, Karen wasn’t really his type. So, that wasn’t something he intended to drag over – and he was pretty sure Karen got the idea that he wasn’t as interested in her.  
Still, instead of disappearing completely, he decided to be fair and honest and talk to her. Which, was precisely the reason why he asked her to meet, that morning.  
He didn’t necessarily want to be around people, for that kind of conversation – and that could be out of politeness or his being quite reserved about his private life. But, still, not enough of a reason to take into consideration the idea to invite that girl to his place. First of all, because he didn’t really want her to have a wrong impression and second, because he didn’t want to reveal such a personal information like his address. Not to someone he barely knew.  
So, Marco just invited her for a walk.  
His green eyes were following the quick flow of the Liffey River dark waters, while he was leaning over the rail.  
His back was given to the O’Connell Monument, while the morning traffic seemed to roll peacefully around it and throughout the whole Dublin. The sound of it was quite soothing.  
It was an incredibly nice morning, the breeze was fresh and light and now that the days were longer and warmer, the air was soaked with a not so subtle Summer feeling.  
He was smoking a cigarette, trying to line up his thoughts and at the same time, trying not to get too much in his own head.  
Marco knew that matter wasn’t supposed to take so long and, in theory, he thought it would end peacefully. But that was kind of his best hope.  
In reality, though, he could not really predict much, because he didn’t know Karen all that well and he surely could not be sure what she thought of that whole situation.  
“Marco?”  
He breathed a puff of smoke in, before to turn over. Taking just a second to think what a timing. “Hey, Karen!”  
He welcomed her with a little smile on his lips but kept a certain distance and she seemed to do the same. Pulling both of them into a weird and awkward moment of silence.  
Marco nodded towards her, so they could start walking, while he stepped forward. “So, how are you?”  
“Ah, you know, always the same. I’m here and there and everywhere!”  
Of course she was. From that little time he got to know her a bit, he immediately understood she was someone always ready to do something and go places and meet people. Her lifestyle seemed to be kind of hectic. Not that it was any kind of problem, really, just not for him.  
What he struggled the most with was the fact that she seemed to be incredibly material and superficial. She was very attached to her phone and the little fame she had on her social media… Probably gained because she looked likable and because she was, in fact, very attractive. Maybe she had some talents… But Marco didn’t have that much time to know them – and again, it didn’t really matter.  
The biggest problem he could have with someone like Karen is that she seemed a bit… Fake, from time to time. Of her real self, or opinion, there was not much she would show openly, but then again, they didn’t know each other that much so that wasn’t a point he could judge.  
He just knew, that even without Emma occupying his heart and mind, he would probably not have an interest in a girl like her.  
And at that point it didn’t even matter that she didn’t ask him how his day was going… He could not care the less.  
So, Marco nodded and breathed in another puff of smoke, looking in front of him. “So, I don’t really want to waste any of your time… But I don’t think we should… Go on with this.”  
She was right by his side and if while he was talking, she was gazing at him, then, when she understood his words, she immediately looked away.  
“Oh? What do you mean?”  
“You know. This kind of… Texting or going out sometimes. I really don’t want to give you the wrong impression or anything…”  
Marco paused a second, trying to shake that awkwardness off his shoulders, convincing himself he was doing the right thing.  
“…You’re a very nice girl. But I have other things in my mind at the moment.”  
He wasn’t looking at her. He felt a bit too uncertain and kind of shy to do that, saying those words.  
Because even if he thought he was doing something good and in that whole situation, he didn’t do anything wrong… Or at least, anything that could make it worse at that point. He still felt a bit shit.  
Because that kind of words had been said to him too, and they always sounded terrible. No matter the people involved or the specific circumstance.  
Karen remained silent for some seconds and while those moments passed by, Marco thought not to add anything on top of his previous words. Thinking there was no need for anything more.  
Just, he dared giving the girl a look, trying to understand if she was upset or anything.  
Karen was looking straight forward, seemingly confident. On her lips there was a little smirk, which Marco could not really translate with any specific emotion.  
“Is it Emma, then?”  
He froze, losing his pace, breath, and order of thoughts all at the same time. But it just took a second.  
Yet, it seemed to be enough.  
Because Emma was his business, but he didn’t imagine it could be that obvious. Or at least… No, not like that. Again, Marco could seem so friendly and sociable… But he was also shy and very private about all those aspects of his life he didn’t care to share with others.  
Especially now.  
Karen raised her eyes to him, examining his face, then, that smirk became a full smile, while she shook her head. One of her brows raised high on her forehead and Marco could see the judgment on her face as much as he could feel it on every inch of his skin.  
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?”  
“Well, a bit it does, actually.”  
Marco shook his shoulders, looking away. He didn’t like the expression she had printed on her face.  
“Right, well it doesn’t change the point.”  
“Sorry if I’m going to be incredibly straight forward and rude… But so, what’s your plan? Wait around until she will… What? Notice you?”  
Marco just kept walking, kept looking in front of him.  
There was a time when that was the actual plan. But now it all seemed so silly and yet serious – and again, it didn’t matter, because they could just all have what they wanted. And she did, in fact, notice him.  
Soon enough, she would have even noticed him more than ever.  
“Yeah, that’s rude. And it’s none of your business, actually.”  
“She is with someone like Alex. She is never going to notice you.”  
Marco’s body vibrated under a certain pressure and a shot of adrenaline set his blood on fire. With a certain degree of anger and bitter pain taking over his emotions, but he almost immediately tried to suffocate those feelings.  
Again, he had to remain silent and think very well on what to answer, because those words didn’t have a place in that conversation and her being rude was not acceptable. Especially because she didn’t really have a reason to behave like that – she didn’t have to defend herself or anything.  
Just then, Marco, kind of, got the idea that probably she got the wrong message over… Even if he was never crossing a specific line and they haven’t been talking or seeing each other that much, and not even for more than a week.  
Plus, that was an uncovered nerve of his.  
He loved Alex dearly. He was more than a friend, he was basically family, a brother now. Besides working together and all of that, he found in Alex a close friend. He was never jealous of him, before. Never, since Emma started going out with him.  
Even then, Marco could not bring himself to be angry at Alex.  
Yet, he hated those words to their very core, because they weren’t just diminishing him as a person, but as a man too. As if, yeah, he had no game with “someone like Alex”.  
And now? Now Marco kind of wanted to laugh at those words… Even if they still had a certain power over him. Because he knew it because his biggest fear would be Emma choosing.  
Yet, in that specific moment, he also knew Emma did notice him, wanted him, and probably loved him and that was enough.  
But certainly, he could not say it to Karen and be proud of himself, or them, and show off the fact that Emma wasn’t lucky enough, actually, and she would end up having both of him and Alex.  
But then again, Karen and those comments didn’t deserve any attention.  
“Listen. It’s none of your business and it doesn’t matter. I still think we should go in separate ways.”  
“Sure, that’s not a problem. I just think you’re making a mistake.”  
“Good I didn’t ask you any opinion.”  
Marco turned over, gazing at her with a little smile printed on his lips but certainly not because he was amused or anything.  
Actually, quite the contrary.  
He was pretty annoyed and now the only thing he thought was that probably she would have been unpleasant with Emma. Not that he thought she could not handle it or anything.  
Karen huffed and then shook her head. “I’m just saying, will you just keep being the best friend forever?”  
Marco was a nice guy. He was a good person, good heart, smart, social, and likable. Good looking and talented, confident enough about his abilities, and right now, he could not say he was missing something.  
Maybe in the future, but not now.  
Yet, Karen had that ability, in that specific moment, to piss him off and slide some slimy doubt into his head.  
“What do you want from me, Karen?”  
Marco stopped walking, turning to her, sighing. He just shook his shoulders, tossing away the cigarette.  
She turned over, looking at him. He could see her eyes running over his face, then she chuckled looking away.  
“I don’t know. I’m just saying…”  
“I don’t care what you’re saying. You don’t know me; I don’t know you. And maybe it must just stay that way.  
I guess, just have a good life and I’ll see you around.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Alex was laying on the sofa, in a sprawled but comfortable position. He was watching a documentary on tv, without really paying too much attention to it.  
He was relaxed and serene, with not much to worry about, or that would fill his mind up. He felt kind of weightless, kind of like things fell into places. And surely, he could not complain.  
That changed quite recently.  
Up to, maybe, just a couple of hours earlier, he would be worried about Marco.  
Every minute he, or Emma all the same, would keep not hearing a single word from Marco, would be just another minute they felt concerned and nervous about Marco’s choice.  
Both Emma and him knew that, at the end of the day, it was a personal decision and there was nothing else they could do to convince him any further.  
The choice was his to make.  
Even knowing there was not much else they could do… Both would keep looking forward to the reveal moment. Just because waiting was… Bad and scary.  
Especially for Emma, but that, to Alex, was understandable.  
He just didn’t like to see her as unsettled as she was. Even if she would constantly put on a fierce face, trying to hide away her feelings, he knew she was, pretty much all the time, uncertain about every single thing and scared to death.  
And that, he could understand very well; she put her heart out there, to him and to Marco.  
Now, not just one person, but two, had the power to crush it – or at least Alex knew that most of the time, it was what Emma thought and feared. Besides, at this point, losing Marco forever.  
Instead of seeing it from another point of view, like Alex’s: that now, not just one, but two people, had the power to protect and love her. Them being himself and Marco… Alex pretty much knew she would be in safe hands.  
Even if Marco seemed a bit slow into understanding his place. Or at least, the place Alex thought belonged to him and Emma wanted for him.  
But all his worries about Marco and their relationship disappeared as soon as, after days of silence, Marco reached out for him.  
It was a simple text Marco sent, some time ago in the afternoon, asking him if he fancied some beer and a chat with him. To which, honestly, Alex would never say no. Especially now.  
But he didn’t say anything to Emma, not yet at least… Because he thought if there was something to say, it was Marco’s place to do so. Even if that meant for Emma to be left waiting and be uncertain for a little longer.  
Besides all of this, though, Emma and he were more than ok.  
Alex just felt more and more comfortable with the idea of that relationship, and even if he had any intention to take it as slow as possible… As much as falling for that girl could allow him, he just kept feeling like he knew her for so long. Alex kept falling for her any moment, at any smile, at any gaze and it didn’t seem to be, ever, enough.  
He really didn’t want it to be enough.  
She was precious to him and Alex didn’t need years to recognize it.  
They have been hanging out almost every day, in every moment of spare time they had. Sometimes just for a coffee, sometimes spending hours together.  
And he was so completely hooked, gone in that feeling.  
Of course, not being physical with each other turned out to be harder than expected.  
Even if Alex still stood by that idea and its principle, he kind of missed Emma, but it wasn’t just about the sex per se, it was the intimacy of it. It was the connection.  
But that was a sacrifice he was willing to make, for Marco.  
Especially now, Alex knew he wouldn’t have to sacrifice anything for much longer. Hopefully.  
So, when the doorbell rang, Alex was ready to immediately jump up and walk closer to the intercom.  
A big smile appeared on his lips and he had to admit he was more excited than expected at the idea of finally meet his best friend.  
Because he truly missed Marco.  
Which, was the reason why he automatically greeted him in Danish.  
So, as soon as he realized that the voice coming from the ground floor wasn’t Marco’s, all of his happiness and agitation left his body.  
“Uhm, hello? It’s Karen. Alex?”  
Alex immediately looked around, trying to recall if she forgot something around his place or any other similar reason why she could be looking for him. Or maybe she was looking for Marco? Or… Emma?  
It seemed a bit of a long way, though, to find any of them.  
He didn’t massively like the idea that she was under his flat.  
“Yes? Hi, Karen… What’s up?”  
“I… I need to talk to you. Can I come up?”  
“No. Wait there, I’ll come down.”  
He didn’t really like Karen and he knew Emma didn’t like her either… For many reasons.  
So, he didn’t want to have any trouble. Surely, he didn’t want a single, random, girl he barely knew in his house.  
Because that was acceptable with parties… But not like this.  
Alex looked around, just to grab himself a hoodie, his set of keys, and his cigarettes. He quickly put on a pair of trainers and then proceeded to get downstairs.  
He wondered what Karen could ever want from him. Though, he felt uncomfortable with the idea of talking, alone, with someone he didn’t know. Or better, he felt uncomfortable with the idea of talking alone with her.  
Karen was there for a reason and that was sure.  
Getting out from the main hall entrance, Alex gave a good look around, while the evening air surrounded him, smelling of early Summer nights.  
So, just then, he looked for Karen, finding her patiently waiting on the steps by the intercom.  
“Karen.”  
She smiled a bit, but her eyes were serious and her entire expression didn’t look so convincing, as much as her posture: her arms were crossed to her chest and she looked defensive.  
Sometimes, Alex wished he wasn’t so able to understand people so well immediately… Just because he had the impression she was there to cause troubles. And generally, he wasn’t wrong.  
“…If you’re looking for Marco or Emma, they are not here.”  
“No. Of course they are not. I was looking for you, in fact.”  
“Oh, ok… Why?”  
He looked away because he absolutely didn’t like the smirk she had, or her voice tone, or the way she was looking at him and seemed to imply stuff.  
Also, he simply felt incredibly uncomfortable and it didn’t feel just like an emotion, but also a feeling on his skin.  
Alex decided to light himself a cigarette, so he wouldn’t have to think about Karen specifically.  
“Right, I will be straight forward: you’re a nice guy, so I don’t necessarily think you deserve what’s happening.”  
“Why, what is happening?”  
His attention went back on the girl, while his grey eyes sparkled of an inquisitive look. Suddenly he was focused and interested… But he could guess very well where this was going.  
“Emma and Marco. You must be blind if you didn’t notice there’s something going on between them.”  
Alex looked at her for a long moment.  
His first emotional reaction was anger; he wanted to be protective, especially of Emma.  
He wanted to defend her and Marco, scaring that girl away.  
But, instead of firing up as he wanted to do, Alex decided to play along. Because he guessed she had more to say.  
Because he really wanted to know where she was going.  
Everyone noticed there was something between Marco and Emma. It really wasn’t hard to miss. But that wasn’t anyone business.  
Alex, Emma, and Marco were their own thing.  
Surely, he didn’t like the fact that a stranger like Karen was trying to break them apart. Daring to stick her nose where it didn’t belong. Especially because she didn’t know him, she wasn’t dating Marco and, apparently, she could not consider herself Emma’s friend.  
So, he knew, everything she was trying to do was for herself.  
“Is there? No. They are friends!”  
Alex looked surprised, pretending, playing a character, lying as he was so good at. And playing dumb wasn’t really the most difficult thing to do, especially not for an actor.  
Karen seemed to fall for it. To his words, she chuckled shaking her head. Her eyes brightened up as if she thought she won something.  
“No, they are not. Look closely at how they look at each other, or how they behave, and you’ll see it.”  
“See what?”  
“That they are way more than friends! It’s a pity you’ve got in the middle.”  
“I’m not in the middle of anything. They are very close friends.”  
“Yeah, and if you’re not careful, they’ll get even closer.”  
Karen gave him a clear look, nodding. In her eyes there were all those words she didn’t say but wanted to. It wasn’t hard, for him, to get what she meant.  
Which had some irony to it, he had to admit. If just she knew how close her assumptions were to the truth. Yet, Alex wasn’t there for her amusement and didn’t intend in giving her what she expected.  
So, he shook his shoulders. Looking away, he breathed in a puff of smoke.  
On purpose, Alex assumed a stiff position. Looking straight in front of him, he wanted Karen to notice he was thinking, and that was what he was showing.  
For real, he was just looking very intensely at the trees just on the other side of the road.  
Just as if he had a script to follow. He didn’t care if it was wrong or right, because that wasn’t important, now.  
He cared that Karen was being incredibly vicious and mean.  
Because if everything from her point of view was true; if he didn’t have a clue about what was going on between Marco and Emma… Then, that would have probably caused a huge problem.  
Then again, Alex, suddenly, felt like he needed to be protective not just of the people involved, but of their relationship as well.  
Karen could not get too close to the idea of their relationship.  
Love triangles have always been super cool to talk about or… Even film, because they all knew there was a lot of that stuff going on in Vikings. But as real life? It wasn’t a scoop that needed to come out.  
Alex, on porpoise, stole some of his movements and expressions from his dear character Ivar, which by now were coming quite natural to him.  
He was acting but Karen needed to believe in it.  
What looked like a muscular spasm twitched the left side of his face, changing his expression and the same spasm slid down to his shoulder. Again, Alex raised his hand to his lips, so he could breathe in some smoke from his cigarette, but now his hand was slightly shaky.  
“I’m an idiot.”  
“No, you’re not.”  
Karen even stepped closer to him and even if his immediate reaction was to get away and find some distance from her, Alex tried his best to remain there, looking shocked.  
A little sad curved his lips.  
“Now I understand… Why they looked at each other that way.”  
“Yeah… I understood why she was so jealous.”  
“True. Damn…”  
Alex had to admit, he knew very well a line was crossed.  
He would have never dared to lie like that to someone there was a specific line deeply crossed into the ground, between his acting career and characters, and himself.  
Of course, the Alex Høgh Andersen shown publicly, wasn’t completely himself, and yet that wasn’t lying, but just protecting his privet self.  
But what he was doing now was different. It was something he would be allowed to do just in front of a camera.  
And he wasn’t. It was fake and tactical; it was defensive and evasive.  
But at that point, he could not really think that she was the victim.  
Alex took another puff of smoke in, letting it sit in his lungs for a while, and then he tossed the cigarette on the sidewalk, shaking his head. Looking like he was thinking a lot.  
Karen seemed to shut up now, giving him time. Which was nice, not hearing her voice.  
At first, Alex relaxed both of his arms on his sides, but then he clenched his fists.  
“Do you think something happened already?”  
He knew the answer to that, of course. But he wanted to know how much Karen knew.  
Besides the fact that he could not understand why she was doing this… But that was probably just because of her personality.  
Just then, Alex looked down on her, but he made sure it looked like he wasn’t seeing her. And actually, he even pretended he could not see her for real.  
Karen nodded. “I do. On Friday night they were… Friends? I guess. On Saturday evening? They weren’t even looking at each other.”  
Part of him really wanted to giggle.  
But he didn’t, he just imposed and molded his facial expression into an extremely serious one.  
He just nodded and remained silent for a moment. Then, he shook his shoulders, clearing his throat.  
“Thank you, I guess, you are in the middle of it too, right?”  
At those words she huffed, just sounding incredibly bored as if that could not be of her interest whatsoever.  
“No. Marco and I were never a thing, so I’m not bothered.”  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
The fact that she seemed to brush that matter off her shoulders like it was nothing just helped to piss him off even more. He didn’t like the idea that was what she thought of Marco.  
But then again, that could not be real if she was making such a big mess out of it. She probably did care, at least a bit… And maybe that was an act of revenge for her pride being hurt or something?  
Even if he didn’t know exactly why and why now.  
But again, he played along.  
Karen, again, shook her shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I’m feeling friendly.”  
Friendly.  
Alex was a step away from telling her off properly. Because he really thought she needed a lesson or something. That it wasn’t stupid teenager TV series of some sort, about gossip and shit, but that it was real life.  
And maybe he could not talk for everyone, but surely, for himself, Alex hated the idea that was a stranger telling him something like that. Planting the seed of the idea that the girl he was dating could be cheating on him with his best friend.  
He also made a note, in his brain, to remember to Emma not to trust her, ever.  
He didn’t like to think anything bad of others, prejudice or malice weren’t for him. It was his nature, be positive, extroverted and friendly… But not that time, that time, he couldn’t think anything else of her but bad things and insults.  
At that point, Alex just remained silent, keeping his stiff body position, contracted muscles, as if he was ready to jump any moment. He took a few seconds just to look around, just pretending he was speechless.  
Because he had a lot of things to say. But he wouldn’t say any of them. Not to her.  
It was at that point that a cab stopped on the road in front of the building. After a few seconds, Marco emerged from the door.  
Later on, Alex would have probably praised him for that kind of timing.  
Alex’s eyes went straight to his face and even if he remained in character, looking at Marco as if he was a prey of some sort, as if he was incredibly pissed off, inside, he was very happy to see him.  
Even if it has been just a few days, they have never been so out of contact or reach in all the years they knew each other… And it didn’t matter the degree of the situation they were in. Alex simply missed Marco.  
In all honesty, Alex just wanted to reach for his friend and hug him. But he didn’t.  
Their eyes crossed and if for a second, Marco had a smirk painted on his face, as soon as he recognized the scene in front of him, his expression changed completely freezing into a serious concern.  
He looked confused, for a second, his eyes jumped on Karen before to go back on Alex.  
He walked through the row of parked cars on the side of the street and stepped on the sidewalk, carrying a case of beer in his hands.  
To which point, Alex stepped forward like he was an angry bull. Of course, it was a scene, but because Marco didn’t know it yet, he felt so sorry to see true fear in his eyes.  
Alex proceeded to yell in Danish, sure that Karen would have not understood a word and he just needed to sound angry and so he did, even if his words didn’t match his voice tone.  
“Pretend we are arguing. I’m not angry at you man, she is causing problems about you and Emma…”  
Alex made sure to say Emma’s name loud and clear and he could almost feel Karen grinning behind him.  
Marco looked confused for a little more, his green eyes slid to Karen with a strongly inquisitive expression printed on his face. Then, he sighed, going back on Alex.  
“Why do we have to pretend we are fighting?! Why didn’t you tell her to fuck off?”  
Marco followed his lead. He was speaking their mother tongue, but he sounded defensive and angry.  
Alex almost lost his character, trying his best not to break in a smile… Even if he wanted to. And the only thing he could think was that they were a good team.  
“Because I don’t want her to understand that something is going on for real. So, me getting pissed off is what she wants.”  
“What did she say, then?”  
“Oh, she just said that I’m blind not seeing what’s going on between you and Emma.”  
He knew Marco well enough by now, and because he did already work with him almost every day for a long time, he knew his acting and his acting face. So, he recognised immediately the spark of amusement that crossed his eyes.  
But both managed to remain serious.  
“Yeah! You’re clearly blind!”  
Marco shouted at this point, even stepping closer. He even raised one of his hands, pointing his finger at Alex’s chest. “She is a cunt. Can you imagine the mess this would have caused if you didn’t know anything?”  
“Yep. I know, don’t you worry. I just want her to shut up about it. Sorry man.”  
Alex proceeded to raise his hands, giving Marco a little push. He leaned his head on the side, looking at him as a spark of madness took over his thoughts. He was perfectly aware of the fact that Marco knew that face too because he stole it to Ivar himself.  
“Ok, ok. Do you think this is enough for the public? Maybe push me through the door so… It’s implied we are going to fight more inside?”  
Alex was happy that nobody was around, because from the outside it looked like they were arguing for real.  
And he didn’t really want other people's eyes on it.  
“Yeah, I guess that’s doable.”  
So, Alex raised his hand, and turning his arm around Marco’s shoulders, he grabbed him by the nape of his neck, giving him a vigorous push to the entrance of the building.  
“Get in, you son of a bitch. We’ll go on about it upstairs.”  
Those words rolled out in English.  
Alex saw March give a look to Karen and towards her he was truly angry – which wasn’t hard to understand.  
But instead of saying anything, he just looked straight into her eyes, so intensely that Karen stepped back.  
Marco shook his head, and entered the building, followed by Alex, but he stopped just a second before turning to Karen. “Thanks. Now, go away. And one more thing: this is my personal address, I don’t want you around here, we are not friends.”  
He didn’t care about her reaction. He didn’t care about her. Surely, he didn’t care that his words sounded harsher than someone would have expected.  
He was a nice guy, always been… But he hated people he loved to get hurt. Couldn’t help to be protective.  
Those words could appear in an angry tone because he just put on stage a very angry character. But, in all honesty, they appeared what they were because Alex was pissed off at her in particular.  
So, shaking his shoulders, he proceeded to get back into the building, making sure he closed the door properly behind his back, leaving Karen to her own business. Whatever that could be.  
Once inside, aware of the fact that the two of them would be safe, now, because of the one-way glass of the entrance door was covering them, Alex turned to Marco, just now he has a huge smile curving his full lips, met by one as big from his best friend.  
Alex opened his arms, walking to him, while Marco greeted him with a friendly hug. “So, what the fuck just happened?”  
“Ah, man, I don’t know. That girl just arrived here really wanting to cause problems to us. Probably she aimed to break me and Emma apart or… You and me. Or all of us.”  
“Yeah. I didn’t see it coming.”  
Marco sighed looking away, his expression looked concerned and sorry. He stepped back towards the lift, for which Marco pressed the button, so the doors could open. He stepped in and Alex followed him in silence. At least until the doors closed and the lift moved upwards.  
“Why, did something happen?”  
“Well, yes. Earlier today I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore. She didn’t seem all that interested in the thing per se, but more about the point that I didn’t want to see her because of Emma.”  
“Did you tell her about Emma?!”  
“No I didn’t. I guess she picked it up on her own.”  
“And then just came here looking for… What, revenge?”  
“Nah, I wouldn’t give her all that credit. I think she just wanted to make a mess… She seems to be that kind of person, you know? Willing to cause drama.”  
“Yeah. I guess Emma would eat her alive if she knew.”  
Marco chuckled, shaking his head and then nodded. “Yep, she would. And I think she is the only one entitled to get mad ah Karen.”  
“Do you think we should tell her?”  
“I think you can tell her. But don’t tell her about Karen and me, or me being here. Not yet. You didn’t tell her already, did you?”  
Alex expression frowned, while he looked away for a moment.  
He had so many questions.  
And also, he thought he took the right decision, earlier, not saying anything to Emma.  
“No, I didn’t. I thought it would be your business.”  
“Good.”  
“But, why don’t you want her to know?”  
The lift doorbell rang, signaling their arrival at Alex’s floor and so the two stepped out.  
Marco didn’t seem willing to answer his question and Alex didn’t have any intention of letting that detail pass.  
But he could give his friend a couple of seconds in peace, at least while they were getting in his apartment and settle down.  
While Alex stopped by the door to lock it, he looked at Marco walk into his living room, dropping the case of beers on the little table in front of the sofa.  
That scene looked so usual, so normal. Yet, it felt incredibly different and there was a specific why.  
“So?”  
Alex tried again, taking off his hoodie and walking closer to Marco.  
He just shook his shoulders, taking off his leather jacket, and just then, he raised his to Alex’s, giving him a little smirk.  
“I just want to tell her myself, that’s all.”  
“So, you took a decision?”  
Alex was honestly curious and he wasn’t trying to push it or anything, but the fact was that he was waiting for Marco’s answer as much as Emma. Well, probably not with the same passion or intentions… But in a very similar way. His grey eyes slid on Marco’s face, trying to get what he wanted to hear from his expression.  
But Marco didn’t seem to drop any hints. He just hid behind a shy smirk, as usual.  
Marco huffed and then sat down, opening the crate of beer, he took two cans out, passing one to him.  
Then, Marco opened his own can of beer and waited another good couple of seconds, before to raise his eyes back into Alex’s ones.  
“I did.”  
Marco’s cheek blushed, and his eyes sparkled in a positive light. The smile he had on his lips was honest and open. And Alex had to admit he didn’t see him looking so light-hearted for a long time.  
A smile grew on Alex’s face almost automatically and even if a real answer wasn’t said, it felt like those words came out.  
Marco was in.  
Alex shook his head and walking around the coffee table, he sat on the sofa. He chuckled, just a second before to go back and look at Marco. “Just because I really want to hear you say it… Please, say it.”  
Marco chuckled, shaking his head. He looked away for a moment. “Right. I want to be with her.”  
Alex’s heart burst into a shot of joy and he almost could not contain himself.  
He was happy and that wasn’t for himself. He was happy for Emma because she would be able to have what she wanted and love who she wanted with no barriers. But also, he was glad for Marco, because he could finally have the chance to love her and be loved by her.  
Alex wasn’t bothered in the slightest by the idea of being involved in a polyamorous relationship, he loved both of them, he wanted their happiness.  
So, Alex leaned towards Marco, giving him a little push, without even trying to hide his happiness.  
The two of them just had a moment when they both just laughed, and it was nice.  
The air was finally free of any tension that it might have had times before. Not now.  
But just for a second, Marco tried to find a bit of control, shaking his head.  
“The reason why I came to you before going to her… It’s just because I want to make sure you are still ok with it… Knowing what’s going to happen and all of that.”  
“I know what’s going to happen. And I want it. If that wasn’t clear enough when I told you the other day.”  
“So, you’re going to be completely ok, with the idea that… I might go with her?”  
“I am. As much as you need to be completely ok with the idea that…”  
“I am ok with it. I know she wants both of us. And I’m tired of fighting it. I love her and I love you, so… I guess it will work out.”  
“We cannot do anything else but try, man. Never been in this situation myself.”  
“Me neither. Besides the fictional world…”  
Marco chuckled and Alex smiled more at that sound, at how light his words sounded than his words.  
“What are you going to do, then?”  
“I was thinking to go to her, tomorrow night. But I’m not sure… I just know she doesn’t work weekends and stuff like that.”  
“I can make sure she is home after a certain time, if you want.”  
“That would be helpful. Yes. Then I guess we’ll see from there.”  
Alex just smiled, pretty much able to understand where both of his or Emma’s plans would go, after that.  
“I’m glad, man. Truly.”  
“I never thought I would find myself in this position. But to be honest, there’s no one else I’d trust in this, but you.”  
Marco turned over to him, giving Alex a brotherly look and he truly seemed honest. All the pain and anger seemed to be lifted from his sight and it was just nice to see him so cheerful.  
Alex leaned closer, raising his hand over Marco’s shoulder, giving him a tight hold. “Me too man. I’m sure we’ll be all fine. Most importantly, I’m sure Emma will be pleased.”  
“You bet she will.”  
Marco winked at him, smirking confidently while raising his beer can and bumping into Alex’s.  
“Skol.”  
“Skol.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma tapped her fingers on the counter, lost in the sound of her nails hitting the solid and cold desk surface.  
She was looking dead straight in front of her, without really seeing anything in particular.  
Her gaze so clearly showed how much she could be bored and, quite frankly, her eyes could not hide how pissed she was either.  
All their customers seemed to be served and happy, the coffee shop counter and the coffee machine had just been tidied up after the lunch rush hour, and now it didn’t seem like there was much to do, now.  
Besides, it was almost the end of her shift. Thankfully, then, she would not have to think about it for the whole weekend.  
That day, Emma was a ball of nerves.  
She had been super grumpy, ready to jump at anything, and her patience didn’t seem to be particularly flexible.  
The usual good mood she would show when on shift and her positive attitude, together with her warm smiles, weren’t there, switched to a serious and almost never changing expression.  
She went to sleep angry and woke up even angrier.  
Last night, she had a little conversation with Alex where he told her about Karen, showing up to his apartment randomly to tell him that she thought there was something going on between Marco and her.  
Which, was true, in all honesty. There was something between them and Alex was involved as well.  
Her problem wasn’t really in that assumption, but in the fact that Karen thought she had the right to go to her boyfriend to let him know her opinion on a matter that didn’t involve her at all.  
Not like that.  
Emma was completely ignoring on porpoise the fact that, maybe, Karen thought she had the right to say something because she was seeing Marco. She didn’t really care about that and she didn’t even think it would be something of any importance, at the end of the day.  
And maybe, that was a selfish thought full of pride… But at that point, she didn’t care.  
Because the truth was that Karen didn’t know anything about what was going on between those two guys and her.  
Most importantly, she didn’t have the right to go and try to sabotage any of it.  
Emma was just a step away, the night before, to give her a furious call which she would have remembered for the rest of her life. But then, she stopped and took a moment to think, realizing that it was so much better, the idea of confronting her face to face.  
Wondering if Karen would have the nerves to look at her in the eyes, or what she could dare to say in her defense if anything.  
Besides her being furious, Emma really tried her best at work, doing her job as well as she could and delivering a polite service there where she could not be bubbly and sociable as usual.  
Though, it wasn’t hard to miss that something clearly happened. But Emma has been lucky enough that her Manager and owner of that coffee shop, Rebecca, didn’t try to investigate on her mood.  
Because she knew she wouldn’t have been able to hold it in… And she surely didn’t want to talk about it with her Manager.  
That matter wasn’t work-related and so, it wasn’t of her concern.  
They did keep each other company, that morning… Just ignoring as much as possible Emma’s mood in particular. Which turned out to be helpful.  
So, Emma just went through her day, patiently waiting for the end of her shift.  
The hardest part of her day, probably, was trying her best to completely ignore Karen, once she arrived and started her shift.  
Not because she intended to ignore her, no. But because she didn’t want to give a spectacle and lose her mind in front of customers.  
So, she waited.  
Trying hard to digest the fact that Karen looked super cheerful and full of herself while ignoring the fact that any time their eyes would cross, she would dare to give Emma a horrible and judgemental look.  
Besides the gigantic look on Karen’s face which clearly stated: “slut” directed straight to her, Emma could see that there was way more bitterness in her eyes.  
More than she could really care, at that point.  
She wondered if something happened to Karen, to instigate the reaction she suddenly had.  
Not that Emma would have justified anything.  
Maybe she was wrong. Yet, her relationship with Marco was her own thing and she didn’t like having people being nosy.  
But that would have been with or without that situation. Emma didn’t like people with big mouths and small brains.  
Emma had to gather all her self-control not to strangle that girl the precise second she stepped behind the counter, looking at her, and daring to comment on her “long face” with a stupid smirk which just made Emma want to slap her.  
Now, there was such an awkward silence behind that counter. Karen and she were standing there, both pretending to be busy at their best, both ignoring each other… And even if that wasn’t different from a regular image of them working together, the tension was tangible and oppressing.  
Rebecca was relegated in the back of the house, dedicating herself to some of the paperwork.  
Emma huffed, moving towards the coffee machine and taking a take-away cup, she started to get herself a coffee ready to drink when she would be done.  
At that point, that was enough of an activity to keep her distracted.  
The bell on the door rang, signaling the door opening, but Emma didn’t really pay too much attention. Thinking that Karen was good enough to deal with a customer or two.  
Emma listened to Karen welcoming whomever that was. “Hi! What can I do for you?”  
“You cannot do much.”  
As soon as Emma registered that voice, recognizing immediately his tone and accent, she raised her eyes looking for those familiar ones.  
For the first time that day, her face melted into a smile and her eyes brightened up.  
“Alex!”  
“Hey, babe!”  
He slid by the counter, moving on the side right next to her, next to the coffee machine side.  
That thick black cloud that seemed to be surrounding Emma from the entire day suddenly vanished.  
Emma leaned on the counter, taking a good moment to look at his features.  
It was still surprising, to her, the fact that every time she saw him, she could fall in love with him a bit more. And every time, she could find him a bit more attractive than the day before.  
Alex smirked, biting his bottom lip. “So, how are you?”  
“I will be better when I’m done here. But surely incredibly better now”  
She even winked at him.  
“I’m pretty sure it’s soon, I didn’t arrive as early.”  
Emma smiled, surprising even herself. She didn’t feel positive or comfortable the whole day, but now her mood just lifted.  
Around Alex it was always hard to stay in a mood, though. He could always make her day better.  
Even just looking at her, he had this ability of making her feel warm and held.  
For those few seconds, she even forgot about the whole Karen situation.  
But, as soon as she thought about it, the smile curving her lips disappeared.  
Emma popped the plastic lid on her cup of coffee, before sliding it over to Alex. “Guard it, please. Also, do you want coffee?”  
“Nah, I’m good. Thank you, though.”  
That became quite a habit of theirs: Alex would pop around to drop her or pick her up from work and most of the time they would spend together the remaining time of the day available together.  
Before they decided to make a pact for Marco and give up on sex or anything sex-related, Emma would even sleep around Alex’s most of the time… But since the last weekend, she didn’t anymore.  
And she had to admit she missed it. Falling asleep between those arms, waking up finding those eyes.  
She missed his warmth, the consistency of his bed sheets and mattress, his body pressed against hers, or just laying next to her.  
Since she stopped being around his, her sleep got so much worse and some of the nightmares were back. But she could handle nightmares, at least they were way better than her episodes of night terrors or sleep paralysis, which seemed to be gone.  
She didn’t even want to start thinking about how much she missed being intimate with him.  
Emma was never such a fan of sex or sexy things… Or at least, she always thought she wasn’t. Then, she met him, and surely Alex woke up a hunger inside of her, that Emma didn’t know if she would ever be able to satisfy, or stop, it.  
She even started thinking she was a bit of a perv, just because she could not control it.  
Sometimes she would crave Alex’s touch so much that her body would hurt.  
Then, there was everything concerning Marco.  
She wanted him so badly, she wanted his answer, she wanted his love and everything coming with it.  
Emma needed him, in her life, in her heart, in her bed, and all around her.  
But thinking about it would be more painful than anything, and waiting became more of an inconvenience, the longer she would wait, the more she would just feel like she lost something – or she would, eventually, lose.  
Emma shook those thoughts off her shoulders, realizing that having them into her mind would just worsen the situation and she really didn’t need her mood to aggravate.  
Then she gazed at Alex, giving him a little smile. “Right, I’ll be right back. Do not move.”  
Alex answered with a big and confident smile, before opening his arms in the air, nodding. “I’m not going anywhere.”  
She decided it was time to go, or actually, time to confront Karen. But she could indulge for another few seconds in her little, peaceful, bubble where she was standing now.  
Emma leaned closer to Alex, on the counter, just enough to kiss him lightly on the lips, before to pull back and step away almost immediately, withdrawing herself from any the desire to kiss him over and over.  
Because, unfortunately, Alex’s lips had that effect on her.  
Alex and she exchanged a smile, before she turned, walking over the door which connected the front and back of the house.  
On her way, she just gave a freezing cold look to Karen, even serving a bitter smile. To which the girl didn’t seem to react much.  
Once in the little kitchen, Emma walked over to the tiny room which served as an office, close to the stockroom.  
The office was also where the staff was allowed to leave their belongings during the shift.  
Emma looked in the room through the open door and as soon as her eyes found Rebecca, she cleared her voice, calling for her attention. “Hey, Rebecca… Since I’m finishing soon, can I ask you to cover me and Karen for a second? I need to speak to her, privately.”  
“Oh? Did something happen?”  
“Actually, yes. But it doesn’t concern work or anything. I’d just like to do it here and before to start my weekend off, if… If that’s ok with you.”  
Rebecca just nodded, getting up. “Sure, that’s ok. As soon as you girls don’t make a mess.”  
Emma just politely smiled, nodding towards Rebecca.  
The woman walked around the desk and once she was close to Emma, she gave her a little bump on the shoulder. A wise smirk was printed on her face, while Rebecca gazed at Emma through her glasses, with a maternal and way more experienced look. “I sure hope, though, that this is not going to be a problem if you two need to work together.”  
“It’s not going to be. I believe both of us can still be professional.”  
Or at least, she knew she could be. Or she could try.  
Rebecca nodded one last time just a second before leaving her alone.  
While Emma was waiting, she proceeded walking over to the chair where she left her bag and belongings. She took off her apron and started to fold it, while Karen arrived.  
“What do you want?”  
Her voice tone was cold, bitter, and impersonal, but Emma didn’t pay much attention. Actually, before she turned over to her she took her time to finish with her apron, placing it neatly into her backpack.  
Just then, she raised her eyes, looking straight into Karen’s eyes.  
“Why did you do that?”  
“Do what?”  
Emma was already pissed off enough, she really didn’t have the patience or the strength to play nice. Even if she forced herself to.  
“Go to my boyfriend and tell him there’s something between Marco and me. What the fuck, Karen?!”  
“Oh, was I mistaken?! Because it does look like there is something between you and Marco.”  
“Oh, sorry. And it doesn’t look like there is something between me and Alex, then?! Who do you think you are to decide?!”  
“Nobody. I just thought there were things to be said.”  
“Just stay away from my boyfriend, Karen.”  
“Oh, which one?!”  
Karen just looked at her, giving Emma the biggest bitch face she could probably, possibly, do, crossing her arms to her chest even snapping a pose.  
Emma just smiled, forcing herself to bite her tongue not to say anything extremely offensive. To remain the bigger person, the one that was right. She had also to force herself not to just straight on punch her… And now, Emma knew how to throw a good punch.  
Emma just looked at Karen, shaking her head. “I’m going to try and be as nice as I can. Stay away from me, my life, and my relationships. None of it is your concern. Marco nor Alex are your concern, they are my business. Who I fuck or don’t fuck is not your concern. If I cheat or not cheat is NOT your concern. Are we clear?”  
Just at that point, finally, Karen lowered her eyes, and just for a second, Emma didn’t feel the compelling need to slap her face.  
So, Emma stepped closer. “Just out of curiosity, what the fuck did you expect to gain, last night? Uh? Alex falling at your feet because of your loyal honesty?”  
“I…”  
Emma shook her head and her hand in the air, shutting Karen up almost immediately. “Don’t you even try to justify yourself. And I do not want to know your answer.”  
“I just thought he needed to know, that’s it!”  
“To know what?! That you think I have a secret affair with his best friend?! With my best friend?!”  
“Oh don’t you pretend to be a saint, everyone noticed how you two look at each other! You can say whatever the fuck you want, and you can deny it! But it’s so clear you two want each other!”  
“It’s still none of your fucking concern Karen! It’s my life not yours. And I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re dating Marco. Honestly, it doesn’t justify that you almost ruined my healthy relationship and a friendship, because of your assumptions.”  
“I’m not dating Marco!”  
“Well, whatever you two are doing together, then.”  
“Oh, don’t you worry, he is all yours.”  
Emma didn’t lose time thinking about those words.  
Again, she stepped closer to Karen, adrenaline was now flowing in her blood, making her body tremble. She clenched her fists but remained still, there, looking at Karen, fierce and full of pride. Her anger and resentment were so clear in her eyes, but she behaved because true violence wasn’t for her.  
So, Emma sighed, then stepped back, just to grab her bag and leather jacket. “Good. Now, I hope the point is clear, Karen.”  
Emma gave her a confident look before moving towards her to leave. But before she actually did, Emma stopped a second. “Also, not that it’s any of your business, but I don’t lie and I don’t keep secrets, with Alex.”  
“It didn’t look so, yesterday when I saw his reaction and them fighting.”  
For a second, Emma’s brain stopped and some dots found their connections in her mind.  
Karen said Marco was all hers now.  
And Marco saw Alex, last night? And they fought?!  
Why didn’t Alex say anything?  
What the fuck was going on?  
It was still a step. Whatever that could mean… It was something out the days of silence Marco gave them.  
But it still didn’t have any sense that they fought for any reason… Specifically about her.  
“Remember, Karen: they are actors. I’ll say it once more and I’m not going to say it again: keep your nose out my business.”  
But she didn’t wait around to hear her answer if any. She didn’t care in the slightest and at that point, she didn’t want to think about it any longer.  
At that point, she just wanted to leave and spend her afternoon with Alex.  
She wanted to know about Marco and him – what happened, what they said to each other…  
She didn’t even care to know if her own words or tone towards Karen were correct and ok.  
It was not her concern and anyway it was late, now. Besides, even if she was wrong on something, she didn’t have any intention on say sorry.  
Emma just hoped Karen would stay away once and for all.  
Because Karen was, in fact, right, way too right.  
There was something between her and Alex as much as there was something between her and Marco.  
She loved both. She wanted both.  
And besides the general fact that it was a private matter just between them three and no one else, as anything.  
The biggest problem still remained, in fact, that both Alex and Marco had a certain degree of fame and a career to look after. So, Emma knew even without anyone telling her, that she could not have any pride in those feelings.  
It was ok to love both of them, in the comfort of their privacy. It was ok to have a relationship with both – of course, if Marco decided to give her a chance – in private.  
But publicly it was just ok to love one of them and be friends with the other.  
She knew she wasn’t allowed to say the real reason why Marco, as much as Alex, was her business; that they loved each other, and that at the same time she loved also, Alex.  
At that point, anyway, Emma didn’t really know she had the right in taking any pride, even keeping it a secret, since she didn’t know if Marco would ever want to be part of that relationship.  
Emma huffed and shaking her shoulders, she tried to shake off all those thoughts as well, feeling a bit dizzy, now, with her mind so full of hopes and worries.  
So, Emma finally went back to Alex and left. Her heart was so much lighter and she was just genuinely happy not to have to think about the drama she left behind her back at least until next week.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma laid on her bed, looking dead straight into the ceiling, but without seeing it.   
Her sight was filled with all the thoughts that were chaotically flooding her mind.  
She spent a nice afternoon with Alex, as always, enjoying every minute. His company seemed to have such a therapeutic impact on her, able, if not to cancel completely, at least to give her a bit of relief from her worries.  
They had a quick lunch and then just hanged around Dublin, walking down some crowded streets, looking at shops, chatting, from time to time, stopping by to assist at those occasional and random street shows, which, most of the time, involved musicians.   
Emma had to admit she knew Dublin, she hanged around it many times, but she never took the time to just enjoy it, to just let it flow and live and pulse around her, without having the feeling to run and keep up with it.   
Maybe because it was a habit, or maybe just because she wasn’t used stopping; it was always natural, for her, to use Dublin when she needed something, quickly walking its street just to reach her destination and complete her task.   
Lately, though, that tendency changed. Emma learned to slow down, to enjoy her surroundings, to live it… And it was a nice feeling. It was something that could highlight an impressive step forward for her and the way she was living her life.  
Another little detail was that Emma noticed a decrease in her constant anxiety. She almost completely stopped having the oppressing need to look back, checking that no one was following her.   
Emma had to admit, she loved those improvements. She felt lighter, free to own herself, and her own life. To be free.  
She didn’t quite know if those changes were involved with her opening up to her feelings, letting them blossom, letting others get closer... It was just nice.   
At that point, anyway, Emma could not do much to stop anything from happening. She was in love with Alex, and now that she noticed how much she felt for Marco too, she couldn’t unseen it.   
She didn’t want to unseen it.  
Besides being a lovely end of the day – compared to how it started, Emma still felt a part of her being empty and hurting.  
She yet didn’t know what Marco wanted to do, she didn’t hear anything from him and Alex refused to give her any information at all about their meeting last night.  
Even if she insisted, his lips were sealed. Every time, though, they had a little smirk printed on them – even if Alex did try to hide it several times.   
Emma had to admit she was starting to become impatient. She just wanted her answer… And, at that point, just an answer wasn’t enough anymore. She wanted Marco and, by now, with every second, she just became more and more desperate.  
She wanted her best friend back, and she wanted Marco as a lover, as a partner. The longer she would crave for that, the longer her body and heart would ache, and she perfectly knew that the only cure to that pain and sense of uncertainty, was Marco’s presence, Marco’s love.  
Terrible was that the more she thought about it, the deeper the hole she had in her chest would become.  
The fear and worries connected with the idea that Marco would choose not to be with her were constantly there. Just sometimes less oppressing.  
Emma sighed, tapping nervously her fingers over her stomach, deciding whether or not she actually wanted to do something with her time.   
In reality, she was just too distracted to pay attention to anything.  
She would have liked to spend more time with Alex, both because she just liked to spend her time with him, but also because being on her own gave her too much time to think.  
But, unfortunately, that evening, Alex was busy with some of his friends. Which wasn’t a problem itself, of course, she didn’t mind. Emma just didn’t want to be on her own and find herself in that exact situation: where her mind was too full of thoughts and worries to give her the chance to do anything else.  
She thought about dedicating some time to cook a nice dinner for herself… But that plan was pretty quickly binned. Firstly, because she wasn’t all that hungry and secondly, her cupboard and fridge shelf were empty. So, she needed to pop down to the grocery store and get whatever she wanted to cook… And outside it was pouring down, which was the main reason why Emma dropped immediately that idea.  
She still managed to fill up some time, earlier, putting some nice music on, and treat herself to a nice hair and face mask. She even pushed herself to dance a bit, thinking that maybe that could free up some endorphins in her body.   
Then she took a long, hot shower and after that, she even dedicated herself to put on nail polish, but on her toes, because her job didn’t allow it on her fingernails – and honestly, Emma wouldn’t have the patience to put it on now just to take it off in a couple of days.   
All of that gave her a bit of self-confidence, making her feel good about herself. But, as soon as she didn’t have anything else to do, she went back being bored, distracted, and super overwhelmed by her thoughts.  
Emma sighed, getting up, deciding to stop to twiddle her thumbs, and maybe go and make herself a cup of tea… After that, she kind of knew she needed to be a responsible adult and eat something. Even if she had a late lunch and she wasn’t hungry.   
A plan took shape in her mind.   
Emma grabbed her hoodie – which wasn’t hers, it was Alex’s, but technically, not anymore – and wrapping herself in it, she filled its pockets with her phone and a lighter, stopping just a second before to get downstairs to roll herself a cigarette.   
Because it made a bit of sense the idea of having a ciggy while her tea would brew.   
Emma slid into a pair of Converse with no socks on, before to get out her room.  
Downstairs, all the lights were on, the low chattering of the TV, covered by the voices of her two housemates made her realized she also would have to socialize. At least for a second.   
She wasn’t quite used to it.   
They were all girls, but those two were university students, friends from before and therefore always spending time together. And Emma's social skills weren’t that expansive. So, they never bonded that much, no more than roommates anyway.  
There was Liana, which seemed to be very smart and incredibly concrete, but also very sweet. She was a bit bossy, making sure that rent and bills were paid on time and that everyone around would do their chores. And then there was Gabrielle, she was a bit more lively, always wearing bright colors, always chatting, also smart and sweet as hell, and very keen on having fun.  
They would have brief chats about their days, and they would work together in taking care of the house… But that was about it.   
And it was ok, they still seemed to have a nice balance and Emma really could not complain.  
Emma popped into the living room crossing immediately her eyes with the two girls sitting on the sofa, waving awkwardly her hand. “Hey, girls, how are you?”  
She asked, walking to the kitchen, not entirely interested in their answer.  
She betted they were cool girls, they seemed to be grounded and interesting people… And yet, Emma wasn’t that good at bonding or trusting, and her main defensive feature to protect herself was have very little, or not at all, interest, which didn’t necessarily make her completely oblivious to other people but it did put a solid filter to the people she would allow to be close to her.  
“Hey, Emma!”  
Both of them said those words pretty much at the same time.   
Emma got into the kitchen but thought it would be polite to exchange at least a couple of words with Liana and Gabrielle, which she did while getting a mug out of her cupboard. “So, any plans for tonight ladies?”  
“Oh, bummer, we wanted to go out, actually, but the weather is a bit shit.”  
Explained Liana. Emma pouted her lips, kind of sympathizing with them. “It is, isn’t it? That’s a shame.”  
“Hey, it can always stop! Maybe we can still manage to do something!”  
Gabrielle’s voice always sounded a bit too high, a bit too excited, and yet, that seemed appropriate on her personality.   
Emma just smiled at those words, wondering what kind of girl she would have ended up being if she had the chance to go to uni when she was just off high school.  
But she didn’t indulge too much on that thought.   
The two girls started their own conversation, where Liana was arguing that she didn’t intend to get ready last minute and not properly, with Gabrielle suggesting, then, to fill their evening getting ready just in case.  
Emma listened to them, just because having their voices in her brain pushed her thoughts out at least for a while. She filled up the kettle and started it up while dropping a tea bag into the cup without paying too much attention to it.  
While the water warmed up, Emma turned over opening the fridge to check her possibilities.   
Her shelf looked so sad. There was a lonely stick of celery and a half-eaten packet of old tomatoes, her oats milk, some… probably embarrassingly old soft cheese. She knew it needed to be thrown away without even checking. Which… She decided to do, later.  
There was an unopen jar of black olives, which Emma remembered buying and regretting almost immediately, just because she didn’t know what to cook with them.   
Moving over to her freezer shelf, sadly, Emma just found a packet of frozen chicken and some wedges, which, honestly, didn’t look all that bad, actually.   
In her cupboard she didn’t even lose time checking, she knew she had an almost empty box of cereals, a packet of pasta, and a couple of cans of beans.   
Emma stood there, huffing at her own disorganization, and looking pretty defeated, while her eyes ran once again both through the fridge and freezer.   
She closed both doors, shaking her head, cursing in her mind. Realizing that it was probably for the better that she wasn’t hungry, because if she was, she would have been fucked.  
But also, she decided that the whole food problem would have been something she could think about later. There was always the possibility to take out, in case.   
Going back to her tea, she poured the hot water into the mug, then just leaving it there.   
Popping back into the living room, Emma smiled ad Liana and Gabrielle, who were still arguing about what was a better option, just now, it swung to a conversation about how worth could it be to spend the evening watching TV.   
“Hey, I left my tea there, I’m going to pop out for a ciggy.”  
Her words were more informational than anything else, she wasn’t expecting an answer or anything… Especially because the two seemed very focused on their conversation.   
On her way to the front door, where there was enough of a porch, over the door, to cover her from the heavy rain, Emma checked her phone.   
There were an unread message and a missed call from some time earlier, that she didn’t notice.  
She stopped immediately.   
They were both from Marco.  
First, there was a text saying: -Hey, I hope you’re not busy because I’m coming over to yours.-  
Then there was the call. Both were from around half an hour earlier.  
Her entire body froze and she stopped breathing, while looking at her screen, as if she thought she could find something more on it.  
Adrenaline bolted immediately from her heart to her entire body, making her tremble. Her knees and hands started shaking and all of a sudden Emma had so much energy, inside of her, that she needed to start jumping. Her heart was pounding so fast, it made her dizzy and she could feel it beat in her throat.   
Marco wanted to see her.   
Everything about Marco filled her mind and Emma couldn’t even see clearly anymore. Too excited.  
A tiny and shy smile curved her lips and slowly, she took back control of her body.  
She didn’t even hear Gabrielle’s voice, while the girl asked her if she was ok.  
Emma just quickly selected Marco's number, calling him back.   
While she raised her phone to her ear, her hands were even shakier than before. And because she really couldn’t stand still, she started walking up and down in the corner of the living room she was standing in, very impatiently waiting and listening at the line ringing.  
To the girls, which at that point were both looking at her both curious and concerned, Emma just gave a look. She smiled and then nodded to reinsure them. She was even going to say something, but Marco answered the call and after that, for her, there was just his voice.  
His tone and accent surrounded her, and Emma felt carried away by a wave of warmth.   
“Hey, stranger.”  
Emma's heart stopped, and she had to gather all her strength not to fall on her knees immediately.   
He didn’t call her like that for a while; they had many things that were just theirs: habits, nicknames, inside jokes… And thinking how far, now, they were from all of that made her drawn into a feeling full of melancholy and yet, rich of anticipation.   
She wanted her best friend back, between all the other things she now wanted with Marco. He was still her best friend.  
She remained silent for a couple of seconds, lost in her thoughts, desperately trying to get a grip.  
“Hey… Sorry I missed your call earlier, I didn’t have my phone on me.”  
“It’s not a problem. So, are you busy right now?”  
“No, actually, I’m home.”  
“Good because I’m already on the way.”  
“Are you?!”  
“Yes, I waited around for about twenty minutes for you to call me back and when it didn’t happen I just thought fuck it.”  
“You are crazy. And what if I were, actually, busy?”  
“Guess I could not wait.”   
Her smile just grew on her lips. The adrenaline and feelings, inside of her, made every muscle in her body shake and every nerve vibrate. And she really wanted to cry, as an immediate answer to those emotions. Emma thought her heart, at that point, could explode.  
Not that Marco gave her a specific answer… And yet, there was no need, because she thought she knew already.   
“Ok, how far are you then?”  
“Just about five minutes. I…”  
“No. No, don’t say anything. Not yet.”  
She clearly heard him chuckle and the idea that he could be relaxed enough as he sounded and also smiling just gave her an extra boost of energy.   
She smiled more, biting her bottom lip, just before taking a deep breath hanging up the call.   
Because there were many things she wanted to tell him, or ask him. But she really didn’t want to do it through the phone. Not if he almost there.  
Emma stood there for a second, just looking at the wall, her thoughts and soul were too far, too gone, for her to actually react.   
Was she a step away from, actually, being able to have Marco in her life as she wanted him?  
“Hey, Emma, you ok?”  
She didn’t even pay attention to who said those words in particular.   
“Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry.”  
“Is there someone coming?”  
They didn’t have a specific rule about having guests around, besides of course the usual observation of common sense… But there was a certain restriction they all decided to have about parties.   
But that wasn’t the point.   
Emma turned over and even if she really, really, wanted to maintain a low profile and keep things for herself, she couldn’t hide her happiness and excitement. Not now.   
“Yes, if that is not a problem.”  
The two girls looked at each other, then on Gabrielle’s face appeared a smart smirk. “Is it a guy?”  
Emma could see the spark of curiosity on both of their faces.   
Emma was a very reserved person, but especially about her relationships, especially, since she was dating an actor. Or two.  
So, Alex was never allowed to come around hers because she really didn’t feel comfortable with the idea and she really didn’t want to give any explanations.   
Even Marco very rarely hanged around there, and just when she knew the house was otherwise empty.   
At that point, she just really hoped with all her heart, they weren’t part of those people who knew Marco’s face. Because, again, she didn’t really have the time or patience to explain.   
Emma, all of a sudden felt uncomfortable, so she just nodded but the smile she had printed on her lips didn’t disappear.  
She just turned, without giving the two girls the time to make any other question about it – because she wouldn’t have answered – and she proceeded with her original plan to go out and have a cigarette.   
Emma stepped outside wrapping herself in that dark blue hoodie which was so much bigger than her.  
Yet, not quite enough to cover her naked legs.   
The temperature dropped incredibly, and if lately the weather started to feel very much like Summer was on the doorstep, now it didn’t look like it at all.   
Yet, Emma didn’t despite it. She actually enjoyed the cold and gloomy weather more than many could understand.  
She lit herself her cigarette and while inhaling a big puff of smoke in her lungs, Emma let her eyes slid all around in the tiny frontal garden of their house.   
It wasn’t well looked after, but in all honesty, none of the girls were very good at gardening.  
Last Summer, their landlord sent a gardener to take care of it, which she imagined would happen again this year.  
Then, her eyes just got lost in the rain, watching a million drops falling from the sky, finding in it such an energy, such a peaceful rhythm.   
The constant and relaxing sound of the heavy rain surrounded her pretty quickly, kind of making her feeling like she was floating and for a few minutes, she let that feeling soaking in, while she enjoyed her cigarette.  
Pretending she wasn’t at all waiting impatiently.  
And while the time passed by, another thought came to her mind.   
Alex.  
A smile appeared on her lips, and Emma took her phone out and started typing a message in.   
-Hey, Marco is coming over.   
I thought to let you know.-  
An answer arrived almost immediately. -I knew he would show up. I’m happy about it.-  
Emma smiled a bit more, thinking that of course, he knew about it and what was going on.   
She felt like, now, it kind of made sense why Alex didn’t want to give her details on him seeing Marco, last night.  
-So, are you still ok with this?-  
-I am. I love you, have fun with Marco.  
I really hope you guys can sort things out.-  
-I love you too. So much.  
And me too.-   
Her smile didn’t disappear and she just looked at those messages, feeling good, so good.  
Feeling like, for once, she could be on top of the world.  
Even if she didn’t know what was coming and surely she didn’t totally know how it would all work out… She felt electrified and buzzing in energy and love.   
It was weird and yet natural, for her, the idea of her feelings for those two guys.   
And if she perfectly knew her connection with Alex and their balance.   
She still had to discover all of that with Marco.  
And honestly, she was done waiting over the edge – that was her time to jump.  
That thought, surprised her… Her humming desire to embrace what she wanted, instead of the desperate feeling of running away, surprised her completely.  
Just a month ago, she is sure she wouldn’t have such courage.  
A car pulling by in front of her house distracted her.   
Raising her eyes, Emma recognized immediately it was a cab.  
She gasped, holding her breath and froze on the spot, pointing her eyes to the car, dying in expectation.  
She looked at the outline of the car roof, constantly hit by raindrops.   
Emma was fidgety, her body trembled; muscle and nerves vibrated under a powerful rush of adrenaline. Her body was stretched, ready to move, ready to jump under the rain.  
Her heart was beating incredibly fast in her ribcage, almost being painful and her short breath made her lungs feel like they were going to explode.   
She knew, she felt, that Marco was there. And she hoped that was it because she was honestly tired of waiting.   
And if it did turn out to be a coincidence she would have been pissed.  
After a minute, which felt like an entire day went by, Marco emerged from the cab.   
As soon as she recognized his figure, Emma jumped forward, without paying any attention at all to the rain. Unable to wait any longer. Unable to let any more distance divide them.   
She tossed the cigarette away and quickly moved through the little garden, towards the street, impatient. Inside of her grew a dark and insatiable eagerness to feel him. His voice, his touch, his body under her hands.  
As soon as their eyes crossed, Marco stopped there, under the rain, on the sidewalk just on the other side of the tiny and low garden gate, as if he wasn’t caring that much either about anything else.  
A smile appeared on his lips while he just stood there, looking at her. And Emma felt her heart explode, there and then.   
The rain soaked her already; her clothes were drenched and felt heavy on her, but she didn’t care, she didn’t feel it – either the cold.   
She became immune to the feeling of the raindrops hitting and caressing her skin, or to its persistent sound.   
Emma just rushed to him, opening the gate, without looking away, unable to do so even if she wanted to. Not that she did.  
When she stopped in front of him, Marco just shook his head, squeezing himself between his shoulders.  
“I love you. There is nothing I can do, to change it. I love you.”  
Emma felt such a strong feeling striking her right in the middle of the chest, stopping her breath and making her feeling like she just needed to cry.  
She stepped closer, raising her hands to his face and nodded, while looking in his eyes. So firmly, so connected.   
She lost herself into those eyes that seemed to shine of their own light, his green irises, besides being so dark and horrible weather, beamed of an amber shade that Emma was unable to stop watching.   
Thinking that could be her end and she wouldn’t care.  
She pulled closer to him, while Marco slid his hands around her hips, under the hoodie.   
“So? Are you choosing me as I am? With Alex and all of that?”  
Her voice wasn’t higher than a whisper and the more time would pass by, the closer they would pull to one another. Their faces were close, and the last thing she really wanted to do was talking, really.   
But she wanted to be sure.   
Marco nodded. “Yes, I am. We can try.”  
Emma then smiled, and not even trying to resist any longer, she leaned in for a kiss.  
A kiss that was different from any other they had before.   
There was no sorrow, no anger.   
There was just desire, warmth, and love.  
Marco’s arms so quickly wrapped her tightly, holding her with confidence, in a way, he didn’t dare do to ever, before. And she liked it tremendously.  
Emma wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wanting to be as close as possible to him, moaning softly against his lips, while their kiss became deeper and voracious, so clearly showing how much more they both wanted.  
And Emma was hungry, thirty, everything. Full of a desire that just Marco could satisfy. She wanted him so badly that her whole body would ache, especially now.   
Emma pulled away, sliding a hand around his jaw.  
She looked for a second at his features, catching her breath, trying to put an order in her messy thoughts, while she slid her thumb over his lips, just to feel them under her skin.   
“Let’s go inside.”  
Saying that Emma smiled at him, and both their eyes sparkled of the same light, the same desire, the same intention.   
Slipping away from his arms, even if she really didn’t want to, Emma grabbed his hand, leading, but Marco didn’t really seem like he wanted to stay all that far away from her.  
The two of them walked back inside, chuckling and giggling and Emma quite liked that feeling, so light-hearted.   
At that moment, she felt like she was younger and unafraid. That fear that has been oppressing her for weeks now, was gone.   
Marco was there. Marco would have been there tomorrow. And she was free to love him.   
And to love Alex.  
She realized how drenched she was, and how much it was actually raining outside, just the second she stepped inside, and she felt the dry air surrounding her.   
Emma opened her arms, all of a sudden feeling so uncomfortable because of the clothes sticking to her skin. She took a second to catch her breath, squeezing herself between her shoulders, just a second before shaking them.   
And she perfectly knew that they would make a mess of the floor, but now, she really didn’t care.   
Emma looked up to Marco, just to see on his face the same expression she had a second earlier. Emma seemed not able to talk anymore, but she chuckled, triggering the same reaction in him.   
And for a second, it seemed like all of their problems and dark clouds were gone.  
Besides the fact that, in her heart, she felt like the only thing she wanted to do was laughing, slowly, her smile disappeared, the more she let the time passing by, looking at his features, finding him so handsome, even more than before. More than ever.   
Her heart seemed to be surrounded completely by that warm feeling, which would stretch into her body, through her muscles and nerves, flowing in her blood, making her stomach tingle.  
Between them there was now a new tension. It wasn’t oppressing, just full of promises and expectations.  
She took a deep breath, trying very hard to gain control over herself, before to shake her head and nod, giving him a little push to the stairs. Marco showed a cheeky smirk, looking amused, and content.  
While the two stepped through the corridor, to the set of stairs, Emma stopped for a second in front of the open door to the living room.   
“Hey. Sorry about the floor, I’ll give it a clean later.”  
Both Liana and Gabrielle seemed way more interested in Emma and her guest than the floor. Both the girls had a little smirk on their lips, while their curious eyes looked at Emma like they had thousands of questions.   
Questions to which Emma didn’t have any intention to answer.   
“That’s ok!”  
Said Liana biting her lip, while both of the girls were giving Emma a complicit look.  
As if they knew better than anyone else what was going on. And they probably just saw Marco and her kissing through the window.  
Emma just nodded and then rushed to the set of stairs, where Marco was still waiting for her.   
Again, when they met, they chuckled, both unable to keep their hands off each other, both seemed to reach and pull the other to their destination.  
Once they stepped back into the room, Marco pushed her against the wall, kissing her voraciously.   
There were sweetness and rudeness into his movements and Emma lost herself completely into his kiss, his arms, against his lips and hands.   
Emma slid her hands under his leather jacket, from his abdomen, she touched his body through the wet material of his T-shirt, to his chest, then shoulders. Enjoying feeling his muscles under her palms.   
She was moved by passion and bravery and now, her hands weren’t shaking anymore.  
Marco took her queue, pulling away from her just enough so he could get rid of his jacket.  
Emma did the same with her hoodie, letting it fall on the floor, not caring about it very much. Not even caring about her phone, left in its pocket.   
And now, she just stood there, waiting for Marco to come back, closer to her.  
His eyes were piercing the air and Emma followed his sight, while he looked at her from head to toes.   
She saw him gasping and then standing, looking at her, as if he was holding his breath.   
“What is it?”  
Emma whispered that question, leaning her head, trying to understand if there was something wrong.   
Suddenly afraid that he could have changed his mind.   
She even looked down at her own body, not sure to get what he was seeing – or thinking.  
Sure, though, she needed just a look at herself to imagine some of his thoughts. The thin material of her two pieces pyjamas got soaked and now, it was sticking tight to her skin, not leaving much space to the imagination about her body.  
Feeling incredibly aware of that detail, now, Emma felt somehow uncomfortable and the longer Marco would keep looking and keep being silent, the longer she would feel uncomfortable.   
Emma raised her arms around her chest as if she felt like she needed to cover up, now.  
“You don’t… Like…”  
She didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence, because Marco moved quickly towards her.   
He wrapped his hand around her chin, keeping her still while suffocating those words with a kiss. As soon as their lips touched again, Emma melted away.   
She moaned softly, and while every doubt slid away from her consciousness, Emma grasped on Marco’s body, trying to pull as close as she could to him.  
The hand he was holding her face with, slowly slid around her neck, but his hold was gentle and Emma liked it.   
She didn’t lose too much time thinking about it, or the fact that a touch like that was supposed to trigger her when now it just made her feel warmer. But she did wonder if she would like it, if his grip would get tighter; wondering if that was another boundary she could redefine.  
But even that thought, like many others, disappeared into thin air, in her mind; her brain felt like it was made of steam and the only thing she could actually think about was that she wanted him and that they were clearly going to have sex – and she has been craving that contact, that union, with him, from some time now.   
Her entire being was held and ruled by that desire she could not control anymore.  
Marco wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.   
Turning away from the wall, the two of them blindly took a couple of steps, none paying attention to where they were going. The first surface they found was her desk and Emma didn’t think or hesitated, she hopped on it, wrapping her legs around Marco’s hips.   
Her hands ran to the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it up and sliding under, on his bare skin. Craving to feel his body.   
Emma’s entire being trembled, while Marco’s hand caressed her leg from her knee to her hip, and now, he would not stop his curious palm, under which touch Emma melted.  
Just for a second, now, a sensed thought popped into her mind, and Emma froze, even if for just a second. She lightly pushed Marco away, just enough to catch her breath.   
“Wait…”  
Marco looked at her, while a warm smile curved his lips, now marked by the kisses.   
“Why?”  
He asked moving to take off his T-shirt, and Emma got distracted by that view, running her eyes along his uncovered skin, soaking in that view, that desire and warm feeling that surrounded her.   
Marco leaned closer, kissing her again and again.  
“Because…”  
She whispered between kisses, every time seemed a bit harder to gain and keep control. “My roommates… they’ll hear us…”  
A cheeky smirk appeared on Marco’s face and his eyes sparkled, full of warmth and desire. “Then we must be quiet.”  
Again, he kissed her. His hands were moving on her body, under her clothes, exploring her skin… And Emma knew, besides her words, there was nothing she could do to stop it. And she didn’t want to stop.   
Her hands were already on his belt, untying it, without her having any control whatsoever.   
“Marco…”  
She moaned against his lips, already struggling big time to be quiet.  
She wanted him and anything else mattered anymore; it didn’t matter how new and undiscovered that feeling was, she didn’t care.   
She needed him, all of him; his body, his feelings, his everything. And she wanted to give him everything.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tʀɪɢɢᴇʀ Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: Pᴀsᴛ Aʙᴜsᴇ/Vɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ Tᴏᴘɪᴄ
> 
> Edited.

Emma didn’t even know what time it was, she just completely lost track of it, and anyway it now seemed such a useless parameter. She didn’t really care about it.  
She was lying naked on Marco’s bed. Her body was achy and felt sore, but it seemed such a little price to pay, compared to the pleasure that still echoed under her skin.  
A deep satisfaction that wasn’t just given by pleasure and sex, it was also touching her mind and heart, filling her with the proud awareness that Marco was there, and not just lying next to her, but in her heart.  
Their first time was rushed, a bit rude and quick, ruled by hunger that both could not control.   
After that, they moved to Marco’s flat, deciding that having privacy and time, for just them, was their best option.   
And once they were there, they made love again, both of them not quite satisfied yet, but both of them inclined in taking it slow, taking the time to study each other.   
A smile crossed her lips, while Emma rolled over, turning to him.   
Finding him looking at the ceiling, his expression was relaxed, and a placid smile was laid on his lips.   
“What are you thinking?”  
She asked, looking at him, letting that warm and tingling feeling surround her, feeling not much else, but her love and happiness.   
Marco turned to her, taking a second to look at her face, then his smile grew. “About us. About this.”  
Emma leaned closer, laying her head on his shoulder. She sighed but that smile didn’t leave her lips.  
Somehow, she felt always the same, and yet, like she was a totally new person.  
Her eyes were bright, shining of a new light, a new pride, while her entire face seemed to be glowing under such confidence, such happiness.   
So much, that Emma thought it could not be true.   
Her body, heart, and soul were now satisfied, filled with a love she wasn’t afraid to feel anymore.  
But she had to admit she didn’t have enough, actually, she was incredibly far from the idea of having enough of Marco.  
Emma’s eyes ran on Marco’s body and a shiver crossed Emma’s back while her sight got soaked in his uncovered skin, that was now marked by her nails on his chest and shoulders, and Emma was pretty sure she left marks on his back too.  
And she felt so damn proud about it.   
Marco moved, so to let her lay her head on his chest while wrapping his arms around her body.  
“What about it?”  
Her tone was soft, close to a whisper like she was telling him a secret.   
Marco smiled, leaning his head a bit, brushing his lips on her forehead. “I don’t know. I keep thinking this is a dream.”  
“Oh, you think I’m in your dream?”  
Emma gently kissed his skin, there, on his chest, where she could feel his heart beating.  
Marco’s hand gently caressed her back, and hip and even such a small contact made her body vibrate under a strong magnetism she was totally dominated by.  
Marco pulled away, just enough to look at her and biting his bottom lip, he nodded. “Yeah. But I’m happy though, I’m very happy, in this bubble, with you.”  
Emma’s heart lost a beat, already so filled up with such warmth, such passion… So much happiness that she didn’t even know she would be ever able to feel. She thought she could have a heart attack at any moment.  
She pulled up, finding a comfortable enough position so she could look at him and observed his features and smiled, while moving a hand, fixing a thin lock of his hair behind his ear.   
“I’m happy too. I was so afraid you could… Choose otherwise.”  
Marco shook his head, chuckling. “No. I had no choice.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“I liked you, I wanted you, since the first moment I saw you. I fell in love with you pretty quickly after that. And I knew, I always wanted to be by your side. So now, I could not refuse this. Turn my back to the possibility that you might… Love me too.”  
“Why me, though? Why someone like me? I could have been always blind to this. I could have hurt you; I did hurt you…”  
“I don’t know, why you. But it’s been you since I realized how much I cared.   
I have to be honest, for some time I was so angry at you, and at Alex, and at myself. I was hurt. But what I felt for you never disappeared. And now, everything was worth it, I think.”  
“I’m still sorry it wasn’t easier.”  
“It’s ok. It hasn’t been easy for you either, so I guess we are even.”  
“You’re so precious to me. I want you to know it, to remember it, always. There are not many people, out there, that would have accepted me, as I am, as you’re doing now.”  
“I cannot change it, can I? And I… It’s still worth it, Alex is right about this. And I’m glad he saw something I could not see.”  
“I guess… It pretty much explains the logic around this, doesn’t it? At least, that’s how I see it, for me. We are all part of this relationship which, probably wouldn’t exist if one of us was missing.”  
Marco nodded, looking away just for a second. “I have to get used to it. But I’m willing to try, at least.”  
Emma slid a hand around his jaw, caressing lightly his cheek and bringing him to look at her.  
“I love you, Marco.”  
Those words rolled out without her thinking much about it. It felt and sounded right the only thing she could and wanted to say.  
Those words have been beating into her heart for so long, now. She didn’t have any doubt about her feelings, not for him, nor for Alex. And she didn’t have any intention to hide it any longer.   
And maybe, she felt that feeling from way long before, but she has been blind, asleep, for a long time.  
Marco froze as if everything inside of him stopped, and she immediately noticed the spark that crossed his eyes, which pretty quickly filled up with so many emotions to make her tremble.   
A big smile grew on his lips, while he pulled her even closer if that was possible.  
“Is that true?”  
Emma nodded, she felt like her heart could explode.   
Marco sighed, in relief, then leaned his head backward, shaking it. “I hoped for so long to hear those words, from you…”  
Emma leaned in for another soft kiss. “Sorry, it took me this long.”  
Marco wrapped his arms around her, and pulling her closer, he followed her kiss for another kiss. He rolled with her on the mattress in a tight hug.   
Emma’s body immediately modeled under his, she slid her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist, just to keep him as close as possible.  
He pulled away, just to lean his head on her shoulder, now clinging on her and she held him tighter. All of a sudden, his body was shaking, and Marco seemed to be so small, so needy of those words, of her love.  
Something Emma was now ready to give him.   
“How does it work? Do you love me and Alex in the same way?”  
Emma stopped for a second, thinking about those words. It was a really good question.  
And if, in general, she would feel uncomfortable talking about her feelings… She wasn’t with Marco.  
But she never really been that uncomfortable around him… Ignoring the past few weeks they had, of course.  
After a few moments, Emma sighed, shaking her head. “No, of course not. You’re two different people and with you, I have two different bonds. But the love I feel comes from the same place, with the same intensity. If that makes sense.”  
“It does, I guess. How about the rest, how about… The attraction?”  
Emma leaned her head, and holding him tighter, she started distractedly to brush her fingers through his hair.  
Her entire body was still vibrating, her heart and stomach tingled, maybe because of that moment in general or those words in particular.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I don’t know… I guess…”  
“Stop comparing the two of you, Marco. I love both of you, I’m attracted to both of you, but I cannot compare it, I cannot say it’s different or the same, because you’re two different people. You have different personalities, different minds, different qualities, and flaws.”  
“Sorry. It’s just a bit difficult not to.”  
“I know. We’ll work it out, together. But now it’s for me and you.”  
Marco pulled up, looking for her eyes. For a few moments, he just looked at Emma’s face, while he raised his hand, caressing her cheek.   
“I missed you.”  
“I missed you too, Marco.”  
Emma raised her hand to his, pushing his palm against her face. Closing her eyes, she sighed enjoying that touch, the simple feeling of his warm palm against her skin.  
If them being attracted to each other and in love, being partners, was all-new, them being friends was natural, it’s always been their way and that, over everything, was what Emma would have never wanted to give up, it was what she wasn’t ready to lose.  
She was happy she found love, for him, in the process. But she was also happier she didn’t lose him as the first person she actually trusted, the first person she considered family, the first man who was allowed to touch her, the first friend she had, after everything she has been through.  
Marco moved, finding a more comfortable position, fixing a pillow under his head. Then, a sweet smile appeared on his lips, while he took some more seconds to just look at her.   
“So, how are you? How have you been?”  
“Oh, well… I don’t even know anymore. It’s been… Good, and difficult, I’d say.”  
“How?”  
Emma looked at him thinking about how to phrase her thoughts. Not being scared of talking about it, not with him, anyway. She never was.  
“You know… I discovered many new things, about myself and others, and I… I fell in love, which I really didn’t think would happen to me. And not with just one person, but with two. Also, that has been something I had to digest and accept. Besides me, not being… All that connected with feelings and stuff…”  
She chuckled, taking a break from her own words for a second, thinking about what to say next. “And it has been difficult because I thought I was going to lose you.”  
“I don’t really think it was ever a real option. I couldn’t stay away from you, anyway.”  
“Yes. True. But you know, what if we were in love with each other but couldn’t be together or… What if I was pushed to choose? I just think… I’m lucky I found you, and this is happening with you and Alex.”  
Marco moved a bit closer, softly kissing her lips. “Maybe this was fate, then.”  
“Yeah, maybe… Even if I don’t really want to give fate all this credit. Or faults about my past, for what it matters.”  
“No, maybe not. How are you dealing with it, your past I mean, now?”  
“It feels a bit further away. It feels past, now.”  
There was still a big patch of darkness in her heart, and she was full of thoughts and fears that she wasn’t sure she would ever, really lose. But, at least, there was distance, now, between her and her nightmares.  
It was way more wholesome the feeling of light that was surrounding her, now, over those ghosts, she kept hidden away.  
Marco was silent for a second, and while he was looking at her, Emma could almost see his mind working and thoughts creating, behind his eyes.  
“What is it?”  
“I… I’m just curious about something.”  
“Like what?”  
He didn’t talk, instead, he explained himself taking her right hand and lifting her arm. Lightly passing the tip of his fingers on the top of the scar she had on her forearm, dragging her attention to it. Again, he did the same, caressing the scar she had on her left side, just under her ribcage.   
And he could have pointed at the other scars she had, but there was no need, Emma understood what he wanted to know. She very well remembered every scar, every reason why her body was marked, and besides the fact that she didn’t very much like to remember, being with Marco made her feel comfortable enough.   
Though, she sighed, looking away for a moment and squeezing herself into her shoulders. “Marco… You’re not going to like it. You would just get angry.”  
“I might. But I still want to know. There’s so much, of you, that I don’t know.”  
She looked over to him, searching for his eyes and she didn’t move, didn’t breathe, for a couple of seconds, looking at those irises.   
Her being hesitant wasn’t really to protect herself, but to protect him. There wasn’t much, anymore, she could protect herself from, especially if it was memories and her past… A shadow always present, that she just had to learn to ignore and hope to forget.  
But for him… He knew enough of her past, and yet, not so many details.   
“You’ll regret asking.”  
She could have done what she always does. She could have shut down, ran away. She could have denied and tried to move the conversation and his attention to something else. But she didn’t.  
Instead, she sighed and raising her arm once again, in front of him, she stroke her own, once wounded, skin. Marco’s fingers followed hers, while he gently wrapped her forearm into his palm. His eyes jumped from her scar to her eyes, and back, waiting.  
“All the scars I have were caused by him. Besides one, on my knee, that one comes from my childhood.”  
Marco knew her story. He knew about her marriage, her ex-husband, and her escape. Yet, there were details she never shared. Details like her scars.  
“So, what happened here?”  
Marco pulled her arm close to his face, softly brushing his lips against her scarred skin, kissing it. Such an innocent and pure touch, that still made her body vibrate. Emma closed her eyes, while a tiny smile curved her lips.   
Her memories were triggering, besides her scars, there were wounds that were not yet healed. But also, Emma had a courageous spirit. She was a strong woman, give it or take.   
And, maybe because that wasn’t a sterile environment, where she would feel uncovered and cold, but instead Emma felt filled up with such positive energy, she felt warm and safe, for once, she didn’t fear those memories. Or the pain they carried.   
“He snapped my arm, broke my bones.”  
Her words sounded tremendously honest, but her voice seemed to be the one out of a recording. No feelings transmitted, just a fact.  
And she remembered that day very well, able to see it happening in her mind, again, with the same, impersonal, point of view her voice had a second earlier.  
It seemed easier, to deal with some things if she detached herself from it. Even if she wasn’t always able to do it.  
Emma almost didn’t realize, when she started talking again and this time, between every word there were emotions and feelings she couldn’t hide any longer.  
“I wasn’t allowed to communicate freely with others, all my texts and calls were kept under control – he wanted control over every single bit of my life. Over every thought, emotion, and action. Over everything I was and was supposed to become. And he did, very much, had control over everything.  
Yet, one day, this was after I took the decision I would have found a way out, and I was determined in that idea, I tried to get in touch with an old friend from high school, someone I trusted and I thought I could ask for help.  
But I wasn’t able to cancel my traces as well as I thought, because he found out.   
And that was it.”  
Emma's lips curved into a sad smile and even if she was looking at Marco, she wasn’t seeing him, she wasn’t seeing anything. “I guess that taught me how much cautious I needed to be.”  
Marco kissed her skin again, and again, just before to give her a look, frowning his brows, but not daring to ask whatever he was thinking.   
This time, she didn’t investigate.  
Of stories like that she was full. Of scars like that, her body was marked all over.  
Some bones broke leaving an evident mark, some others broke and healed quietly, under her skin, not showing the scarring, in the long run. Some of the cuts she showed were inflicted, others were the result of bad falls.   
And even if her skin healed, now, even if the bruises weren’t there anymore… She carried them every day.  
Every bruise, every scar, every broken bone, was the consequence of something she said or did, something that wasn’t good enough, her not being good enough. Some other times, it was just her husband's moods, his bad days, him being drunk.   
And some of her bruises didn’t leave any mark, some were just in her mind, as her nightmares.  
Yet, she was healing, now.   
She was free. She was her own person.   
And she spent the last year not doing anything else but taking care of herself, stitching all her pieces back together.   
Emma raised her eyes to the ceiling, not necessarily because she wanted to escape from Marco’s sight, but more because she didn’t want to notice his emotions or thoughts about the topic.  
Because she could very well guess them. Because she saw them already before. His anger, his need to protect her, shield her from her past, and yet his wrists being tied up, leaving him unable to do what he wished to do.   
Emma sighed, shaking her head, wrapping her arms around her own body. “All the other scars have similar stories. Similar causes and consequences. And I really don’t want to list them all.”  
“Sorry I asked.”  
“No, it’s ok. If I didn’t want to answer I wouldn’t have.”  
“I just don’t understand… How did it all go under the radar? How nobody noticed?”  
“Because most of the violence was hidden under clothes, sunglasses, and lies. Anyway, I wasn’t really allowed to see many people, so not many noticed. And if someone did, rarely questions were made. And I never asked for help.”  
“With bones broke like this, it didn’t happen that you ended up in a hospital?”  
“Ah, yes. I did, but he was such a lucky bastard, that his sister was working there. She would always take care of me, covering up for him.”  
“But why?”  
Emma hesitated for a second, mostly because she was trying to deal with her memories, keeping them under control and not let her past just explode in her mind and take over.  
“She was also a victim. She has been in her childhood. First from her father and then, from her brother as well. When he found me, she found her freedom. And probably she did what she did to protect herself.  
I don’t blame her.”  
Claire was her name, and for a long time, Emma was, actually, angry at her. Angry, because she didn’t help, because she didn’t sympathize with her. But now, she can understand.  
Not that she would behave in the same way. But she can understand where Claire stood.   
Marco hissed through his teeth, whispering a swear in Danish, to which point, Emma turned to him and finding his eyes, she got surrounded by those feelings that were burning violently behind his amber irises. His face expression was frozen and livid, his jaw clenched tightly.   
“Hey.”  
She called him, raising her hands to his face, scooping her palms around his cheeks. “He doesn’t deserve your anger. Listen to me, it’s passed. I’m ok now, I’m safe, now.”  
“Why didn’t you report him to the authorities?”  
“And risk him to find me? Besides… I never had much trust in them, unfortunately. And I’m pretty sure he would have killed me if I did and he found out.”  
She knew perfectly well what the right thing was to do, what she was supposed to do about it. And yet, she didn’t, she never did and probably never will. More inclined into self-protecting herself and being selfish, protecting a secret and, even if the idea disgusted her, protecting him.  
Not because she wanted to, but because she knew that even if he would end up being charged and go to jail, the best chance was him getting a few years. After that, he would get released and she feared too much the idea that then, he would be free.   
Marco moved closer and then rolled on top of her, pinned himself up with his arms, not to weight on her. Which, Emma didn’t much care.   
She slid her hands over his chest, up to his neck, losing herself up in his eyes, for a second.   
“Would you trust us? Enough to ask for help, if something happens?”  
He was deadly serious, and Emma perfectly knew the meaning and weight of those words.   
She never thought about it. Not about that possibility, with her being involved with someone.   
She did take her precautions, which was the main reason why she was going to the gym, following a kickboxing course – she wanted to make her body strong, strong enough to be able to defend herself.  
But she didn’t think about the chance not to be alone, to ask for help.  
And now, she knew she could have plenty of if she wanted. Marco, Alex, Susan… All people she trusted dearly.  
With Susan, they even had an emergency plan, a safe word to use, just in case. The word was Bridget, which didn’t sound particularly suspicious, they chose a name specifically because if it needed to be said, no one else would get suspicious. It was just a name.  
But if they ever said just that and nothing else, to each other, they knew it meant the other person was in trouble.  
Besides this, Emma didn’t think to involve Alex or Marco in her protection… She didn’t have the time, really, to let that thought to soak in. The fact that now she wasn’t on her own anymore, her sides were covered, both of them, from two men she loved and trusted.  
So, after some seconds of silence, Emma just nodded. “I would.”  
Truth was, that Emma didn’t know in the slightest how she would react.   
But she knew so perfectly well, that she would have done anything to protect those she loved, over herself.  
Marco leaned in for a kiss, like to seal that promise between them and Emma let him. Let that contact surround her and make her forget her own thoughts, her own everything.  
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, and their kiss became deeper, warmer, all of a sudden desperate and full of hunger, again.  
She was done talking, now.   
Marco’s lips soon moved from hers to her jawline and down to her neck, where he started kissing her skin.  
Emma’s bent under him, leaning her head on the side, she let him kiss her sensitive skin. Her blood already fired up, bubbling under her skin and she was now full of new desire. She arched her back, letting his name slip between her lips in a whisper.   
“Let me make you forget about these scars.”  
Marco’s voice danced on her skin, low and solemn as if that was another promise. And Emma was more than ready to let him do so, willing to do the same to him – to make him forget about her scars.   
Marco moved on her body, his lips found her skin, kissed every scar, everywhere.   
The longer his lips and hands would touch her, caressing her, the thicker the air around her would become, filling up with sighs and moans carrying his name, making her feel like she was covered by a heavy and wet velvet blanket.  
To the point, she forgot even her own name and everything, with it, that wasn’t Marco.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Emma was comfortably sitting at the little table outside, on Marco’s balcony. Her legs were stretched over the extra chair in front of her and she was just enjoying the view of that part of Dublin, not really paying too much attention to anything in particular.   
The morning hours were lazily passing by and Emma was appreciating every minute.  
Marco and she woke up surprisingly early, counting the fact that when they finally went to sleep, it was undeniably late, so late, in fact, that it was almost early. Not that she had anything to complain about, the sex was great, he was great… And also, seemed to be as insatiable as she was, which met perfectly her needs.  
Every single muscle of her body was sore and rigid, slowing down every one of her movements and hurting at every contraction, yet her entire being was buzzing in warmth and energy.  
The two of them had a greasy breakfast and loads of coffee, thinking that it could be a suitable remedy to their supposed weariness, due to the sex and resulting lack of sleep.  
A smile crossed her lips, while Emma just wrapped herself tighter into Marco’s shirt she was wearing.  
The morning air was chilly enough, but a bit humid, carrying within the smell of rain from the last night; besides, the sky was clear and of a vibrant light blue that seemed to increase Emma’s good mood.  
She felt whole as never before. Filled up with such happiness she could not describe it, there were no words for it, no thoughts. It was just a feeling, simple, and great at the same time. The feeling she fell into place. The feeling she met, accepted, and learned a bit more about herself, something yet so important that could not be ignored, with the privilege of being able to be free, to be who she wanted to be.   
Emma took a deep breath, squeezing herself in her own body, just a second before deciding to pick up her phone from the table.   
She had a little smirk curling her lips and a warm feeling thickening up inside her stomach, while she wrote a very simple text to Alex, just to wish him a good morning.   
She missed him.   
It has almost been a habit of her to spend her entire weekend with him and now, he wasn’t there.  
Not that the fact of being with Marco was in any way less important. But Alex was still absent.  
It was just a few minutes after ten and she could bet he would be already awake – even if she didn’t know what his plans could be for that day.  
Emma smiled, looking at the screen and then leaned over the table to pick up her tobacco and roll herself a cigarette.   
Her eyes lazily slid on the dirty plates, glasses, and coffee mugs on the table, but she didn’t give it too much attention, at least for now; she knew there was all the time in the world to clean up, later.  
Emma lit herself the cigarette and a couple of seconds after, her phone chimed.  
Immediately, her blood filled with adrenaline and her stomach with butterflies. Emma didn’t lose any time to check the text she got back but realized quickly that texts weren’t enough.  
Which, was the main reason why she hit the call button for no particular reasons but just have a chat with him.  
“Hello there!”  
As soon as his voice radiated from the phone speaker, it slid in her ear and down, through her skin, directly to her chest, giving a soft kick to her heart. Emma shivered and then smiled like she was a little girl.  
“Hey! Are you free to talk?”  
“I am! Always available for you.”  
“Always cheesy. What are you doing?”  
His chuckle that followed her words had even a more violent effect on her body than his voice.  
“Nothing big, really. I’ll meet up with a couple of friends later, Ryan and Greg, you remember them? But I’m not sure what we are going to do.”  
There were many people Alex knew around Dublin, and in the weeks they have been dating she slowly started to meet his circle. So, she did remember some people, some faces, some voices, and some names. She remembered Greg, but not Ryan.  
But that wasn’t of any interest at the moment anyway.  
“Oh, I see. Well, I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”  
“I miss you too. Are you ok? How did it go with Marco?”  
“I’m ok, and it went very well, actually. I cannot believe you knew what was going to happen, and you didn’t tell me!”  
“Hey! I couldn’t! Plus, I knew stuff just from the other night, you didn’t have to wait so long.”  
Emma could almost feel his smile, that confident smirk of his when he knew he was right. Just the idea of him made her smile…  
And also, made her realize how much she wanted to see him. Simply as it was.   
“No. That’s true! I mean, sort of…”  
“So, well, I guess we are… A team now?”  
Emma chuckled to those words, shaking her head, but then she started nodding slowly. “I guess we are.”  
Thought that, in her mind, in her heart, was so nice and well placed and perfect.  
“So, what’s your plan for today, guys? Is Marco there?”  
“Not sure about any plan, yet. And not really, he is in the shower.”  
“Who’s in the shower?”  
Marco’s voice was sudden and close, it even made her jump, but that moment of unexpected surprise, almost immediately, was melted away by the deep warmth his presence would lit inside of her. An even bigger smile appeared on her lips.   
Emma raised her eyes to him, taking a second to look at his features and to those eyes that looked so incredibly serious and sweet at the same time. A smirk appeared on her lips, while the butterflies in her stomach seemed to explode, being even crazier than before.   
“You.”  
Marco smiled and nodded, leaning in to give her a quick kiss. His lips tasted of mint and the strong scent of his shower gel surrounded her, giving her another shiver.  
She thought she would not be able to survive, there, melting every second between Marco and Alex.  
“Is it Alex?”  
Asked Marco giving a nod towards the phone, so Emma smiled. “Yeah, it’s Alex.”  
Marco kept smiling, and Emma took a second just to observe his peaceful expression.  
She couldn’t hope for anything better, but she wasn’t entirely sure that was reality. It felt very much like a dream and she felt surrounded by clouds.  
Just twenty-four hours earlier, she was hoping for it to happen, but also, she was more than sure it wouldn’t be possible.  
Emma was devoured by the fear that Marco could choose otherwise or that it might not work.   
That something could feel so incredibly wrong, once everything was settled.  
Instead, now, everything just felt normal and as it was supposed to be. It felt exactly like what she was hoping for.   
Marco sat on the chair in front of her and gently wrapped his hands around her ankles, he placed her feet on his knees.   
Emma just smiled at him gratefully, but not just for that gesture. No, she was just grateful he was in her life, and her heart was pouring warm love in every direction.  
Emma cleared her voice, going back giving attention to the call. “I’ll put you on speaker, ok?”  
While Alex hummed, agreeing, Emma proceeded and almost immediately Marco leaned closer. “Yo! Good morning!”  
He chirped cheerfully, looking at the phone with the same, affectionate look he would give to Alex himself.  
“My man! Good morning!”  
That was it, for Emma. The tone of their voices, that way they had to greet each other… It was enough to make her heart melt away. Her entire body could now melt away.   
Emma listened to them chatting for a couple of seconds, exchanging jokes and things, but she wasn’t really listening to their words… More than anything just lost in such a simple moment, that yet meant so much.  
Because Alex and Marco were fine. They were fine with each other, fine loving the same girl, fine with the idea Emma loved both of them.   
Clearing her throat, Emma focused back on the conversation, trying to gather both the guys' attention.   
“Right, at this point… I think we should all meet…”  
Her eyes chained immediately with Marco’s, as she continued. “…Maybe later on? Tonight? I don’t know.”  
“I was going to suggest the same thing!”  
Said Alex from the other side of the phone, while Marco nodded. “Sounds good to me!”  
The idea that they would all be in the same room, soon enough, made her entire being tremble, from tip to toes. Every single muscle, nerve, organ, and bone was now drowned by a silky and wet wave of warmth that she could not control.   
That would have been like a date, and different from any other time they’ve seen each other.  
Her heart started beating so fast Emma felt its rhythm in her throat and, for a moment, she could not speak.  
Emma knew there were things they needed to talk about. There were boundaries to set, in case they were needed, and, in general, if they were going to start a relationship with each other, she knew they all needed to spend time together.  
She knew it was important they spent quality time together, knowing each other now under such a new light.  
Though to be more specific and honest, she just wanted them to spend time together, she wanted to see them, talk to them, joke and play; date and love them.   
But, on top of everything, her thoughts took a weird, dirty, and steamy hot turn; she wanted to be with both of them.   
Emma would have lied if she said she never ever thought about it before. Just, now she was way closer to, maybe, be able to fulfill that fantasy.   
But she also knew she wasn’t alone in that and she wanted to proceed slowly, respecting every person involved.  
“How about dinner, later?”  
That question was just left there, in middle air, no answered and not entirely listened, because Emma was still a bit distracted.  
Just when Marco moved, leaning on the table, her focus came back.  
Emma watched him grabbing her tobacco and stuff to roll a cigarette, to which she just nodded toward him, signaling he was free to make himself a ciggy.  
“At yours?”  
“I really don’t mind!”  
“Yeah man, let’s do at yours. My neighbors are a pain in the ass.”  
Said Marco looking at the phone, keeping a filter between his lips and she lost just a second, looking at his features.  
“Right then!”  
She finally said, turning her attention back to the conversation. “I guess we need groceries, right?”  
“How about, we meet around sixish, later on, at the supermarket close to mine. Marco, you know the one. So, we can think about dinner all together and stuff…”  
“Yeah, man. That sounds like a good plan.”  
“Yes, it does. I guess we are all in favor, then!”  
A big smile appeared on Emma’s face, and while her eyes slid on her phone, she bit her bottom lip.   
She was now full of a feeling of great expectation, wishing already to know how the dynamic between the three of them would be.  
Hoping it would be as good as she was hoping for.  
“Ok, then I’ll let you two go, enjoy your day guys!”  
“Yeah, you too, man!”  
“Hey, I love you.”  
Emma blushed a bit, saying those words, just because the eyes of the other man she loved were on her, from the other side of the table. Yet, it didn’t feel strange or awkward… It was just new.  
“I love you too.”  
Emma, again, could almost feel Alex’s smile through those words and just that feeling made her smile a bit more, her eyes sparkled. She wasn’t sure she ever felt that happy, as now.  
“I love you three, bro!”  
Shouted suddenly Marco, giggling from the other side of the table dragging Alex as well into a little laugh. “Me too, man.”  
When Alex hanged up the phone, Emma remained still just for a second, just peacefully smiling, looking at her phone.   
Words could not explain what she felt if not just whole and happy.  
And that was such a different kind of happiness.   
After that feeling was ripped away from her life, she almost forgot how simple it could be. She started thinking she wasn’t entitled to it and got the horrible habit of feeling sorry every single time she would be a bit happy – very rare, at the time.   
When she found her freedom, she had to learn to find and enjoy happiness again.   
Mostly, she was successful, finding it into small, little things, finding how simple and satisfactory that feeling was – just letting the pain out, for a moment, to feel a ray of joy in her heart. Most importantly: accepting she could be happy, that she was allowed.  
But, in that specific moment, in that specific situation, that was not simple happiness, one to find into little things.   
No. That was an articulate and wholesome joy, with no boundaries, no restrictions, no demands or questions, radiating into every part of her soul, and lifting her from anything that was before.  
Emma sighed, returning to reality, she raised her eyes and found Marco just sitting there, staring, studying her.  
His expression was still so serene and peaceful, but his green eyes sparkled in a strange and deep light. That look made her body and soul tremble.  
Emma leaned her head over the side. “What?”  
“Just you.”  
He breathed in a puff of smoke, before miming her position. His lips curved into a smirk that made her heart lose a beat.  
“What?!”  
Now her voice was louder as she became impatient to know what it could be he was thinking. Emma jumped a bit on her chair in such a childish way, as if doing so would drag the thoughts out of Marco’s mind. Or in any way convince him to answer her.  
He just smiled and for a couple of seconds, that was it. Then, he shook his head, sighing softly. “I know many things about you. But I really don’t think I ever saw that expression, before.”  
“What? Am I making a face or something?”  
“No. There’s just absolutely no trace of worries on your face you look… So serene.”  
Emma’s features melted in a wide smile, while inside her chest was still so full of warmth and something seemed to shift and move, around her heart.   
For a second, she felt like she was falling, and yet it didn’t bother her in the slightest.   
“Because I don’t have any worries, right now… I’m just happy.”  
“And I am happy you’re. It’s so good to see it, to feel it radiate from you.”  
“I’m so happy because of you.”  
“And Alex.”  
“And Alex. But I wasn’t afraid to lose Alex for good.”  
Marco seemed to hesitate a second before to continue with whatever was passing through his mind.  
“You know, for some time it’s been hard for me to… Understand. Even now it’s still a bit difficult.”  
“What is?”  
“I tried to wrap my head around this, around us and everything that happened and, sometimes, just to give it a meaning, a direction, I tried to shape the concept… I even thought it could be a game, at some point. A joke.”  
“A joke?”  
“Yeah, sometimes I just thought it was impossible you could feel for me. It was so sudden, and you were with Alex… Sometimes it was easier to think that this was anything else, but you actually being in love with me.”  
Emma took a deep breath in, hesitating, waiting, deciding which words would have been better to say.   
Closing her eyes, she could see, in her mind, a constant flow of images of her and Marco together, always together. A placid smile appeared on her lips, just a second before she decided to get up.  
She flicked the cigarette butt over the balcony rail, without caring for it too much, while she moved around the table, getting closer to Marco.  
“It was sudden…”  
She started, finding her place on his legs, between his arms. Marco didn’t wait for a second before to pull her closer to him, his arms tightly wrapped around her, his hands softly gripping on her body.  
Emma raised her hands to his face, lightly caressing his cheeks while she felt like she could get lost into those beautiful eyes.   
“…But it was always there, Marco. Now I know it was.”  
He just remained silent, looking at her, and Emma could see his feelings so clearly through his eyes, moving under the surface.   
“This is not a joke.”  
“I know it's not. But I did think it was… You know, Alex is who he is, and I wouldn’t…”  
“You wouldn’t, what?”  
“…Make the cut. I thought he was better for you.”  
“I love Alex, I do. There are countless reasons why I’m pulled close to him, as much as to you… But, Marco, you’re the most important person, in my life. You have been my first friend, you have been the first person I considered family, I considered home. More than this, Marco, you were the first man I allowed to be close to me, that I trusted.  
So, this is not a joke. I love you.”  
“It took you long enough!”  
Marco chuckled, but his eyes were so bright and watery, full of emotions.   
Emma was instinctively pulled toward him, not able to do anything else if not kissing him, and she did.  
Sliding her arms around his shoulders, she pulled Marco closer kissing him deeply, with no thoughts, no worries.  
Emma pulled away, just to lean her forehead on his, catching her breath, keeping him close, feeling surrounded by him, body and soul.   
“I will never choose between you two. It would be impossible…”  
“I know. I’m not asking…”  
Emma shushed him sealing his lips with her index, lightly pushing it against them.  
“…But if I had to, it would be you. It would always be you, Marco. So, don’t you ever think this is a joke, or that you’re not enough.”  
A soft and warm smile appeared on his lips, while he rocked his head a bit. His arms seemed to hold her a bit tighter, a bit closer.   
Then he moved. Marco raised his hand to Emma’s face, scooping her cheek into his palm. He was looking back at her, straight in the eyes, but his irises seemed to be burning of such an intense light, such a sentiment.   
“Those words mean the world to me, Emma.   
I have thought about it. But not anymore, I don’t think it’s a joke, I don’t think I’m not enough…”  
“Good. Because you’re everything, to me. Both of you.”  
“I know. I love you. And I won’t ask you to choose.”  
Marco moved to kiss her again, and again.   
“So, what do you want to do today?”  
Chirped Emma with no intention of getting up from that spot but raising her head. She moved a thin lock of his hair behind his ear.   
Marco smiled, shaking his shoulders. “Well, I have an idea or two…”  
In his eyes, Emma could so clearly see that cheeky light sparkle, accompanying his smirk. Emma chuckled, leaning her head backward. “Besides that! Wasn’t it enough last night? And this morning?”  
“Not even in the slightest. I waited too long, dear.”  
Emma blushed, smiling and shaking slowly her head from a side to the other. “Well, as tempting as it is to spend the day in bed, with you…”  
She tapped the tip of his nose with her index. “…My body needs recovery.”  
“Oh, don’t play the victim. If I remember correctly, you enjoyed it.”  
“I did. And I would, again…”  
Just saying that made her shiver, while the memory of their pleasure echoed in her body. “…But maybe we could do something else! It’s a beautiful day!”  
“It’s just… If we go out, I know I cannot kiss you, or touch you.”  
Emma froze, for a second, and sat there just looking at him.  
She didn’t think about it.   
Of course, she knew there were things they could not do in public… But she never actually thought about it. And especially now, the idea of not being free and able to touch him, to feel him, or kiss him when she wanted, was a torturing thought, almost a physical pain.  
“Oh. Yes… I didn’t think about it.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, we could always sneak around, you know? Like teenagers.”  
A cheeky smile appeared on her lips, while she kind of hoped he would agree, just because the idea made her feel exactly like she was a teen again.  
He answered with such a warm smile able to melt every single bit of her soul. “Like teenagers. Alright. And what would you like to do?”  
“Well. I kind of need to swing home and get some fresh clothes… Uhm I didn’t think about it yesterday. But after that, I would do anything. Maybe we can just go around Dublin for a bit, have lunch…”  
“Alright, sounds good. But just to let you know, I’ll hate every second that I spend wanting to kiss you and not being able to do it.”  
“Well, you can still kiss me, just not on my lips.”  
“Which is what I want to kiss.”  
Those words followed a smart ass smile, something that both amused and annoyed her. Emma chuckled, shaking her head. “Don’t you think it’s going to be any easier for me! But we kind of need to get used to it.”  
“We do. But maybe in a while? Can I still have a bit of time to enjoy some more kisses?”  
“You may.”  
Emma leaned closer to him, giving and taking what they both wanted.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

It has been some time, that Emma fantasized about spending time with Marco – with him being her partner.   
So many of those fantasies found an answer, a reality, giving her concrete thoughts about how it would be to feel his body, his warmth, his arms around her, his lips and hands; to sleep beside him, to feel his weight on the mattress – and sleeping naked, next to someone, after having sex, is a different feeling from any other kind of sleeping. To know his desires, his pleasure. To see and feel and explore everything that to that point she never could.   
But some of those fantasies remained unexplained yet. There were many open questions, much curiosity, toward everything she didn’t know about him, everything she wanted to discover, as in every new couple.  
Being friends for as long as they have been, took off a bit of pressure; there was no ice to be broken, no being shy, there was not a moment they didn’t know what to talk about, what to joke about, what to do or not around each other… And yet, they were not just friends anymore.   
But their situation was not like any other regular dating, because they lacked some freedom, for example, to kiss whenever, wherever they wanted, or even just holding hands was a touch they were not allowed to have.  
Kissing lips became kissing cheeks, holding hands became just “casually” brushing their fingers, and even if it wasn’t the same, the feeling was always there. With hugs all over, because Emma and Marco decided that those were allowed, between friends.   
And then, then there were the sneaky moments in whatever dark corner, with no people around, they could find where they could steal each other a kiss – though it was never quite enough.   
Emma had to admit, she almost lost her control many times, finding that secrecy as unbearable as necessary. Often it was just a word, a smile, a look… And she wanted to have that freedom to just do what she wanted, but every time there was quite an oppressive thought to take her back into order. All it was needed was one person, one set of eyes to see something they weren’t supposed to, and both Marco and Alex would then have troubles.  
Overall they spent a lovely afternoon together, enjoying their first official date.  
None of them paid too much attention to what, specifically, they were doing or on where they were going, concentrating instead, on all those things they could now talk about, with no filters, no awkwardness of any kind. It just felt easy, as if it was always meant to be.  
“…I just hope they didn’t recognize me!”  
The two of them were cheerfully chatting, something never really ended ever, that day.   
The topic at the moment was their encounter with Emma’s roommates, just sometime earlier, when she quickly jumped back home to change her clothes, deciding also to bring some extra with her, knowing she didn’t have any intention of going back to her room, later that night.  
Emma chuckled, sitting next to him, giving him a look through her sunglasses.  
They were comfortably sitting outside a coffee shop on the edge of a park, with a couple of iced coffees and enjoying the weather, letting their time peacefully ran by.  
It turned out to be an incredibly warm day, almost anomalous for Dublin, even if Summer was almost there. But sitting under the shade of a tall tree was lovely, and Emma was relishing every moment of it.  
She was wearing a light, pastel pink and blue dress, showing some skin and hoping it wouldn’t get massively burned under the kiss of the Sun.  
“I’m pretty sure they didn’t, or they would have submerged me of questions… I mean they did, but not about you. Not about you as Marco Ilsø.”  
Emma leaned her head while she let his entire name roll on her tongue, absolutely proud of her pronunciation.   
Every single time she would say it, and she would say it correctly, she would feel proud, but to pump up that feeling there was always Marco’s satisfaction printed on his face.  
That time, though, it seemed different. Because the spark which crossed his expression wasn’t just approval or pride, it was a pleasure and underlining that.  
That specific look printed on Marco’s face, and the way he was now looking at her, filled her chest up of that same feeling.   
Emma smirked, reaching for her tall glass of vanilla-flavored iced coffee, trying to hide at least a bit of the steam that surrounded them in that look.   
“I swear to God, I never thought hearing my own name could be as sexy.”  
“Oh, you liked that?”  
“I did.”  
“It’s not the first time I say it…”  
“It’s the first time after I saw you naked though.”  
Emma blushed and almost as a reflex, she looked around to make sure no one could hear them… Even if she knew they were alone because she has been constantly checking her surroundings to know when was ok to say or do something.   
She shook her shoulders, both amused and worried, but that didn’t stop her from smiling and daring to bite her bottom lip. “Well, anyway…”  
And even if she wanted to change the topic, Emma could not really stop her eyes from sliding around Marco’s face, caressing his features. Her eyes were captured by the color of his hair, how they would shine under the sunlight, by the shape of his eyes, the length of his lashes, the way his irises seemed to be burning in a golden light she could not quite catch, by the tip of his nose, by his cheeks bones, and every smile, everything involving his lips. She could not take her eyes off him and the curiosity which drove her sight was mixed up with desire.  
The longer she would look, the more would be the details she would notice and like, and even if she knew him very well, everything now felt new.  
“Yes, anyway…”  
Marco moved a bit on the seat, clearing his throat, before continuing. “…So, there were questions, uh?”  
“Well… Yes! They never saw me with a guy!”  
“Oh? You never went around there with Alex?”  
“No, I didn’t. At this point, thank God! Or the questions would have been even more than what I’ve got!”  
“So, what were those questions about?”  
“Ah, you know, the usual stuff like what happened, who are you, what’s the story… They saw us kissing outside, last night and said it looked intense…”  
She made sure her voice was low enough so just Marco could hear some very specific bits.  
“Hell yes, it was intense! I didn’t expect anything less from that moment, to be honest! With the history we’ve got and everything else, it needed to look like a movie.”  
“Well, don’t get so confident now… It was alright.”  
Emma gave him a cheeky smile and look saying those words, just to tease him and mess around.  
Not that she ever thought she was a particularly romantic person, and not because she didn’t like romanticism or cheesy things… But because she never had the chance to decide. But Emma had to admit that the kiss Marco and she had, was pretty amazing.  
“Alright?! I’ll give you the alright!”  
Marco’s smile evolved into a naughty smirk and in his eyes glimpsed spark. He bit his bottom lip just a second before he leaned towards her, reaching for her side, starting to tickle her.  
Emma immediately started laughing, or better squeaking, and jumped, grabbing his wrist trying to push him away. Her body was already curling on itself, overwhelmed by tickles. She tried to escape, besides the giggles, with no mush success.  
“Stop! Marco, stop!”  
With such a proud smile printed on his face, Marco stopped letting Emma catch her breath.   
She cleared her voice while fixing her dress and position, trying to sit back in a comfortable spot. Even if she hated being tickled, as probably every single person on Earth who suffered that kind of sensitivity, Emma had a big smile on her face.  
She moved her hair behind both of her ears, giving Marco a little look. “Anyway!”  
That she said very loudly, but after she bent her voice in a whisper like her words were a secret. “I’m pretty sure they know we had sex.”  
He chuckles in response, while his smile widened and curled up in the corner of his mouth. Marco nodded, shaking his shoulders. “Well, next time you should be quiet then!”  
His voice was reduced to a whisper, like hers, but his eyes were screaming enough.  
Emma blushed violently but her smile didn’t disappear – because even if she was pretending to be annoyed or if she was genuinely embarrassed by the fact that people heard them, and now they were talking about it in a public space, she was also deeply proud. Still, she raised her eyes, huffing. “Should I?”  
“Oh, if you ask me, I’ll say no. But then people will hear us.”  
“You’re such a smart ass.”  
Emma chuckled, giving him a little bump on the shoulder that just resulted in him laughing. And his laugh made her heart melt every time.   
“You bet! And you like it!”  
Marco gave her another smart smirk, almost as if he would have absolutely no shame in sharing that kind of smile – or any kind of, really. Not that it was a problem, his smiles and smirks were one of his most attractive features.   
Yet sometimes they could be almost annoying.   
“So! Basically, it’s noted that if I have to hang around there none of you are going to be invited!”  
“Why can’t I be around yours? I mean… Not much we can hide now is it?”  
“No! But it’s safer that way.”  
“Well, I guess that means you will have to hang around ours.”  
“Oh, yes. That would be such a big sacrifice to do!”  
“Perks having two partners isn’t it?”  
Marco gave her a meaningful look, his entire face radiating amusement. To those words, and his expression, she responded just chuckling, shaking her head.  
“So, what do you think about… Seeing Alex?”  
“What about it?”  
“Well… You know…”  
“Oh. That. Well, I saw you two kissing and all before… So, I… I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be a problem.”  
“I want to make sure it is not, to make sure I’m not doing something that upsets you or… Well, him.”  
“I promise I’ll let you know if he gets more kisses then me, and I get jealous.”  
“Uhm… Ok.”  
“What’s in your mind now?”  
“I don’t know! I quite never been in this position before and it’s the first time we’ll be all together like in a date and…”  
“Does it make you feel uncomfortable?”  
“No, it’s not that. Actually, I quite look forward to it. I’m afraid it would be not as good for you two or…”  
“I am pretty confident that both me and Alex are going to be ok. Don’t get inside your head too much, babe. If we’ll have a problem with it, it’s going to be said and by now, we all know what we signed up for.”  
“Ah, I cannot be sure about that though.”  
“I guess that’s what we should start with. Complete honesty with each other… To make it work.”  
“Yes. Yeah, Alex thinks that too. And I agree…”  
“Why you look so frozen all of a sudden? What’s up?”  
Emma stopped for a second. Her words, her thoughts, every movement. She just raised her eyes to Marco and, for that moment, just looked at him. As if she could find her answer on his face.  
She wanted to kiss him, right there, right now. She wanted to take his hand or dive in a tight hug, hiding her face on his chest.  
But she just moved her hand closer to his, casually placing her fingers on his, enclosing in that slight touch everything she felt she wanted to do.  
“I… I don’t know, I’m nervous.”  
“Yeah. That I am too. But I think we just need to chill and embrace it. Once we are going to be all together it’s going to be fine.   
I look forward to it, to be honest. I think it’s going to be… Particular.”  
“Also, there are many things we need to talk about.”  
“Are there?”  
“Yes! Rules and boundaries.”  
“I… You thought about it through!”  
“I did, I’ve been thinking about it from quite some time.”  
“Did you prepared a speech or something?!”  
“No!”  
Emma gave him a soft push while he took a few seconds to chuckle to his own words. Then, he moved his fingers, it was such a light move, and yet it meant so much.  
Marco looked at her, his green eyes seemed able to burn her as much as the Sun and even if they were just lightly brushing the tips of their fingers, it felt so intense. But it carried a weight into her chest… Something that pressed against her heart.   
The chains tying her away from the possibility to do what she wanted, with him, felt now so incredibly heavy.  
She sighed, forcing herself to look away. “I really want to be close to you.”  
“Yeah. I know. Me too.”  
His voice, his accent, his words, crawled under her skin, making her shiver.  
Thinking that the next safe place where they would have found each other was Alex’s house, made her feel both excited and uncomfortable.  
Emma fell into a moment of silence, feeling quite overwhelmed by the situation. But not in a bad way just… Uncomfortable.  
The longer she would pay attention to those feelings, the bigger she wished to do as she pleased grew. Her body even started aching, pulled by a magnetic force toward Marco.  
Emma huffed, shaking her shoulders, she hoped to do the same with that feeling. She didn’t have any intention to let it ruin anything.  
“Stay still.”  
She said looking at him, nodding, and even if her voice was calm, that was pretty much an order. Emma moved closer to him, laying softly a hand on his neck, and gently kissed the corner of his mouth, just in between his cheek and lips, lingering in that contact for a bit longer.  
Marco’s hand immediately moved on her knee, that he gripped on tight, while his entire body seemed to stiffen up. And just after Emma pulled away, she realized he was even holding his breath.  
“Oh, are you ok?”  
“Uhm. No…”  
“Sorry, did I…?”  
“No, hey, it’s ok. It’s not your fault, I just… This is a bit of a torture.”  
Marco grip on her knee softened up but he didn’t move his hand and Emma didn’t object, sure it would be safe, for now, hidden under the table.   
His touch was something she craved – every second she was not able to have it, that it wasn’t allowed… And she thought that they could risk, a bit. She didn’t care.  
“It is… I mean, I’m glad about this, but at the same time, my hands are tied.”  
“I hoped for this moment for so long, you know? To be more than friends… And I swear I don’t regret anything but… Yeah, I repeat, it’s a bit of a torture.”  
Even if his voice sounded a bit heavy, there was a gentle smile curving his lips, but Emma could understand what he meant.  
She never had to hold back with Alex, she had the freedom to hold his hand, or kiss him… But she couldn’t with Marco, and every moment they had to stop themselves seemed to just increase that craving.  
She gave a good look around, biting her bottom lip, fidgeting on her chair.   
“You know… It seems we are alone here…”  
Marco’s smile grew to her words. He leaned his head, looking away for a second, hesitant.  
Then he took a deep breath and chuckled, shaking his head. “Do you want to risk?”  
When his eyes went back on Emma, he had a smirk painted on his face. It almost looked like he was trying to challenge her, but also to enlighten the possible danger.  
Emma pouted, knowing his point, knowing what was the right thing to do. Yet, it felt almost painful to take her eyes off his lips.   
“Right, right… Well, I don’t know what’s your point of view on it but… They seem to have an ideal restroom, here.”  
Emma smiled, biting her lip, flirty and implying something so very clear.   
In Marco's eyes, she perfectly saw a spark lightening up as soon as he understood what she meant, and a huge and warm smile opened upon his face. “Since when are you this naughty?”  
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m discovering many things…”  
“I guess we must have a look at this restroom, then.”  
She felt like she could melt under his eyes, all of a sudden he looked so hungry, so determined.   
Even if they seemed to do their best to hide it, to show there was nothing much more then a friendship, the sudden tension that now grew between them was undeniable. It was a bright and loud feeling, and Emma had to admit how happy she was that no one was around.   
She completely forgot about her coffee, how much it cost or the perfect spot their table occupied – the only one completely in shadow -, or anything else, anything that wasn’t him – or meeting him, behind the locked door of a restroom.   
Emma took a long second before moving. “Ok. Then, follow me in a couple of minutes.”  
She took off her sunglasses, giving him a good look… And her eyes weren’t any less hungry than his.   
It was such a weird feeling, something rumbling inside of her. Her desire for him was growling in her body, and it was something she could try to ignore but that never disappeared.  
It didn’t matter how long it’s been since last time they’ve kissed, or being together – the secrecy, the inability to do as she pleased, was perfect fuel for that wildfire burning into her.  
Emma picked her stuff up, shoving anything she needed to put away in her bag, before getting up.  
She lazily laid a hand on Marco's shoulder, moving it from one to the other while she moved around him.  
Walking toward the coffee shop door, she gave him a look. On her face, there was a reflection of the same kind of smirk he had, and his eyes seemed just to lay on her, curious, studying her, absorbing her movements.  
Walking across the little space inside the coffeeshop, Emma was incredibly happy to see that nobody paid attention to her – which was very important. She quickly moved to trace the same steps she did some time earlier when she actually needed the loo.  
Closing the door behind her back, Emma stood there for a second, looking at the tiled wall in front of her.   
It was a small and clean room, exactly what you would expect for a public toilet and, really, she didn’t care about anything in particular.   
Waiting, she placed her backpack on the sink, while she stopped for a second looking at her reflection.  
For a second, she could not recognize that woman.   
She was never someone so shameless and confident to even think to do something like that.   
But, if she had to be perfectly honest, she was never attracted by someone like she was with Marco – or Alex. And she never found herself in that situation.  
Though, Emma smiled to herself, embracing that new side of herself and thinking, in her own mind “what the Hell”, if that was a safe way to have a bit of time with Marco, she would have done it.  
And it was fun. And hot.  
And then there was the knock on the door.  
All of a sudden Emma felt so incredibly nervous.  
She quickly unlocked the door and then hid in the corner, hoping no one would figure it out.  
Her heart was pounding in her chest, making her blood flowing so fast to make her dizzy.  
But as soon as Marco got in and the door was locked behind him once again, all those thoughts evaporated in her mind.  
She immediately moved toward him, finding her place between his arms. Their lips found each other, and everything else disappeared.  
Their kiss was deep and hot, full of hunger and desire, almost desperate.  
Marco pushed her against the wall, pressing immediately his body against hers, and Emma had to gather all her self-control to resist the urge to moan.  
His body heat and scent surrounded her, penetrating through her skin, making her feel like she was drowning in that hug. Feeling like that was a mistake because now a kiss didn’t feel like it was enough; her body demanded more.  
Marco held her tight, his hands moved on her body, feeling, gripping as much of her as he could. She felt his palms on her skin through the thin material of her dress. All of a sudden, her body became like some molding material of some kind, and he was like an artisan, giving shape to his creation.  
Emma wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tightly holding on to his body, standing on the tips of her toes to gain some inches of height and reach for him. And if he didn’t have his hair tied up, she would most definitely submerge her hands through those dark-gold locks.   
One of Marco’s arms surrounded her waist, holding her closer, so their hips would perfectly fit together and in that position, she was slightly leaning, just her upper back and shoulders were pressed on the cold tiles of the wall behind her. His other hand quickly moved over and under the edge of her dress.  
As soon as she felt his fingers running against the bare skin of her thigh, her whole being trembled and a wave of pleasure invaded her body, together with a deeper hunger, something that made her core even hurt. She wanted him, she needed him.  
Emma felt totally inebriated by the flavor of his tongue, by the feeling of that kiss, and of his body surrounding her.   
This time, she didn’t even try to hold a soft moan, while Marco’s hand found his way to her bottom, tightly gripping on her soft flesh.  
One step further and she knew she would lose herself in there. One step further and she knew, she wouldn’t be able to control her thirst for her own – or his – pleasure.  
Gathering all her strength, Emma placed both of her hands in the middle of his chest, then she gently pushed him away, breaking that kiss.   
For a moment, she kept her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath and reorganize her thoughts. Not that Marco actually let her go, he didn’t seem so inclined in moving even an inch.  
And that was still so incredibly close, so incredibly tempting.  
Emma raised her eyes in his, losing a second or two just to look into his bright irises, absorbing all the desire she could. His lips were puffed up, wet and bright red, just half-closed, enough so she could still see the tip of his tongue, feel the flavor of his breath on her tongue. Enough to make her almost lose it completely.  
“I think… That… That’s enough.”  
“Is it though?”  
“No.”  
Marco smirked, leaning closer to her, somehow his hug was now even tighter. Somehow, she felt his hands, his arms, holding directly her soul.   
“I could give you what you want. I could…”  
Emma ran immediately her hand to his face, pressing her fingers on his lips, to shush him before he would say anything that she would have died for him to do. “I know you can. I don’t have any doubt about it. But not here.”  
He sighed, pushing his forehead against hers, under the palm of her hand, she could feel his chest vibrating; with her entire body, she could feel his vibrate. “Why is this so hard? Why it’s so tempting? I never arrived at this point before. Willing to fuck someone in a public toilet.”  
His words gave her such a violent shiver that crossed her spine, directly finding its way into her low abdomen, making her craving his touch, his body.  
“Marco…”  
At first, that was everything she had to say: the whisper of an invocation. “Me neither. We need to learn to control ourselves…”  
He chuckled, nodding and just then he let her go, stepping back in the narrow space they were in. “Easier said than done.”   
The further away he would get, the colder her skin would be, and she started feeling like she lost something.  
Huffing, as if taking in a big breath would actually help in any way, Emma cleared her voice and fixed her dress and hair. Then, she picked her bag up and heisted just a second before exiting, knowing it was the right thing to do, knowing that if they remained there… They would have risked too many troubles. And yet, it felt like it was something so hard to do.  
Once outside, she felt like she needed air and space.   
Her skin felt cold and yet like she was sweating, and Emma had the impression to have a huge sign on her front and back, explicitly saying what just happened in that restroom.  
Yet, she didn’t feel guilty at all, there was even a warm smile curving her lips, lighting up her blushing expression.  
She waited by the door, outside, enjoying feeling the warm touch of the Sun and the cool breeze brushing on her skin, giving her a break from feeling Marco’s hands on her, from craving his touch.  
Feeling the need to fill her mind up, Emma put her focus on rolling up a cigarette, figuring that putting her hands in use for something could help her shaking need to touch.  
Actually, her entire body was shaking, voraciously vibrating under pressure that Emma knew she needed to suffocate – immediately.   
But she kind of knew it would have just been worse and worse going forward with the day; now she had to deal just with her attraction for Marco, but in a while, Alex would join the party and Emma wasn’t at all prepared.   
She lit her cigarette, starting to walk up and down, giving false hope to herself, thinking it could actually help.  
Finally, Marco followed up. Jumping out from the coffee shop front door, their eyes immediately crossed and both of them hesitated for a second, in that look.   
There was such a warmth, such a connection, between them, that once more Emma was grateful no one was paying attention to them.   
Marco smiled to her, leaning his head on the side, and if she felt a bit nervous before, now, all of that seemed to melt away. She smiled back, nodding toward him.  
“C’mon, let’s go. I need to move.”  
“Oh! Do you now?”  
“I do! I really do.”  
She wasn’t any less fidgety, which was the main reason why she started walking away without waiting up for Marco, expecting he would follow anyway.   
And he did; since his legs were much longer than hers, it didn’t even take him any time or much energy.  
Once by her side, Marco stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and, once more, hesitated.   
Emma could almost hear him holding his breath. So, she raised her eyes to him, to investigate his expression, curious about what he wanted to say.   
There was not much to see, if not the fact that his lips were sealed in a little smile and he seemed to try his best to look in front of them, on path crossing the park. Yet, Emma’s body trembled anyway, and she regretted almost immediately looking at him.  
“Are you ok?”   
Marco asked, just a second before following her example and lit himself a cigarette.   
Emma had to look away, not managing to wrap her head around why he was so handsome, why, all of a sudden, anything he would do seemed so sexy.   
She shook her shoulders first, then her head – as if that could actually help anything – just after that, she went back looking at him, this time finding his eyes and smile waiting for her.  
A timid smile curved her lips, but she still felt uneasy, her skin was still burning, and not because of the Sun.   
“More or less… I’m just a bit startled, that’s all. That was…”  
“…That was hot.”  
Marco finished her sentence and there weren’t many other words to describe those few minutes they spent in that toilet just a moment ago, but hot. Both in a positive and negative kind of way.  
“It was. Definitely it was.”  
“Yeah. But, I understand how you feel; me too. We just need to get used to it, I guess…”  
“It’s just… I don’t know, not having freedom kind of makes it worse, for me.”  
“Yes. Yes, I know. It’s bad for me too…”  
“I’m sorry it has to be like this.”  
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”  
“No, it’s not. But it’s still unfair…”  
“We’ll get used to it. It’s going to be a matter of… Training, I guess?”  
“Perhaps. Still, it’s like this now… And later on, with Alex, I’m pretty sure I’ll explode.”  
“I’m pretty sure that once we’ll be behind closed doors, many things will be easier. Also, I’m pretty sure Alex and I can manage, and take care of you.”  
And hearing those words made her almost tip over.   
Immediately her head filled up with such sweet and terrible fantasies… Something that Emma was desperately trying to suppress and hide, just because she would have loved to stop being as horny as she was.   
At the same time, her entire body seemed to burst up in flames, her skin seemed to be too tight, her blood was running too fast, she could feel her heart beating in her throat, and her abdomen was hurting. All of her was now dominated by a wild desire that she could not control.  
“Yeah. Yeah… That is also a problem. For me. Now.”  
“Why?”  
“I’m… Trying to control myself, here. And believe me, thinking about being with the two men I love it’s… I need some water. Or a cold shower.”  
She was burning up by a heat that could not be extinguished, like her thirst.  
“Oh, I see. Sorry. I thought it would help.”  
Emma paused for a second, taking a moment to think, to try to get her control back, and even if she was more than a bit shook, a smile grew on her lips, and with it, also the warmth inside of her – that time, she didn’t try to hide it.   
She moved toward Marco, brushing her arm against his. “You did. I appreciate it, I really do. I love the way you’re taking this. I’m… Grateful.”  
Marco stopped and gently grabbing her arm, made Emma stop with him. He moved his hand, softly pushing her chin up with his index, so their eyes would be chained to each other. “Don’t be grateful. This isn’t something I want to hear you say thank you for.”  
“You know what I mean.”  
Her voice was now a whisper, and her breath was cut short by the sudden severity of his expression.   
Marco shook his head. “No, my love. This is the least I can do, compared to what I would do, for you. Do not thank me, like I’m making you a favor, because I’m not. I’m not allowing you do to something; you are not the one who needs to be thankful or grateful. I am the one. I am grateful to you.”  
“Why are you so serious all of a sudden?”  
“Because this is important.”  
She felt her heart-melting, her entire being getting lost in his eyes, and in that love and respect, she could see through them.   
“You’re making it very hard, for me, to resist the urge to kiss you, you know?”  
“I do my best.”  
Finally, his expression broke in a smirk, and Emma felt pulled toward him, absolutely not able to resist that sudden need to be close to him.   
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face on his chest, and held him tight. “I’m just saying I’m a lucky girl.”  
Marco hugged her and leaned his head, kissing her forehead. “That, absolutely.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

Alex’s apartment was filled up with chattering and giggles, mixed with some background music, while the air still carried the soft scent of the dinner the three of them cooked and ate.  
The atmosphere was absolutely balanced between tranquil and pleasant.  
“No! No! That’s absolutely not how it went!”  
Both Alex and Marco were laughing loudly, while the first was pointing his index toward the other. Both were trying to cover what the other was saying with their voices, chuckling between words.  
And Emma was absolutely confused, now, on the topic. But, also, for some reason, that was also something that was making her laugh, maybe a bit too much – but for that, she gave responsibility to the amount of wine she drunk already.  
They were all always laughing, that evening, there wasn’t a single moment, it didn’t feel or looked like they were just happy and enjoying each other company.  
It didn’t take any time at all, for the three of them to get used being together, and together.   
And if Emma was a bit unsure at the beginning, that feeling very soon melted away, leaving her unafraid to have fun, to flirt with both Alex and Marco, to get their attention, to enjoy what, basically, was a date.  
It definitely looked and felt surreal, just because Emma wasn’t sure what was to come. Her biggest fear was that they would have all fallen into a catastrophic awkwardness that would have ruined everything.   
Instead, the reality they all met, that evening, was something amazing.  
There were joy, intimacy, and closeness, they were all warm and flirty and none of them really needed any kind of kick or anything. Everything naturally flowed between them as friends and as partners.   
And Emma couldn’t be happier.   
She was astonished, pleasantly in a state of complete bliss, every time Alex and Marco would joke with each other, or do anything with each other, or even flirt – because they would, every now and then. That feeling just became more wholesome every time she would happen to be between one or the other’s arms, or kissing them, without noticing any sort of envy or jealousy in the other eyes.   
That was exactly what she wanted, what she hoped for.   
Emma just oozed joy and love, she felt like she found her place, she felt home.   
Chuckling himself, Marco pushed away Alex’s hand, shaking his head. “Oh, no? How did it go then?”  
They were all a bit tipsy, at that point.  
Emma, Marco, and Alex were sitting on the carpet, on the floor, by the sofa. Between them, there was a recently opened bottle of red wine which they were enjoying, together with random chats and jokes.  
Sometime earlier, Emma decided to embrace her feeling seventeen again and suggested to play a version of truth or dare, and none of them thought it would be a bad idea.   
Up to that point, there were a lot of truths and maybe a couple of dares, which were always kisses, which, no one seemed to mind and surely not Emma.  
“So, Emma, Emma, babe, listen to me. Don’t listen to him.”  
Alex shifted toward her and gently took her face between his palms, so she would look at him.   
Just to that simple touch, Emma gasped and, even if, for just a second, she held her breath, completely losing focus and clarity just by having Alex that close.  
His expression looked so incredibly overdramatic, which was probably making the whole situation even more hilarious.   
At that point, she didn’t even care to know that truth that was owed to her, she was way more curious in that new unraveling of events, stories, and pranks.  
Their eyes met immediately and Emma lost even more concentration in those now extremely blue irises.   
“Ok, how did it go, then? I want the truth! If not, this is not a fair game!”  
Marco giggled, behind her. “It’s not a fair game, to begin with!”  
“So, I swear on my honor, I do not remember anything about that night. But I’m pretty sure the police weren’t actually involved!”  
“What?! Are you stupid? Jordan and my brother called them!”  
“Are you sure?!”  
“Yeah, I am fucking sure! I was there and it was incredibly funny.”  
“I… I was a bit drunk, ok?!”  
Emma just started laughing, at that point, not even knowing what was so funny, but sure about being inebriated by the situation and the wine.   
Marco followed in that laugh, leaning towards Alex giving him a push. “Did you forget the point of the game? If you choose truth, you’re supposed to say the truth!”  
“I was, man! I was saying the truth for myself!”  
“You… Oh my God.”  
“A this point, I just want to know why the police were involved!”  
And because apparently Alex didn’t remember about it, Emma turned to Marco to have her curiosity filled in, to which point he just answered with a laugh, shaking his head. “There was no particular reason. My brother and Jordan thought it would be super funny, when in fact it wasn’t and after we had to apologize to so many people!”  
“I see. Well, anyway, you two are so terrible to play with, I swear to God!”  
Emma sighed, exasperated but also, she could not really lie, they could have told her anything and she would still be amused and feeling like she was walking on clouds.  
So, she opened her arms between the two, like she was trying to stop that silly argument, both of her palms touched their chests. Even such a small contact, something so innocent, made her entire being tremble.  
And she was trying to control herself. Big time. For sure, it didn’t help at all being so damn attracted to both of those guys by her side.  
Even if Emma tried to be serious, and she obtained Alex and Marco’s silence, after not even a second, she broke under a laugh.  
“So, because you have been so terrible at truth just now, then I get another round.”  
Emma gave Alex a smart look, while reached for the bottle of wine, to drink another sip.  
As soon as the wine went down her throat, with its particular rich taste, Emma felt like all of a sudden she needed to move, change position. And to that sudden need, she didn’t oppose, neither paid too much attention.  
Therefore, Emma just shifted and hopped on Alex’s lap, a gesture that caught his attention – and Marco’s – definitely more than her words.  
He placed his hands on her hips and looked up at her face, not bothering to move from his comfortable position against the sofa behind him. His eyes immediately sparkled while his full lips curved into a warm and wide smile.   
When Alex gave a look to Marco, Emma followed his eyes and met Marco’s. He looked almost enraptured; his eyes were brightened of strange curiosity. And when Marco’s crossed Alex’s gaze, he reflected Alex’s expression with a complicit smirk.   
“Ok. You get another round.”  
Alex raised back his eyes to her, nodding.   
She felt a shiver crossing her spine, now suddenly seeing such hunger in both their pair of eyes.  
Definitely, now she needed to distract herself. Definitely.   
And while she pretended to think what to ask next, when actually she was just trying to control that crazy libido that seemed to control her from the whole day, Marco moved closer to them, making her attempts fail completely.  
She just wanted to lean forward and kiss Alex, and then kiss Marco. And then… Do way more than just playing truth or dare.  
Emma gave both of them a look, just a second before focusing on Alex, again trying to think, to focus, to push any fantasy off her mind.  
“Ok, so, do you want another truth?”  
“Why not? What would be my dare anyway?!”  
There was a provocative note to his words and mixed in his smirk, but Emma didn’t have any intention to fall for it.   
Especially because there was just one dare she could think about, right now, having both Marco and Alex in front of her…  
“Truth then.”  
“Ok, truth.”  
And so she found herself really thinking about what to ask.  
She wanted a serious question. Something important. Something that would let her know Alex better.   
Something that she didn’t know already.   
“I want to know...”  
She paused a couple of seconds, thinking about what she wanted to say. “Ok! I want to know how your fame affected your life!”  
Fame.  
She didn’t know anything about fame. But surely, she didn’t know that aspect of him. She knew him as Alex, just Alex – as Marco, is just Marco.   
“What? Really? But it’s a boring question!”  
“It’s not boring for me!”  
She kind of immediately regretted asking, thinking that maybe there could have been something way more interesting to ask, in that situation – maybe, something she would have wanted to know more… But surely, something like the perfect question would have popped in her head randomly when she wouldn’t need it anymore.  
Alex let his head fall backward, against the sofa and closed his eyes, sighing. His grip on her hips became a bit tighter and while she waited for him to talk, she turned to Marco, exchanging a gaze with him.  
“Fame it’s a weird thing. It’s something you wish to have for a long time… And then, if you’re lucky, it happens and, after a while, you kind of start hoping you could put it on hold.”  
“You don’t like it?”  
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m surely grateful and now I have so many more possibilities… Plus, money is really a huge, unforgettable con… But, you know, nothing of my life is really a secret, unless I’m super careful with it, and is not just me, but everyone around me and, you know, it can eat you alive if you’re not careful.”  
He made a little pause, looking first at Emma, but then he turned over to Marco, hesitating for a moment.  
“What can I say. At first, I became a bit of an ass. I never had that much visibility, money, followers on social, people knew me around the World, I was acting in a big show, with big names, in a big role, it was… Something that made me think I could do anything and it almost made me forget about what’s really important in life, also, it made me forget about myself.   
But I was still an asshole, I was with my family and closest friends.   
Then there was staying over in Dublin, that kind of made it worse. It’s a big city, huge, compared to Copenhagen, and besides, people are different here.”  
Emma didn’t intervene or stop him in any way, but she could so clearly see his uncertainty and… Maybe it was shame, hidden in the back of his eyes. So, she just tried her best to show support and affection as she could. Emma moved one of her hands on his chest, on top of his heart, giving him such a clear sign that didn’t need any words.  
Because she knew him, she knew how genuine and lovable he was, how great of a person Alex was. And it didn’t matter if there was still so much she could discover about him… There were so many reasons why she fell in love with him and one of those was surely how beautiful his heart was.  
“I was lucky, in the end, because nor my family or my friends left me, they actually helped me realize what was going on, and they gave me the chance to apologize and change.”  
Emma nodded, her lips curved in a timid smile. Her heart was squeezed in the emotions she could feel and see printed on his face and she just felt the strong need to hug him.  
She surely could not say she understood him and what he went through, but she could still feel that bitter pain hidden between his words.   
Moving her hands to his face, gently scooping his jaw in her palms, Emma leaned closer, now smiling more, with more conviction.   
Emma gave him a soft kiss and then rubbed the tip of her nose against his.   
“Now, he is a great chap though!”  
Marco chuckled, giving Alex a little push, while Emma sat back straight.   
The two exchanged a look, which took Emma's attention to Marco for a moment, who had a smart smirk for Alex and then a softer smirk for her.  
“Did I lose points with this truth?”  
Besides the real meaning of Alex’s question, it didn’t seem like he was concerned. In fact, with the smile he offered her, biting his bottom lip, and the way his blue-greyish eyes were looking at her, it looked more like that was a trick question.  
Emma shook her head and before to answer, she exchanged a complicit look with Marco.   
“I’m not answering that.”  
“What? Why?”  
“Because! Don’t you worry, you’re fine!”  
Before Alex could continue with his investigation, Emma turned to Marco. “And… What about you?”  
“Me? Oh, different story for me.”  
“I want to know!”  
Marco chuckled, shaking his head, then, he found a more comfortable position by Alex’s side before he started talking  
“First of all, I was already a bit known in Denmark, because I started acting on its TV when I was very young, but… Fame in Denmark is different, people in Denmark are different.  
For Worldwide fame, I wasn’t hit as strongly as Mr. Andersen, here. My role was a bit smaller, especially at the beginning. But it was still something I absolutely wasn’t used to, not to such a degree, and disliked quite a lot.   
I mean, I am grateful, and I want to pursue this career, but you know me, I’m a simple, awkward, shy and quiet boy, I don’t like so much attention…”  
“Quiet my ass, man! Once you start you never stop talking!”  
“Me?! You’re the one that never shuts up!”  
“Aright, alright, whatever…”  
Alex dropped it with a smile printed on his face, letting Marco going on with his story.  
“So, moving from Copenhagen to here was… Hard, I’ll be honest.”  
“What’s so different? I mean, besides of course being your home country and all of that?”  
“Oh, people are different, man. Everyone is so much more polite, even with strangers. Danes, we mind our own busyness, you know?”  
“Oh? Do you now?”  
“Oh, yes, we do! They teach this kind of shit to us!”  
“Yeah, that’s true. Everyone minds their own business. There is not much gossip o speculation going on either! I mean, of course, there is, but like, not the heavy type. It’s always… Respectful gossip? Is that a thing?”  
Alex, after intervening, looked back a Marco while saying those words.   
And for a moment, Emma didn’t even care about the words themselves but… She just got distracted by their close complicity.  
“Yes, I guess? Like… Whatever gets published or said, out there, it’s never really scandalous. Fuck me, I’m pretty sure that if something really big about our famous people comes up, someone would call them to ask permission, before to broadcast that shit, you know?”  
Marco was giggling at his own hypothetical words, and Alex followed straight after with a laugh, nodding towards him and answering with something on the lines of that same joke.  
But Emma wasn’t listening, her focus was on something else now, her thoughts, all concentrated on that picture on Denmark, the idea of that country, getting build up in her mind.  
“Ah, I miss Denmark.”  
“Yeah, me too.”  
Back to the conversation, Emma looked first at Marco, then Alex. Again, she could not understand what they meant or felt about the topic, but she noticed the feeling enlightening their eyes with the same exact shade: it was melancholy.  
She never felt that feeling for a place in particular. Surely it’s been years she didn’t connect anywhere in particular, but even before, when she was younger, she never happened to live far away from where she considered home.  
Once, that was Portsmouth, the city where she grew up in England. It was a familiar place, dear to her, where she had all her favorites spots; her favorite pub to hang out with friends, her favorite park, her favorite shops and coffee shops, her favorite beach corner. Her high school was there, all the people she knew were people she grew up with. There where she grew up, with all her memories connected to her teen years.  
And even if it took a while, Emma realized why she did feel attached to that city; it wasn’t the place itself, it was her parents being there and her friends, it was the memories.  
But after her parents passed away, that place completely lost that feeling that kept her heart connected to it.  
Now, for obvious reasons, with everything that came after, Emma despised that place and any memory of it.   
But, also, it did hurt a bit, inside, that feeling of not having a place she considered home, a place where her roots were planted.  
And she knew, by now, that for both Marco and Alex the situation was very different; they were very attached to Denmark, but, most importantly, they were very close to their families.  
And she was attached to them.  
“Would you like to move back there, one day? I mean… Is it… In your plans?”  
That question rolled out without her thinking about it.   
Her thoughts became words and came out of her mouth without her even realizing it.  
But her curiosity was honest.  
She never had the chance to make any kind of plans for the future with Alex – thinking their relationship was still too green for that.   
While with Marco, their plans were always so hypothetical, there, up in the air, like dreams that didn’t have a chance to become real. Many times, he promised her he wanted to bring her there, to Denmark, show her where he came from… But that kind of talk never made sense for her, she never thought he meant it. Of course, now, it all had a different meaning.  
And she was starting to give them hope. Thinking that she was entitled to wonder and dare to be in their future. But, at the same time, that was scary.   
Both Alex and Marco gave each other a look and she could almost see them communicate with each other without any word.  
Marco was the first one to turn over, facing her, and nodded. “I would. My family is there, I miss them. Denmark's lifestyle is way closer to me. Plus, I already had some job offers over there. So, yes.”  
He sounded so sure and Emma didn’t blame him, just, his words took her mind to a weird place, where she found herself wondering if… It was time, for her, to learn more about that Scandinavian country.  
But she almost immediately stopped herself, also realizing she might be overstepping.  
Emma wasn’t aware of the fact that she was the one chaining herself, stopping herself even from thinking – she was the one placing unsure thoughts in her own mind.  
And even if that new topic – or better, her thoughts on the matter, scared her, the idea of living away from Marco did hurt.  
“Yeah… Me too. Maybe, not now, I think as soon as Vikings shooting is going to be done, by December, then I’d like to take some time to travel. But, surely in the future, yes.”  
It took her a second to feel like she was crumbling, getting in her own head, and disappearing.   
Looking at them, with their careers and ideas for the future, with their plans… And then there was her, who never thought planning was anything important because the future always was super uncertain.  
Not now. Now it was different. Now she wanted to have a plan, she wanted to have a direction.   
Most importantly, she wanted to be in their plans.  
But, once again, she didn’t speak up on those thoughts.  
“Well, that would be nice, if that’s your home.”  
Her voice sounded just a tiny bit heavier, but Emma tried her best to hide her worries behind a huge smile, hoping they wouldn’t notice her sudden worries.  
Alex’s face lightened up with a sudden light, and a smile grew on his lips. He even sat up, like all of a sudden that new idea that popped in his mind gave him a shot of energy.  
“We should bring you to Copenhagen though, I’m super sure you would love it!”  
Marco seemed moved by the same sudden energy, nodding to Alex’s suggestion. “Absolutely! Besides, it’s been forever that I promised you that!”  
Emma’s body and mind started to warm up under the gazes Alex and Marco were giving her, with their big smiles.   
It felt like a dark cloud was silently leaving her thoughts, giving her a break from all of that self-doubt that suddenly took her hostage.   
That was the moment she realized she got caught into her head, that her anxiety plaid her again, making her doubt about things… Even if she didn’t need to.   
There was no reason to doubt about Alex and Marco because they loved her and she loved them.   
Yes, their one was a green relationship, especially on the polyamorous side of it – but the feelings were there.  
She blushed and a smile grew on her face, while she just sat there, looking at the two guys dive into a new type of conversation, while her mind was all of a sudden light and empty.  
“There will be plenty of occasions when we could all go, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure between July and August we’ve got some interviews on together!”  
“There you go! We could pick any time around those occasions!”  
“Then, we definitely should go on holiday together too! What do you think?”  
Emma’s attention got dragged back into the conversation when Alex turned to her.   
And at that point, she didn’t know what to say. Words and thoughts got stuck somewhere, not functioning anymore…   
She felt like she was caught off guard, being enchanted by them and those possibilities.  
Her mind, now, jumped somewhere else once more, this time, in a place where Emma was allowed to fantasize. Her stomach tingled with adrenaline and energy, just with the idea of sharing new moments, new adventures with them.   
She was just genuinely happy. And every time a new shot of joy would explode inside of her, Emma would get so surprised.  
“I… I think that I have loads of accumulated holiday days!”  
Both Marco and Alex, then, laughed and Alex wrapped his arms around her pulling closer to give her a kiss.  
Emma had to admit she felt incredibly startled by that point.   
A moment she felt unsure about everything and the one after they were talking about some more serious business, like… Holidays together.  
As soon as Alex moved back, Emma cleared her voice, placing one of her hands on his shoulder, and moving the other towards Marco’s.   
She took a deep breath, trying to calm down all those crowded feelings inside of her, trying to find a little bit of concentration.   
“Hey, before all of that, though, we need to talk.”  
“Oh-oh…”  
“That never sounds good!”  
“Ah, stop it, it’s nothing bad it’s just… I think we should start to place some kind of rules…”  
“Rules?”  
Both Marco and Alex looked at each other, now a bit confused.   
“Right. What I mean is that… Maybe, what I want it might be different from what you guys want and… This is not a regular relationship, it’s, you know, unique so… There should be rules!”  
“What kind of rules are we talking about?”  
“I… Ok, maybe rules it’s a horrible word to use. But I just want to make sure we’ll be all on board and…”  
There she was again, getting in her head, swamped by her own worries.   
“Ok. I understand what you mean, but I also think the only way to achieve a healthy relationship, like any relationship, it’s not with rules, really… But communication. We just need to speak our minds and be honest with each other, that’s it!”  
Marco just nodded to those Alex’s words, but even if he didn’t say anything, what he meant was clearly on the same line.   
Emma took a deep breath, then sighed. “Right, ok… It’s just… It looks and feels so easy, I don’t…”  
“Hey.”  
Marco moved closer to her and at that point, she was very close to both of them, like never before and besides the topic, a shiver crossed her spine.   
“Don’t get in your head. We love you. A relationship must be easy, ok?”  
She was too new to that kind of thing, to know exactly how it worked.  
She knew what movies, tv-series, and books would proclaim about it, and she just recently started to understand how a healthy relationship is supposed to work.  
It took her long enough, to trust Alex on the matter. And Marco… He certainly wasn’t a stranger, she didn’t have to learn to trust him, but she had to learn to come to terms with her feelings for both.  
And everything in that poly situation was absolutely new to her, everything starting from her love and attraction for two different men to things like being proud and confident in it.  
Emma smiled a bit, first to Marco and then to Alex. Besides her uncertainty or her fears, she didn’t need to learn that both of them would always be in her corner, supporting her; that she knew.  
“Ok, I guess. But then, let me say this: we should date. We should all go out, together, and… You know, get used to it.”  
“That, I think, is a good idea!”  
“Yeah? Really?”  
Emma’s entire face seemed to get brighter and full of a new light, while a smile widened on her lips, looking at the two guys.   
They looked briefly at each other, just a second before nodding almost in synchro.  
“Are you sure? Like…”  
“Emma.”  
Marco's voice was bent under such a sweet tone, while he raised his hand to her face, gently caressing her cheek. She looked at his eyes moving on her features for that fraction of second his fingers indulged on her jawline. “What do you want, uhm? How do you imagine this relationship being? Stop thinking just about what we want. Because we are clearly ok, with whatever you want.”  
“I… I want us, together. I… I read of people who rather keep their different relationships separated but I… I don’t want that.”  
“No. And that’s ok. I don’t want that either.”  
“I’m pretty sure there’s no point, for us, to keep things separated, I mean, I think we are all agreeing on that.”  
Alex looked at Emma first and then at Marco. All of them had a moment where they just looked at each other, silently and finally agreeing on that point.  
Emma was absolutely unsure about how she could feel so light, carefree and cheerful, and at the same time, so worried about everything.  
But, there and then, she also decided she didn’t want to care that much about all those worries that she herself was putting in her own mind.  
So, she nodded and then leaned first towards Marco, then Alex, kissing both of them.  
“Right, ok, that’s it, I don’t want serious talk anymore!”  
Both the guys laughed at her words and nodded, in agreement, while Emma decided to get up.   
Even if she was perfectly comfortable where she was sitting, maybe, even too comfortable. At that point, she really wanted to have control and avoid the point in which she would just melt between those guys' arms.  
“No, let’s go on with that stupid game! But, from now on, just silly questions are allowed.”  
“That is absolutely fine to me too.”  
“And me!”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey strangers!  
> I took a VERY LONG break from this FF... Not on purpose, but after I knew it, a month passed by and I didn't write a word. And so I thought to drop the project...   
> But apparently, that decision was just temporary!   
> So, for whom's following, enjoy!

That morning felt chaotic. There weren’t any other words Emma could think of, to describe it.   
But in a good way.  
The chaos that a wine hangover could give. The chaos of waking up and not exactly remembering when she went to sleep - or where. Immediately followed by the chaos of waking up in a messy intertwine of several arms and legs and a load of naked skin.   
It was immediate panic, but that bouncy feeling vibrating under her skin was also immediately soothed by the same exact reason that caused it.   
The warmth of the hug she woke up to, and was tangled in, was immense, leaving her there, laying between the two men she loved; unable and unwilling to move.  
Every nerve she had inside her body was liquefied, every thought disappeared.   
The chaos given by watching the two men she loved laying in different positions, with different sleeping faces, by her sides. The chaos of seeing them peacefully asleep and sharing the same bed. The chaos of the deep desire that moment gave her. The chaos of their soft snoring or rhythmic breathing. The chaos of the morning light, peaking through the blinders, dancing on their skin.  
The chaos of that sudden and pressing thought that something could have happened, and she could not remember.   
At that same second, Emma was up, leaving that warm nest that was way fuller of sweet promises, than the rest of the World.   
Just once she was on her feet, Emma realized she wasn’t as naked as she thought – and for some reason, she sighed in relief.   
Also, in her head banged the reminiscence of the wine she drunk, but her body wasn’t achy. Not sex achy. Not sex with two men achy.   
Yet, no sex pain didn’t necessarily mean that nothing happened. And for some reason, not remembering scared her.  
Which was the main reason why Emma covered herself with the first thing she found and bolted out of the bedroom, leaving the two.  
Then there was the chaos of the silence in the rest of the house.   
The chaos of the proofs they left behind of their little party. The chaos of some images and memories coming back, flashing her mind with laughs and chats and jokes.   
The sequence in which Emma tried desperately to order and calm down her thoughts saw her grabbing her phone – to which she didn’t pay attention for a good fourteen hours, and she also realized it was way later in the day that what she initially thought – and finding a hiding spot in the kitchen.   
Emma made herself a cup of coffee and took a paracetamol, while causally checking her phone.  
There were several ignored messages, most of which from Susan, who firstly was checking in, then sent some memes, then got upset and right after pissed off, then worried, and her last message was, basically, a threat. And even if Emma knew that she had to apologize, she also smiled.   
Other messages came from the group of girls she and Susan followed kick-boxing with.   
Emma even started to check her email, reading through all that spam she received from all those sites she had a subscription with. As if that was interesting and important.  
After all of that, Emma decided to finally contact Susan. Not that in her text she explained much, but at least she said sorry.  
And in a matter of just a few texts, the two decided to meet for a coffee. Which, for Emma, sounded great.  
She almost felt like she wasn’t actually running away if she was busy doing… Something.  
The chaos of the mix between caffeine and aspirin, that didn’t really gave her any relief, but more precisely, made her buzz.  
At that point, she decided to clean up. Because putting her hands in use and have something to do was way better than stand there, tormenting her own mind in search of those damn memories, to know if something happened between her, Marco, and Alex… And she couldn’t remember any of it even trying as hard as she was.  
Then there was the chaos of muffled voices and soft laughs, coming from the bedroom. A sound that made her stop functioning and doing anything she was doing, a sound that was so powerful, to melt her heart, to make her soul and body tremble and shake.   
Almost immediately followed by the chaos of her forgetting about everything else and following those voices.  
Because, besides the panic, Emma could not resist the idea of seeing them.  
But, she was still embarrassed, in some unexplained way, she felt even a bit shy. So, she hid her need to see them and interact with them, and that desire to see how would they look, waking up in the same bed, behind the stupid excuse of needing a shower and being in a hurry.  
Even if there was no hurry. She had a lot of time to get ready.  
The bathroom was where she was still hiding.   
During her shower, she spent some time investigating her own body, looking for marks that could mean… That something happened, but she didn’t find anything. And part of her was even disappointed.  
After the shower, she just stood there, for a good couple of minutes, looking at her own fogged reflection hidden under a coat of steam on the mirror, enjoying that feeling of freshness and rebirth the shower gave her, and for a moment, Emma managed to forget the chaos and the panic.  
A smile even peaked on her lips, while she held herself in her big and soft towel.  
Because she really didn’t reject the idea of something happening between the three of them or spending the night together – whatever that was. She wasn’t happy with the confusion associated with that.  
She didn’t like not remembering.   
She didn’t like not being sure.   
Emma brushed her teeth, washing away the bitter taste of coffee and alcohol.  
Then, again, she just stood there, looking through the mirror while the imagine of the looking-back girl became more and more defined.   
And she realized she made the mistake of leaving her make-up bag home. She really felt the need to cover her hangover face – even if it wasn’t her face, much of the problem.   
The longer she would go on, wrapping her head around last night, the worse she would feel.   
It absolutely didn’t help to hear that low chattering from the other side of the door. Because she just wanted to fall back into that bed, attracted to the two occupants like a magnet.  
And yet… For some reason, she also felt like lots happened very fast.  
“Love? Are you ok?”  
Emma gasped and almost jumped, hearing Alex’s voice calling. There was something, in his voice when he was just awake, that she loved, and even if she felt petrified, a thrill also ran through her spine, making her shiver.   
“I’m good!”  
Not that it wasn’t true… But also, Emma was hiding in the bathroom for long enough to be awkward… Or meaning that she might be sick.   
So, she finally decided to get out, taking a deep breath. She found herself hesitating, with her hand on the handle, and she had to gather her courage, to do that final step.  
And then, there they were. Both still in bed. Both made her heart melt on the spot.  
Again, Emma's sight was hit by the sweet and terrible amount of uncovered skin of their way too perfects bodies.   
Alex was comfortably sitting with his back to the headboard, surrounded by pillows. His golden skin was kissed by the late morning sunlight, coming from the now opened windows. That view, alone, was enough to make her throat go completely dry.  
His long dark hair fell on his shoulders in such a way to make her almost lose her mind, forget about everything and jump back onto that bad just to dive her hands through those thick, brown locks.   
Not to talk about the smile he had, welcoming her. Wide and gorgeous, rich in such a light that also shined through his eyes.   
Nobody should be that handsome, that sexy and, at the same time, surpassingly be hangover-ish.   
The same thought was for Marco, as soon as her eyes laid on him.  
Sat almost in the same position as Alex, he had even more skin uncovered and Emma thought, at that point, it couldn’t get any harder to resist the urge to jump back where she came from – and from where she was also desperately trying to escape.  
His blonde hair was lose too, on his shoulders – longer than Alex’s. And like the other, he too had such a big smile, waiting for her.   
Again, Emma felt another shiver crossing her spine and, this time, it brought a warm wave of Goosebumps all over her body, covering her like a blanket. And without even realizing, Emma violently blushed, looking at them, laying there, being so natural and casual, phones in their hands like… That was such a normal, daily routine, to wake up like that.  
“Good morning sunshine!”  
“Good morning babe!”  
Emma was still undeniably frozen into her pose but tried her best to smile back at them – kind of failing. “Hi!”  
And then she bolted in the corner of the room where she left her backpack and change of clothes.   
“Are you ok?”  
Marco’s voice made her skin shiver once more, and she almost felt it stroking her, together with feeling both their pair of eyes on herself.   
Her mind filled up with possible answers and questions, possible things to say, and…  
But that sense of chaos and panic was bigger than her thoughts, bigger than everything, making her almost explode.   
“I’m good. Why shouldn’t I be?”  
She didn’t look at them, she just pretended to be so busy rummaging in her backpack.  
And the feeling of those looks just became heavier on her back.   
“I don’t know…”  
“Yeah, you don’t look that good. Did something happened?”  
“Yeah, did we do something wrong?”  
All of a sudden Emma stopped, her whole body froze, once again and she felt like she was stuck there, nailed to the ground by their eyes and words and sweetness and concern and everything else.   
She felt guilty because once again she was behaving in that way. Not thinking straight, not following other feelings but her panic that was shouting to her to start running.   
Even if, deep down, Emma didn’t want to run. She didn’t have any reason to. She knew she was in a safe place.  
So she turned over, looking at them with such a seriousness drawn on her face, which, though, was watered down by a little pout.   
She took a deep breath, trying not to get distracted by that sight once more. “Did…”  
The words died in her throat almost immediately and she had to rethink it. Or try and find more breath to pull her question out.   
“…Did something happen? Last night? Between… Us?”  
She didn’t even care, at that point, on how broken that sentence could be. And if she regretted speaking as soon as the words came out her mouth, she could not do anything to stop them whatsoever.  
She even raised her hand, pointing her finger to herself and Alex and Marco in an imaginary circle that was supposed to connect them.  
The two looked at each other for a second, and Emma could see the hesitation and the doubt on their faces, clear as day.   
“What do you mean?”  
“You don’t remember?”  
First Alex, then Marco, their eyes were back on her.  
Chaos. Panic. Emma felt like those feelings were crushing her, vibrating under her skin, almost as if she was a bomb ready to detonate.   
“No, I don’t remember!”  
A wave of pride, anger, shame, guilt, and anxiety hit her violently and at that point, Emma lost that tiny bit of control she barely managed to hold since she woke up.  
She raised her voice and even stomped her foot on the floor. Her eyes jumped back and forth from Marco to Alex. “Did we have sex or… Anything?”  
Again, Emma stood there waiting for an answer.   
She felt mortified, not because of the nature of the question; it wasn’t the idea of having sex with them both that gave her problems – but asking about it.  
She kind of hoped she could become smaller and smaller, to the point she would disappear completely from their gazes.   
Again, she looked at them turning to each other.   
Then, both of their expressions melted in a confident smirk. No, it wasn’t confidence, it was amusement.  
Alex slowly shook his head and a chuckle left his lips before he finally decided to talk. “No, we didn’t.”  
All of a sudden, her entire being melted.   
Emma felt a massive weight dropping from her chest and, for some reason, her hands became all of a sudden, playdough, making it very difficult to hold on to the clothes she was trying to grip.  
A sigh of relief immediately left her lungs, while she watched the two guys getting up and leaving the bed.  
Both of them weren’t as naked as Emma thought they would be – which was both another relief and a disappointment; both of them wearing boxers, as much as she was wearing her underwear.   
The sight, though, was more than good enough to make her catch fire immediately.   
She wasn’t sure she ever saw something as attractive, as sexy, as them two, slowly moving towards her in their underwear.  
Her heart started racing, jumping into her throat, and her blood boosted in her veins, flowing so fast it made her head spin and she could almost hear its sound in her ears.   
Besides the fact that she already saw both of them more naked than that, and besides the fact that she already was intimate with both of them, she still blushed violently.  
Alex was the closest and reached her first, standing in front of her, he raised a hand to her face, lightly caressing her jawline until he fixed her hair behind her ear.  
“Would have been such a terrible thing, if something happened?”  
His voice sounded like warm honey, while the deep warmth that she met, in his eyes, made her gasp.  
Marco reached behind her, his hands moved around her hips.  
At that point, being between them, Emma felt completely devoured by her desire – a hunger she didn’t have the time to focus on, before that point. And that now was aggressively pressing on her lower abdomen.  
“No, it wouldn’t have been…”  
She found the strength to whisper those words, while her body immediately melted and molded between them and their hands.  
Alex looked over her shoulder, and Emma was pretty sure he and Marco were looking at each other. A smile grew on his full lips and, somehow, Emma could feel Marco smile behind her.  
Alex got closer, enough so Emma didn’t even need to lean in to kiss him. And she could feel Marco’s breathing on the skin of her neck.   
“So, why are you this nervous?”  
It was Marco's voice to her ear, this time, which she felt sliding on her skin. Again, Emma felt breathless, but it wasn’t necessarily something uncomfortable. Just… There wasn’t anything that prepared her for this situation – ever.  
And it was so easy to fantasize.   
So easy, to imagine how their hands would feel, on her skin. As much as she could feel them now.   
So easy, to imagine their lips kissing her, kissing her skin.   
So easy, feeling the desire, the pleasure, echoing in her body, screaming for more.  
And it would have been so incredibly easy to get naked and forget about the world.  
Emma almost surrendered to that thought.   
She raised her free hand to Alex’s chest, caressing his skin up to his neck while pressing her body against Marco’s.  
“Nothing. I just wanted to remember if something like that happened.”  
She looked up at Alex, her eyes were bright, and her gaze was unequivocal on what she also meant.  
Emma felt both of them gasping and that made her almost moan.   
Alex leaned in for a kiss that was everything but innocent, in which Emma met the same kind of hunger he had, not really able to contain much more than what she already was trying to do. Certainly not enough to not kiss him back.  
Her body moved without her even realizing it. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and while she kissed his lips, Marco started kissing her neck, tracing a little path of kisses to her shoulder. Now, that made her moan.  
Emma could perfectly feel their bodies pressed against hers, but also it wasn’t enough, that towel, separating her bare skin with theirs was almost torture. She wanted more, way more. She wanted to feel every centimeter of their skin against hers, she wanted their muscles locked around her, she wanted to be held tight and have both of them, their bodies, their pleasure, their love.   
And at that point, she was so aroused, and she wanted them to satisfy her so much, that her entire body was hurting. Starting from her core and branching off to her fingertips, eager to touch their bodies.  
She wasn’t a selfish lover, but, in that specific situation, at that moment, she felt like she could be; willing to receive and enjoy their attention, with no intention whatsoever to stop.  
Not much was left at imagination on where all of that could have gone.  
It would have been so easy. Dropping her clothes. Dropping her towel. The bed was just a meter away. And Emma is so sure she would have been lost in such bliss, with those two men. Their lips, their hands, their hug was already doing the trick in making her forget about everything.   
Instead of letting herself go, though, even if her entire being was ready to, Emma suddenly froze.  
So, she gently pushed them away, not meeting any resistance from them while trying to slip away from that tremendously sweet hug.   
“No. Not now, we can’t now.”  
“Are you ok?”  
Pretty much all the three of them were out of breath and, under the concern, they both seemed to have now, Emma could see the warm desire in their eyes, as much as she supposed she had in her own.  
“Yes, I’m… I’m good, I’m…”  
Emma moved, so both of them would be in front of her and she could look both in the eyes.   
She took a deep breath, which didn’t help to calm her body down, or extinguish the fire that was consuming her, and neither it helped to gather around her thoughts… Which were pretty much still focused on the possibilities of having sex, and the pleasure she could have experienced.   
Emma had to look away, for a second, trying to focus her thoughts on something else that wasn’t sexual… Or…   
Fixing her towel, Emma took another deep breath before going back looking at them.  
She chuckled, trying to find the right words to say.  
“Ok... I really want this, like… I do want that… Something happens between the three of us. But not now.”  
Saying it, exhaling those words, made her feel both embarrassed and totally in control - powerful.   
Her words made both of them smile and they went back looking so confident, so handsome… And the desire, in their eyes, was so bright – and it was all hers.   
“Why not now?”  
“Because I need to go. I’m meeting Susan…”  
“Oh.”  
“Right.”  
The two looked at her, then at each other. Then they chuckled, and Marco cleared his voice, as if, all of a sudden, the idea of having a threesome made them feel a bit awkward. Now, everyone was blushing, falling into a semi-embarrassment.   
Emma cleared her voice and then pulled out a polite smile, nodding towards them.  
Then, she moved forward giving a quick kiss first to Marco and then to Alex, then, she moved around them, going back in the bathroom to dress up.   
Emma was perfectly aware of the fact that both Marco and Alex already saw her naked, more than once… And still, she felt a bit shy of her nudity – not in a sexual context, of course. And she felt weird about feeling uncomfortable.  
“So, then, what happened last night?”  
Asked Emma through the door, while sliding in her denim shorts.   
Alex’s voice was the first answering her question.  
“Uhm… We went out for a ciggy and when we came back you were asleep.”  
“You were so cute, actually, all curled up on the sofa. We almost thought to let you sleep there.”  
“You almost thought that! I didn’t!”  
“Well, whatever. So, we put you in bed and decided to join in.”  
By then Emma was dressed, so she opened the door finding them back where they were before. Both were laying on the bed with their phones in their hands, looking bored and serene.  
Her lips curled in a smirk looking at them. “Well, it’s been nice waking up between you two. Besides… The panic. But yeah.”  
There was peace in that view. In that shred of routine, in that spark of normality.   
Besides the chaos in her head when she woke up and the fact that she still very much was burning from the inside, the balance between them seemed to be so calm and harmonized, and Emma felt so whole just looking at them, just knowing they were there.   
Both smiled back at her words and then Alex decided to change the topic completely. “So, when are you meeting Susan?”  
“Uhm, I suppose in…”  
Emma checked the phone, realizing she was probably late, now. And she was. “…About thirty minutes.”  
Even if she knew it would take a bit longer to get where she needed to be, unless she jumped in a cab, but that, she didn’t say.  
Marco moved forward, shaking his head.  
“Do you want a ride there?”  
“I… I mean, no, it’s ok, I don’t really want to bother…”  
“Emma. You’re not bothering me.”  
But his words didn’t really help to shake off that feeling from her shoulders.   
“Ok, that would be nice.”  
Alex sat up straight, giving both of them a look but in the end, his eyes lingered on Emma. “So, when is it good enough to ask you guys out for another date?”  
Emma lost her train of thoughts for a second, distracted by Alex’s expression. His features had a charm that she couldn’t pinpoint; like in that moment, they were melted in such a sweet look. He wasn’t just handsome, there was more, and it was more than enough to make her head spin.   
Emma turned to Marco, who, in the meantime, got up and started to put clothes on. To her look, he just shrugged, with a smile printed on his face.  
So Emma took that as a signal to make a decision herself – and she didn’t need any time at all to think about it.   
“I’m free later this evening if you guys want. Also, next week I’ll be doing late shifts so…”  
Alex and Marco gazed at each other, smirking, then they nodded as if that was already enough of a solid plan.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Tʀɪɢɢᴇʀ Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: Vɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, Vɪᴏʟᴇɴᴛ Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs, Mɪsᴏɢʏɴʏ, Rᴀᴘᴇ Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ]  
> Tʜᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴅɪsᴛʀᴇss.   
> Aɴʏ ᴏʙsᴇʀᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ, ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏʀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ sᴀɪᴅ, ɪᴛ's ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀ sᴘᴇᴄɪꜰɪᴄ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴠɪᴇᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ sᴛᴏʀʏᴛᴇʟʟɪɴɢ ᴘᴏʀᴘᴏɪsᴇs.
> 
> Edited.

𝑰𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝑬𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒊𝒏 𝑬𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅.

“Soph, could you grab one of those crates and help me bringing them in the cellar?”  
A sweet smile appeared on his lips, while he looked over the girl behind the counter, on shift with him.  
Sophie was her name. And she was particularly fit and incredibly attractive, both in looks and personality, with her big tits and a big smile, she was a good catch, for business.  
Sophie was one of his bartenders in his pub, and she was the one making the most tips and getting the horniest guys to come back.   
And that was the entire value he gave her.  
Not a person; but almost an asset, an object… With the same porpoise that the pool table has.   
To attract people.  
And Simon so clearly noticed the way she looked at him – all the time. How she would lean on the bar counter, every time he would be around, the way she would smile at him, the infinite amount of bad and dirty promises hiding behind her eyes every single time she would look at him and bite her lips.  
Surely, a man like him was not indifferent or unenthusiastic. But he also was very much not interested.  
Besides the fact that he was married, surely, Sophie-kind wasn’t for him.  
She looked too attractive and with a strong personality, and so, too easy, too slutty, for his liking.   
Sighing, Simon moved, with his two crates stacked one on the other, full of glass bottles, aiming for the cellar in the back of the pub.  
That evening they would have had a big event, with live performances from some local bands… So, he knew how busy packed he would become. From seven in the evening, all the way to possibly dawn tomorrow.  
Simon dropped the crates on top of some others, in a corner; turning over, he beckoned to Sophie to follow his steps.   
“Right, after this, you may go home and rest a bit. It’s just about one o’clock. I cannot ask you to pull eighteen hours shift.”  
“Nobody’s asking… Believe it or not, I enjoy spending time here – with you.”  
“Soph…”  
There it was, that look on her face that many men would have dropped on their knees for.  
And she moved closer, leaning her head on the side, her front teeth dug deep in her juicy cherry red, full bottom lip.  
Simon shook his head, but he didn’t move or anything. Because even if he didn’t want her, he also wanted to see how far she would go.  
And she was now very close to him.   
“I know you know I like you. So, I was wondering…”  
“What?”  
“If it could be, that you like me too…”  
She didn’t appear to have any shame, nor control, nor self-care… And Simon could imagine one like her doing stuff like that all the time, with anyone. Surely, he couldn’t let himself involved with anything like that.   
“You’re a beautiful woman. But don’t wonder. I am married, Sophie.”  
“You don’t owe her anything. She left you… Actually, this could be revenge, uhm?”  
Sophie raised a hand to his chest, stepping closer. Way closer.  
And even if Simon didn’t react, at first. Surely… He hated how she dared talking about his wife.  
Sure, Emma was gone. Disappeared into the wind and into the night without leaving a trace.  
And it has been hard, for him ever since.  
Not knowing where she could be if she was ok and safe… Not knowing what she could be doing or with who… Those were all thoughts that drove him crazy constantly.   
But she was still his wife. He was still wearing the ring and believing in his vows. And one day, he knew he would finally find her. Then, she would come back to him and be his wife again, everything will be forgotten and forgiven, and they could start fresh.  
Because he loved her that much.   
The hint of a smile appeared on Simon’s lips, but more like a spasm than an actual smile, then, moving incredibly fast, he locked his hands around Sophie's figure.   
He held tight in one palm the wrist on the hand she had on his chest, and in the other, squeezed her neck, pushing the woman against the wall.   
“Do not speak about my wife. Do you hear me?”  
She wheezed; her look was now surprised instead of aroused.  
But Simon wanted her fear. His revenge would have fallen on her. Not his precious Emma.  
Simon was a seemingly pleasant man. He had a great deal of charm, on his side, he knew how to talk to people and be nice. He was perfectly trained to look completely normal… Even better than that.  
But deep down, Simon was troubled and full of darkness. He had cracks all over his mind and personality, not able to understand certain situations if not in a sick way.  
He was sick.  
But worst of all, he wasn’t aware, that he was the problem.  
“Do you want me? Uh? I could fuck you here and now. And it would mean nothing. Like you are. Do you hear me?”  
Simon pressed himself against her, leaning his head closer to hers, just to make sure she could look him in the eye.  
And the thought of teaching her a lesson crossed his mind, after all, he would totally make her happy, giving her what she wanted… What she asked for. And he would like it.  
Simon gave her a push, letting her finally go and moving away from her.  
He looked over to her, bending over, trying to catch her breath… And a smile curved his lips once again, this time it was honest. And for a single second, he let himself look at her in the same way she had been doing with him.   
“I’m… S-sorry… I didn’t mean…”  
“Go home. I don’t want to see you. Don’t come in tonight. Maybe, tomorrow you’ll still have a job.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Tʀɪɢɢᴇʀ Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: Tʀᴀᴜᴍᴀ, Aʙᴜsᴇ, PTSD ]
> 
> Edited.

1 𝒀𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 2 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝑬𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒓.

Emma stood in the middle of the walking path, on that bridge, for what it seemed an eternity.   
She didn’t yet know that City so well to remember the exact name of that place and she surely didn’t know her bearings, but that wasn’t important.   
Leaning over the railing, she gazed at the dark waters of the river peacefully and silently flowing in the middle of that placid Dublin night.  
She looked and looked, without really seeing anything in front of her – without searching.   
She watched the water, and the cement borders following the sides of the river, and the streetlights above, and the black, surrounding darkness of the sky with no stars. And she breathed.   
And she looked again.  
Besides the cold grasp of the air that yet felt wintery, she could not feel the cold. She could not feel anything. No hunger nor thirst. She wasn’t tired, yet she was never rested.   
Besides, her entire body, her entire being, was shivering - if not for the temperature, there was something else shadowing her heart, the one and only feeling she lived by was fear.  
For the longest time, she thought running away would have been the right answer. And she tried, no matter the times she failed and the consequences she had to suffer.   
When she finally did it, right or wrong it didn’t matter, and she grabbed her freedom, successfully accomplishing her escape… She was left with nothing but that fearful feeling.  
There was no release, no relief nor comfort, as she thought. And so, she also started thinking she could be wrong. She could have done a mistake.  
A big one.  
Because Emma was naïve enough to think that running away, as quick and as far as she could, changing Country, crossing a sea, finding shelter in a big city where she didn’t know anyone and nobody knew her, would have meant leaving all her problems back home. She thought her shadows and demons wouldn’t follow.  
And she was wrong.  
Anxiety and paranoia were her perpetual companions, always following and tormenting her, crawling under her skin, in her bones, in her mind… And in every waking moment, Emma felt watched, tracked, followed and she could never stop looking over her shoulders, or in every reflection, just to make sure she was alone.   
She didn’t find any better peace when she slept. If anything, it was actually worse.  
Because when she was alone, surrounded by silence and darkness, weary and exhausted… Her mind would inhale her fears, absorbing and projecting them in the worst nightmares Emma ever had. She would dream of darkness and cages, of chains and pain… And she would wake up, startled, feeling the tight grip of hands around her neck, choking her; her eyes would focus just on a big shadow towering over her chest, unable to look away, and her ears would be filled up with echoes, far and near, of a specific voice, saying the worst threats and names imaginable. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to scream and fight, her body would always be paralyzed, trapping her there for what it always feels like hours held in maybe a minute.  
After, Emma was always left to her loneliness, shocked and frightened, not able to find comfort in anything else but crying desperately and quietly.  
That was the main answer to the question: “Why would she be in the middle of Dublin, standing on a bridge, looking at the Liffey at two in the morning.”  
She didn’t like being on her own – but she didn’t trust people enough. And so, Emma would find relief in public places, maybe listening at the traffic o at the chattering… Usually, the urban scenario was enough of a distraction.  
In all truth, though, she just arrived. Emma reached Dublin just a month earlier. All of that: all of her feelings and fears, the freedom, the new anything prospecting in front of her, was overwhelming. She was still learning what was up, and how to start again.   
If she knew any better, Emma would realize that adjustment was normal; her traumas were great and the path in front of her would have been a long one… But that she could make it.  
But she was still blind to all of that and it was just… Easier, known, and comfortable to think that she was… Wrong. And that it wasn’t lasting freedom.  
Emma shrugged and then frowned, leaning her head on the side, just now paying attention to her own train of thoughts.   
And suddenly, pure and simple anger burned in her heart.  
Emma clutched her fists, feeling the sudden and oppressive urge to scream and break things.   
But she didn’t.  
Instead, she raised her left hand.  
Not at all gently, not caring, more furious and disgusted by what her own self became, she just ripped off the wedding ring from her finger and, grunting she tossed it away, throwing it in the river, as far as she could.  
Emma lied to herself. She kept the wedding ring thinking she would sell it as she did with her engagement ring…   
Instead, that ring was nothing more but another damn chain, or better, a very, very long leash.  
Worst of all, she was the one who held the other end of it, trapping herself. Because it wasn’t just a golden ring; it was her wedding symbol.   
And the idea that she could be her own saboteur made her stomach tremble and revolt, making her nauseous.   
And her anger grew, burning inside of her like a wildfire. She was angry at herself and the entire World. She was enraged at him and everything he did to bend her and make her fit into such a small box until she was a person, a woman, no more… A box that she still felt like she had to live in, besides her being free.  
While rage burned throughout her, flowing in her blood, pumped by her heart, Emma sighed.  
And there was relief in her breath, in her soul.

Sleeping wasn’t an option, not that night. Not after three nights spent shooting.   
His body seemed to get used to that routine quite easily. In fact, he didn’t have any problem whatsoever, sleeping like a baby during the day, and be well-rested, that past week.   
But besides the fact that Marco could honestly sleep wherever and whenever… He was restless that night.  
So, when he realized nothing would work, and that he really didn’t want to spend his first day catching up on sleep, he decided to go out for a run. Thinking exhausting his body would have maybe helped.  
So he ran.  
Zigzagging his way throughout Dublin, Marco wasn't paying much attention to anything in particular but moving his feet.  
His brain shut down, passively maneuvering his legs, arms and respiration, leaving him in a peaceful and quiet state of mind.  
The cold air burned in his lungs, making his chest hurt, but it was a pain he was pretty used to, by now. As much as to the cramps at his spleen, or the ache of sore muscles after too much exercise.  
His ears were filled with music that he wasn't listening to. Music that was there just to give him the right rhythm to move, but which was just background noise, flowing in his mind like blood through his veins: without him realizing.  
And so he made his way through the City, thinking he knew it well enough by now, to be confident on finding his way back.  
Marco arrived at a bridge over the River Liffey, ready to cross it, just to run along with it on the other side, towards the docks, close to where his friend Alex lived, just to make his way back from there. And while he approached the crossing, in his thoughts found its way the voice of one of the crew members, explaining that Liffey meant life… And he thought it was such a nice and some-what romantic name, for a river.  
His train of random thoughts continued and Marco didn’t even pay attention to his own mind, at that point.  
But in his plan for that night run in order to get tired enough to, hopefully, fall asleep later, he didn't think about the unexpected.  
Which Marco found on that bridge.  
He saw a girl standing close to the railing, and something made him slow his pace, and then finally stop keeping a certain distance.  
He watched her from the other side of the deserted road, for some reason intrigued by the way she seemed to stand so perfectly still, looking over to the River.  
Marco kind of felt like he was spying on her, sticking his nose into a moment that seemed to be rather intense, or rather private... Yet, he didn't feel awkward at all, besides the fact that he was staring at a complete stranger and the only other person who apparently was around, that night, in Dublin. And, besides him being generally quite shy, he didn’t at all feel the need to look away and proceed in his business.  
So he stood there, losing his rhythm for his run and not caring. Catching his breath, he removed one of his earphones, leaning his head and keeping observing the other seemingly lonely and seemingly awake person.  
After a few seconds, a span of time already quite too long to stand still looking at a stranger when there was absolutely non-reason to, Marco started feeling fidgety. Thinking he needed to start moving again and keep running and doing whatever he was doing earlier, before it could be too late and he could find himself stuck, there, in an incredibly awkward situation. For example, if he was all of a sudden caught staring.  
He moved to put his earphone back, inhaling a big breath of air and was ready to continue in his run. And he would have if the girl didn’t suddenly move. So, he stopped and waited, again.  
There was no reason for him to be that interested, that curious… Yet he was. Maybe, it was because she seemed almost frozen before… That’s what he told himself.   
In any case, Marco watched the girl throwing something in the river. And just then he finally moved.  
Though, not in the direction, he was thinking he should have gone.  
Not quite knowing why, he crossed the road, reaching for her. Unable not to.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

A week went by.  
Days were following each other, both slowly and quickly, sweetly piling up in time, that Emma kept perceiving both like a second went by as much as an entire year.  
Before then, Emma never really noticed time passing by. Not in a nice way.   
Before, she recognized time as a lapse between her escape and then. Kind of like someone who sobered up from an addiction would count the number of weeks, months, and years “sober”.   
But now, Emma felt more comfortable even in something as small as taking the liberty to look to the future instead of the past, looking forward to things, with anticipation and hopes…  
She wasn’t quite at the point where she could accept to plan anything long term. But she was still happy – even proud, of where things stood, at that point, for her.  
From being scared of anything, to embrace her feelings and what others felt for her in return was… Something too nice for her to describe in words or linear thoughts.   
She was happy.  
Again, never in her life, Emma ever thought she would find herself dating two guys, loving two guys, and/or being with two guys... But that, particularly, was probably the easiest thing to get used to – to accept. Surely easier than feeling so damn comfortable that she stopped always looking behind her for nightmares to appear.   
Everything felt as it was supposed to be as if every piece fell together.  
And she was tired of being sorry and scared.  
Possibly, her old self would have been incredibly suspicious of that all… Contentment. So, she would have waited for the other shoe to drop.  
But herself now… She was just grateful.  
At that point, Emma just found herself being in circumstances she has never been in before – and the most important thing, possibly, was that she wasn’t scared anymore.   
She wasn’t scared of loving and being loved.   
It was like learning to go on a bicycle, and for the first time, she felt confident enough to not have stabilizers.  
“You really have too many talents!”  
Emma chuckled, shaking her head and raising her eyes over to Alex, giving him a cheeky look.  
The next day, it would be his birthday. And his parents were coming around that evening to stay in Dublin for the weekend.  
Of course, Emma had a plan: trying her best to be a nice girlfriend, she offered to help Alex preparing a meal for dinner, so she wouldn’t feel extremely guilty about disappearing for the entire weekend, so not to meet his parents.  
And it was working!  
Quite…  
In reality, Alex was doing most of the preparation and cooking, while Emma was mostly there watching him and keeping company.   
Not that she had absolutely anything against that. A sweet deal, really.  
And preparing hummus – which seemed to be her main task and she was really trying her best not to get distracted every two minutes.  
Which she was clearly failing.  
To her words, Alex giggled and raised his eyes from the chicken he was preparing.  
His eyes sparkled, and he smiled in a way that just enchanted Emma, to the point she had to gather all her strength not to yield to his charming power.  
“Why do you have to say it like that?”  
“Like what?”  
“Like it’s a bad thing!”  
Emma hid a smile, leaning her head forward pretending to suddenly concentrate on her stirring of the humus.  
Her cheeks blushed slightly, and her stomach reacted automatically to his voice and accent, giving her butterflies.   
Definitely, Alex had way too much appeal for her to compete in any way. Or… She just liked him too much.  
“No, it’s not a bad thing! It’s just… Cooking is another thing you’re good at!”  
“Oh, yeah?”  
“Yep.”  
Emma could instantly feel the pride bending his voice and she didn’t need to look at him to know he was definitely smiling, his chest probably pumped up, his chin raised, waiting to know more.   
“So, what’s on that list of yours?”  
Emma kept stirring. The corners of her mouth curled in a smirk, while she convinced herself that her bowl of humus was better looking than her boyfriend.   
Of course, her lame attempt failed.  
Raising her eyes in his, Emma caught a glimpse of the spark that lit them, and then, she recognized the huge and extremely warm smile he had. And she felt it, on her skin, everywhere…  
His eyes seemed to be burning and surely, her body reacted to them before she could even think about it. And she surely felt like wax on fire whenever he looked at her that way.  
“Well… You’re clearly good at cooking. You’re good at singing and you’re an actor, so we might need to assume you have a certain talent and not just be a pretty face…”  
“Uh-uh, yeah, go on…”  
Alex leaned his head on the side, slowly moving closer to her; slowly, like a predator, his smiled change his curl while she talked and Emma clearly saw him thinking – especially about what she said of him being an actor, but unfortunately for her, he didn’t take the bait.  
Emma raised her eyes to the ceiling, pretending to gather her thoughts. Even if his qualities and talents were very clear in her mind – especially the specific ones she was thinking about right then. Which involved them being naked.  
“Let’s see… You’re definitely a good talker! Lots of chats, very good at making friends!”  
Alex cleaned his hands on the apron he was wearing and then moved closer to her. Lightly placing a hand on her hip, he proceeded to slide behind her.   
And Emma tried her best not to react to that closeness.   
She kept it up, with her head raised, pretending to be very, very distracted thinking. “Oh! And you say you’re good at taking pictures, right?”  
Alex chuckled, a noise that filled her ear and slid under her skin.  
He pulled her closer to his chest sliding an arm around her waist. He leaned his head next to hers drawing his lips near her ear. “And tell me… What else am I good at?”  
Emma shivered and melted away, feeling his breath on her neck. She bent her neck, to indulge him and she smiled while biting her bottom lip.   
“Other things? Oh… I don’t quite remember…”  
“Maybe I can refresh your memory on a few… Liefje.”  
A sigh left her lips.  
Just when she thought she could control herself… Of course, he had to pull a move that would set her on fire.  
And definitely, hearing him talking in his mother tongue was something that made her feel incredibly weak.  
Especially when it was such an intimate whisper.  
To that, she was weak both with him and Marco… Not really able to resist.  
With his other hand, Alex reached for the one with which she was holding the bowl of almost finished humus and guided her to leave it on the table.   
Alex brushed his lips on her neck, caressing her skin from the shoulder to just under her ear, a movement that became a kiss; and her entire body arched between his arms. Emma had to bit her tongue not to purr a soft moan, but then again, she was kind of trying to prove a point.  
What point? She wasn’t even sure anymore… Her thoughts evaporated completely.  
“You’re definitely very good at that.”  
“What? This?”  
Another kiss followed, and Emma sighed. Her skin was already covered in goosebumps, her knees seemed already too weak, and her blood definitely was already on fire, filling her body with sudden hunger.  
That was definitely a queue she was happy to receive and ready to follow, pretty confident on where they would have ended up.  
“Yes…”  
Emma raised one of her arms to his head, desiring to feel his beautiful hair between her fingers, which she would have tightly gripped on if they weren’t tied up. She tangled him in a reverse hug, turning the other arm behind his figure, reaching for his bottom, and squeezing it through the pair of joggers he was wearing.   
Alex smiled, against her skin. And for a moment, she thought it was incredible being able to find that feature of his immensely attractive even without seeing it.   
“You know…”  
Emma’s words were low, at that point, and every kiss he would give her, moving on her neck and collarbone, made her shiver and lose her breath.   
“It’s going to be a very long weekend.”  
It sounded more like purrs and she didn’t need much more, to desperately desire him. There was always a crave, hidden under her skin, which was incredibly easy to wake and very difficult to satisfy.   
Now, that craving was well awake, and the only thing Emma could think of was how badly she wanted Alex. Right there, right at that moment.  
He held her closer, moving his hands over her body, feeling her through the thin material of the dress she was wearing.   
“Oh? And are you going to miss me, then?”  
“Dearly.”  
“I thought you were spending it with Marco.”  
“Mmh, Marco can take very well care of me. And yet, sometimes it’s not enough…”  
She slipped between his arms and moved away from the table in the center of the kitchen.  
At every word, she took a step back, surely not letting too much distance between herself and Alex, making sure his arms would stay in place around her.  
As it was right.  
Their eyes were locked to each other, and there was nothing more spectacular she wanted to get lost in than those beautiful irises, which that day were bright and the same color of stormy seas.  
Emma led him to the counter on the side, smiling, intending to tempt him as much as she could.   
“Thing is… You must miss me too.”  
She hopped on it and Alex didn't seem like he was waiting for anything else.  
“Oh, I will.”  
With a final step, he canceled the distance between them. Both of his hands found her legs and caressing the outer line of her thighs, he brought her to bend her knees around his hips. Now he was the one leading; not that Emma really needed more than that to willingly wrap her legs around his waist.  
Not many words were needed, after that.  
Their lips found each other, colliding in a kiss that they both seemed to be waiting for too long.  
And Emma was pretty confident she would have never had enough of those beautiful full lips to feel on hers or her body.  
While they seemed to became more and more voracious, Emma wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders, drawing him closer. Alex held her tight with one arm around her back. His other hand already passed the helm of her dress. Emma felt the warm squeeze of his palm on the bare skin of her hip, and couldn't really control herself from arching against him, moving slightly, desiring more than anything to feel his touch. Desiring him to extinguish the fire devouring her.  
Alex moved slightly backward just to get rid of the apron and T-shirt he was wearing, and if initially, Emma didn’t react too well to that sudden, almost minimal yet unbearable distance, she was surely too distracted after to even remember.  
Her eyes slid down on everything Alex’s body beautiful view had to offer her, caressing all that uncovered skin. The way the lights were dancing on the lines of his muscles made his skin shine with a color that reminded her of something sweet to eat. And she definitely wanted to eat him up.  
She pulled him closer, reaching for his lips once more, in an insatiable kiss.  
Their tongues crossed and Emma sighed, moaning feeling the taste of his mouth on her tongue.   
She was completely wrapped around his figure and enjoying that kiss, let him move his hands on her body to undress her.  
Alex slid the straps of her dress over her shoulders and then carefully but firmly lowered the top half over her torso. And more of her skin would be uncovered, more Emma felt the temperature all around her increase.  
Alex broke their kiss just to lean in and proceed in drawing a trail of kisses from her chin, to her chest and her breasts.   
Under the blissful torture of his lips and tongue, Emma arched even more in his arms, while her entire body trembled, and a shot of adrenaline fired up in her blood. She wanted him so badly, that her center was now hurting, in need of release.   
“Alex…”  
Emma gasped his name, desperately trying to breathe, calling for his aid and, at the same time, praising whatever he was doing. “I want you inside of me, right now.”  
She found the strength to speak, to command her desires. Leaning her head back against the cupboard surface, her voice was now a mix between purrs and a moan. And as if her words weren’t enough, she moved her hips, rubbing herself against him.   
A proud and angry smile grew on her lips, feeling his erection under the clothes pressing against her.   
Alex growled a moan, raising his head and fixing his eyes in hers. His irises seemed to be even more bright than before, but clouded by desire; and his lips were humid and puffed, by the kisses… And just when she thought he could look any more attractive, Alex offered a smile.  
Of course, he didn’t wait for her to ask him twice but was well ready to indulge her request.  
Suddenly he seemed moved by a rush and quickly pulled down his pants, moving than his hand between her legs, Alex pushed her underwear on the side, keeping it out of the way. With apparently no patience at all to get rid of it or any other clothes.  
Alex pulled her body closer, and wrapping his arms around her, he supported her in position, while Emma did her best to find balance gripping on his shoulders and hips.   
Their bodies found each other. And Emma let herself go, between Alex’s arms, receiving him with a loud moan that carried his name.  
The pleasure was way too much for Emma to think about anything else, but that moment.  
She was completely lost in Alex’s arms; nothing else mattered but being a whole thing with him.  
Emma was so lost in her pleasure, too focused on feeling Alex inside of her and all around her, too concentrated on his lips, hands, being… To detach from reality.  
At least, enough not to remember stuff like her name. Surely enough not to hear the lock turn and the front door getting unlocked and open. 

Alex wasn't new to the idea of love.  
He wasn't the type of guy who would ever resist any feeling whatsoever. Especially when it was good.  
He was the kind of guy who would have jumped in any situation, no questions asked, following his heart and guts before he could put any sane thought into things.  
Because most of the time he managed to make any situation work for him.  
And even when it turned out to be a mistake, he could still say, most of the time, that it would be worth the risk.  
That was basically a very good representation of how he would live his life.  
And more specifically, how he embraced his feelings whenever his heart was a stake.  
And he definitely loved Emma, to the point he didn't see anything wrong in giving himself away completely and embracing her.  
Since the beginning. Since he saw her the first time... He knew there was something worth chasing.  
Still, now, he didn't regret anything.  
He actually found himself even more comfortable than predicted with the idea of Emma having another relationship with none the less than Marco; someone he very well knew.   
And surely he wouldn't have risked losing someone like Emma to something as stupid as pride - which he knew for a fact Marco almost did.  
But everything seemed nice, tranquil, and overall lovely.  
And he could not lie, he was quite intrigued by that whole situation and relationship. He was having fun and for what he knew, everyone else involved was too.  
And he knew that time he was right, pushing Emma and Marco together... Because nothing changed for him.  
But everything would have changed for the worse for two people for whom he cared very much.   
So, it was a win-win from every perspective.  
And now... Surely, at that right moment, Alex could not complain at all.  
He had the woman he loved between his arms and a bit of time to dedicate to her before they wouldn't see each other for a couple of days... Which felt like it would have been weeks.  
Because he knew, even without Emma openly saying so, that she wouldn’t want to meet his parents.  
Surely not because she was an evil person. But more because she wasn't ready... And he would have never pushed her into doing something like that.  
But clearly, even if it was a couple of days and they had planned that afternoon to be for preparing stuff so he could host his parents that evening for a dinner... Clearly, there was a much sweeter way to say goodbye that they decided to take on.  
Of Emma, there were many things Alex loved; in fact, basically everything, even her faults... But there were a few things able to draw him completely crazy.  
And if some of those were very PG13, like her suddenly bursting into laughter when completely unexpected or various features of her being, like the line of her neck or the shape of her hips...  
Most definitely weren't safe for kids.  
He would go crazy after her body and her smell and feeling her lips on himself. And again, her flavor would make her head spin.  
But more... More than having her nails plunged in his skin, looking for a handhold, more than her scratches and bites out of passion, more than her warmth, he absolutely loved her moans.  
And he was so completely lost in that sound and in that moment; in her, and his own pleasure, that he didn't hear the door opening.  
Alex almost didn't even pay attention to the voice that suddenly filled up his house, nor to the fact that it was speaking in danish, or to its familiarity to him. Way too focused on Emma's voice, pleasure, and body - or his own.  
Probably he wouldn't have paid any attention if Emma didn't suddenly freeze between his arms.  
His attention was to her in that first fraction of a second. He lifted his head looking into her eyes to understand what happened. The first thought he had was that he did something wrong and possibly hurt her.  
That was the point, when his focus broke, that Alex recognized shuffling about just around the corner.  
And suddenly he seemed to record what was just said a fraction of a second earlier to him by a stranger.  
No. Not a stranger.  
Her mother.  
“Alex? We arrived! Surprise!”  
She chirped from the hall in danish, seemingly dragging a suitcase behind her. The heavier steps of his father followed, with his distracted greetings.  
And Alex could perfectly picture them at the door faffing around to get in.   
He turned his head, suddenly alarmed, towards the corner and, as if it would help anything, he raised his hand in the air, like it was a shield.  
“Do not move. Do not come in!”  
He warned them.  
The last thing he needed was surely for them to see…   
“Oh, there you are silly.”  
His mum seemed not to get the message, because just obnoxiously followed his voice in the kitchen. To which point there was no way to salvage anything.  
And his father followed her like a shadow.  
His eyes were wide open and his face and body both now freeze.  
It was another fraction of a second, a gaze exchanged with his mother, and a loud gasp from her, before the woman jumped, realized, and turned, pushing away with her, back behind the corner, his father too.  
Alex huffed, not sure what to feel, but he was sure about the fact that Emma was petrified and trying her best to hide and make herself as small as she could, against his chest.  
“What the fuck Alex…”  
She whispered, to which the only thing he could think to do was… Nothing, he had nothing in his head.  
Just the sudden realization that it really couldn’t have been already passed all those hours.   
Could they?  
Yet, the problem remained.   
Alex tried to think… He really tried his best. But the longer he waited and the more Emma appeared to be shaking between his arms,   
Alex sighed, leaning his head and raising his eyes to the roof. “Could you guys give us… A minute? Please.”  
“Uh…”  
“Yes!”  
“Sure. We’ll be just outs…”  
“Yep. Thanks. Thanks.”  
Alex cut their words short and stood there, just listening ad those two people shuffling around and exiting.  
As soon as the door closed and they were once again alone, Emma pushed Alex away, jumping down from the counter.  
“Emma!”  
Alex raised his pants and quickly followed her through the flat, almost finding it surprising how quickly she managed to move even having such short legs as she does.  
"Emma..."  
He called her again, while she slid into his bedroom and tried to close its door on his face.  
Alex sighed, knowing she was furious and embarrassed... Knowing she would have been gone in a few minutes. Because by now he knew her.  
No, that Alex was any less angry.   
He loved his parents, but also... At that precise moment, he didn't really want to see them.  
And if he would have been the kind of guys jumping up and down for that sort of surprise any time before. In that particular moment, he would have rather his parents to have arrived at the time that was supposed to be. Or even... Maybe an hour later, maybe.  
Surely not while he was having a private moment with Emma.   
And with anger, there was also embarrassment and confusion.   
The difference between what he felt and what Emma must have felt was that... Those were his parents - and strangers to her. More than strangers.  
He stopped behind her, keeping some steps of distance, giving her space, and just stood there for a couple of seconds, looking at her fixing her dress. She moved quickly and was definitely shaky, apparently not willing to give him a look back.  
"Emma please."  
He tried again, daring to take a step forward.   
Emma reacted freezing up even more than before - for a second they both stood still, and then, she turned.  
It didn't matter if she seemed scared, embarrassed, and pissed as hell... Alex still felt like the Sun finally risen.   
"What the fuck?! Your parents were coming earlier?!"  
"I didn't know!"  
"You didn't know. They just surprised you like that!"  
"Yes! That's what they do!"  
"And they have your house keys!"  
"Yes, they do!"  
"Why?!"  
"Because they are my parents!"  
Emma stood there, silent for a few seconds. And Alex could see her thinking behind her big eyes.  
For a split second, his brain was crossed by the weird and out of place thought that it could be their first argument.   
Or was it?  
Emma grumbled, shrugging, and then crossed her arms.  
"It's not cool man!"  
"Agreed but... It wasn't done on purpose, what do you think!"  
"I don't care! That's not... What am I supposed to do now?!"  
"Well, nothing! They know who you are... I mean..."  
"They just saw me shagging their son. What am I supposed to do, casually walk up to them and say hello?!"  
"Well, that's a start..."  
Alex took the risk to smile at her, just because in his mind the scenario portrayed by her was quite funny. Though, it didn't look like it was funny for her - not at all. She just gave him a crossed look, huffing once more. So, he stepped closer, leaning his head on the side, sighing.   
"I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed too... But... They are not clueless..."  
"Alexander!"  
Hearing her calling out his full name just made Alex automatically lower his eyes, just for a second.   
"Listen, my parents are chill, they don't judge or anything..."  
"You don't understand?! That's not the point, Alexander."  
Second time.   
And everyone knows being called by full name generally means troubles.  
"And what's the point?"  
"I would have wanted to meet them maybe in a restaurant, at an official dinner or something, where everyone is dressed elegantly, and I might have even brought your mother some flowers or some stupid shit like that!"  
"Em-..."  
"I'm not done! ...Instead, they met me half-naked and with you between my legs!"  
"How can I make it better? How can I help?"  
"You cannot."  
Alex quieted down, standing there. He gave her a long look, waiting for something else to say or to be told.  
But nothing else appeared to come from them both.  
So he just stepped closer again, and again, and then, just took her between his arms, pulling Emma in a hug that he felt she needed - and he needed too.  
Alex leaned his head against hers, squeezing her. "I'm sorry. I really wasn't expecting it to happen."  
"I know... I'm sorry too..."  
A soft smile appeared on Alex's lips. He kissed the top of her head, taking in a deep breath.   
"I guess... You'd like to go, now..."  
Emma just nodded, lifting her head after to look him in the eye.   
If it was for Alex, he would have never let her go. But he knew her - and learned pretty quickly Emma wasn't the kind of person who likes to feel trapped.   
"I will surely miss you, this weekend."  
"Is your plan still to hand around Marco's?"  
"Yes."  
"Well, maybe I can find some free time to pop around, uhm? It's my birthday tomorrow, after all! I should be able to make a wish."  
"But you're parents flew all the way from Denmark!"  
"Ah, they'll be fine for a few hours."  
Just then, finally, Emma smiled, and with that, her posture and body seemed to warm up as well, relaxing a bit. He didn't need much more, to feel his heart losing a beat.  
That was the thing, with Emma; the thing that made her so special, so dear, to him: she seemed to radiate such a light, such warmth, like never before, like no one he ever met before.   
The longer Alex would gravitate around her, absorb those feelings of hers, the more he would just fall for her, over and over, at every laugh, every kiss, every single thing.  
There was always something in Emma, something that attracted him like a magnet. She was pretty and smart; she was something different. She had a light, inside of her, that Alex could not ignore since the first moment he saw her.   
Now, he almost felt like he was witnessing a phoenix rebirth of some sort. Every single one of Emma's smiles was different, wider, freer, her skin felt warmer, softer, her eyes were brighter and her sight was curious and unafraid, she didn’t need to look away so much as before; even her voice sounded different, clearer.   
Even with what just happened to them a few minutes ago… That light didn’t disappear and her warmth still kissed his heart.   
Alex was in love – and every second that passed by, he just felt like he loved her more.  
Even when she was between Marco’s arms, or kissing him, Alex wasn’t jealous, instead, he loved to see her courage in doing that, and he even loved seeing the satisfaction, the love that connected her to Marco.  
Because Emma was made to love, there was too much sweetness, too much light inside of her.  
Her smile got bigger and bigger, and Alex mirrored her, leaning in, then, to steal a kiss.   
“I guess that settles it, then.”  
“Yes, it does… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be rude to you… I…”  
“It’s ok. I know… It was justified, I guess.”  
Alex gave her another squeeze and another kiss, before letting her go.  
They were both still quite tense, both because of the situation and being interrupted.   
But the worse seemed to be passed, at least the panic rush and the anger… Leaving both of them just awkwardly embarrassed. Naturally.   
Alex cleared his voice, shrugging and raising his hands to his head to re-do his hair up, while watching Emma standing in front of the mirror, trying constantly to fix her dress as if she kept seeing bits that needed to be replaced, even if it didn’t have anything wrong.   
“You look ok.”  
Emma raised her eyes, exchanging a look with him through the reflection on the mirror. She huffed a nervous laugh, shaking her head. “I just feel like I need a shower to wash off this… Feeling. But I really don’t think I will ever forget it – or anyone involved will ever forget it.”  
Alex sighed, leaning his head to the side. “It will be fine. Give some credit to my parents… They are fine, honestly, I know them…”  
“Well, did they ever busted you with someone before?!”  
“No. But I busted them. So…”  
A flash of that memory flashed in his brain and for a second, Alex was unable to think about anything else.  
He shook his head, trying to shoo away that thought. A bit of cringe crawled on his skin, giving him a shiver.   
“See! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s how they will react every time they see me!”  
“It won’t be! Believe me, it won’t be. And even if… They live in Denmark. You probably won’t have to see them all that often – ever again, if that’s what you want.”  
Even if he wasn’t totally joking about it, Emma didn’t seem to take him seriously – but it worked anyway because Alex managed to steal her a smile. Which made him smile back instantly.  
“Ok. Whatever. Let’s go… I need to go.”  
He nodded to her words, not even trying to suggest the idea of her staying.  
But when Emma turned over to him, stepping closer, he welcomed her in a hug and a kiss. It was a goodbye kiss – but their lips didn’t seem to know the meaning of it, since that kiss instantly became something more.  
But Emma broke it pretty soon, pushing him away.   
She looked at him, then nodded, and then stepped away. And even if he was reluctant, Alex let her go.   
He followed her throughout the flat once more, just now noticing the suitcase his parents left next to the door.  
Emma opened the door and hesitated a second, before leaving.   
A tiny gasp seemed to leave her lips when she found herself to be under both of his parents’ eyes.   
Emma lowered her eyes to the floor nervously, violently blushing.   
“Oh…”  
Both his parents gave each other a look and then smiled when looking back to Emma, but she seemed to miss that welcoming detail.   
“Excuse me…”   
Emma tried to squeeze by, making herself small and quickly stepped away.  
Alex kept his eyes on her, following her movements through the corridor, but signed to his parents to get inside his house. And they did, mumbling something to him, or each other… He wasn’t listening, really.  
He was waiting for the moment Emma would look back. Hoping for it… Hoping she would stop and look…  
As if she heard his thought, she did.   
She didn’t stop in front of the lift as any other time before but proceeded to the stairs. There, she stopped and looked over.   
Alex smiled and leaned his head on the side. And Emma smiled back. He saw her checking around and then making a step back.  
So, he quickly reached for her.  
One last hug. One last kiss.   
He couldn’t bear the idea of leaving it there – as they left it.   
For a second, he even forgot what happened, while Emma held tight to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, and kissed him back with enthusiasm.  
“I love you.”  
She whispered as if it was a secret just between them when she let him go.   
“Jeg elsker dig, min skat.”  
Danish rolled automatically on his tongue, but more than habit… He said those words purposely in his language, just because he loved to see the effects on Emma’s face.  
Which of course didn’t miss to show, with the sparkle lighting up in her eyes and the cheeky smile curving her lips. And Alex hoped that somehow helped her not thinking too much about what happened…  
Even if he perfectly knew it wouldn’t have helped much, long term…  
Emma slipped away from his arms and run down the stairs – and for a few moments, he stood there, looking at her disappear, listening to her steps echoing in the stairwell.   
After a few moments. He finally went back to his apartment.  
Waiting for him, stood his parents. Worse than that, was the way they looked at him.   
Alex cleared his voice, closing the door behind him.   
“Well… That was Emma.”  
He said in danish, breaking the ice.  
His mother looked away for a second, to his dad. And then they both nodded. “She seemed… Nice.”  
A smirk appeared on his father's lips.  
The awkwardness was still very much tangible… But Alex surely could deal with it better than Emma.  
“Yeah, she does. Maybe… You should invite her to dinner? Can we properly meet her?”   
Alex gave his mom a look, then shook his head, not even trying to hide an uncomfortable smile. “Right, how about you guys settle in? I’m going to go have a shower, then I’ll tidy the kitchen… And we all going to pretend you never saw what you saw.”  
“I don’t even remember, do you?”  
His father ironically seemed clueless, and his mom seemed to pick the same queue, reacting more or less in the same way.  
So, Alex smiled gratefully to them, knowing how things stood and how they were… But thinking it would have been more difficult to make Emma understand that. Or, accept the idea.   
“Son?”  
His mother called him back the second Alex started following his plan, walking towards the bathroom.  
“I still want to meet her though.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome,  
> After almost six years, my writer block seems to be finally gone.  
> This is basically an attempt, an experiment if you will. For better or worse, it's a start and I'm so happy to have some kind of inspiration flowing.  
> Also, it's my first work in English; hopefully I didn't mess it up.  
> In general, hope you enjoyed it.


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